I'm a parent, not a grandparent. My kids are currently teens (14 and 18). Since they were little, we’ve made an effort to see both sets of grandparents weekly. Both sets live locally, 15-30 minutes away. On one hand, I’m glad we’ve done it, but in another way I regret it too.
Neither DH nor I had close relationships with our grandparents. We didn’t want the same for our kids, so we really made the effort to foster the relationship. (Three of my 4 grandparents died before I was born, and the one living grandparent wasn’t very grandmotherly. DH’s grandparents all lived to a ripe old age, and he loved them dearly, but they lived several states away and he only saw them once or twice per year.)
When the kids were little, it was easier to schedule because our weekends were our own. That’s not to say we didn’t have anything to do — both DH and I worked full time, so weekends were cleaning time, errand running time, and family time all rolled into one. But we were in control of our own schedule so we could usually make it work. As they’ve gotten older, there are sports games/practices, school functions, teen jobs, the kids social lives, etc. to consider. We still do our best to see the grandparents often, but sometimes it is tough to schedule… and it’s still us doing 95%+ of the traveling. (They generally only come here if it’s a “party” for a birthday or other special occasion.) The kids love their grandparents and haven’t complained too much, but sometimes it feels like an obligation. And sometimes the grandparents give us a guilt trip if we haven’t seen them as recently as they’d like, or can’t do it during their first choice of times, or don’t stay as long as they’d like. I think they take for granted how much we work to make sure they see the grandkids as often as they do.
My parents spend their winters in Florida (snow birds) so obviously, they don’t expect weekly visits when they’re there and we’re in Ohio. And when the kids were small (but old enough to talk on the phone), we’d call weekly. It was actually my parents’ idea to FaceTime instead. However, they like to be “presentable” and have a cup of coffee while they chat. I know several of you have mentioned being presentable. I really hope you rethink that.
The kids will have something to tell the grandparents and we’ll text and ask if they’re available for a FaceTime call. They’ll say “Oh yes, just let me ___” (do my hair, make some coffee, get dressed, whatever it is). Thirty or 45 minutes later, we’re still waiting. Finally, they say “OK. We’re ready.” but by that point, the moment has passed. If they’d taken the FaceTime when the kids were ready to talk, they would have heard about the event in detail — a play-by-play of the game, or funny anecdotes from school. But by the time they actually talk, it's “The game was fine. School’s fine. My friends are fine. Love you, grandma. Goodbye.” With kids, you’ve got to be ready to listen when they’re ready to talk, or else you miss out on what they were going to say. (And that was one of my mother's biggest pieces of advice when I became a mother... so I don't know why she won't follow her own advice now.) They don’t care if your hair is done, if you’re wearing makeup, or if you're sitting in your bathrobe.
I have three grandkids and they live 5 miles from me. Their school is 2 miles in the further direction (so I'm in the middle). I see them often. I was just asked to babysit overnight next week while the oldest and his dad go to an out of town baseball game. The oldest and youngest boys have Little League now so that's twice a week and I have to take my granddaughter to gymnastics tomorrow after school. I'm the "we are in a bind, can you......." grandma. Oh and I'm the meanest because my granddaughter's birthday is coming up and she saw what she wanted so I bought it for her. So he was mad because I didn't buy him a toy. (he just had a birthday a few weeks earlier). It's so great to be at the age of not caring what others think and I could let him whine about me being mean. Rolled that cart right out of Target with him in it.
