How to Explain Menstruation to 9 Year Old?

[DVCLiz]

Okay fine - from now on I will make sure I tell my daughter that I can swim whilst wearing a sanitary napkin, but I choose not to. Will that make you all happy?

Oh, dear, please don't swim with a sanitary napkin, at least if I'm in the pool with you!!! Just sit under the beach umbrella and have a mai tai. I promise I won't call you out on your choice of feminine hygiene products.

I'm barely recovered from the ducks in the swimming pools thread, so this would drive me over the edge.....

va32h, I'm really teasing here. Each mom should have the right to educate her daughter according to her preferences. But I would say that your daughter will see this with her friends, and eventually you might need to accept the fact that she will make a different decision for her own needs than you might want her to. I hope you'll be open to that decision.

 

[va32h]

Oh, dear, please don't swim with a sanitary napkin, at least if I'm in the pool with you!!! Just sit under the beach umbrella and have a mai tai. I promise I won't call you out on your choice of feminine hygiene products.

I'm barely recovered from the ducks in the swimming pools thread, so this would drive me over the edge.....

va32h, I'm really teasing here. Each mom should have the right to educate her daughter according to her preferences. But I would say that your daughter will see this with her friends, and eventually you might need to accept the fact that she will make a different decision for her own needs than you might want her to. I hope you'll be open to that decision.

DVCLiz, I know you are teasing. I don't really care whether my daughter, or any female, chooses to use tampons or not.

I am not morally opposed to them or afraid of them, I just never found them comfortable. Now that I have had three children, I don't even know if they would stay put!

If my girls decide to use them, that is fine with me.

 

[sara74]

I'd answer questions as they came up--honestly, calmly, no cutesy names. You don't call your neck or your arm by a cutesy name, why would you with any other body parts?

Just had this talk with DD4 this week!!!!! She wanted to know why a kid in PreK called his parts one name and I told her another! I told her you have an ear, nose, knee and ******. Your brother has a ***** and that is what they are called. Other families may have kid names for them, but we don't. She left it at that for the day.

I am strongly in the camp of explaining things as they come up and with a DD as inquisitive as mine we have covered almost all the topics so far. It is as though she lets me know when she has heard enough. She asked how babies get out of your tummy. I told her. She laughed! And then I realized that I had to explain a little more about the baby in the tummy thing when she told me that I shouldn't eat baby carrots while I was pregnant as they were a choking hazard to the new baby who was in my tummy eating them too! That was when I introduced the uterus and umbilical cord.

Open communication is the best, in my opinion, but that's me and in my limited experience of 4 years of parenting I am by no means an expert!

 

[LuvOrlando]

I don't think I'd advise DD to use Tampons until she is mature enough to follow the guidelines on the package. The packages are very speciffic about what is or is not safe and I'd be worried she might sacrafice safety for convenience.

 

[DVCLiz]

I don't think I'd advise DD to use Tampons until she is mature enough to follow the guidelines on the package. The packages are very speciffic about what is or is not safe and I'd be worried she might sacrafice safety for convenience.

Although, remember, most of those warnings (I assume you're talking about the Toxic Shock Syndrome warnings) had to do with cases of TSS using a specific brand and absorbency. I don't think the Slimfit or other junior brand has really ever been shown to be risky. I do think a frank discussion is probably advised, but most girls can figure out the appropriate schedule. I'd hate to eliminate tampons as an option for a young girl simply because the directions had health warnings on them.

 

[zuzu310]

Even though I don't have children, I found this thread interesting as I just did a research presentation in a college class about sex education and how children define gender roles. Anyways, I haven't read through the entire thread but I am glad to see all the mothers who are speaking to their children about sex. My research found that a lot of parents don't talk to their children about sex and when they do, it is usually the mother telling her daughter. (Unfortunately, sons are oftentimes left in the dark.) I take such an interest in all of it because my mother didn't tell me adequate information at the right time and I ended up menstruating at a very early age and was a bit clueless about what was happening. So kudos to all those moms out there that are taking the time to have the talk with their children!

 

[eeyoregon]

Funny true story regarding calling body parts by their real names. Friend has 3 year old daughter and 6 year old son. They are at the grocery store and 3 year old is in the shopping cart seat. It's a hot summer day and she is wearing a sundress and is opening and closing her legs over and over. Older brother says in an annoyed voice, "WHAT ARE YOU DOING???" Three year old replies, "I'm airing out my v____a!!" at the top of her lungs.

At that very moment their Mom rethought the decision to call body parts by their anatomical name

 

[taximomfor4]

Funny true story regarding calling body parts by their real names. Friend has 3 year old daughter and 6 year old son. They are at the grocery store and 3 year old is in the shopping cart seat. It's a hot summer day and she is wearing a sundress and is opening and closing her legs over and over. Older brother says in an annoyed voice, "WHAT ARE YOU DOING???" Three year old replies, "I'm airing out my v____a!!" at the top of her lungs.

At that very moment their Mom rethought the decision to call body parts by their anatomical name

Yeah...much better if she'd said "Myrtle's hot -- I'm letting her breathe a little."

 

[Mickey'snewestfan]

Well, I think you and I probably disagree on what and when to tell on other things (judging from the fact that my 7 year old has known for years that women can fall in love with women, kiss, make a life together, raise children together etc . . . some of his close friends are growing up in families like that). However I can tell you what I told him when he asked me what my tampons were for.

"Every month a woman's body makes a safe place for a baby to grow. The baby is supported and cushioned by a web of blood vessels carrying food and oxygen. You can think of it kind of like a "nest" for the growing embryo. Most of the time the woman doesn't end up needing that nest, so the body sheds it -- the blood comes out her ****** and I use these to catch it because I don't want to stain my clothing. They work like bandaids -- soaking up the blood, and holding it until I put them in the trash."

For a daughter I'd probably add something like -- "You're growing up and soon your body is going to start building the same kind of nest. Even though you're a long way from having a baby, you're body is going to start practicing now. It's kind of exciting if you think about it because it means you're growing up, and that one day when you're married and ready for a child your body will know what to do to nourish and protect your baby."

 

[Mickey'snewestfan]

My girls do know that if you have a baby before you graduate high school, that baby goes to a married couple who can't have kids of their own. QUOTE]

If your daughter has a baby before she graduate's high school it's her child and her decision. Forcing someone to place a child is immoral and illegal in every state in this country.

Oh, and my son, who I adopted as a newborn, is my own, every bit as much as your daughters are yours.

 

[AtoZgirl]

I'm 21 years old now, but I got my period when I was 9 years old (going on 10). I remember it was in December because my mom made me tell all the girls in the family that Christmas.... haha But honestly, even though that was like 4th or 5th grade... I KNOW my school taught us about "family life" where they go into all the changes boys and girls go through. I would say it started in 6th grade.... I'm suprised no one has said anything about that (usually you get a note from the school).

Reguardless, my Mom is my best friend and I guess we had no problem talking about it, because when it happened I ran to her and showed her... she probably said something along the lines of "ohhh my godddd" but I knew what it was. Don't scare the poor girl(s)... let her know 50% of the world is going to get it. Also... no wearing WHITE for those 5-7 days.

I'm now on depo as of 2003 because period DO suck (and I've been living with my boyfriend for 2 years now)... but we all go through it... even the men. And trust me... when they get into middle/high school... boy and girls will know about it all... it will seem amazing how much time has changed each generation. Good Luck... and if you repect your daughter and you want her to repect you... be open.. let her know... you're gonna be surpised about what she probably already knows, too

 

[AtoZgirl]

I apologize in advance if this may hurt anyone's feelings...

I have seen 12 and 13 year olds give birth, and they usually take the baby home with them, too. It's really sad. My girls do know that if you have a baby before you graduate high school, that baby goes to a married couple who can't have kids of their own.

I've seen 12 and 13 year olds kill one another. Having a baby is a miracle... 13 or 63. Obviosuly these 12 and 13 year olds have a family that are willing to work things out. I mean would you have given your girls up if you had them at 17 or 18. That's just freakin' rediculous. People make wrong decisions or get caught up in wrong things... but I just want to say I CANNOT believe you told your girls that if they have a baby before graduating high school, you'd make them give it up. That's pretty damn sick... I don't care that your a 'baby nurse' or not... that comment is just so untasteful.

Thank the lord, for Mommy's like mine My mother would have never said that to me... nor would any of my friends mom.... you sound like your stuck in the 40's.

And no I'm not saying this because I had a baby young (I don't have a baby yet at all)... but I know if I did I would have had all the love and support for both my baby and me.

 

[solgent]

Funny true story regarding calling body parts by their real names.... Three year old replies, "I'm airing out my v____a!!" at the top of her lungs.

I was in a stall in a ladies' room at an airport with my twin DDs, aged 3 at the time. All of us in the stall together so I could keep an eye on them.

DD1: I have a v___a.
Me: Yes.
DD1: You have a v___a.
Me: Yes.
DD2: All of us have a v___a or we couldn't come in here.
Me: Yes.
DD1: And Daddy has a v___a.
Me: No, Daddy is a boy, so he doesn't have a v___a.
DD1: Oh. (pause) But if Daddy did have a v___a, then he could come in here!

 

[DVCLiz]

I was in a stall in a ladies' room at an airport with my twin DDs, aged 3 at the time. All of us in the stall together so I could keep an eye on them.

DD1: I have a v___a.
Me: Yes.
DD1: You have a v___a.
Me: Yes.
DD2: All of us have a v___a or we couldn't come in here.
Me: Yes.
DD1: And Daddy has a v___a.
Me: No, Daddy is a boy, so he doesn't have a v___a.
DD1: Oh. (pause) But if Daddy did have a v___a, then he could come in here!

That's such a great story!!!!

 

[crisi]

My girls do know that if you have a baby before you graduate high school, that baby goes to a married couple who can't have kids of their own.

If your daughter has a baby before she graduate's high school it's her child and her decision. Forcing someone to place a child is immoral and illegal in every state in this country.

Oh, and my son, who I adopted as a newborn, is my own, every bit as much as your daughters are yours.

Another adoptive mom -

This also creates HUGE problems for the adoptive parents. Because if the child is placed under coersion, the birthmother can come back when she reaches legal age and claim coersion. This is a big fear for domestic adoptive parents.

This isn't best for the birthmother, the adoptive parents, or the child. The only person this is any good for is the birthmother's parents who don't want to deal, and there is a good chance it won't be good for you either when your adult daughter refuses to speak to you and cuts you from her life.

Adoption is a wonderful thing. I thank my son's birthmother every day. But it cannot be coersive.

My mother in law placed a child for adoption under coercisve circumstances (her HUSBAND wasn't ready for kids). Eventually, the marriage fell apart. It was a different era, but seeing first hand what forcing adoption can do to a family, its a bad idea. And that was the 1950s - when she was enculturated to be more docile - I can't imagine what it would be like to force an adoption now when your daughter can find thousands of people who would classify it as abuse. You'd very likely be making the decision to lose your daughter.

 

[kc7597]

I got my period at the age of nine and my mom sat me down and just explained to me that this was what happens to girls and that it would happen every month. I wasn't too bothered by the whole idea since my mom had always been open about things and I knew that this also happened to her. The most embarrassing part, even though necessary, I believe, was that she told my teacher about it so that she would make sure that I got to the bathroom enough to save myself the embarrassment of leaking onto my clothes. That was the end of that. I wasn't scarred in any way.

 

[Alex2kMommy]

Solgent, very funny story!
My DH has always had an open-bathroom-door policy, no privacy whatsoever. Took me awhile, but I eventually got used to it. Anyway, once our older son came along, he of course would follow us everywhere, including the bathroom. One time he stuck his head between Daddy's legs, and got a little wet (ewww!), and for the longest time I couldn't figure out why he kept watch over me. One day when he practically stuck his head in my lap, then walked around behind me, I asked, "Honey, what are you doing?" DSthen3 said, "Mama, are you hiding your p___s in your bottom?"

This prompted a conversation about the difference between boys and girls (which we'd already had when he started potty-training), and he gave a very puzzled "oh, yeah". I'd quiz him, "Is Gramma a boy or a girl? Is Daddy a boy or a girl? Is Auntie a boy or a girl? Is Uncle a boy or a girl?" (using anatomy, of course) and he'd get everyone right except Mama, pausing and having to really think about it. (To be honest, it kind of hurt my feelings!)

I haven't been asked about my p___s in quite awhile now, so I think, at nearly 6yo, he's finally got it. But DS2 just followed me in the bathroom, and was very curious...

 

[Lizzy2]

This may sound like an odd suggestion but you may want to try your favorite religious bookstore-Mine would be the Baptist bookstore for example- Even if its not something that they stock they probably could order you a book that would explain things in a more traditional way without the references to sexuality between unmarried people. 9 yr. olds really just need the mechanics not the relationship stuff don't you think?

 

[DVCLiz]

This may sound like an odd suggestion but you may want to try your favorite religious bookstore-Mine would be the Baptist bookstore for example- Even if its not something that they stock they probably could order you a book that would explain things in a more traditional way without the references to sexuality between unmarried people. 9 yr. olds really just need the mechanics not the relationship stuff don't you think?

Actually, I think 9 year olds DO need the relationship stuff. I think they need an accurate description of the mechanics AND the relationship stuff.

 

[chobie]

Actually, I think 9 year olds DO need the relationship stuff. I think they need an accurate description of the mechanics AND the relationship stuff.

I agree. Besides what would be a "traditonal" way of explaining it? Telling girls they are suffreing a curse because Eve ate an apple?