MrsCobraBubbles
Life's too short to wear pants all the time
- Joined
- Jul 24, 2013
- Messages
- 3,049
A whirlwind of emotions. It was great at first because I'm an introvert and I love to be home by myself with my kids. Then I started to go a bit nuts--obsessively washed every single item of clothing in the house, alphabetized the spices in the cupboard, scrubbed my kitchen tile grout with a toothbrush, worried constantly about my job when we didn't return to school at the end of the initial 2 week lockdown. My job was not something that could really be done remotely and schools weren't at all set up to accommodate Special needs students in remote learning so my concern was legitimate. So I basically did nothing except take online continuing ed courses for the rest of the 2019/2020 school year while we were remote and I added another certification to my resume.
Then school was out and all summer I agonized over the possibility of losing my job and money was tight because I didn't get paid in the summer unless I worked ESY and of course ESY was remote that summer so no pay for me. That was fun.
Then we all went back to school at the start of 2020/2021 school year and I caught Covid from one of my students, brought it home to my kids, and my son was left with 2 long term health conditions from Covid and then I entered my "angry at the world" phase of lockdown. Our schools shut down again around the time we were trying to get my son's scary symptoms diagnosed and it made it harder to get him care and a diagnosis. My inner mama bear was constantly on high alert during this second round of lock down and I still wasn't able to do any meaningful work remotely so I had nothing to distract me from hating myself and feeling like a piece of crap for getting my son sick. Even though no one could have predicted my son would get these conditions I still got really bogged down in the "what-ifs"; loathing myself while simultaneously trying to pretend for him like everything was ok. We are doing ok now, my son is still sick but he's so good at managing his conditions and doesn't get depressed like he did at the beginning of his health crisis. I'm over it now, but for most of 2021, if I saw someone out in public without a mask I was filled with this feeling of rage that I have never experienced before, never confronted anyone with my rage though, before anyone goes and accuses me of being a Karen. I'm thankful that lockdowns are over, seemingly for good. I hate Covid and I dearly hope we all live a good long time without lockdowns.
Then school was out and all summer I agonized over the possibility of losing my job and money was tight because I didn't get paid in the summer unless I worked ESY and of course ESY was remote that summer so no pay for me. That was fun.
Then we all went back to school at the start of 2020/2021 school year and I caught Covid from one of my students, brought it home to my kids, and my son was left with 2 long term health conditions from Covid and then I entered my "angry at the world" phase of lockdown. Our schools shut down again around the time we were trying to get my son's scary symptoms diagnosed and it made it harder to get him care and a diagnosis. My inner mama bear was constantly on high alert during this second round of lock down and I still wasn't able to do any meaningful work remotely so I had nothing to distract me from hating myself and feeling like a piece of crap for getting my son sick. Even though no one could have predicted my son would get these conditions I still got really bogged down in the "what-ifs"; loathing myself while simultaneously trying to pretend for him like everything was ok. We are doing ok now, my son is still sick but he's so good at managing his conditions and doesn't get depressed like he did at the beginning of his health crisis. I'm over it now, but for most of 2021, if I saw someone out in public without a mask I was filled with this feeling of rage that I have never experienced before, never confronted anyone with my rage though, before anyone goes and accuses me of being a Karen. I'm thankful that lockdowns are over, seemingly for good. I hate Covid and I dearly hope we all live a good long time without lockdowns.