how ro prepare yourself for the empty nest?

[Grumpy's Gal]

I have been thinking about this a lot lately -- my DS and DD will be leaving home within one year of each other. I have about 4 more years until the empty nest!

Any advice from others who have gone thru this? How hard was it having an empty nest?

 

[WantToGoNow]

You could do what I did - avoid it. My oldest dd was 17 when my ds was born and was 20 when dd was born. So instead of the empty nest, I still have a child in preschool and one in 2nd grade.

 

[crisi]

I haven't gone through it, but I'm jealous. Mine are nine and ten and there are days when (although I love them dearly) I want my life and my house back.

I will tell you that you should use the next four years to make sure that you have reconnected with friends that you might have lost contact with when your kids were younger. Make sure you have hobbies and interests that are away from your kids (take up golf, gardening, playing World of Warcraft). Get a part time job to keep you busy and active, or volunteer. If you are married, make sure your marriage is strong, kids can hide marriage cracks - if you haven't been on a date with your husband in years or don't talk to him much, getting to know him again while the kids are still around will be easier than having them leave and you stare at each other.

 

[Grumpy's Gal]

You could do what I did - avoid it. My oldest dd was 17 when my ds was born and was 20 when dd was born. So instead of the empty nest, I still have a child in preschool and one in 2nd grade.

While I appreciate your suggestions, I can assure you that IT"S NOT GONNA HAPPEN!( ha -- wait until I suggest this to my DH as a joke.......)

 

[everylastbreath]

Never understood the whole "empty nest" thing, what's not to love about it, you have a clean house all the time, you come and go as you please, no more piles of laudry, suddenly you have extra money, no one changes the channel on the t.v. while your watching it, you don't have to make dinner anymore it's just as cheap to go out.... why do you think your going to have a problem with it? Believe me, they come back and visit (sometimes they come back and stay) you will get use to it very quickly.

 

[serene56]

4 years to go? well to be quite honest-- there is nothing you can do about it so why worry.

Empty nester here-- Best thing that ever happened- my life is my own now. No longer do I have to run here or there for some kid. I am now able to take 2 adult vacations each year.

the hardest for me-- learn how to cook for 2 people instead of many. I still have much left over== and much gets thrown away each week..

For now-- enjoy it while you can- dont ever wish it all away--because sooner or later ir it will be quiet

 

[SCHBR'smom]

I have a VERY long time to go, and by the time I am there, I will probably have grandkids. So, they should help with my empty nest.

But, I can tell you what my mom and mother-in-law did. They both got a dog. Then, they spoiled the dog. My mother-in-law ended up getting 2 more. I send pictures of the kids, they send pictures of their dogs. It's not a bad idea, really. You get love and affection without the back talk. I might do it, too. (in 18 years)

 

[Grumpy's Gal]

suddenly you have extra money

2 in college........doubtful on the extra money.

 

[3goofyboys]

I have a VERY long time to go, and by the time I am there, I will probably have grandkids. So, they should help with my empty nest.

But, I can tell you what my mom and mother-in-law did. They both got a dog. Then, they spoiled the dog. My mother-in-law ended up getting 2 more. I send pictures of the kids, they send pictures of their dogs. It's not a bad idea, really. You get love and affection without the back talk. I might do it, too. (in 18 years)

My parents did this exact same thing. They now have 3 shi-tzus that are the light of their lives. Literally, my mom was in at the dentist recently and he told her to think happy thoughts to calm herself down and she thought about HER DOG! 3 kids, 4 grandkids and the dog got top billing !

Plus, I speak from experience that your nest might not be as empty as you think. My parents actually had to build a bigger house when they went from a 5 person family to a 16 person family with grandkids, spouses, and in-laws. Most of us don't live there anymore, but we do visit weekly for Sunday dinner.

 

[Sandy321]

While I appreciate your suggestions, I can assure you that IT"S NOT GONNA HAPPEN!( ha -- wait until I suggest this to my DH as a joke.......)

Wantogo - I kinda had that happen!! Lets just say b/c failure (and dh had a perm. b/c appointment scheduled) DS was in 6th grade, DD is now in 6th grade.... grey hairs... I know she is a Blessing - but I am so old!!

http://www.myspace.com/suzyboggussmusic

Start listening (with Kleenex) to Letting Go by Suzy Bogguss

Suzy Bogguss, Letting Go Lyrics



She'll take the painting in the hallway,
The one she did in jr. high
And that old lamp up in the attic,
She'll need some light to study by.

She's had 18 years to get ready for this day
She should be past the tears, she cries some anyway

Oh oh letting go
There's nothing in the way now,
Oh letting go, there's room enough to fly
And even though, she's spent her whole life waiting,
It's never easy letting go.

When Ds left for college, I knew he would be back, all his stuff was still in his room, and of course I was busy with the 2 others...

Then Ds started spending time with this girl - but 2nd DS was heading to college - and I visited, (nothing can prepare you for staying in your DS' college apartment!! ) it was then that I realized we were working on the next phase in our relationship -

He got married Jan 24, and I just realized I didnt cry!! (of course I was probably all cried out as DS #2 had spent the 5 days prior in the hospital - it was serious... but all is right as rain now!!)

So I think the good Lord has a plan to help us loving mothers cope - its time... and those blasted temper tantrum dd has reminds me she too will be old enough to move on!! (some days not soon enough!! Altho I will always cherish watching Gilmore Girls with her!!)

So slowly but surely let them be independent, sign the boys up for Boy Scouts, let them go camping, let them go to summer camps, let them go to college - then - its not so hard when you realize THEY LET GO, not you!!

(btw all DS#1 still has quite a bit of "stuff" here!! His place is too small! )

 

[dyna]

Empty nest WHAT is THAT? DD 32 has never moved out still here, DD#2 30 married 2 babies comes very very often stays for hours upon hours most visits even tho she only lives a mile away. DD# 3 a Senior in high school this year going away to school next year.

To funny the middle DD with the 2 babies could not wait to get out on her own now that she is married has a family she wants to be here all the time really misses us when we go away for a few days. Can't let her know when we will be back home cause she comes over an waits on us lol

 

[powellrj]

If your kids are like mine, you can't wait for them to leave!

They were great kids until their senior year and then BAM, it was like senoritas hits. With my oldest, he wasn't in any hurry to leave home and I couldn't wait to get him out! We had what we lovingly refer to as the bus talk. There is a bus that you HAVE to take. It maybe the college bus, the job bus or the military bus. This bus will take you to your new life that you WILL be starting soon. He picked the military bus.

DS#2 is now a senior and I swear a different kid moved in and took his place. While he had always been what we called "our drama llama" senior year he really became a MAJOR drama llama. He has picked the college bus and DH has been asking if we can put him on it sooner.

DD is only in 7th grade and is a wonderful child. I hope she stays this way until after she graduates because I am not sure I can deal with another senoritas kid!

 

[dzneelvr]

DH and I are in our 7th month of empty nesting and it is not bad at all! DS left for college 2 years ago; DD in September. I had plans to mentor at our local grade school and really enjoy that. DH took up karate (again) and attends 2 nights a week. I rent a movie and enjoy some alone time those nights. Our kids were those who were into everything, so I am truly enjoying just being home in the evenings and reading or watching a show on TV. I also make sure to work out 4 nights a week after work. Honestly, it took a month to find a new rhythm, but once we did...it's great. ...and I only do wash twice a week, not twice a day