How to Explain Menstruation to 9 Year Old?

[newman7501]

You are so right, girls need to know the mechanics and relationship issues. This is also a great time to talk about your family's moral value and beliefs. For instense, we are a Christian family, but my when my husband and I were dating in college, I got pregnant with DD9. We have always been very honest with her about being in her mom's belly when we got married and how we made a mistake by having sex before marriage but no child is a mistake in God's eyes and she is such a precious gift and how we couldn't imagine our lives with out her. She also knows how difficult and stressful this time was for us. This has just been a conversation with her since I can't even remember. I have also talked to her about other consequences of have sex out of marriage and unprotected like diseases all thanks to the valtrex commercial on TV the other day. She asked me what was herpes. It was a red cheek moment but I am so glad it happened. I really got to explain a number of things to her in simple terms and she really understood what we were talking about. I later was telling my sister about this conversation and she said, "your daughter believes in Santa and is sex educated." I do wonder how many mothers would have passed on that educational moment with their daughters. From reading these boards, I'm sure many would not have. Like I said in an earlier post these are the moments we need to take advantage of, the best times to talk with our kids about sex is when they open up the question.

 

[sskem96]

I didn't mean I would FORCE my daughter to give up a child for adoption. They are just brought up to know that that's the expectation I have of anyone who has a baby that young. That's how we explained adoption to DD9 when she was 4.

Her best friend in preschool was adopted and she wanted to know how that worked, so I told her when a high schooler has a baby, they usually aren't able to care for it because they have to go to school everyday, so they give it to a couple who can't have a baby of their own. I know that's not always how it works, but it was a simple explanation for a young child.

There are too many teens getting pregnant on purpose because they want a baby to love that will love them back, and I want my girls to know that their father and I love them and support them and having a baby is lots of work and is best handled by a mature married couple.

We also know several people who have adopted or are trying to, and if they know now at this young age that adoption is a great thing, hopefully that is what they would choose if faced with that decision.

I was also pregnant when I got married-I found out on the day of my bridal shower. DD9 has always known this also. She also knows that we had been engaged for 2 years and I went of birth control in March hoping to get pregnant in July (the Dr. told me it would take a few months), and I got pregnant immediately. Since we were trying to get pregnant anyway, we were thrilled even though the timing was not the greatest. And I was 20 at the time, so I obviously have nothing against people starting their families at a young age as long as they are mature and have a good support system.

Yes, birth is a miracle at any age, even 12 or 13, but I have to wonder about the life of the baby and the mom both. I just wonder if anyone ever discussed the option of adoption with them at all.

 

[chobie]

Yes, birth is a miracle at any age, even 12 or 13, but I have to wonder about the life of the baby and the mom both. I just wonder if anyone ever discussed the option of adoption with them at all.

Of course they are told about adoption. Adoption is not some big secret. In fact, I'm sure most children by age 8 or 9 know what adoption means. And I'm willing to bet that 99.99% of all young girls who get pregnant know that they can give the baby up for adoption. Most kids probably know what adoption is before they ever heard of an abortion.

 

[mjallyn]

Just found this post today and as my 11 daughter gets closer to this moment It is very approrpate timing. ... She goes to a Catholic school and each year in the 5th grade the school nurse and a nurse for the local hospital give a talk to just the girls in the class. Mothers are welcome if their daughters want them there. My daughter wavered on this...in the end she chose to go it alone and I respected that decision especially since I teach at the school and I didn't want any of teh girls to feel embarrassed around me. Anyway, the nurse form the hospital explains periods in a very simple way saying that the uterus is basically (and I am paraphrasing) the baby basket that god gave women to carry their babies in and that it is a wonderful thing to be able to have such a gift. THere was no talk of an evil curse or Eve for that matter. Of course there was an explaintion of the blood and how to deal with it. I will tell you one girl fainted ( though the nurse said she had been doing this talk for onver 10 yrs and had never had that happen to her lol!)

The nurse gave each girl a gift bag filled with samples of products (pads, tampons, deoderant etc) and included some writen materials to read as well. This was a nice program and I think doing it in a group with friends may have made it seem more normal and less scary.

My suggestion is to call your local hospital and see if they offer such programs.

Good Luck!

 

[chobie]

I just think girls should know about periods from a very early age. It should be made out to be a normal, natural thing that is no big deal. So, by the time they do get it, its not a big deal. I was told the traditional way, after my body started developing and it was dropped on me like a bombshell. It was made out by my mother and sister to be a horrible, shameful thing.

I don't think it should be told to them in one discussion right about the age puberty sets in, because I would think that would be hard to deal with even if there was not a negative spin on it. It should be an ongoing converstaion starting from when they are little and the follow you into the bathroom. JMO.

 

[vellamint]

Okay women.....can I please have some pixie dust and !!

I have 11 year old twin daughters that BOTH just got their first periods (one in April and one in June).....they BOTH got it a second time this month.

We are going to Disney at the end of August....HELP ME oh HELP ME!!

Do you really think it is safe/practical to have an 11 year old wear a tampon?

I was SOOOOO hoping we would have one last big family trip before this started...


Oh and by the way......PMS and Menopause should be outlawed in the same household!!!

 

[Alex2kMommy]

I would definitely encourage an 11yo to try a tampon, and keep trying until they found a brand/size they liked. The sizes come pretty small these days, and some with applicators, some without.

Some women swear by the applicators, but for me they were too awkward for me. Because of the length, I just couldn't seem to get the right angle and it was very uncomfortable. Then I tried the OB brand (just push it in as far as you can with your finger), and was finally able to use tampons. I think I was 16 by then, and had endured years of bulky pads and heavy flow and embarrassing spots on my underwear and pants.

 

[marlynnp]

I had had this talk with my 6 yo today! On our recent trip to WDW she saw my tampons and asked what Tampax were. I told her then we'd tak about it when we got home. We both forgot.

Now a month later.... I remembered. I told her they were tampons. She said, "Oh, they're 25 cents!"
She's in a summer program and apparently the girls have been wondering about the tampon machines in restrooms. She was quite happy for the explanation! And we had a fun little 'science experiment' as she described it. Where I let her see and touch one and we filled a little cup with pink water and she saw how it absorbed it.
I cautioned her about giving the other girls too much info as I don't want to upset any other parents that may not be as open as we are.

We've discussed how babies are made and how they grow in mommy's uterus, etc before. I have a very good medical book that includes pictures of the body's various systems. She loves looking at the pictures and I think it made it a lot easier to explain and easier for her to understand reproduction.
She's known about reproduction for a couple of years and I've not had to explain the actual sex act, yet. She just knows that mommys and daddys must decide together to make an egg a baby.

 

[Lizzy2]

I think the "traditional" context of discussing sexual activity is within the confines of marriage. I am not criticizing anyone but my 4 yr. old will tell you flat out that she will have a baby one day after she's married and that's because my DH and I have taught her that. As she gets older and needs/wants to know things about her body I will still be discussing sexual activity as taking place between two married people because this is an ideal in our society and most religions including mine. Children will only strive to reach as high as we set the bar and in this day and age sexual behaviors need to have just about the highest bar of them all.
My precious nephew was born before his parents were married and of course he is a precious gift from God and we wouldn't trade him for the world but both of his parents will tell you from their hearts that the timing was rough.The stress of starting careers, a new marriage, and a new baby was almost overwhelming for them.
Its so ironic that there is a perception that persists that "rules" made about sex are all about keeping people from having fun or expressing their love but look at the realities of the situation. There are real and deadly diseases in play here. Also, I'm sure I've missed this somewhere in the thread but maybe some of the healthcare professionals could tell you what happens to the body of that 12 or 13 year old who carries and delivers a child before they themselves have finished growing.What about the emotional scars of the 35 yr. old who after years of physical encounters still has no one to love and care for her?
There are many reasons for explaining sexual behavior in, for lack of a better term, more "traditional" way but the most important reason is to give these kids the reasons and info that they need to be able to say no.

 

[chobie]

I think the "traditional" context of discussing sexual activity is within the confines of marriage. I am not criticizing anyone but my 4 yr. old will tell you flat out that she will have a baby one day after she's married and that's because my DH and I have taught her that. As she gets older and needs/wants to know things about her body I will still be discussing sexual activity as taking place between two married people because this is an ideal in our society and most religions including mine. Children will only strive to reach as high as we set the bar and in this day and age sexual behaviors need to have just about the highest bar of them all.
My precious nephew was born before his parents were married and of course he is a precious gift from God and we wouldn't trade him for the world but both of his parents will tell you from their hearts that the timing was rough.The stress of starting careers, a new marriage, and a new baby was almost overwhelming for them.
Its so ironic that there is a perception that persists that "rules" made about sex are all about keeping people from having fun or expressing their love but look at the realities of the situation. There are real and deadly diseases in play here. Also, I'm sure I've missed this somewhere in the thread but maybe some of the healthcare professionals could tell you what happens to the body of that 12 or 13 year old who carries and delivers a child before they themselves have finished growing.What about the emotional scars of the 35 yr. old who after years of physical encounters still has no one to love and care for her?
There are many reasons for explaining sexual behavior in, for lack of a better term, more "traditional" way but the most important reason is to give these kids the reasons and info that they need to be able to say no.

Though I want my kids to be emotionally and physically ready before having a sexual relationship, I don't want them necessarily to wait until they are married. I don't want them getting married until they are in their late 20"s and have gone to college and started a career, and I think its unrealistic to think they will wait that long to have sex.

My DD (12) is already focused on college and a career and will tell you that she will have a baby one day after she has finished college and is successul journalist.

My children are informed about the risks of sex and how to mimize them. I will get my daughter the vaccine for HPV so that will not be a worry.

The "rules' about sex you talk about do stem for centuries of trying to control female sexuality. The prizing of virginity in females has led to unbelievable atrocities throughout the world (honor killings, female gential mutilations, chastity belts etc.) So, other people may want to go back to the days where an intact hymen was the most important feature in a young woman, but I'll pass on that mentality thank you very much.

 

[CanadianPaco]

I think the talking is great! It's important. My mother never said anything about it. She took me to K-mart the day I got my period (11yrs old) and basically walked me to the aisle with all the pads etc. It was years before I sorted out what was right for me.
As for the sex/relationship talk, having been raised Catholic and long since left the religion, I still talk about sex within marriage. Not because of it's religious base, but because of it moral and security basis. It's not healthy to fear sex but it is certainly better to have sex within a solid, loving relationship. See it's value. I know better than to condemn pre-marital sex but there is nothing wrong with, at the very least, promoting it's value within a relationship. Heck, I take to DD about teenagers smoking - how bad it is, how sad it is to see young people pollute their lungs. Same goes for heavily pierced faces and grossly tattooed bodies.
I guess it's all in the talking.

 

[smschex]

I fully realize we don't all have the same opinions/beliefs on this board, but I wanted to mention a couple of resources that have been very useful with our kids.

God's Design for Sex by Stan and Brenna Jones and Carolyn Nystrom is a series of books designed to be used sequentially starting about age 4 or 5 all the way through the teens. We have found them to be very age appropriate, geared to each child's level of understanding. I agree with those who have said it is better to start talking to your kids about sex and their bodies early rather than late, all in terms they can understand based on their age and maturity.

An earlier poster talked about a special weekend she and her daughter took. I did the same thing with my DD when she was in sixth grade using a kit called Passport to Purity. It includes books and tapes for both parent and child to facilitate discussion about all the issues facing today's teens. My DH will be taking our son (now 12) later this year for his special weekend. I highly recommend it.

Hope these are helpful to some of you.

 

[newman7501]

Though I want my kids to be emotionally and physically ready before having a sexual relationship, I don't want them necessarily to wait until they are married. I don't want them getting married until they are in their late 20"s and have gone to college and started a career, and I think its unrealistic to think they will wait that long to have sex.

My DD (12) is already focused on college and a career and will tell you that she will have a baby one day after she has finished college and is successul journalist.

My children are informed about the risks of sex and how to mimize them. I will get my daughter the vaccine for HPV so that will not be a worry.

The "rules' about sex you talk about do stem for centuries of trying to control female sexuality. The prizing of virginity in females has led to unbelievable atrocities throughout the world (honor killings, female gential mutilations, chastity belts etc.) So, other people may want to go back to the days where an intact hymen was the most important feature in a young woman, but I'll pass on that mentality thank you very much.

That was my plan too, to finish college, get my masters and become a teacher but as I stated before in my junior year of college my husband(boyfriend at the time) and I found ourselves dealing with a pregnancy. Out of my own personal experience I know birth control doesn't always work. That's why is it says 97% effective on the package. My DD is educated on sex and the different diseases you can contract and different forms of birth control(at least in terms of a 9 year old, simple and honest) but we have also discussed that her sexuality is valuable gift to give to her husband. We are not doing this to repress sexuality but to hopefully make her life a little easier. I know my life would have been easier had I waited. I know she can not learn from my mistakes and ultimately it is her choice to make. I just am not going to give her the green light to go out and have sex. I don't think it is unrealistic to set an expectation for my DD to wait until she is married. My sister waited and was 25 with a college education, a master's degree, and nice career when she got married(she married her high school sweetheart and neither of them attend church). I know she feels great about waiting, her husband feels great about waiting and their sexuality has not been repressed at all(she tells me alot). So it can be done.

 

[chobie]

That was my plan too, to finish college, get my masters and become a teacher but as I stated before in my junior year of college my husband(boyfriend at the time) and I found ourselves dealing with a pregnancy. Out of my own personal experience I know birth control doesn't always work. That's why is it says 97% effective on the package. My DD is educated on sex and the different diseases you can contract and different forms of birth control(at least in terms of a 9 year old, simple and honest) but we have also discussed that her sexuality is valuable gift to give to her husband. We are not doing this to repress sexuality but to hopefully make her life a little easier. I know my life would have been easier had I waited. I know she can not learn from my mistakes and ultimately it is her choice to make. I just am not going to give her the green light to go out and have sex. I don't think it is unrealistic to set an expectation for my DD to wait until she is married. My sister waited and was 25 with a college education, a master's degree, and nice career when she got married(she married her high school sweetheart and neither of them attend church). I know she feels great about waiting, her husband feels great about waiting and their sexuality has not been repressed at all(she tells me alot). So it can be done.

Well I successfully used birth control for 9 years before having children. 4 of the years I was not married. Had I gotten pregnant before I was ready, I may have had an abortion or I may have changed my plans. It's not that I want my kids having sex, I just don't think there is anything sacred about legal document and I don't suscribe to any particualr religion.

However, I do think that if one makes a lifetime commitment to another human being (whether thru marriage or not because as we speak homosexuals are not allowed to get married) they should know they are compatable in the imprortant areas of which I consider sex to be one. I do not regret the 2 years of living together with my husband or that fact that I had other relationships before him and neither does he regret his premarital experiences. When it comes time, we well tell our kids the truth as we see it.

I also wonder if parents are as concerned about their sons having sex before marriage as they are their daughters. Granted females bear all the physical ramfications of pregnancy, but there are very effective means of birth control and there are options if one does get pregnant that will not ruin their lives and severaly change their plans.

I have seen too many people getting married at early ages to have "moral" sex and I would rathder my kids have protected, informed sex than get married at 18-20.

I don't really want to debate this issue. I just don't like the extreme attitudes on both sides that our society has on sex. On one hand you have the using sex to sell everything and glorifying as some wonderful act to have no restrictions or taboos about ,and at the other extreme you have the sex as a sacred act to protect children from until they have a legal document and confine people to having only one sexual partner in a lifetime. I just have more middle of the road attitude about it.

EDA: I realize many people have religious/moral belieffs that hold sex as a sacred act between married heterosexual people. I'm not calling you extremists, but I do feel that that is an extreme position for me and my family. It's just my opinion, nothing more. So, please people no more nasty pms, if you have a contrary opinion feel free to post it on this thread.

 

[newman7501]

Well I successfully used birth control for 9 years before having children. 4 of the years I was not married. Had I gotten pregnant before I was ready, I may have had an abortion or I may have changed my plans. It's not that I want my kids having sex, I just don't think there is anything sacred about legal document and I don't suscribe to any particualr religion.

However, I do think that if one makes a lifetime commitment to another human being (whether thru marriage or not because as we speak homosexuals are not allowed to get married) they should know they are compatable in the imprortant areas of which I consider sex to be one. I do not regret the 2 years of living together with my husband or that fact that I had other relationships before him and neither does he regret his premarital experiences. When it comes time, we well tell our kids the truth as we see it.

I also wonder if parents are as concerned about their sons having sex before marriage as they are their daughters. Granted females bear all the physical ramfications of pregnancy, but there are very effective means of birth control and there are options if one does get pregnant that will not ruin their lives and severaly change their plans.

I have seen too many people getting married at early ages to have "moral" sex and I would rathder my kids have protected, informed sex than get married at 18-20.

I don't really want to debate this issue. I just don't like the extreme attitudes on both sides that our society has on sex. On one hand you have the using sex to sell everything and glorifying as some wonderful act to have no restrictions or taboos about ,and at the other extreme you have the sex as a sacred act to protect children from until they have a legal document and confine people to having only one sexual partner in a lifetime. I just have more middle of the road attitude about it.

I do agree that this is not an issue to debate as every parent is different and every child is different. While we disagree about some things, the important thing is that we are both educating our children about sex, the consequenses that could occur, birth control, relationship, etc. There are too many parents out there on every side of the issue that just stay mum about the whole thing.

 

[chobie]

I do agree that this is not an issue to debate as every parent is different and every child is different. While we disagree about some things, the important thing is that we are both educating our children about sex, the consequenses that could occur, birth control, relationship, etc. There are too many parents out there on every side of the issue that just stay mum about the whole thing.

ITA. And thank you for that. I tend to come off as rather strident in my posts and I'm trying to not do that. This is a sensitive issue. Part of my problem with this issue is that I have many homosexual family member including two siblings. So, I would rather not present sex to my children as a morality issue but more as a physical and emotional health issue.

 

[JoiseyMom]

I haven't read the entire thread, but my DD is 10. She started asking lots of questions over 2 years ago. I went to Barnes an Noble, sat on a chair and looked through all the books dealing with the facts of life and girls. I found one I liked and we read it together. Personally I wanted a book that covered sex, human sexuality, feelings and body parts. It might have been too much for some people, but I know that us reading together answered alot of questions. I want her to learn from me, and not from friends or TV. I want her to understand that her feelings about her body and the changes they make are good, and she shouldn't be afraid to ask me anything about anything. If I felt that she wasn't ready for a chapter, we skipped it, and will go back later when she is old enough. I want her to be informed and know what her choices are, because they will be her choices. I want her to make the correct ones and to understand the ramifications of the wrong ones.

 

[newman7501]

ITA. And thank you for that. I tend to come off as rather strident in my posts and I'm trying to not do that. This is a sensitive issue. Part of my problem with this issue is that I have many homosexual family member including two siblings. So, I would rather not present sex to my children as a morality issue but more as a physical and emotional health issue.

I understand and I think I also come off very strident in my posts and beliefs as well. I too do not try to do that. We also have homosexual friends and family members through marriage and we love them just as much as everybody else. You know we do hold very strong religious beliefs but it is not our place to judge anyone. There is nothing worse than a hypocrite and I try my best not to be that way.

 

[eeyore45]

Okay women.....can I please have some pixie dust and !!

I have 11 year old twin daughters that BOTH just got their first periods (one in April and one in June).....they BOTH got it a second time this month.

We are going to Disney at the end of August....HELP ME oh HELP ME!!

Do you really think it is safe/practical to have an 11 year old wear a tampon?

I was SOOOOO hoping we would have one last big family trip before this started...


Oh and by the way......PMS and Menopause should be outlawed in the same household!!!

seriously on the way!!

I would ask a doctor - our pediatrician's office has "nurse practioners" that answer questions - I am of the opinion that yes, its safe as long as you follow the guidelines (ie toxic shock) and dont take it lightly - I know earlier a poster gave us links to always, and playtex - there are several small think tampons that are great for first timers...

Also, yesterday one of the brands had a commercial for the napkins, and a pool, or water, I decided I'd better tell dd that you cant wear napkins in water - we talked about diapers and pools... anyway after reading this thread, I thought I'd share...
I agree about the whole menopause... pms..

 

[Lizzy2]

First of all, I want to say thank you for the sharing in this thread.
I too am also very strident in my beliefs on this issue because I wish to try to help these young people have the best life that they can.
Information is essential and also the knowledge that sex is an amazing and gratifying experience. Otherwise, why would we risk swollen ankles and stretch marks, right? LOL
The original issue here was not information in and of itself but what was appropriate for a 9yr. old- We can each only offer the original poster our advice and wisdom as we know it-
I too have gay friends and family members and I love them, pure and simple, even though I don't always agree with their choices. It is not my place to judge them and not their place to judge me. Love meets people where they are, but loving them will not change my core beliefs either or how I raise my daughter.
As for the issue of sons, I have none but I can't imagine that I would raise them any differently than my DD as my brothers were raised this way and my MIL raised her boys this way. Core morals do not change according to what sex the child is.
So, I do believe that children should know whats up with their bodies-My daughter knows her body parts and what they do and I answer each q she has and basically let her lead me in how much info she requires- We also continually discuss the idea of privacy and what body parts are private-all age appropriate I think- and I'm sure by the time she's 9 she will be well prepared for her period but will I be buying her books discussing relationships and alternative lifestyles? No. Will I be teaching her to be tolerant and loving to others? Yes-