How to deal with Prescription Drug Addicts

Do you want the life of a drug addict to be status quo in your life??

Yes this is a good question. I guess at this point I'm OK with my status quo involving a distanced relationship with these people. Having them over for dinner once or twice per year, sending around occasional family group emails and pictures now and then, etc.

If it turns out that even that much contact creates too much drama in my life then I'm outta there. I hope I can't get burned any more. But if I do I'll know that I made the concious choice of keeping my door cracked open.

I guess I'll take it one day at a time for now. But I am now educated on the topic and my eyes are as wide open as they can get and I'm also leaning on a little faith as well.

Thank GOODNESS they live 3 hours away. They wouldn't drive that far just to steal our stuff would they? His fiance sleeps till 2 p.m. or 3 p.m. every day (even when she was a guest in my parents' home) and from what I can tell does absolutely nothing with her life. I can't see her having the energy to drive that far on her own.

I am so sad my brother has taken this on. But part of me wonders if maybe he isn't such a great catch himself either nowadays. I've realized that I don't know him nearly as well as I used to. Maybe I've never known him. I cling to the wonderful memories of our childhood together - they make me smile and can never be taken away.
 
Bethany Hon
I think you need a BIG HUG!
I can't publicly post the drama trauma I've been going through this past year but I want you to know you are not alone. I have terrified myself reading up on stuff online and finally went to my family doctor and he was great at giving some honest facts. I'm the big "Mis Fix it " in my family also,so I have to be careful.
Hold strong to the memories Hon,say a little prayer when you need,and know that you are not alone. I have to have HOPE because well I just do,but I won't allow myself to be victimized either.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Sending you Healing hugs~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Hugs Mel
 
I wish you luck....I really do. Listen to others here. Keep it out of your home. I hate to say it, but if you have to choose between your kids and your brother....your kids have to come first.

You know, the more I am reading here the more I am hoping that she's so pissed at me for pointing out that she is an addict that she never wants to come to my home again. :scared1:

And my kids AND my husband will always come first before my brother by a million miles. Not to worry. The things is, if I totally cut my brother out of my life that's not 100% a cakewalk either. There are trade-offs. But we will do it if we have to.
 
Bethany Hon
I think you need a BIG HUG!
I can't publicly post the drama trauma I've been going through this past year but I want you to know you are not alone. I have terrified myself reading up on stuff online and finally went to my family doctor and he was great at giving some honest facts. I'm the big "Mis Fix it " in my family also,so I have to be careful.
Hold strong to the memories Hon,say a little prayer when you need,and know that you are not alone. I have to have HOPE because well I just do,but I won't allow myself to be victimized either.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Sending you Healing hugs~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Hugs Mel

Aw . . . thanks so much Mel. Hugs to you, too. :hug:

Miss Fix it is a GREAT term. That used to be me, too. But even before this drug issue I had begun the process of trying to step away from that role. It feels kinda good.
 

You know, the more I am reading here the more I am hoping that she's so pissed at me for pointing out that she is an addict that she never wants to come to my home again. :scared1:

And my kids AND my husband will always come first before my brother by a million miles. Not to worry. The things is, if I totally cut my brother out of my life that's not 100% a cakewalk either. There are trade-offs. But we will do it if we have to.

Oh, no doubt. It's horrible if you have to make that choice between your family and your brother. But what I've learned in this process is that I can't help those who aren't willing to help themselves. *AND*, I can't help those acting as codependents to the addicts see the light. In our case, this is my former Sister in Law with respect to her son and her daughter....and also my husband's parents with respect to their son (the alcoholic).

We don't have children, but have a wonderful marriage and an awesome life. We've given so much to these people in trying to help, and we have haven't changed a single thing, because the addicts and codependents weren't doing their part. And so we took a giant step back.

At this point, our only priority is to keep the leeches away from my 80 year old in-laws. If the rest of them want to self-destruct....so be it. But we won't let them drag down my in-laws.
 
Thank GOODNESS they live 3 hours away. They wouldn't drive that far just to steal our stuff would they? His fiance sleeps till 2 p.m. or 3 p.m. every day (even when she was a guest in my parents' home) and from what I can tell does absolutely nothing with her life. I can't see her having the energy to drive that far on her own.

Your address might be worth some money or drugs to people who WOULD drive that far.


My former brother in law was a heroin addict. I never met him, very VERY purposely. I NEVER had my husband's sister over to my apartment, not while she was married to him and still have not. I let their older daughter spend the night (she was 9) and I could tell that she was messed up (and when I posted about her behavior here on the Dis, wondering if hubby was being overprotective or not, it was the first time I EVER saw the Dis united 100% on a topic (DH was right)) and that mistake has not been made again.

Heroin isn't prescription, but addiction is addiction. Addiction feeds on itself and over time becomes more and more expensive. Over time doctors won't prescribe, pharmacies take notice, and other methods of getting the *whatever it is* to feed the addiction will become necessary.

My sister in law asked us for money so she could put her then-little daughters in daycare. I said "hey, I have an infant, I will watch your daughters". She *sort of* liked that idea. And then I said "you won't come here, I will pick them up, and your ex is NEVER to know where I live", and she refused. Her need to tell him where the girls were (despite the fact that he often took them to various places without telling her where they were (he was also a felon and couldn't get any job so was the SAHD) was higher than keeping me and my son safe. We then offered to pay *the daycare* that was right nearby us, and that was rejected as well. She...just wanted the money.

Before my time, when she and her husband were fully together, she would take whatever cast-offs her parents had (if they replaced something they always wanted to give the old thing to the kids), thank them profusely, tell them how much she would use it, and then sell it.

She concocted a huge lie, telling them that she was leaving him and begging for the family's help in moving. From WA to CA. The family took time off from work, got a rental truck, moved her stuff. Gave her furniture, including the piano which she said she always loved, money to have a new start....inside one month he was living there at the new place, and they had sold EVERYTHING.

She has convinced parents and brothers to give her *at least* 4 cars (DH and his brother love fixing up wrecks), and she has sold them all.

SHE is not the addict. SHE is the one that chose to make a life WITH an addict. (she met him while working as a counselor at a halfway house for felons, by the way, she KNEW BETTER)

I wouldn't let your brother's fiancee in your home, I wouldn't let your brother in your home. He is making awful choices.


And I'm sure you understand that he has very little "choice" in the matter of making babies with her, if they are intimate. He is *choosing* to make a life with her. Babies almost certainly will be in the cards, even if HE doesn't make the decision.


Go to al-alon. They don't care how close the person is to you. Or maybe contact Narcotics Anonymous to see if they have meetings for family members and not just addicts.
 
And all this has what to do with budgeting?

Just about nothing. I had been contemplating starting a thread on this topic for a few days and finally got up the energy and nerve to do so. I hang out a lot on the budget board looking for ideas and accidentaly started the thread here instead of in the Community Board. I forgot to switch locations before I posted.

I have zero idea how to move the thread myself - I've requested that it be moved but figure it must not be a priority for the mods and that's OK.

Luckily, people have still graciously responded and given me much needed input despite my error and for that I am grateful. :)

I guess if this woman does find a way to steal from me then I'll definitely be needing some ideals from the Budget Board on how to pinch my pennies more and compensate. ;)
 
This is a very close subject for me. Something you should know about prescription drugs. They are almost all some form of opiate which comes from opium. The difference between street drugs and prescription is the quality of the drug. Prescription drugs are of much higher quality opium compared to street. The “high” from the best street drugs lasts for a couple of hours, the “high” from prescription lasts for 4 days. This makes any type of recovery extremely difficult compared to street drug addiction or alcohol addiction. An alcoholic will detox in a matter of a couple of days and begin recovery, a prescription drug addict goes through detox for more than 15 days and often has to be put in a medically induced coma and constantly monitored to even survive it. How do I know this, I just went through it with one of my siblings.
How bad can it get? Try watching someone who was raised strict Catholic and is highly successful owning 2 subway shops and a furniture store go from this to the point where she performs things in men’s restrooms just to get by. Even to the point of allowing people she doesn’t know to come into her now foreclosed house and trade things like kitchen cabinets, refrig., stove, any bit of furniture. When all that is gone, allowing people to come in, bust open the walls of the house and steal the copper plumbing lines for trade for drugs. Also, the car, the air condition units and anything else that could be used for trade. When all that is gone move into your parents house, steal the wedding rings and any other jewelry etc. from your parents and hock for drugs. We had to testify against her so her ex-husband, not so great of a guy, would get custody of the kids. There came a point where she was causing so much pain and stress to my parents, siblings and everyone around her, I often wished she would take her own life.
How to cope? Remember your family is your core and never let any of it get in the way of that. Your siblings are no longer part of your core family, but one step removed. Your brother, if he really loves her, will always side with her and you will get excuse after excuse after excuse. Never let them into your lives especially your inner core, never let them into your home and keep your relationship with your brother separate from any of your inner core family life. If your inner core is strong, you can be strong for him. This sounds harsh, but it is how it has to be.
Is there hope? Yes, and it only cost $30,000 per month at a luxurious detox facility in Florida. Oh, and it takes at least 2 months so…$60,000. Addicts are happier in their drugged state than in their reality so why would they want to go back to reality…..they don’t. Unless they can do it in a facility that is more Luxurious than their current lifestyle.
This is from my own personal experience and I hope yours is much different than mine so take it with a grain of salt. One thing I would worn you of, not one word out of the mouth of an addict can be trusted, always keep that in mind when talking with one…Oh, and its always and I mean always someone elses fault…
 
And all this has what to do with budgeting?

Look up the definition of Budget.
Life is not only "budgeting our finances" but "Budgeting all parts of our life".
Encouraging others with our thoughts and feelings positively can have an amazing effect upon them and ourselves. Pass along the kind gesture!

Hugs Mel
:grouphug:
 
How to cope? Remember your family is your core and never let any of it get in the way of that. Your siblings are no longer part of your core family, but one step removed. Your brother, if he really loves her, will always side with her and you will get excuse after excuse after excuse. Never let them into your lives especially your inner core, never let them into your home and keep your relationship with your brother separate from any of your inner core family life. If your inner core is strong, you can be strong for him. This sounds harsh, but it is how it has to be.

This is especially helpful advice about coping, thank you. And the rest of your post - along with bumbershoot's - was very sobering, too. :sad1:
 














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