How to Explain Menstruation to 9 Year Old?

[DVCLiz]

I have to agree w/ other posters about the books available. At BAMM, I was browsing through some books that may fill in what we forget. Most of them were SHOCKING! As a 38 yr. old looking through books with my friend who is a girls' coach, I think that WE learned some stuff--maybe stuff that we didn't WANT to know. There is no way that I would buy these books, and I don't consider myself much of a prude. I was sooo embarrassed by some of the photos.
I think that these conversations should develop naturally, not with some of these ideas in these books all at one time.

Just my opinion....

If you're old enough to participate in the act that produces a child, you should be old enough to handle seeing the information, including pictures, printed in a book. Just my opinion...

I'm glad I had some good books to help answer my daughters' questions, and I don't think seeing a cartoon image of people in bed with each other scarred them for life. Just the opposite - it showed them exactly what I was talking about, and helped them understand that it wasn't something scary or creepy. I'm glad they had additional resources to go to. I don't understand why parents are so reluctant to discuss sex with their children. It makes me wonder what else they don't talk about.

 

[sameyeyam]

Odds are your 9 year old daughter already knows about periods. If she goes to school, then it is almost 100% guaranteed that she knows about it from her friends.

I know that everyone has a different comfort level in speaking about periods, sex, etc. with their children. But honestly, once they are in about 2nd or 3rd grade they have already heard most of it from their friends.

I had "The Talk" with DD when whe was in 1st grade. It was amazing how much she already knew. Some of it incorrect or lacking in details, but I was able to have a frank talk with her and clear up the few missing areas.

I then gave her a couple of books recommended by her pediatrician after our talk, so she could have further reference.

Personally I think age 5 or 6 is a good age to discuss these things. It leaves the door open for further discussion whenever they have questions. Then when they are teenagers they feel more comfortable coming to you with questions and knowing how you will respond. My daughter has come to me numerous times as she has gotten older with questions (some shocking, some not). But I'm very glad we got started on the right foot, instead of her getting information from her friends.

 

[noahynav]

I too am shocked at the amount of parents who are holding off on the talk. This is so important in todays world. When I was pregnant with my second ds, my oldest who was 6 at the time started asking questions. I answered all of them with complete and total honesty. He is 9 now and knows a lot, but he is also very comfortable asking questions...no embarassment, no humiliation, no guilt, no shame, etc. I wouldn't have it any other way. As a result we did have to have a talk about not sharing this information with other children (that is their parnets job) because he was only a kindergartener. HE understood and we had no problems.

I also want to say that I am SHOCKED by a previous poster who stated that if her children have a baby before they graduate high school that baby will be going to a married couple. Are you serious? I understand that no one wants a teenage pregnancy....but frankly, that is NOT your decision. You can not force your child to give their baby away. Pregnant teenagers need support and compassion. This attitude is what leads to the shut down in communication between parents in children.

 

[Downrivermama]

I've been reading this thread and it is interesting. Here is something that happened to my dd who was 7 last fall. One night she was in the bathroom using the toilet. She called for me and showed me blood in her panties! I freaked out as I didn't think I would have to deal with a 7 year old with a period! I'm a single mom and she still follows me to the bathroom it times, so she has seen me use femine hygine products. I told her what could be happening.

Needless to say I put the panties in a zip lock bag and got an appointment with the pediatrician. Long story short the Dr. blew off the period thing and found out dd has a heart murmer and we ended up at childrens hospital to get it checked out. (The pediatrician set all that up). So in the end nothing was resolved why dd had blood in her panties , by the dr. and it hasn't happened since. Thankfully.

But I did explain what a period was. My mom was 10 when she started and didn't have a clue and thought she was dying! My mom told me early around 6 or 7 just incase I started early. I started at 12, my maternal grandmother started at 15 on the ship coming over from Europe! I had the kit from Kotex and wish they had them now. Did find the Period Book and another one that seemed tame. My mom was very conservative, but would answer any question I had about anything to do with my body growing up.

At my dd's school, I found out that a lot of 3rd & 4th grade girls ( 8& 9 year olds) have periods! I think it is best to have my dd informed than suprised. How graphic a parent gets with thier own child is their decision, but you can gear the information to their level of understanding.

 

[DVCLiz]

I also want to say that I am SHOCKED by a previous poster who stated that if her children have a baby before they graduate high school that baby will be going to a married couple. Are you serious? I understand that no one wants a teenage pregnancy....but frankly, that is NOT your decision. You can not force your child to give their baby away. Pregnant teenagers need support and compassion. This attitude is what leads to the shut down in communication between parents in children.

I'm glad you posted this - I noticed that as well and meant to comment, but forgot it until you posted. All I'll say is how glad I am that this would not be the way our family would handle this.

 

[newman7501]

DVCLiz, I absolutely agree with you. In October we are starting a Teen Moms support group at our church that I am coordinating. These girls need love, compassion, support, and encouragement. On of my friends is the product of a teenage mother and she is one the best people I know. Teen pregnancy is not ideal but with the right support system these girls can be really good moms.

 

[CanadianPaco]

DD is going to be 9 and I have thought about this a million times! This post has been a great read! Though I was dismayed that women still think they can't swim when they have their period. Options ladies!!

 

[SueM in MN]

My girls are 21 and 24 and I have never had 'the talk' with either one of them. I am a nurse and at the time I was educated, there was a lot of emphasis on xxx education begins in early childhood as a part of life. It's all the things you do and say to/with your children every day that show and tell them what it is. My DD's saw me using feminine hygiene products at any early age. They knew from an early age that they could ask me anything and I would explain it to them. They also knew from an early age where babies come from and generally how they got there (in age appropriate terms and not all at once). That came out of questions they had from seeing pregnant women. So, by the time they got to the stage where a lot of people are ready for 'the talk', they already knew the information.
We've had lots of talks about how to tell if you are really in love, how to choose someone you want to spend your life with, and why casual *** is a bad idea. Not because we sat down for a specific talk, but just as we have talked as mom and DDs, fellow female human beings.

One of the things I thought was very sad and wanted to avoid was what I seen as a Public Health nurse working with a school age parent program. There were girls who had no idea how they got pregnant. They knew the mechanics of how periods happen, but they didn't really understand how babies got 'started'. Some of them actually thought that you couldn't have a baby unless you were married because that's all they knew. Some believed their boyfriends when they said that certain things could not lead to pregnancy.

 

[NMAmy]

I'm always surprised by how many parents don't talk to their kids about this kind of stuff right along. The earlier you start, the more likely they are to pay attention and come to you at a later age with questions. My dd is almost 16 and she still comes to me with questions because she knows I'll do my very best not to flip out and answer her honestly. My mom was the same way--it's easier to be matter of fact about these perfectly natural things.

We started talking about periods when she was old enough to ask me about pads and tampons--probably 2 or 3 years old when she saw them in the bathroom and wanted to know what they were for. I started explaining about sex when she was around 6 or 7. I'd answer questions as they came up--honestly, calmly, no cutesy names. You don't call your neck or your arm by a cutesy name, why would you with any other body parts?

If you have a 9 yo girl, she has heard about periods at school. Now is the time to get over your embarassment and help her by explaining things to her. Knowledge is the key--arming your child with knowledge will help protect her from incorrect and possibly dangerous misinformation from other kids.

 

[puffkin]

I am surprised that it took until page 4 of this thread to bring up the Judy Blume book "Are you there god, its me Margaret". I think that would be a good book to read because it brings up the subject without going into too much detail....a good discussion starter.

Also, even if you don't use/like tampons, please make them available to your daughter. They cut down on "accidents", are great for sports and swimming, and are much more discreet than pads. It is a scary enough thing to go through, I can't imagine telling a kid they can't use the pool or play sports etc. just because of this.

 

[Iott Family]

Our girls deserve the facts straight up. In todays society you cant sit back and let your child out uneducated. They will get the info from somewhere...wouldnt you rather know they are getting factual info and a healthy dose of your personal family values then not? There is no XXX time to have the talk. You should have been having a talk from the first question asked at that early age when your child asked "that" innocent question. For each of us that question may have been a bit different but you all know what im referring to. Girls are developing in 3rd, 4th and 5th grade. We cant afford to wait on XXX time to present itself because by the time you think XXX time is here for a talk you missed your opportunity.

If we are honest and upfront and loaded with the facts for our girls ( boys, too!) we will have an open forum for our children to feel safe to come to and ask all those questions.

Kudos to the moms out there who opened up the lines of communication and left no subject/topic taboo. You are raising strong confident little women who can hold their heads high inspite of such a difficult stage in life!

 

[allie&mattsmom]

I've been talking with my dd11 about menstuation since she was about 9 or so. Based on how rapidly she started developing at age 9 and a half, I'm surprised she has not started her period yet, but I'm betting it will be soon. I bought the American Girl book and the book called The Period. What also was extremely helpful, was last year in 5th grade, her Girl Scout Troop planned a trip to a local Health Center where an RN talked with the girls and their moms about puberty. She covered everything and did a very good job. I think it's a good idea to be as honest and upfront about everything. This is a great thread, I'm glad I stumbled upon it!

 

[Hedy]

I had two books (neither of which are in print) anymore. I'd encourage the getting of sample supplies just in case (just forwarn your spouse, my dad wanted to knmow why I'd gotten a package ). Personally, I liked having one book be co-ed (because when you're ten, it seems royally unfair that you have to bleed and the boys don't).

 

[ines248]

First step is menstruation information, then next step is birth control for sexually active teenagers.
This is where I am right now,
STEP 2. One of my 2 DD is very active, but she is making sure no babies for now or next year.

So why does someone here asked what does did had to do with Disney?

Population control means shorter lines at Disney. LOL

And knowledge is a powerfull tool!

 

[va32h]

Also, even if you don't use/like tampons, please make them available to your daughter. They cut down on "accidents", are great for sports and swimming, and are much more discreet than pads. It is a scary enough thing to go through, I can't imagine telling a kid they can't use the pool or play sports etc. just because of this.

I don't find anything remotely scary about menstruation, and based on my conversations with my daughter I have no reason to believe that she finds it scary either.

Swimming is an activity that is only available to us for a few months of the year, so it is hardly some massive sacrifice to forego a trip to the pool one particular week. And I never suggested that anyone should refrain from sports while on their period. Wearing a sanitary napkin does not interfere with normal activity any more than wearing a tampon does. It's just a matter of personal preference.

This is the third post commenting on the use of tampons - surely it cannot possibly matter to anyone else whether some total stranger uses tampons or pads.

 

[chobie]

I don't find anything remotely scary about menstruation, and based on my conversations with my daughter I have no reason to believe that she finds it scary either.

Swimming is an activity that is only available to us for a few months of the year, so it is hardly some massive sacrifice to forego a trip to the pool one particular week. And I never suggested that anyone should refrain from sports while on their period. Wearing a sanitary napkin does not interfere with normal activity any more than wearing a tampon does. It's just a matter of personal preference.

This is the third post commenting on the use of tampons - surely it cannot possibly matter to anyone else whether some total stranger uses tampons or pads.

I think what bothers people is girls being told they "can't" swim during their periods, when that is simply not true.

 

[CanadianPaco]

That is my point exactly!! Well said!

 

[va32h]

I think what bothers people is girls being told they "can't" swim during their periods, when that is simply not true.

Okay fine - from now on I will make sure I tell my daughter that I can swim whilst wearing a sanitary napkin, but I choose not to. Will that make you all happy?

 

[chobie]

Okay fine - from now on I will make sure I tell my daughter that I can swim whilst wearing a sanitary napkin, but I choose not to. Will that make you all happy?

Why not just tell her, when the time comes, she can swim if she wore a tampon?

 

[DVCLiz]

I wonder if tampon use is a generational thing? My mother NEVER used them, I did as soon as I had three or four periods in a row, and my daughter did literally the second day of her first period, and has never used anything else.

I wonder how many people, if any, still associate tampon use in girls with sexuality? I seem to remember that was an issue when I was a teen, at least with my mom. Something along the lines of "nice girls don't." Wonder if she thought it would lead to some nefarious goings-on once I discovered how to use them??!!

Of course, my mom never used an ATM and didn't like to make left hand turns in her car, so go figure...