How old were you?

[BBG-BLT]

At 19 kind of like buying into DVC wish it had been sooner.

 

[Peepster]

I probably knew I was a lesbian at age 8 but eight years of parochial school can certainly brainwash you into thinking you can change that! So I spent the majority of my life with at least one foot in the closet. I say that because at age 40 I was lucky enough to find the love of my life and we've been together for 21 years now...so most friends and family (with any kind of an IQ) on my side figured out our relationship and we have always been very open with her side. However, we kept it very quiet otherwise.

But, thanks to this forum and lurking and gaining courage from all of you who are so much younger (and probably smarter)...last year we threw caution to the wind and celebrated our 20th anniversary with a beautiful church service celebrating our relationship, family & family of friends with a huge "beach" party following. It was the most amazing day of our lives and almost 200 of our favorite people chose to celebrate with us!

So when did I come out of the closet....how about 60???? And darn proud of it! (Okay, maybe just a wee bit of a slow learner)

It's amazing to me to read all of your stories and realize what we've all gone through. Gay, Straight, Bi, whatever...You are truly good people.

Auntie Peep

 

[WebmasterKathy]

I'm loving reading your stories.

Growing up Catholic, I tried to pray the gay away. I found myself attracted to men more than women and I pleaded with God that I was not "that way." This was around my early teens. I joined the Military at 18 and hoped this would "make me a man." I was taught that to be successful you had the have the perfect job, the perfect house, the perfect wife, and the perfect children. (Gosh, how we get brainwashed.)

Some of these I read with tears in my eyes, thinking of the fears about being rejected by your families and about the many years some have spent living an untruth before breaking free. Thank you all for sharing, I want to hear more.

I hope that every one of you here is surrounded by support, respect and love.

 

[wallyb]

I knida just always knew - so I never really "Come out" - I just "materialized"!

 

[PsychNurse]

I didn't come out to anyone until I was about 25. I grew up in a very small town in downeast Maine, where the semi-private high school I went to, to this day, will not allow a group of student to form a gay straight alliance. Still bigoted and ignorant today, you can imagine what it was like when I was there in the early 90's. I had some sort of feeling that there was something different about me. I had a lot of "boyfriends" but never really felt right. A lot of the boyfriends I had were real jerks, and I figured I just hadn't met the right guy. I used to pray to god at night to give me an answer. I would come up with crazy scenarios. "I will dream about cats tonight if its ok, and dogs if it isn't." I never got my answer. It wasn't until I had a boyfriend that was a nice guy and should have been everything I wanted, before finally admitted to myself that I was gay and haven't looked back. I live in a much more accepting community now, and I applaud all the brave young people today who have the courage to be who they really are. As hard as it was for me in the 90's, I can't even imagine what it must have been like for generations before me. I give a lot of respect to the older generation of gay people who paved the way for me to live the life I live with relatively little harassment and intolerance. I thank you.

 

[Disney Campers]

While I am in the very early stages of the coming out process, I can say I probably knew in my early twenties but would not accept it, I am now 42 and have accepted the fact when i was 40, found out a cousin was gay and the reaction from my family was not negative with the exception of my mother, she stated while taking about this that she was glad that none of you kids "did that to your father and i" that comment has stuck with me. I have since then began to merge my secret life.

I have not held a press conference but am not as secretive about it, I have been on two gay cruises and those trips have been very liberating, my family knew about the second one, so while not directly announcing it I'm sure they know I'm gay.

At work I do not make it known but being a single male over 40 most assume your gay. I have never really been in a serious relationship. My strict religious upbringing has really hampered my life in the past. But I can say I am happier now than I ever have been. For me the coming out process has been slow but I am making progress.

I do envy the young people who come out early on in their life.

 

[DisneyDee27]

Grandparents at 20. That was 25 and 23 years ago respectively. I am the oldest of 5 and have had nothing but support. My middle sis is even on the DISboards we're all on the Dream in Sept!
My family has never excluded my past gfs in our family events. My DW of the last 12 years was welcomed into our family from the time I first introduced her. Her family has been the same way. Keep in mind we are an interracial couple and have had no issues with family or elsewhere.
Our wedding was a huge event with both dads walking their daughters down the aisle. 3 years ago we got the families together for a WDW Grand Gathering. The support we have is awesome!
I know I'm extremely lucky to have such an awesome family and terrific in laws. My family in CA knows that mom and dad Cam are looking out for me in OH.
Dee

 

[Knowlesk80]

Wow, where do I begin, as my journey just started officially in 2007, but I've been struggling with it for years.

I've always had that "feeling" but never said anything. I'm 31 now & came out at 27. I was married to a guy for almost 8 years & hated every minute of it. He was verbally, mentally & on occasion physcially abusing me. I was too scared to leave him as his temper was bad. I was to scared to tell my family what was going on. I was raised in a very strong Christian household and was taught by the Bible & was taught that I was to marry a man. While married to him, it never felt right. I always felt lonely, not loved & felt that I was with the wrong person. My partner had also married, but within a few months of her marriage she divorced due to her ex beating her while pregnant. Anyways....Well, I fell in love with my partner/best friend at the age of 14 & never had the nerve to tell her how I really felt, even though I tried for so many years. Finally in 2007, @ Disney World we were sitting down waiting on my ex & her daughter (who were riding on Dumbo) when I finally told her I had a confession to make. I told her how I felt & she said she has felt the same way for so many years but was afraid to tell me as we have been best friends since middle school & was afraid of losing the friendship. That night, on the way home I leaned over & kissed her. She kissed me back & that was it (this happened in May of '07). I left my ex & we have been together ever since & are now engaged & planning our wedding.

Our families...or should I say parents, don't agree with us being together. Her parents hate me (and we live in their garage apartment until I get a job again, as I was laid off in November) & our parents keep preaching to us that we are going to hell & we are ruining our daughters life. Her father has written (and we have hard copies) several emails & letters threating to take her daughter away & has threatend to kill us or do physical harm...this was from 2007-2010. Things have changed alittle, but not that much. They (her parents) put up with me so they can see their granddaughter, but we know deep down inside they hate seeing us happy. My parents, well my father talks to Emily & our daughter like their is nothing wrong. My mom, well she won't say her name, she always says "her" or "she" and my mom & I use to be close, but all that changed. She treats me like I have a plague or something. Our other family members treat us with respect but we don't act like a couple at all in front of them. They know how our parents treat us & they hate it, but they feel it's not their place to discuss it.

All our friends, especially ones from High School all said it was about time we came out as they knew all along & they wished we never kept it quiet for so long. The only real support system we have is our friends & none of them happen to be gay, so the whole LGBT support system is not there at all. We can only turn to each other & we are the only family we have right now. Right now, I have never been happier & neither has Emily or our daughter. We just wish we had more LGBT friends with children to hang out with sometimes.

 

[Jay2009]

I always knew there was something different about me, but I didn't identify what that difference was until I was 16. I never officially came out, just because I don't understand why people say they don't want their sexuality to be a big deal and then they make it a big deal by sitting down with people and discussing it witht them. I know everyone is different, and that's perfectlyfine, just wasn't something I was interested in doing. I live my life, people either figure it out or they don't, it doesn't make much difference to me!

 

[Gypsybear]

Well, I had a boyfriend when I was in kindergarten.....my instructor told me I couldn't have a boyfriend, so I pointed at one of the girls and said "She can, so why can't I"....or course I was told "because".....which didn't sit well with me. We continued to hold hands, play together, sneak kisses, etc...much to the chagrin of my instructor....lol

All through HS, never really dated anyone....tried to date a girl once...didn't work out well...lol...I met my first partner when I was 21....officially told my family when I was 31....until then, I just evaded the questions....I just got tired of hearing my mother start every phone call with "When are you going to marry a nice latina and settle down?".....so I finally told her....and she still kept asking me....I finally told her to deal with it, because it was never going to happen.

My two sisters are ok with it...actually, one could care less, and the other is "ok" with it....little does she know that her youngest son bats for our team...lol....she's in major denial, because I'm sure she suspects... Oh, and we vacation with her and her family at WDW....will be seeing her again in September at the House of Mouse...

So to answer your question....when I was 5-6 years old...and @ Elizabeth...when I was 31...

 

[Celidh]

(standard disclaimer: old straight lady here)

Talking with some friends recently who spent a lot of years living "straight" before coming out has me wondering:

How old were you when you came out?

If you lived a lot of adult years closeted, did you find your friends and family supportive?

I'd love to hear your stories...

Hmm, good question. The first time I fooled around with anyone, guy or girl was around the age of 11 or so when a female friend and I played "house" on a sleep over. We even got to have a bath together. I was truly devastated the next sleepover when she didn't want to play house again. LOL

That was it for me for years. I was always attracted to other females and definitely had it bad for a friend of mine in my early twenties. (ok a couple of friends when I think back) We went on a trip together and had to share a bed. I woke up curled up into her pretty much every morning. She laughed and I said it was because I was cold. I remember hoping that she would just roll over and....well, I won't go there. The weird thing is, it never really occurred to me that I was a lesbian. I really don't know why I didn't clue in when I definitely had an attraction to other girls/women. It's not like I grew up with a strong religious background or with extremely prejudiced parents. I guess I'm just more than a bit thick headed.

I dated many guys on and off. I could never figure out what was so great about sex, I didn't like it. I thought there was something wrong with me. I ended up getting married and had three kids. I wasn't happy in my marriage for many reasons, the least of which was my sexuality. I had wanted to leave for a long time but had no way out because I had moved from Ontario to Nova Scotia and had no support here. Only his family.

Finally, I truly started questioning and it hit me like a tonne of bricks. I finally figured out what was wrong with me and why I hated sex, I was gay. (my first real experience with a grown woman proved my theory, it was a whole new ball game, one that I actually enjoyed). I was willing to stay and see what we could work out on one condition, no more sex. Well, he wasn't having any of that. Sex was more important to him so I left.

Fast forward almost 6 years and I am on my own with my kids, bought a house 2 years ago, went back to school and now work in a law office and last summer my long distance gf moved in with me.

The road has been rough and there are still lots of potholes, but life is good.

I must say that although my ex was really hurt(and sometimes hurtful), he has come a long way. He will actually speak to my gf when spoken to now. given time, even though I know he will never be friends with her but it is not as tense as it was I hope that maybe we can have the kids bdays etc together. I actually gave him the option of travelling with us to Disney so he can see his kids at the most magical place in the world. He hasn't answered yet, but didn't say no right away. Part of me hopes he will say no, which I'm sure he will because he never had any desire to see Disney (he always told me when we were together if I wanted to go, I could take the kids myself without him) because then I won't have to worry about making him feel bad seeing my partner and I together.

So when did I come out; somewhere between the age of 11 and 35! It was a long trip.

 

[SouthernTigerLily]

I questioned all through high school, but struggled because I liked boys and I liked kissing my boyfriend so that meant I wasn't a lesbian, right? Well why was I sometimes attracted to girls? Is this normal? Etc.

Didn't click til 9 months ago that I'm bisexual. Ohhh, duh.

So I came out to my parents last October. My boyfriend of 5 years and I broke up; I fell in love with one of my best girl friends - who's dating someone else, sigh - and that's the kinda place I'm in right now.

I'm super involved with the LGBTQ club on on my college campus, so I think I graduated from gaybie status fairly quickly.

 

[Longhorns68]

I knew when I was in Junior High that I was gay.I didn't come out until I got seperated from my common law wife of 2yrs.That's when I told my mom that I was living a lie and I wanted to be happy.She was ok with it.All she told me was to be careful and may god bless me.My dad in the other hand did not take it well.I don't really care if he except me or not.I'm a grown man and found the love of my life.I will not change him for the world.We been together for 16yrs.We will celebrate our 17yrs in Nov. of this year.

 

[Tigger&Belle]

This issue of Lesbian Connection discusses "latebloomers" and my story was published! I was excited!

 

[DrGaellon]

I figured it out when I was a junior in college, and had a massive crush on my roommate. I quickly got active in online communities (CompuServe, AOL), but didn't tell anyone or act on it in any way for three years.

I took a year off between college and medical school, and was living with my parents. I left my bottom dresser drawer open one day when I left for work - suffice it to say, what Mom found was not Playboy. My parents took it fairly well, though Mom took longer to come around than Dad did.

As a first year medical student, I went to the annual meeting of the American Medical Student Association in Miami. I spent the weekend sneaking in and out of the lectures and meetings sponsored by the Gay, Lesbian and Bisexual People in Medicine Committee, hoping no one from my school would see me. That was my first encounter with Freedom Rings and I bought myself a set as soon as I got home, which I wore under my shirt.

At that meeting, we set up an umbrella group for all the gay and lesbian medical students in the New York area (if you include northern NJ and Long Island, there are TWELVE medical schools!). I went to THOSE meetings, but by the second one that May, I was depressed about not telling my friends and classmates what I was doing. I decided very quickly not to hide anymore... so I showed up to class on the first day of the trimester wearing a t-shirt with the legend "I Can't Even Think Straight" - and made sure the three biggest gossips in class knew exactly what it meant. Within 48 hours, everyone knew. A close friend quipped that I didn't just come out of the closet - I kicked it down and burned it.

(I didn't go on my first date with a guy for nearly another year, but that's another story.)

 

[Celidh]

I figured it out when I was a junior in college, and had a massive crush on my roommate. I quickly got active in online communities (CompuServe, AOL), but didn't tell anyone or act on it in any way for three years.

I took a year off between college and medical school, and was living with my parents. I left my bottom dresser drawer open one day when I left for work - suffice it to say, what Mom found was not Playboy. My parents took it fairly well, though Mom took longer to come around than Dad did.

As a first year medical student, I went to the annual meeting of the American Medical Student Association in Miami. I spent the weekend sneaking in and out of the lectures and meetings sponsored by the Gay, Lesbian and Bisexual People in Medicine Committee, hoping no one from my school would see me. That was my first encounter with Freedom Rings and I bought myself a set as soon as I got home, which I wore under my shirt.

At that meeting, we set up an umbrella group for all the gay and lesbian medical students in the New York area (if you include northern NJ and Long Island, there are TWELVE medical schools!). I went to THOSE meetings, but by the second one that May, I was depressed about not telling my friends and classmates what I was doing. I decided very quickly not to hide anymore... so I showed up to class on the first day of the trimester wearing a t-shirt with the legend "I Can't Even Think Straight" - and made sure the three biggest gossips in class knew exactly what it meant. Within 48 hours, everyone knew. A close friend quipped that I didn't just come out of the closet - I kicked it down and burned it.

(I didn't go on my first date with a guy for nearly another year, but that's another story.)

What are freedom rings?

 

[DrGaellon]

What are freedom rings?

They are six anodized aluminum rings in the same colors as the gay flag.

 

[Celidh]

LOL, I wasn't sure if I wanted to know what these "freedom rings" were that you wore under your shirt!

 

[Tigger&Belle]

LOL, I wasn't sure if I wanted to know what these "freedom rings" were that you wore under your shirt!

Same here!!!

 

[Jayana]

I grew up in a very accepting family...I 'came out' to them at the same time I figured it out myself, I guess. I wasn't interested in anybody 'that way' until I was 18. My mom's sister and my dad's brother are both gay, and I grew up with their partners also being my aunt and uncle, and my straight sister has been super involved in GSA stuff for years. My first serious boyfriend knew I was bi and supported me. Oddly enough, some of the least supportive people in my life were my gay friends, some of whom don't believe in bisexual people - they label me as a lesbian playing straight!