How old before you let your child go off alone?

[crazymomof4]

I think you just need to walk away now. Let it go. I assume the person that said you need to talk to your son thought your son meant it as opposed to just joking or making an overprotective statement. You could have clarified or laughed it off but instead you were offended. It happens and I could see why but just a little clarification is really all that is needed. I think it's just time to chalk it up to a misunderstanding.

It's true we all laughed when DS24 made the comment so I wanted to share bc it was a hit here. I totally didn't think it was anything anyone would have an opinion on so didn't think it would draw comment. But regardless it's a family dynamic thing. You are right, I could have clarified more but... Didn't think other readers wanted to be bored with a detailed explanation of the context or the intricacies of how our family relates to one another. I chose to make my point more general- that we should be mindful of giving strangers unwanted advice on matters where opinions/feelings can differ. I hold by that.
But....I am not the first to pass through this and will not be the last.....

 

[laughinplace199]

We let our kids go off on their own (while in the same park as us) when they were 13, 11, & 6. DD13 had a cell phone and they all stayed together.

 

[luvsJack]

Sorry, I don't have much patience for men "protecting" women. Your son is still young and can learn. It's becoming more and more prevalent for these attitudes to backfire on men, especially in corporate settings.

I carried my child for 9 months and held him seconds after he was born and still plan to allow him age appropriate independence so I'm confused by that comment.

Ya'll are taking what the pp's son said way, way, way too seriously. I have a 17 year old dd with two much older brothers (14 and 16 years older). They would lay down their lives to protect her. Can she take care of herself? You betcha. And does. But that doesn't stop two older brothers from being present during last year's prom pictures session to glare intimidatingly at the date. (dh even had to whisper to the guy to not let it bother him. all I could do was laugh) Brothers are protective of sisters. Doesn't mean the girl can't take care of herself, doesn't mean they don't think she can, its just the way they are.

I remember when she was an infant and somehow dh and I and both of our sons were discussing her growing up and when she would date. My then 14 year old said "35 at the youngest". He wasn't serious, it was a joke. Just as I am sure the pp's sons meant his comment.



As for the question---dd was 12 when we started allowing her to go by herself around the parks with friends. I can't imagine her wanting to go alone even now at 17 but if she wanted to we would have let her a few years ago. In fact we would have probably let her go with friends before 12, but that was just the age she was when we went, the time before that she was only 7.

 

[crazymomof4]

Ya'll are taking what the pp's son said way, way, way too seriously. I have a 17 year old dd with two much older brothers (14 and 16 years older). They would lay down their lives to protect her. Can she take care of herself? You betcha. And does. But that doesn't stop two older brothers from being present during last year's prom pictures session to glare intimidatingly at the date. (dh even had to whisper to the guy to not let it bother him. all I could do was laugh) Brothers are protective of sisters. Doesn't mean the girl can't take care of herself, doesn't mean they don't think she can, its just the way they are.

I remember when she was an infant and somehow dh and I and both of our sons were discussing her growing up and when she would date. My then 14 year old said "35 at the youngest". He wasn't serious, it was a joke. Just as I am sure the pp's sons meant his comment.
.

Just because you share a similar family situation, I wanted to share this story- When DD was born, a nursery nurse brought her into my room. She glanced at our family sitting around the room, looked down at DD (in her arms) and said, "You have 3 older brothers and a big, strong Daddy. I feel sorry for your boyfriends!!" Haha!

Sure they joke about their protective feelings of her but if came down to it, I know in a very real way that they'd always be there to look out for her. And I love that about them.
But no, just as with your DD, it hasn't inhibited our DD at all. Heavens, she's ridden horses since she was a little girl. Although I've held my breath sometimes- when she's tossed, stepped on or bitten... none of the boys express a desire to "protect" her from her this hobby or anything similar. Its not like that. They totally respect her! She'd not stand for any less!

 

[angierae]

DD was 15 on our first trip, and she went off on her own for short little sojourns. (To look in a gift shop while we were doing something else, etc.) Our second trip, she was 17 and her friend was 15 and they were in parks by themselves several times (took the bus there, etc.)

 

[Iowamomof4]

At what age would you let your child go ride their own rides and meet you back up for say a couple of hours?

14?
16?
21?
Not until they move out?

It's definitely a different time. When I was a kid, my parents let me run off alone for the entire morning and meet them for lunch at 12. i don't think I would do that now! And I know each kid is different and has to be judged independently, yaadaa yaadaa. Just in general.

Last fall we visited wdw for the first time. After we had been there a few days, my son (then 14) wanted to run over to AK to ride EE a couple times. I knew he had his phone with him, knew the procedures (how to find the right bus, get in and out of the park, etc...), and was demonstrating responsibility. We let him go and he had fun!

 

[GBBTomorrow]

At what age would you let your child go ride their own rides and meet you back up for say a couple of hours?

14?
16?
21?
Not until they move out?

It's definitely a different time. When I was a kid, my parents let me run off alone for the entire morning and meet them for lunch at 12. i don't think I would do that now! And I know each kid is different and has to be judged independently, yaadaa yaadaa. Just in general.

Depends on the child, but my general rule would be middle school, so 12 or 13. Not all day, probably, but if they wanted to go on a ride or stroll the stores or something.

 

[hsmamato2]

I was talking to someone who was doing a stint overseas and sadly, there is a general difference in attitude toward kids independence in the US. A women was just charged with felony child abuse for letting her 12 year old stay alone in a car.

Things are just crazy...really??? Talk about media crazed fears.....

 

[Spork24]

My kids are both under two, so I have some time to figure this out.... But I'm thinking maybe 35?

 

[quinnc19]

I saw a news report on helicopter parenting and this dad said he is fearful of other parents' responses. I think that is a factor for for me - e.g., not letting my DD stay somewhere alone because of concern that someone may call DSS, police, etc.

But thats just it, its skewed perception. We've gone as far as changing, or making laws and are putting parents in jail because we've become so paranoid. There is no greater threat to a 12 year old sitting in a parked car in 2016 as there was in 1976, its all based on some false sense of there being prevalent danger to our children.

 

[awalker1015]

We will be trying this on our trip in October. We are going with another family and between us have four kids ages 9-12. My DD is 11 and very responsible. We will be doing an adults evening one night and leaving kids in the room with pizza (we will still be at the resort) and also plan to give them some freedom in the parks. We will also be in the parks of course and both older kids have cell phones.

 

[momimouse27]

I would say my girls generally started around 14 or so navigating Disney on their own. I made them stay together pretty much at first, even with cell phones, and as they showed responsibility and knew how to get around alone, they began pretty much doing what they wanted. I feel like there is no right or wrong answer. It's up to the parent and their judgement about their specific child on what to do.

My girls were easy, I knew what they could handle. Now I have a son, 13, with special needs who says at 14 that Disney says he can go it alone. I know he may never be able to do that, he just can't navigate socially or handle it all alone, but he wants to feel independent. So I have to somehow help him understand that and give him tiny opportunities to feel like a typical teen.

Funny story...my oldest was walking around WDW, even changing parks and using buses alone at 16/17. She goes to college as a freshman and goes with a college group to Night of Joy. She wanted to go off alone and they had a fit! They made her pair up with some girl she didn't know who eventually went off and left her. My daughter couldn't believe it, she felt like a baby.

 

[DVCcurious]

In 1986 we went to DisneyLand and my brother and I rode rides while my parents watched the parade. I was 10 and my brother was 12.


And let me just add this (I won't quote anybody so I don't get punished for "personal attacks")

Boys are the same as girls. Girls are the same as boys. You should treat them equally. The fact she has to pee sitting down doesn't have anything to do with walking around Magic Kingdom at 13 years old.

These stories of being overly protective of a daughter are just really sad to me. I saw a t shirt at the mall yesterday that was "10 rules for dating my daughter" and it said things like "I have a gun" and "the police won't make it there in time", etc. We've come so far for our rights in the past 40 years, yet there are still families who are trying to stifle their daughter's enjoyment. I'm shocked the mothers even approve of this behavior. Frankly, I don't understand the attitude of "I'm going to scare any boy who wants to date my daughter". So what you're saying is you want her to be a date-less nerd girl? You want her to be a real-life 40 year old virgin? Are you scared they may park and a 17 year old boy may touch your 17 year old daughter's booby? Here's a newsflash for the neandrethals: GIRLS LIKE SEX! GIRLS WANT TO MAKE OUT! Letting a boy feel you up doesn't mean you were "taken advantage of".

 

[luvsJack]

Again some things are being taken too seriously. No one is being over protective or not letting anyone date. Dd can take care of herself just as well as her brothers. Hey, she gets in a wrestling ring with one of them so he can train her to get thrown around and not get hurt. And he doesn't let up because she is a girl. They have both taught her self defense. Not for her dates but so she can take care of herself if she needs too.

No one is stifling her, not keeping her from being a normal teen girl with dates, crushes, and first love. No one thinks she will be "taken advantage of". And sex has nothing to do with it anyway.

And she is just as protective of them as they are of her.

Oh and her Dad has a similar shirt. He doesn't think anything that you describe, he just doesn't like to admit she is grown enough to date.

 

[momimouse27]

Well, that was disrespectful. Out of the many thousands of posters here, could it be possible that everyone doesn't have the same views on men and women as you do? I think it's quite possible. So, maybe we should stick to answering the original question instead of telling people how to raise their daughters according your personal point of view.

 

[fla4fun]

I was allowed to be on my own in the same park as my parents at 13. When I was 16, my younger sister was allowed to accompany me, and we could go to other parks (well, there was only Epcot and MK then) so long as we stayed together. Of course, we had been going to WDW for years at that time, so we probably knew our way around better than a lot of the CM's did. I really think it depends entirely upon the child and parents involved - there's no right or wrong answer to this one from a family standpoint. Only you know your child. Some are mature at 14 and some aren't mature yet at 21 . . .

 

[robinb]

Well, that was disrespectful. Out of the many thousands of posters here, could it be possible that everyone doesn't have the same views on men and women as you do? I think it's quite possible. So, maybe we should stick to answering the original question instead of telling people how to raise their daughters according your personal point of view.

I find it ironic that you are going off topic to castigate someone else going off topic. Threads go OT all the time. You can't hold back the exchange of ideas and opinions that come from a free discussion.

 

[crazymomof4]

In 1986 we went to DisneyLand and my brother and I rode rides while my parents watched the parade. I was 10 and my brother was 12.


And let me just add this (I won't quote anybody so I don't get punished for "personal attacks")

Boys are the same as girls. Girls are the same as boys. You should treat them equally. The fact she has to pee sitting down doesn't have anything to do with walking around Magic Kingdom at 13 years old.

These stories of being overly protective of a daughter are just really sad to me. I saw a t shirt at the mall yesterday that was "10 rules for dating my daughter" and it said things like "I have a gun" and "the police won't make it there in time", etc. We've come so far for our rights in the past 40 years, yet there are still families who are trying to stifle their daughter's enjoyment. I'm shocked the mothers even approve of this behavior. Frankly, I don't understand the attitude of "I'm going to scare any boy who wants to date my daughter". So what you're saying is you want her to be a date-less nerd girl? You want her to be a real-life 40 year old virgin? Are you scared they may park and a 17 year old boy may touch your 17 year old daughter's booby? Here's a newsflash for the neandrethals: GIRLS LIKE SEX! GIRLS WANT TO MAKE OUT! Letting a boy feel you up doesn't mean you were "taken advantage of".

I'm guessing I'm one of the "neanderthals" you spoke of since I see you originally quoted me but then deleted it. I can only speak for myself here, as I've not caught up with all the posts on this thread. Firstly, I never once said that DH or I had any overprotective feelings toward our daughter. Our feelings for her are identical to those for our sons. The comment that started this was a quote of my son, basically tongue-in-cheek, about his own protective feelings toward his younger sister. I didn't want to address this (as a "debate") because I think feelings felt between family members fall into the category of individual family dynamics and personal choice and do we really like it when strangers on a forum dictate rules for things like this? I don't think you can "debate" matters of personal choice....well, I guess you CAN but I don't think you could really come to a conclusion bc there is no right or wrong. If someone chooses not to have children would it be OK for another poster (who loves having children) to imply that they are wrong, saying "I have no patience for self-centered people"? If you home-school or vaccinate your kids, is it pleasant for you when a poster questions or finds fault with this choice on an online forum? It was suggested that I talk to my son about his feelings for his sister and I bristled at that much the same as a mom who planned to formula-feed would react if a poster (a complete stranger) said, "It would be really great if you talked to your pediatrician about that because everyone knows breastfeeding is best".
You state that you are "shocked" that mothers approve of "this behavior". I get that. I am similarly shocked by how some mothers allow their children to misbehave in public. Having raised 4 kids I could voice my suggestions to these moms about what they should do to correct this behavior but I would never dream of it! It's none of my business how they raise their kids. Besides, can you just imagine the response I'd get from the mom if I did? Nope, even tho I have strong feelings about this, keeping my mouth shut is the better option.
My position, from the get-go, has been that strangers, on internet forums or social media, etc. shouldn't criticize or try to dictate matters of personal choice or private feelings...unless of course, a discussion is started and a person clearly reached out for assistance/advice. I know this is a public forum and free speech and all that....I just think these these boards would be better off if more people refrained from offering opinions on other's private lives. Just bc one *can* do it doesn't mean one *should*. I'm pretty sure the moderators of the forums would agree.
What I have learned from the kind replies of many here is to be even more mindful of what private things I put in my comments... even if they seem completely innocent and devoid of any controversy to me.

 

[GillianP1301]

So many things to consider on this answer. My son is only 8, so I have at least a few years before I would even start to think about this topic.

But, for the sake of discussion, I think 13-14 seems reasonable (assuming an average or better sense of responsiblity in that child) & also assuming there is more than one of them. There is safety in numbers, that should be considered. I don't think it's ever ideal to be all on your own (unless you're an adult on a solo trip and the alone time = heaven), just in case something happens. But really, with technology these days, help is literally one phone call away, so letting them lose at 12/13/14 should not be an issue.

 

[crazymomof4]

So many things to consider on this answer. My son is only 8, so I have at least a few years before I would even start to think about this topic.

But, for the sake of discussion, I think 13-14 seems reasonable (assuming an average or better sense of responsiblity in that child) & also assuming there is more than one of them. There is safety in numbers, that should be considered. I don't think it's ever ideal to be all on your own (unless you're an adult on a solo trip and the alone time = heaven), just in case something happens. But really, with technology these days, help is literally one phone call away, so letting them lose at 12/13/14 should not be an issue.

For us too, the acquisition of cell phones made a huge impact on our kids going off on their own. Whether it be the local mall or WDW, like you said they are "one phone call away".