How old before you let your child go off alone?

[Kiersten]

I haven't been to Disney since I was four but I remember she wouldn't let me wander around King's Dominion and Busch Gardens Williamsburg (both within two hours of where I live) until I was sixteen. Same with going to the mall without an adult. It wasn't that she didn't trust me. She didn't trust others. I was always good about calling her and being back by curfew. Even if i was spending the night at a friend's and their parents decided to take us somewhere, I would call my mom and let her know that I was going out.

 

[TXHauntedMansionFan]

Back in the 90s my parents let my brother and I run around the park together at probably 11-12 yrs old. That was with two of us though.

Now that I have little ones of my own...I am really not sure when I'll be ok with it. I feel like 25 is a good number!

 

[robinb]

"Attacking?"

I feel like I'm stepping on a landmine but ... um ... yeah. Attacking. When you underline, italicize, bold, and CAPITALIZE your rebuttals, it comes off as an attack to me.

You didn't like what she said. We get it.

 

[sharona]

I have just one child, DD13. When we are with other family, she and her cousins have been allowed to go off on their own at Disney, amusement parks, zoos or similar family friendly places since about age 10 but always with the rule that they must stick together. When it is just DD and I, she does not go off alone except to the ladies room.

At home - this is the first year that I've really allowed her to go to be dropped off at the mall with a friend or to walk downtown to get a fro-yo - again always with friends, never alone. I will drive her to meet them and then I have them walk back together to my house and I will drive her friend home or the other parent will pick up. And it is definitely all about others, not worries about any lack of maturity on her part. I just don't like the idea of a young girl walking around alone when it's not necessary. It may be sexist of me but I don't think I would have the same concerns if I had a son.

 

[ttintagel]

I think the US is different that other places. Here, most public school systems have school buses. Public school students get to school by either school bus, where they walk to a stop near their house (usually at the end of the street) and get picked up, by being taken by their parents or other kids' parents in a carpool, or by walking/biking if they are within close proximity to the school. Kids who attend private school typically get taken to school by their parents. And of course, once they hit 16, many drive themselves or ride with other friends who have a car. It's pretty rare for kids to use public transportation to get to school, at least in my part of the country.

Also, outside of big cities, most American towns don't even have public transportation.

 

[gorkt]

Mine will be 14 and 12 this trip, and I plan on letting them tour alone at different parts of the day. I'm not exactly sure how it will work with fastpasses - I am wondering if my 14 year old will be able to manage her own using her phone.

 

[crazymomof4]

I feel like I'm stepping on a landmine but ... um ... yeah. Attacking. When you underline, italicize, bold, and CAPITALIZE your rebuttals, it comes off as an attack to me.

You didn't like what she said. We get it.

OK very calm here... Not attacking in any way shape or form. No landmines going off... So pls read it as such. Just want to say:
Over the course of many years on these forums I've noticed it is not at well received when posters give unsolicited* opinions on matters of personal choice. Whether to breastfeed or bottlefeed, how old is too old for a stroller, what age to allow kids to have their own cell phone, date, to be a vegetarian or not, facelift or age gracefully ... and similar. These are all things we make choices about and no one needs to try to tell us we are wrong or need to change. Am I correct in this? My son's feelings for his sister falls into the same category, no?

I dunno.....If someone was told that their choice to bottlefeed was wrong by a poster who was very strongly pro-breast I feel like every poster in that thread would back the right to chose how to feed your baby. How is my son's feelings for his sister not similarly off-limits to others opinion?

*Underlined to denote that there IS a distinct difference if the thread is about that subject or asks for advice or opinion on it.

 

[Momtomouselover]

OK very calm here... Not attacking in any way shape or form. No landmines going off... So pls read it as such. Just want to say:
Over the course of many years on these forums I've noticed it is not at well received when posters give unsolicited* opinions on matters of personal choice. Whether to breastfeed or bottlefeed, how old is too old for a stroller, what age to allow kids to have their own cell phone, date, to be a vegetarian or not, facelift or age gracefully ... and similar. These are all things we make choices about and no one needs to try to tell us we are wrong or need to change. Am I correct in this? My son's feelings for his sister falls into the same category, no?

I dunno.....If someone was told that their choice to bottlefeed was wrong by a poster who was very strongly pro-breast I feel like every poster in that thread would back the right to chose how to feed your baby. How is my son's feelings for his sister not similarly off-limits to others opinion?

*Underlined to denote that there IS a distinct difference if the thread is about that subject or asks for advice or opinion on it.

I think you just need to walk away now. Let it go. I assume the person that said you need to talk to your son thought your son meant it as opposed to just joking or making an overprotective statement. You could have clarified or laughed it off but instead you were offended. It happens and I could see why but just a little clarification is really all that is needed. I think it's just time to chalk it up to a misunderstanding.

Now back to the original purpose of this thread...the answers to me seems to be it depends on your specific child and your comfort level. It appears the range is 11-18 and the average 12-13 if not alone and alone at 14 ish (of course I didn't really run the numbers, lol). I'm thinking about truly being on your own for a few hours or even the day. Going off on a ride or two or waiting in the gift shop starts for many kids a bit younger 9,10 ish.

 

[hsmamato2]

with a buddy or sibling around 10 or so probably.... I've done it.

 

[Momtomouselover]

with a buddy or sibling around 10 or so probably.... I've done it.

Darn it! Now I have to say the range is 10-18

 

[hsmamato2]

IDK.... IMHO kids in other countries are given way more responsibilities much earlier and they handle it just fine,and *learn* how to do things well. Bus rides, school,navigating jobs and people,etc. I worried about and protected my kids, but I also think kids are more intelligent and ready to handle responsibilities than a lot of us here give them credit for. If a kid can drive with a permit at 15 and get a job,or babysit at a much younger age than that, then they can easily be responsible for themselves,esp. in a selected environment like a disney park. I wanted my kids to be ready BY the age of 18 to be responsible,for a lot of their own lives. That won't happen if I'm still worried at 15 if they can go on a few rides without me holding their hands. I don't mind if others worry more, that's cool. But a little selective 'free ranging' when kids are younger is beneficial IMHO.

 

[Hikergirl]

OK very calm here... Not attacking in any way shape or form. No landmines going off... So pls read it as such. Just want to say:
Over the course of many years on these forums I've noticed it is not at well received when posters give unsolicited* opinions on matters of personal choice. Whether to breastfeed or bottlefeed, how old is too old for a stroller, what age to allow kids to have their own cell phone, date, to be a vegetarian or not, facelift or age gracefully ... and similar. These are all things we make choices about and no one needs to try to tell us we are wrong or need to change. Am I correct in this? My son's feelings for his sister falls into the same category, no?

I dunno.....If someone was told that their choice to bottlefeed was wrong by a poster who was very strongly pro-breast I feel like every poster in that thread would back the right to chose how to feed your baby. How is my son's feelings for his sister not similarly off-limits to others opinion?

*Underlined to denote that there IS a distinct difference if the thread is about that subject or asks for advice or opinion on it.

You brought your son's feelings into a conversation where people are sharing their opinions. If you wanted them off limits to discussion you shouldn't have shared them on a public message forum. You say you've noticed that posters will give unsolicited advice, again, if this is something you are aware of and you don't want that kind of advice maybe its best to not share anything personal. Then there is no reason for you to feel offended.

 

[Hikergirl]

What do you think has changed so much that parents now, who were raised with much more freedom and independence, are so protective of their kids?
I was born in the early 70's, so you know I was out till it was dark with no phone, was babysitting when i was in 4th grade, walking or riding my bike to the town over, etc. I try to give my kids the same freedoms and independence I had but now I worry I'll be arrested for it. It makes no sense to me, kids are no less safe now then they were then but we treat them like they are. What happened to my generation that made us all so afraid?

 

[robinb]

What do you think has changed so much that parents now, who were raised with much more freedom and independence, are so protective of their kids?
I was born in the early 70's, so you know I was out till it was dark with no phone, was babysitting when i was in 4th grade, walking or riding my bike to the town over, etc. I try to give my kids the same freedoms and independence I had but now I worry I'll be arrested for it. It makes no sense to me, kids are no less safe now then they were then but we treat them like they are. What happened to my generation that made us all so afraid?

CNN Headline News started it with Baby Jessica falling down the well. We now have a 24/7 news cycle with infotainment masquerading as "news" and the more sensational the better. Back in the 70's we might have seen something in the newspaper or on the TV, but it came and went pretty quickly. Now we see things instantly and there is a sense of immediacy and intimacy to things that happen thousands of miles away from us. If it's a particularly interesting story the media will beat the drum for a long time.

 

[crazymomof4]

You brought your son's feelings into a conversation where people are sharing their opinions. If you wanted them off limits to discussion you shouldn't have shared them on a public message forum. You say you've noticed that posters will give unsolicited advice, again, if this is something you are aware of and you don't want that kind of advice maybe its best to not share anything personal. Then there is no reason for you to feel offended.

Honestly I am usually very aware of this but not in a million years did I think anyone would pick that out and give an opinion on it. (didn't even realize there could be an opinion on it) If I thought it would have drawn criticism, I'd have never included it, even incidentally (lesson learned there for me!)
It actually brought to mind a similar incidental comment by a young mother. She was posting on an unrelated thread and just happened to mention at the end of her post how tired she was due to her toddler keeping her awake much of the night. I wondered silently if anyone would pick up on that innocent addition to her post and comment their opinion about how a child that age *should* be sleeping through the night and maybe she should get on making that happen. Fortunately no one did pick on that and comment on it. Which was good. She was spared. I wish my incidental comment was similarly seen as a personal matter and kindly overlooked.

 

[Hikergirl]

Honestly I am usually very aware of this but not in a million years did I think anyone would pick that out and give an opinion on it. (didn't even realize there could be an opinion on it) If I thought it would have drawn criticism, I'd have never included it, even incidentally (lesson learned there for me!)
It actually brought to mind a similar incidental comment by a young mother. She was posting on an unrelated thread and just happened to mention at the end of her post how tired she was due to her toddler keeping her awake much of the night. I wondered silently if anyone would pick up on that innocent addition to her post and comment their opinion about how a child that age *should* be sleeping through the night and maybe she should get on making that happen. Fortunately no one did pick on that and comment on it. Which was good. She was spared. I wish my incidental comment was similarly seen as a personal matter and kindly overlooked.

I think alot of comments do get overlooked, but sometimes there is one that stands out to someone and they feel they need to talk about it, or question it or just share an opinion about it. I am guilty of it, I know I make comments on things that weren't specifically asked about. I think its just part of a discussion, if its put out there its fair game to be commented on.

 

[mjkacmom]

What do you think has changed so much that parents now, who were raised with much more freedom and independence, are so protective of their kids?
I was born in the early 70's, so you know I was out till it was dark with no phone, was babysitting when i was in 4th grade, walking or riding my bike to the town over, etc. I try to give my kids the same freedoms and independence I had but now I worry I'll be arrested for it. It makes no sense to me, kids are no less safe now then they were then but we treat them like they are. What happened to my generation that made us all so afraid?

The media, which increases the skewed perception of risk. I'm scared of flying, but I'mnot nervous driving to the airport. My fear is misplaced.

The first time you allow children to become more independent (first play date, walking to school alone, first sleepover, away overnight with another family, etc.) it is SO hard, and I doubt any parent feels comfortable. It's so much easier to say no.

 

[Hikergirl]

CNN Headline News started it with Baby Jessica falling down the well. We now have a 24/7 news cycle with infotainment masquerading as "news" and the more sensational the better. Back in the 70's we might have seen something in the newspaper or on the TV, but it came and went pretty quickly. Now we see things instantly and there is a sense of immediacy and intimacy to things that happen thousands of miles away from us. If it's a particularly interesting story the media will beat the drum for a long time.

The media, which increases the skewed perception of risk. I'm scared of flying, but I'mnot nervous driving to the airport. My fear is misplaced.

The first time you allow children to become more independent (first play date, walking to school alone, first sleepover, away overnight with another family, etc.) it is SO hard, and I doubt any parent feels comfortable. It's so much easier to say no.

But thats just it, its skewed perception. We've gone as far as changing, or making laws and are putting parents in jail because we've become so paranoid. There is no greater threat to a 12 year old sitting in a parked car in 2016 as there was in 1976, its all based on some false sense of there being prevalent danger to our children.

 

[crazymomof4]

I think alot of comments do get overlooked, but sometimes there is one that stands out to someone and they feel they need to talk about it, or question it or just share an opinion about it. I am guilty of it, I know I make comments on things that weren't specifically asked about. I think its just part of a discussion, if its put out there its fair game to be commented on.

"Fair game" yes! That's a good way of putting it. I've learned that more these past 2 days than ever before! I suppose, despite my many years on forums, to some extent I still expect the same " social filters" of face to face interaction/communication to apply to online conversation. Not so.

 

[GaryDis]

For what it's worth, when I was 11 I was allowed to walk a mile to the NY World's Fair and then wander inside on my own. It was mostly for school purposes, as I was visiting the various state pavilions to put together a scrapbook/report on the states of the union.