how often do you visit the cemetery?

[DisneyBlonde]

I went to the cemetery to visit my grandma and an aunt a few times in my 20s. Not often.

My mom passed away last year and an urn with her ashes is in my kitchen. I so much more prefer that to the cemetery. She's with me. It's so much better.

 

[GeorgeG]

We have moved far away from where any of our family is buried, but before we moved we did not go very often. My parents have been gone for quite a few years now and my memories are all I need. When you keep loved ones in your heart they are always with you.

 

[DebbieB]

mothers day, fathers day and memorial day.....to much snow to go during the Holidays..
we show respect to them by going ..

That's kind of how I feel. When I'm there I really don't feel like they are there but place the flowers to show I'm thinking of them and honoring their memory.

 

[ksjayhawks]

When I grew up, the church had a cemetery right by the church, so it was always there. We planted flowers on memorial day and tended them about once a week in the summer. After my dad died we would visit when we came to see my mom. Since she moved here with us, 4.5 hours away, we have gone once a year when we visit inlaws.

 

[jlima]

I visit my dad's grave whenever I'm in Louisiana, usually twice a year.

We visit DH's parents where they are buried in California about once or twice a year. Total coincidence, it's the same where Walt Disney is buried. We visited his grave once; had to find directions on the Internet.

DH's grandmother is buried in San Luis Obispo; and since she died in 2005, we've visited the cemetery where she's buried twice.

My maternal grandparents are buried in Ft Lauderdale, FL; and when my grandmother was still alive and we were visiting, we would go every Sunday with her. But since my grandmother died, I haven't been to South Florida.

My dad's parents are buried at a cemetary about a half hour's drive from where my mom lives, but I haven't been there in 11 years.

 

[PrincessSuzanne]

I don't think I have been since my mom's birthday in Feb. I didn't like going, especially since my grandmother and aunt didn't have headstones. I finally purchased 3 headstones after my mom passed away last Aug and they were installed in time for her birthday.

It is still to painful to go out there. My grandmother passed away 8 years ago today, on her youngest daughters birthday(my aunt she is buried next to), my aunt would have been 55 today and I thought about going out there, but just couldn't do it.

Suzanne

 

[minkydog]

I feel no obligation to go to the cemetary. I'm not afraid of cemetaries--in fact, my sisters and I used to play in the road and help my grandmother tend some of the graves. So cemetaries have always been a peaceful, non-threatening place to me. I just have never felt compelled to go. I have been to my father's grave once and my grandparents' graves twice. I have been to my step-dads grave, whom I loved dearly, a couple times only because my mother hijacked me(*I was riding in her car.) Mother is horrified that i don't go to the cemetary every time I visit her.

I plan to be cremated, as does my husband. He wants his ashes spread in the Gulf of Mexico. I want my ashes dumped out in a much-loved campground we go to in the North Georgia mountains. I can hear my grandchildren now, hiking up the trail to say hi to the bushes and trees which benefit from the ashes I leave behind. I told DH that I plan to keep some of his ashes at the house so I can seat belt him into the SUV and take him camping with me.

 

[spacemermaid]

My father and my paternal grandparents are buried in a pretty (but very old & kind of lax on maintenance) cemetery in Los Angeles; when I still lived there, I'd go to make sure the markers weren't covered over with dirt, and to pull weeds from the area. Not because I think they're there in any other way besides physically, but because it was very important to my Grandma that the graves were kept nice looking. I'd do this about once a month. My maternal grandparents are buried in the Forest Lawn cemetery near Los Angeles, which is really good about keeping everything looking nice and not overgrown; I didn't go as often to their gravesites as I didn't find myself in that area very often, and I knew that the graves would be tended to. I've been to both cemeteries since I've moved away. I've never been to my brother's gravesite, as he was buried far away, but I think he'd probably rather be remembered at the beach or in the desert, some place where he had happy times during his life.

I think it's great that everyone here can share their opinions respectfully on such a topic.

 

[mrsstats]

I visit my parents grave on Mothers Day, Fathers Day, Christmas, Easter or Palm Sunday and their birthdays, usually. I do not go to the graves of other family memebers (aunts, uncles etc). I find peace and comfort there.

 

[Kurby]

i go more then my brothers but that's still not that often.

maybe it's because our grandparents are buried in the UK so we didn't grow up "visiting" them so it's not something that occurs to us

dh's grandparents as within a few km from us and when we were first married we went a few times but i just don't see the need to go that often.

my uncle died last year and i went with my aunt last weekend purely by accident - we happened to be in the area and she asked if we could go. it's a very nice cemetery/ very park like with all the gardens and trees but it's still a cemetery.

 

[Micca]

I don't go. The whole thing seems too sad to me. This is one of the reasons I wish to be cremated and not buried(no need to visit my ashes either).

 

[Eeyores Butterfly]

Rarely, but we do not live very close to any family burial plots. We are in Missouri. My mother's family is buried in Colorado. The last time I was there was for my grandfather's funeral. My fathers' family is more scattered. His parents and my aunt are all buried in Arlington. His father was a WWII veteran, his mother was also a WWII veteran and a CIA analyst, and my uncle is a retired colonel who worked at the Pentagon. He and his wife will share a plot. When we are in DC we go to Arlington to visit and pay our respects, but we haven't been since my aunt passed.

Most of the rest of his family is buried in Kansas. I have been one time, this summer when we went for my Great Uncle's 94th birthday. We just don't live close to any of the cemetaries. At least we still have family in DC and it is a tourist spot, so we can visit Arlington more often. Sadly, La Junta (where my mom grew up) is practically a ghost town these days. The only reason we went was to visit my grandparents. I would like to go back that way some day, but I don't see it happening any time soon.

 

[MarkBarbieri]

Never

 

[Plantlady]

Growing up, I went a lot. I always said.. I wanted play equipment on my grave, to entertain the kids. .. well, I said that when I was little.

My grandparents do a lot of genealogy, and I've spent many, many hours in cemeteries, researching family history. My grandparents have a cemetery in the middle of their farm. It dates back to the 1800's.. I use to spend hours walking around, reading the grave stones.

Now. I'm older. One set of grandparents has passed. I've not been back. So.. to equate it to the "real world", people I knew.. I deal poorly with death, and I've not been to visit. But, visiting the graves of those I never knew, I find interest in.

 

[auntie]

I usually visit my daughters grave every couple of months. The cemetary is only a few miles away. Always for holidays..Christmas or Easter, Mother's Day. Not the actual days, because I don't want to dampen the spirits of others for those days...so usually the days before. Always on her birthday, and the anniversary of her death. Now days I usually go alone, and my husband will come for holiday times. It's a very beautiful, peaceful place. She's burried in a triangle shaped section where only children are burried. There is a lovely statue of Mary at the tip of the triangle. As if she watches over all of them. Often there are balloons or teddy bears, match box cars, and the like left on the graves. I don't believe she is there..she went with God years ago. Yet, it's a connection. A place that I feel as her mother, I need to take care of. To plant flowers..and remember our time as a family..before she left us. It's a way to honor what she meant to us, and know she is not forgotten.

 

[Captain Brain]

I have visited my great grandmother's grave twice. Once, my mom wanted to go and leave flowers on her grave. This was about three years after she passed. The last time I went, was in February. My dad was taking me on a drive, and we drove by it. On the way back we stopped by and looked around.

That's the only grave that I've ever visited.

 

[ZephyrHawk]

I don't.

I'd avoid wakes if I could, too. I don't see the point in honoring someone's dead shell.

 

[MickeyCrazedMom]

I am very lucky - I don't have any graves to visit. Still have all of my grandparents, aunts, uncles, parents, sibs, etc. alive and with me.

 

[4nana]

DH and I visit my dear Daddy's and brother's resting place quite often, we visit his parents also, they are all within 20 miles. The first year or two was every week, then over time as I adjusted to my heartache, it's holidays and BD. Altho I know their spirits are all around me and keep their loving memories tucked in my heart, I still find comfort in visiting. It is a beautifully cared for cemetary, we had a nice head stone installed and a bench for my Mom who visits often. We are allowed flowers and even have a little seasonal flower garden there and a live C'mas tree we decorate, sometimes I take cards and balloons too. Silly as it may seem to many, personally I feel it's a matter of respect and the least I can do.

and Godspeed to MidgeD79 and auntie who've lost precious children and all those who've loved ones.

luv2sew, thank you for sharing your experience working at a cemetery.

 

[luv2sew]

Your welcome!