How strongly do you self identify as a "mom"?

[Cmbar]

Wow. While I totally respect the ladies here who don't have "mom" in their "top 5". I am absolutely floored by it. I had a very successful career prior to having children, but nothing, nothing ever came close to the way my children make me feel when they call me "mom". It was very difficult to get my kids into this world. Came with a lot of pain and sacrafice and I am so grateful to have been blessed with them. I always tell younger friends who haven't had children yet, "you will be amazed at how your priorities shift when you hold that child for the first time". I guess it really doesn't happen for everyone.

I would definitely say #1 or #2. Afterall, my DH did come first but he's not as cute as they are right now. Course I have one headed to the teens and the "mom" sounds a bit different then it used to! Now the really hard work begins!

 

[Gabes_mommy]

Wow, really? Huh, Ive never thought that way. My son is the biggest part of my life. And I am the proudest to say I'm his Mom. I still have many good qualities but he is by far my best yet....

Absolutely! I totally agree with this post. Maybe it's partly because having DS was such a rough road and we consider him to be our miracle, but being a mom is my very favorite role. I am also a wife, daughter, friend and college professor - those would be the other 4 in my top 5. Family will always be my first priority.

ETA - before I had DS I wasn't active on forums and the first forum I joined was a parenting forum so gabes_mommy seemed appropriate and I just decided to stick with it for everywhere I post.

 

[Mkrop]

Mom is my #1 role in life. Jobs come and go, even careers come and go but I will always be their mom. Even when they are grown, I will still be mom, my specific roles and duties may have changed but I will always be mom.

My mom is 63 with 3 grown children and she still gets referred to as So and So's mom.

 

[beattyfamily]

Mom is my #1 role in life. Jobs come and go, even careers come and go but I will always be their mom. Even when they are grown, I will still be mom, my specific roles and duties may have changed but I will always be mom.

My mom is 63 with 3 grown children and she still gets referred to as So and So's mom.

and even husbands sometimes come and go!!

Just kidding. I've been with my wonderful DH 21 years, 17 of them married.

 

[perdidobay]

Well, it's in my top 2.
I don't have a career, but even if I did and I found the cure for cancer I'd still have to say my #1 accomplishment in life would have been raising two wonderful children to adulthood and them being happy and healthy.

And even though they are married and grown up, I am still a mother and it is still one of the main things I consider myself. The other is a wife to my DH.
Call me old fashioned if you must, but I think of myself as someone who honors the commitments I have made in this world.

 

[fun4me]

Being a mom is a huge part of who I am. I have other interests and other things I like to do in life--but #1 priority in my life is being the best mom I can be to my boys and helping them grow into wonderful young men. No other job or "title" is more important in my life.

 

[xoprincessmomxo]

I'm xoprincessmomxo because....

I couldn't think of anything else! When I started, I was planning my girls first trip, and that was what came into my head, lol.

But, I do define myself as Mom. It is my #1. I consider it my greatest achievement, and I'm darn good at it.

 

[NHdisneylover]

I tried, when my son was in preschool, to find out the other mothers' actual names so we didn't have to be called So-and-So's Mom all the time. It didn't work then, but over time we have gotten our names back. Some of the kids still call us So-and-So's Mom. I remember when my daughter started school and they all identified me as her mom instead of my son's mom. Now it got more complicated!

I have been "Marika's Mom" or "Rio's Mom" plenty of times to the kids' friends and even the moms of their friends. It's totally understandable as that is how they met me and know me. I often mention a name and my kids have no idea who I am talking about and I have to say "so and so's mom" to clarify. I have NO issue with that. Nor do I have an issue with the people who work with my DH thinking of me as "Dave's wife" (because for the most part they know Dave). I just meant more that if I define myself as "Marika and Rio's Mom" in the world (like in my own head, or here on the DIS--where everyone knew ME as a poster first and not the kids, or when meeting adults outside of the school setting or whatever) that then to me that is blurring the lines of identity. I don't ever want my identity to be so wrapped up in my children that they feel they have to act a certain way just becuase doing otherwise would crush their mom. I do not want them afraid to grow up and go off on their own becuase they are afraid it will upset me. I don't want them to turn down their dream job in another state because or leave me feeling empty and unfufilled, they are afraid it will crush me emotionally if the take it, etc. I want them fufulling their own hopes and dreams for themselves, not my hopes and dreams for them (or for myself). I feel like if my whole indentity and role in life becomes totally (or even mostly) wrapped up in being a mother to them then they WILL feel like everything they do has a huge affect on me and take that into consideration as they grow, and I feel that is wrong. I am not even sure I am expressing this clearly, and I certainly do not think everyone who says being a mom is the defining aspect of their lives is going to put this kind of pressure on their children AT ALL; I am just trying to explain where I am comming from here.

 

[pooh4evr]

I too agree that my role as Mom is who I am - I also stay home (thought I never seem to be here) with our 3 girls. It is what I do all day every day- and I do it because I want them to have what we think is the best we can give them ( not saying being home is best at all- whatever works for you and your family is best) I can't imagine my life without them- other things homes, jobs, heck sometimes DHs can come and go but your kids are always going to be your kids no matter how big or small, near or far you never outgrow your Mom - rvery sleepless night, load of laundry and evening of taxi service is worth it to me.

 

[Mkrop]

and even husbands sometimes come and go!!

Just kidding. I've been with my wonderful DH 21 years, 17 of them married.

I was going to post that as well, just joking too of course bc I love DH dearly (most days) but yes that statement is true

 

[Crystal0608]

I strongly identify myself as a mom. Being a mom is my top way of how to describe myself and usually my #1 topic of conversations. It's like before they existed, nothing was really important. To my kids friends and some teachers & parents, I get called E or C's mom frequently, which doesn't bother me .

 

[Piecey]

Not very strongly.
I've felt pretty guilty about that. My OB thinks it might be one of the reasons I got PPD.

Everyone talks about the magical moment when the baby is handed to you, but I didn't have that.

I love my boy and I take care of him, but he's not my world.
Maybe that will change.. I haven't been a mom very long.

 

[ccgirl]

Mom is definitely tops in my book. As a matter of fact, I just smile calling myself that. I also have, and have always had, a full time career. However, I am quick to point out that when I die it is going to say Mom on my tombstone, not "good worker". My family always comes first.

 

[golfgal]

My kids are very important to me (us) and we like to be involved in their lives but we do have a life outside of our kids. I just can't see being so wrapped up in your children s lives that it becomes YOUR life. We go to most every game, contest, etc but we also miss some to do other things. I hear people talk about how guilty they feel if they miss ONE thing their child does. I always wonder what these people will do with themselves when their kids leave home and start their own lives.

 

[PollyannaMom]

When coming up with a screen name, I figured it should give someone reading my posts an idea of the point of view I was coming from. So, being a Disney board, I picked a Disney movie I identified with, and picked "Mom" because that's definitely where I am in my life right now - and I knew my answers would be skewed by that perspective. Certainly other things describe me as well, and I have many roles - but right now, the Mom role gets the highest weight in my decisions, so I think it describes me best.

 

[mirage162]

I am a mom of a wonderful 6 year old boy. He is everything to me, but I don't describe myself as just mom. I feel there is more to me than that. I am hardworking and loving. I love to have fun. He is included in almost everything I do, but I am much more than just a mom. So I have to say it is completely normal to not feel you have to be defined as just "mom". You are only just a "mom" when they have friends around anyway.

 

[luvmy3]

I have been "Marika's Mom" or "Rio's Mom" plenty of times to the kids' friends and even the moms of their friends. It's totally understandable as that is how they met me and know me. I often mention a name and my kids have no idea who I am talking about and I have to say "so and so's mom" to clarify. I have NO issue with that. Nor do I have an issue with the people who work with my DH thinking of me as "Dave's wife" (because for the most part they know Dave). I just meant more that if I define myself as "Marika and Rio's Mom" in the world (like in my own head, or here on the DIS--where everyone knew ME as a poster first and not the kids, or when meeting adults outside of the school setting or whatever) that then to me that is blurring the lines of identity. I don't ever want my identity to be so wrapped up in my children that they feel they have to act a certain way just becuase doing otherwise would crush their mom. I do not want them afraid to grow up and go off on their own becuase they are afraid it will upset me. I don't want them to turn down their dream job in another state because or leave me feeling empty and unfufilled, they are afraid it will crush me emotionally if the take it, etc. I want them fufulling their own hopes and dreams for themselves, not my hopes and dreams for them (or for myself). I feel like if my whole indentity and role in life becomes totally (or even mostly) wrapped up in being a mother to them then they WILL feel like everything they do has a huge affect on me and take that into consideration as they grow, and I feel that is wrong. I am not even sure I am expressing this clearly, and I certainly do not think everyone who says being a mom is the defining aspect of their lives is going to put this kind of pressure on their children AT ALL; I am just trying to explain where I am comming from here.

In the end when I look back at what I did with my life the only thing that will matter is what I did for my kids. Raising them to be strong and independant and to follow their dreams and not let anyone hold them back (including me ) is the one of the most important aspect of my job as their mom.

BTW I don't define myself as just a mom, it just happens to be the thing about me I'm most proud of.

 

[mom2travel]

Like many pps, being a mom is part of who I am and what I love about myself. I don't "define" myself by any one thing and have many other qualities that also make me who I am - relationships, career, hobbies, etc. My children are old enough now that I have my first name back and am not really called "xxx's mom" any more - part of the becoming independent of your children phase I suppose

Personally, I have "mom" in my username because on another site my first choice (and variations thereof) was not available and I do not like using my actual name online (privacy issues and such) and that is what popped into my head. I chose the same one here because it is easier to remember if they are the same!

 

[dsny1mom]

I have been "Marika's Mom" or "Rio's Mom" plenty of times to the kids' friends and even the moms of their friends. It's totally understandable as that is how they met me and know me. I often mention a name and my kids have no idea who I am talking about and I have to say "so and so's mom" to clarify. I have NO issue with that. Nor do I have an issue with the people who work with my DH thinking of me as "Dave's wife" (because for the most part they know Dave). I just meant more that if I define myself as "Marika and Rio's Mom" in the world (like in my own head, or here on the DIS--where everyone knew ME as a poster first and not the kids, or when meeting adults outside of the school setting or whatever) that then to me that is blurring the lines of identity. I don't ever want my identity to be so wrapped up in my children that they feel they have to act a certain way just becuase doing otherwise would crush their mom. I do not want them afraid to grow up and go off on their own becuase they are afraid it will upset me. I don't want them to turn down their dream job in another state because or leave me feeling empty and unfufilled, they are afraid it will crush me emotionally if the take it, etc. I want them fufulling their own hopes and dreams for themselves, not my hopes and dreams for them (or for myself). I feel like if my whole indentity and role in life becomes totally (or even mostly) wrapped up in being a mother to them then they WILL feel like everything they do has a huge affect on me and take that into consideration as they grow, and I feel that is wrong. I am not even sure I am expressing this clearly, and I certainly do not think everyone who says being a mom is the defining aspect of their lives is going to put this kind of pressure on their children AT ALL; I am just trying to explain where I am comming from here.

Being a mom is one of the few things in life you remain no matter what the circumstances are. You can be an ex wife or a former CEO, but even if your child(dren) are deceased you are still a mother.

I have been a mother for over 26 years. Being a devoted mom that indentifies herself as a mother first has not led my children to be dependant on me as adults or make every move of their lives based on my reactions to their choices. They grew up knowing they were the most important people in my life and that I wanted for them to be them and not me.

My SIL had 5 children and she didn't define herself as a mother first yet her 5have never truely seperated from her and have a tough time in life because they are always trying to please her and do what they think she would want them to do. Maybe they are trying to get the feeling from her that they are the most important people in her life as adults because they never felt it as children.

Being a mother is not the only thing in most women's lives. But for many it is one of the defing factors.

IMHO the abilty for children to grow up and lead their lives as they wish has more to do with how one parents as opossed to how a parent views themsleves.

dsny1mom

 

[Tinkerbelle's Mom]

If I define myself only in terms of my relationship to my children (or primarily in those terms), how can I let go appropriately when I should?

If I define myself as "Marika and Rio's Mom" instead of Hadley then how pressured will they feel to live for me instead of for themselves?

QUOTE]

I am not sure anyhere is defining themselves soley as being a mother It is just an important part of who they are - for some people it is number one for others it is not.

As for being "Tinkerbelle's mom" I never introduce myself that way in person. If dealing with people in my dds world (school, girl scouts, ect..) I say "Hi I am X" then I may reference dd as mine or as being her mom so we can relate to each other in terms of our children. The only people who have ever calles me dds mom have been her new friends who have not yet learned her name.

In my world (work, my own school, ectt.) however I stop at the "Hi I am X."