How to handle someone oversharing about you on social media?

[Disney Dynamite]

I use to have this same problem, then I got rid of Facebook. Now no one can over share anything about me. And if they do, they had to work at getting the information so I guses they kind of earned the right to share it.

Can't tell you how much more peaceful life has been without Facebook.

I'm not going to lie...Life without Facebook sounds pretty heavenly.

 

[Disney Dynamite]

Why don't you just talk to her and educate her to what she should be doing?

I think this, along with dialing back on what we tell her (or which details we tell her), is probably the best solution.

 

[sam_gordon]

Now no one can over share anything about me. And if they do, they had to work at getting the information so I guses they kind of earned the right to share it.

If you tell someone (on FB, over the phone, via text, or in person) a "secret", they can share it on FB. It has nothing to do with whether you are on FB or not. My guess is if the OP's MiL didn't have FB, she'd be talking to friends about the situation (whatever it is). FB really has nothing to do with the problem, which is MiL doesn't know how or what to keep secret. The easiest solution is to not tell MiL anything you don't want the world to know.

 

[jdb in AZ]

If you unfriend her you won't see what she's posting, which means you won't know if she's really cutting back on the oversharing. I "hide" the Facebook posts of people who annoy me, and unfriend non-family members, but every once in awhile I scroll through the relatives' posts, just to keep an eye on things.

 

[Gumbo4x4]

MIL sounds like a blabbermouth. I'm sure in the days before FB, she was sharing all these same secrets with all her friends. You just didn't see it, because there was no electronic version of the gossip staring you right in the face.

 

[MrsDuck]

It doesn't sound like unfriending, unfollowing, OR deleting Facebook will fix this issue. MIL wants to post stuff that the OP doesn't want shared. Unfortunately, I think the only thing to do is have a conversation with MIL about what's okay to share and what's not. Perhaps even telling her when you share news would be helpful... ex that I just told my own mother: "mom, we are trying to get pregnant. We wanted you to know but we don't want ANYONE ELSE to know so please don't share with others."

Sorry OP, this situation is rough.

 

[smiths02]

I would either not tell her something you didn't want blabbed or point blank ask her not to put something on Facebook before you tell her.

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

That's part of the issue. We aren't sharing anything on FB that is a "secret". MIL is taking is upon herself to share things we tell her (via phone, in person, etc.) on her FB.

Stop sharing. And stuff you need to share, tell her she does not have permission to share it. Gossips can't help themselves even though they should. So set your boundary.

I get embarrassed for people when they vague post things they shouldn't about family. I can't believe your MIL doesn't respect your privacy. It isn't FB that is be problem or her lack of understanding it. It is that she is a gossip.

 

[AnnaFloridaLover]

What are you sharing on FB that is a "secret"? You can either be more selective about what you are sharing on there, or block her.

There's a difference between privacy and secrecy. I am a private person and hate when others share information (where I travel) or pictures of me. None of anyone's business. Share your own information and pics.

 

[Miskey]

I completely get what you are saying, and it has nothing to do with Facebook. My mother is an open book (that thankfully doesn't have Facebook or any social media!), and I'm very private. A while back, I was having some medical issues, and was really caught off guard when I ran into my aunt and uncle and they knew all my "business". I had a polite, but firm talk with my mom about respecting my privacy. She doesn't "get it", but she respects my wishes.

 

[Wishing on a star]

Very simply, do not share ANYTHING in confidence with somebody who can not be trusted to keep your personal business in confidence.
BTDT...
If the two of you have mentioned to her that you need her to respect your privacy and personal boundaries, and her reaction was to become angry and confrontational.
Game Over.....

I feel very strongly that it is NOT my place to 'teach' or 'control', or chastise another adult.
Not my place.
And, as I said in another recent thread.
Especially not an older woman.
And, even MORE especially, a MIL!!!!!

OP, the simple answer is to keep one's private information to one's self.
There were many things that were not discussed with my parents and inlaws.

 

[ColoradoDisneyFreaks]

One thing that may help, there are a myriad of articles out on the web about people who have lost jobs or missed out of job opportunities due to information that was found out through a search of social media sites. Probably your MIL doesn't understand that social media is forever, and doesn't realize the consequences, beyond just too much information to a circle of friends. Show her some of these articles, and let her know that the oversharing could potentially cause issues in your lives that are way outside the small boundaries of her friends and family. Something as small as a health issue could cause massive problems if you've got a company that is self-insured and they're looking to cut costs, if they find out about it before it's shared by the employee, they could take steps to document issues with that employee's service so they can get rid of the employee before any major health costs come up. Do I think that's realistic, no, it's probably happened somewhere but it's certainly not common, but it's an awesome example for MIL to see possible ramifications of oversharing.

 

[GaSleepingBeautyFan]

Sounds like my mother used to be. We all had to tell her to quit posting certain things and making sure if we don't want it to be on facebook, that we either don't tell her or specifically tell her not to post anything on facebook about it every time we talk to her.

It has been working so we'll continue telling her we don't want it posted on facebook.

 

[Waddler]

My MIL and SIL used to overshare about me on Facebook. For example, when I was 38 weeks pregnant with my first child, MIL posted that I was being induced for high blood pressure (which was only partially true). SIL liked to post candids of us without us even knowing that she was taking a photo, including us in our PJs on Christmas morning and my kids playing in the sprinkler.

We recently asked everyone in his family not to post photos of us or about us unless they ask permission first. Many thought we were being ridiculous but they have honored our request for the most part. SIL retaliated by posting some unflattering pics of me on a social media platform that I don't participate on, but the rest of the family told her to knock it off.

 

[Clifton Tesh]

I'm not going to lie...Life without Facebook sounds pretty heavenly.

It is.

It was a little difficult at first but then I remembered that pre 2008 (when I first got on FB) I never talked to those people anyways. After that, life was much simpler. The ones who wanted to get in touch with me knew how and the ones that didn't know how, I guess it wasn't that important anyways.

 

[preemiemama]

OP, I can sympathize with you. My MIL posts a LOT on FB. She comments on or likes everything she sees, and makes sure to post her "daily words of wisdom" that she copies and pastes from someone's website. DH and I have tried to talk to her (and to FIL since she is doing all this on HIS account, not under her own name), but it goes nowhere. So we don't share things with her we don't want known.

In terms of "educating" her, if you think it will help, go for it. My MIL doesn't "get it". Her incessant "liking" got the attention of some people who were phishing and they copied her account- she complained to us about being "hacked". We tried to explain the difference, and tell her that if she would "like" less she would not subject herself to as much of this. She stopped for a week and is right back at it. Hope you get better results!

 

[Disney Dynamite]

MIL sounds like a blabbermouth. I'm sure in the days before FB, she was sharing all these same secrets with all her friends. You just didn't see it, because there was no electronic version of the gossip staring you right in the face.

This is very true. If it weren't on Facebook, we'd be none the wiser, and there wouldn't be a permanent record on the internet.

It doesn't sound like unfriending, unfollowing, OR deleting Facebook will fix this issue. MIL wants to post stuff that the OP doesn't want shared. Unfortunately, I think the only thing to do is have a conversation with MIL about what's okay to share and what's not. Perhaps even telling her when you share news would be helpful... ex that I just told my own mother: "mom, we are trying to get pregnant. We wanted you to know but we don't want ANYONE ELSE to know so please don't share with others."

Sorry OP, this situation is rough.

We're definitely stuck between a rock and a hard place. After talking some more, my husband and I have agreed to either not tell MIL things or to make it a point to say "please don't share this with anybody" if it's something we don't want to see on Facebook.

Sounds like my mother used to be. We all had to tell her to quit posting certain things and making sure if we don't want it to be on facebook, that we either don't tell her or specifically tell her not to post anything on facebook about it every time we talk to her.

It has been working so we'll continue telling her we don't want it posted on facebook.

This is our current plan of action. Hearing that it's working for you makes me feel hopeful!

 

[Bluestars]

Sounds like my mother used to be. We all had to tell her to quit posting certain things and making sure if we don't want it to be on facebook, that we either don't tell her or specifically tell her not to post anything on facebook about it every time we talk to her.

It has been working so we'll continue telling her we don't want it posted on facebook.

That's exactly what i would do. If I mentioned something that I didn't want posted on Facebook, I would tell her that I don't want it shared on Facebook.

 

[Wishing on a star]

There are many other ways for somebody like this to share things that they shouldn't, even if they realize that they can be be caught, and shouldn't really be, posting information on facebook.
Again, I recommend that anybody should not share any information with anyone if they are not sure that this person can, or will, hold the information in confidence.

 

[Poohforyou]

Don't share things with her that you don't want her to share with others. It's that simple. She over shares. If she wasn't on Facebook she'd be telling her friends in person, in email etc.