How to handle someone oversharing about you on social media?

[Hannahinwonderland]

My mom is very annoying in that regard with FB. When I send her photos of myself (privately) she immediately posts them on FB. I sympathize with your plight. I've asked her multiple times not to post them, and she only sometimes listens.

 

[FlightlessDuck]

Unfollow or unfriend her. If you don't see what she's posting then it can't bother you.

If nobody sees it, than nobody gets mad!

 

[asta]

I can sympathize with you on this. My elderly mother shares everything about us on Facebook. I understand it is her way of bragging but it embarrasses me. I was in the room with them when my daughter set her up on Facebook. Across the room I was silently screaming no!! I knew it would be a very bad idea but did not think I could stop it once they started.

I think there should be a rule against elderly having Facebook (just kidding, kind of). The one positive of this is that it has made me much more aware of what I post. I try to make sure I don't embarrass my daughters by posting about them.

 

[Disney Dynamite]

My mom is very annoying in that regard with FB. When I send her photos of myself (privately) she immediately posts them on FB. I sympathize with your plight. I've asked her multiple times not to post them, and she only sometimes listens.

I will never understand why anyone thinks it's okay to share information/pictures on their Facebook when specifically asked not to do so. It'd be sort of awesome if Facebook had a "report obnoxious behavior" option.

I can sympathize with you on this. My elderly mother shares everything about us on Facebook. I understand it is her way of bragging but it embarrasses me. I was in the room with them when my daughter set her up on Facebook. Across the room I was silently screaming no!! I knew it would be a very bad idea but did not think I could stop it once they started.

I think there should be a rule against elderly having Facebook (just kidding, kind of). The one positive of this is that it has made me much more aware of what I post. I try to make sure I don't embarrass my daughters by posting about them.

I remember when Facebook was only open to college students, and I sort of miss those days!

 

[NHdisneylover]

I agree that you are best to simply not share things with her that you do not want her telling others.

Unless, possibly, her facebook page is set to public instead of only her friends--I am not really sure I understand how her sharing things with her friends there is all that different than if she shared over coffee, etc.

My in laws are not on facebook, but they meet up with friends every morning for coffee---on multiple occasions when visiting and out for a walk, or shopping DH or I or DD19 have run into people who recognize us and ask things like asking DD if she heard back about that scholarship yet, or DH how he likes his new boss, etc--and these are people we have no recollection of ever having met! Why? Because my in laws and their friends love nothing more than to tell one another about their kids and grandkids and all that goes on with us. Luckily for us, while we find it a bit disconcerting, we don#t really mind s we feel no need to stop sharing with them, or ask them to stop enjoying sharing with their friends -- but if it DID bother us we would just be more careful about what we told them.

 

[ilovejack02]

Tell her this story , maybe it will help . I posted a few years ago a hysterical picture of my dog . Two weeks ago my ex was at my house picking up DS and asked me , "Is this our dog ?" and showed me a pic. INDEED it was our pup. Someone had apparently shared the pic and off it went in the viral world. 85k shares and thousands of comments later , it finally rolled around back to us. My dog is a semi famous LOL. I wasn't upset , but what if this would have been a picture of my child , or something I didn't want the world to see???

 

[rwdavis2]

Have your husband figure out her password and change her privacy settings. Or you can just delete the offending stuff and plead ignorance. The fact that she seemed to have gotten so upset makes me question here sanity.

 

[Disney Dynamite]

I agree that you are best to simply not share things with her that you do not want her telling others.

Unless, possibly, her facebook page is set to public instead of only her friends--I am not really sure I understand how her sharing things with her friends there is all that different than if she shared over coffee, etc.

My in laws are not on facebook, but they meet up with friends every morning for coffee---on multiple occasions when visiting and out for a walk, or shopping DH or I or DD19 have run into people who recognize us and ask things like asking DD if she heard back about that scholarship yet, or DH how he likes his new boss, etc--and these are people we have no recollection of ever having met! Why? Because my in laws and their friends love nothing more than to tell one another about their kids and grandkids and all that goes on with us. Luckily for us, while we find it a bit disconcerting, we don#t really mind s we feel no need to stop sharing with them, or ask them to stop enjoying sharing with their friends -- but if it DID bother us we would just be more careful about what we told them.

To me, it's different because most people only meet actual friends for coffee. Sure, she'd still share things we'd prefer her not to share, but at least it would be with someone she actually knew. Her Facebook friends fall more into the "friends" category, if that makes sense. She'll friend anyone who sends or accepts a friend request - actual friends, clients, car club buddies, friends of friends, people she randomly meets, my husband's high school buddies and their parents, and anyone else she might vaguely recognize. After reading what I just wrote, I think that's where a big part of my uneasiness stems from - She's sharing personal information about us with people she doesn't actually know herself, people she'd never make the effort to meet for coffee.

 

[Disney Dynamite]

Have your husband figure out her password and change her privacy settings. Or you can just delete the offending stuff and plead ignorance. The fact that she seemed to have gotten so upset makes me question here sanity.

Haha...I love this plan! If we changed her settings to where only she could see what she posted, that just might work. When my husband talked to her, he approached her oversharing as a safety issue. It does concern me that she got upset over something her son views as a safety issue.

 

[gotomu212]

MIL sounds like a blabbermouth. I'm sure in the days before FB, she was sharing all these same secrets with all her friends. You just didn't see it, because there was no electronic version of the gossip staring you right in the face.

There is a very big difference here though. Once it's on FB it is digitally recorded and can be viewed by multiple people and saved for eternity. If my grandma told an embarrassing story about me in 1985, my prospective boss in 2015 wasn't going to search the Internet and potentially find that gem.

I am very protective of my digital footprint and have really rethought my approach towards sharing things of my son (imagine if your naked baby pictures weren't just in an album for a few people to see but out there for the world).

To the OP we had this problem with my mother and sister. I sat down with them and nonconfrontationally explained my concerns with posting private things (even if they seemed innocuous) of other people without their consent. We explained how it's unsafe and how it made us feel like we were violated. We asked that they not post anything about us. Yes they thought we overreacted but when you tell someone nicely that you feel violated they have to be a real jerk to respond with tough I don't care about your feelings.

To people who think it's no big deal, my employer searches social media before hiring new employees and I know that every law firm does the same when involved in lawsuits. If people want to share every aspect of their own lives that's fine, but sharing someone else's life is like taking out a billboard on the highway.

 

[scrapquitler]

Have your husband figure out her password and change her privacy settings. Or you can just delete the offending stuff and plead ignorance. The fact that she seemed to have gotten so upset makes me question here sanity.

The thing is, this problem is NOT a Facebook problem. The problem is that the mother in law is a gossip. If she doesn't overshare on Facebook, she'll use the telephone or blab to her friends when she sees them. All the Facebook privacy setting changes won't fix the problem, which is a gossip.

 

[Suz333]

The thing is, this problem is NOT a Facebook problem. The problem is that the mother in law is a gossip. If she doesn't overshare on Facebook, she'll use the telephone or blab to her friends when she sees them. All the Facebook privacy setting changes won't fix the problem, which is a gossip.

Mom gossiping with her friends in person or on the phone could cause me embarrassment. Mom providing too many details about me on the internet can lead to:
Identity theft
House getting broken into
Bring me to the attention of crazy stalkers, etc

Luckily my Mom doesn't post much on Facebook and has (& uses!) privacy settings. My friends know my feelings about FB, and ask before they post details that include me.

If a mom posts a geo-tagged photo of her daughter's pretty back yard, and a few weeks later talks about "I can't wait to go to Disney with my daughter next week!", she's putting her family at risk.

Safety trumps feelings 100% of the time. It's important to be respectful of Mom's feelings, but that's a two-way street. Mom has to respect your feelings about the safety of your family (and your privacy).

Good luck, OP!

 

[Lilacs4Me]

What are you sharing on FB that is a "secret"? You can either be more selective about what you are sharing on there, or block her.

Didn't read all of the responses so someone else may have answered this, but I for one hate my picture taken on a good day, and to share it with others takes even more thought on my part. I have started opting out of pictures because they always seem to end up on facebook - and people don't always seem to care if it it flattering or not!

So, although the way I look is not a "secret" to my friends and family, I don't want my picture or any of my private/personal information that I chose not to share with the world, on facebook without me being the one who puts it there. I'm sure the OP feels the same.

 

[TipsyTraveler]

Tell her this story , maybe it will help . I posted a few years ago a hysterical picture of my dog . Two weeks ago my ex was at my house picking up DS and asked me , "Is this our dog ?" and showed me a pic. INDEED it was our pup. Someone had apparently shared the pic and off it went in the viral world. 85k shares and thousands of comments later , it finally rolled around back to us. My dog is a semi famous LOL. I wasn't upset , but what if this would have been a picture of my child , or something I didn't want the world to see???

Post the pic! I wanna see.

 

[IndianaMouse]

We just went through this with my MIL. After asking her nicely several times to stop posting my daughters picture and our personal business I finally told her " we love you and want to share our lives with you as it's appropriate but if you share our personal business on FB one more time you will no longer be privy to anything in our lives except the most basic and boring daily happenings." She wasn't happy but she stopped over sharing and that's all I cared about.

 

[Mkrop]

I've finally reached a breaking point with my MIL oversharing about my husband and me on Facebook, and I need to vent.

Here's the issue: My MIL doesn't completely understand how Facebook works as far as privacy goes, and she has no boundaries whatsoever when it comes to social media. I realize she likes to share things on Facebook because she's excited for us, and it's her way of bragging to her friends. Although I do appreciate her enthusiasm and support, some of her oversharing makes me downright uncomfortable. I don't enjoy seeing someone else sharing my personal business on the Internet.

There was an incident of oversharing last night, and it was the final straw for me. My husband agreed to talk to MIL this morning because he knew I was upset. She got angry about it, and her feelings were hurt. She got upset and told him she was just going to remove the picture in question and never post pictures of anything to do with us again. (He didn't ask her to remove the picture, just to dial back the oversharing that accompanied the picture and the oversharing in general.)

To be clear, I don't think she's doing this to be malicious or has any bad intentions whatsoever. However, it frustrates me that she thinks it's perfectly fine to share things on her Facebook about us that we would never post on our own Facebook pages or share with people who aren't immediate family/really close friends.

Has anyone ever dealt with a family member or friend who liked to overshare about you on Facebook? How did you handle it? Were you successful with setting boundaries?

Is she suppose to be a mindreader? Have you told her prior to this that you dont want her to share this info/pictures? You questioned her judgement and made her feel like an idiot, that is why she got upset. You think you are more tech savvy than her, which you probably are, but she probably thought she was/is doing just fine with social media. I know my own mom gets very frustrated when she doesnt understand all the nuances of technology and social media.

I agree with some of the others, if you dont want it shared, dont share it. Or make it crystal clear that you dont want it shared.

 

[MaryLovesPoohBear]

We just went through this with my MIL. After asking her nicely several times to stop posting my daughters picture and our personal business I finally told her " we love you and want to share our lives with you as it's appropriate but if you share our personal business on FB one more time you will no longer be privy to anything in our lives except the most basic and boring daily happenings." She wasn't happy but she stopped over sharing and that's all I cared about.

We had to do this with my MIL and it was before facebook, over 20 years ago. And I didn't give her one more chance.

When we found out that we were pregnant, we told very few people. I had a elevated chance of losing the baby and I didn't want everyone to know until we were past the point where losing the baby was elevated. We told my parents, his parents and my sister. And we told them all to keep it a secret.

My MIL was on the phone for two hours telling all of the relatives. And when I questioned her about it, she said that she couldn't imagine that I meant to keep it from the relatives and friends.

We told her that the information train had stopped and the only way she would find out something about us was if someone else told her.

 

[Disney Dynamite]

Is she suppose to be a mindreader? Have you told her prior to this that you dont want her to share this info/pictures? You questioned her judgement and made her feel like an idiot, that is why she got upset. You think you are more tech savvy than her, which you probably are, but she probably thought she was/is doing just fine with social media. I know my own mom gets very frustrated when she doesnt understand all the nuances of technology and social media.

I agree with some of the others, if you dont want it shared, dont share it. Or make it crystal clear that you dont want it shared.

No, she's not supposed to be a mind reader, but as an adult, I do expect her to exercise some common sense. If it's information that will put our safety at risk, then yes, I expect her to know better than sharing it on the internet. This is the same woman who taught her son to look both ways when crossing the street and not talk to strangers, but she's fine with exposing him to possible danger online? She's not upset because we questioned her judgment. She's upset that she got called out.

 

[Disney Dynamite]

There is a very big difference here though. Once it's on FB it is digitally recorded and can be viewed by multiple people and saved for eternity. If my grandma told an embarrassing story about me in 1985, my prospective boss in 2015 wasn't going to search the Internet and potentially find that gem.

I am very protective of my digital footprint and have really rethought my approach towards sharing things of my son (imagine if your naked baby pictures weren't just in an album for a few people to see but out there for the world).

To the OP we had this problem with my mother and sister. I sat down with them and nonconfrontationally explained my concerns with posting private things (even if they seemed innocuous) of other people without their consent. We explained how it's unsafe and how it made us feel like we were violated. We asked that they not post anything about us. Yes they thought we overreacted but when you tell someone nicely that you feel violated they have to be a real jerk to respond with tough I don't care about your feelings.

To people who think it's no big deal, my employer searches social media before hiring new employees and I know that every law firm does the same when involved in lawsuits. If people want to share every aspect of their own lives that's fine, but sharing someone else's life is like taking out a billboard on the highway.

Yes to all of the bolded! We're hoping to have children soon, and that is another reason we decided it's important to set boundaries now. My MIL was once baffled because her friend's daughter was upset about a naked baby picture that the friend had posted online of her child. The internet doesn't forget. MIL looked at me like I had two heads when I tried to explain why that wasn't appropriate and why DH and I wouldn't be okay with her doing that to any future grandchildren.

 

[verleniahall]

with the DH being in the military, I have to always be careful of what I am posting on FB/Twitter, etc... so I am always making sure that anything that I say to anyone doesn't violate OPSEC just in case it somehow ends up ON social media