How much to give for nephew's wedding gift?

[sk!mom]

If you already bought two shower gifts and aren't attending the wedding then I don't think you need to send anything else. If you are close to him and want to send a cash gift then I think any amount you can afford is fine.

 

[momtoBrandon&Jacob]

I live in PA. We got married last year. The average gift was about $150.00 per couple from family. Of course, we got a couple of $200.00 and $250.00 gifts as well. From nonfamily members, the average gift was about $75.00 per couple.

$75 per couple?! I'm sorry but I think if that's all that I could afford, I would not be attending the wedding...

 

[Tink113]

We just got married back in Sept. We had a formal wedding (floor length gowns and open bar all night). The gifts we got really ran the gambit. We had close relatives that came to the wedding and gave us NOTHING and then we had 2nd cousins that bought us $400 in dishes. It's really hit or miss.

I believe that you should give the same amount you would spend on an evening out. If it's a casual wedding (think dinner for 2 or more, casual entertainment, etc. etc) Probably around $125.00 If it's a formal wedding (think fancy dinner, dancing, theater or opera night) Probably $250 for a couple.

I can tell you that the average cost (on the low end) in my area is $125 per person for a reception and that often does not include tips, taxes, or cake cutting fees. That also doesn't include the entertainment (DJ or band) etc and often doesn't include open bar.

We had about 200 people at our wedding and ended up with around $8-9,000 in cash and gifts. We paid around $35,000 for the wedding. We did many things ourself (manly due to my incredibly talented family to I owe forever) : Flowers, Invitations, the Cake, etc.. I had a $75,000 wedding for $35,000 and no one could ever tell.

Now, all that being said. I really didn't care too much who gave us what and how much. What I did care about was, the people that RSVP'd and never showed up (or canceled last min), and never bothered to send a gift. We had to turn in a final count 2 weeks before the wedding (that could not be changed)! On the day of my wedding we had roughly 10+ people that did not come or only came to the wedding and not the reception. At $125 per person, that was at least $1,250 we paid for these people (who had said they were coming)!!! Of these people, I can tell you that we did not receive any gifts from any of them. I think that is SO rude! If you RSVP that you are coming, knowing that someone is paying for you to be there, you come (Short of major life altering circumstances). If you simply can not make it, send a check!

Only a few weeks ago, I attended a my cousin's wedding. My aunt traveled to be there with her family. When she got there I asked where her youngest daughter was. The answer I got was "oh, she didn't what to come, she's being a teenager"!!!! She had RSVP'd that her daughter would be there, but let her stay home and never said a word. In conversation regarding the bride and grooms registry later she told me that they bought them an ice bucket. An ICE BUCKET! A family of 5 (including one who didn't even show up) bought them an ice bucket from target. Come on.... I am sure that the bride and groom spent at least $500 for them to attend their wedding and have an enjoyable time.

Sorry about the vent... like I said, hot topic.

 

[MickeyMickey]

$75 per couple?! I'm sorry but I think if that's all that I could afford, I would not be attending the wedding...

Judgemental much? $50 - $75 would be the average per couple gift here.

 

[momtoBrandon&Jacob]

Judgemental much? $50 - $75 would be the average per couple gift here.

Ummm no...there is nothing judmental about what I said. I was just stating a fact that if all I could afford was $25-$50 from just one person, I would not be going. And that's because the norm in my area is at least $100 per person.

 

[kelleigh1]

I don't understand why this is becoming an argument.

It's a wedding. A big day in many people's lives and honestly, I would care more about the important people being there than whether or not they gave $100 per person "because that's the norm in my area". I would be more hurt if you just didn't show up because you couldn't come up with the $100 per person.

 

[prncess674]

$75 per couple?! I'm sorry but I think if that's all that I could afford, I would not be attending the wedding...

You invite people to a wedding because you want them to be a part of your special day not because you want them to pad your wallet. If you can't afford a spendy reception, don't expect your guests to cover the shortfall.

Gifts should be given with joy from the heart and your financial ability. I gave my sister a new laptop computer for her birthday and she got me a $25 gift card to Starbucks for mine. $25 is a lot for her teacher budget and I was glad that she remembered me on her special day. I was over joyed to be ableto replace her rickety laptop that needed replacing. Equal in value? Heck no, but the thoughts were the same!

 

[scrapquitler]

I think that you should give what you WANT to give and what you can AFFORD to give. Someone else mentioned considering the other family members that might get married in the future and thinking in terms of what you will give them also, but I disagree...worry about those other potential wedding gifts when that time comes (and realistically, those might be YEARS away and situations might be totally different then...if you give nephew A $100 today, by the time nephew D gets married in maybe 10 or 12 years, that $100 could be a pittance).

We have a family wedding coming up in the next few weeks. It is DH's cousins son, NOT a close family member. We are not attending the wedding, and we will be sending $100. Cash is king for wedding gifts here in CT/NY. Gfits are for showers and engagement parties.

 

[GOOFY4DONALD]

You invite people to a wedding because you want them to be a part of your special day not because you want them to pad your wallet. If you can't afford a spendy reception, don't expect your guests to cover the shortfall.

Gifts should be given with joy from the heart and your financial ability. I gave my sister a new laptop computer for her birthday and she got me a $25 gift card to Starbucks for mine. $25 is a lot for her teacher budget and I was glad that she remembered me on her special day. I was over joyed to be ableto replace her rickety laptop that needed replacing. Equal in value? Heck no, but the thoughts were the same!

This is a very good post. Everything seems to revolve around what you give or in some cases get. There were many people that did not come to my wedding but sent a gift..personally I would have rather them come and skipped the gift. Not to change the subject or anything but what MOST of the people in the US do not understand that we could very well be saying goodbye to being able to afford to live nicely let alone give tons of money as gifts. People just cannot get that through their heads. If 25.00 was all that one could afford I would be honored that this person actually budgeted me into their lives.

 

[EthansMom]

If not attending, I would probably send a card with a check for $50-$100. If attending, then I'd give more... maybe along the lines of $150-$200.

 

[annsteere]

We give $200 plus a gift for the wedding, plus a shower gift.

For two of my neices, DH who is a professional photographer also did all of their wedding photography as a gift.

We figure that financially the photography comes out as a gift to the parents not the bride and groom. One nephew hired a local photographer. Our check and gift stayed the same.

On the whole topic of "offsetting the cost of your evening out." How often do you really ENJOY a wedding? If I was going to spend $250 for a date night, I could have a lot more fun than a typical wedding reception. (I'd get to pick whatever I want to eat, have it served when I was ready rather than wait till it was my table's turn, and I'd probably go see some live theater rather than listening to some band).

I go to celebrate the bride and groom and their big event. I expect that they value my presence or they wouldn't have invited me. But in terms of fun, most weddings feel to me like a social obligation, not a highlight evening out.

(Maybe my attitude is impacted by the fact that we were invited to 8 weddings this summer??)

 

[luvmy3]

I always thought the norm was $100-$150 per person attending the wedding. Weddings are so expensive nowadays it's nice to give a little back to the bride and groom.

Yowzers, if me, dh and the kids were invited to a wedding where the norm was that our gift would be $500-$750. I'm sorry but that would never happen.

I don't believe in giving a monetary gift that covers your plate at the reception, I believe in giving what you feel comfortable with no matter what anyone else tells you what you should give.

 

[Kathi OD]

Ummm no...there is nothing judmental about what I said. I was just stating a fact that if all I could afford was $25-$50 from just one person, I would not be going. And that's because the norm in my area is at least $100 per person.

I just moved from Bucks Co., PA and I'm guessing you must be from the central part because in other parts of the county, $75 is considered a good gift.

Weddings are about celebrating with those you are close to, not about trying to recoup what you spent on the celebration. Giving a gift based on how many people are attending the wedding is something I've never heard of in any of the places I've lived. The gift should be what you can afford, not what you think the "norm" is in your area.

That said, it is wrong to RSVP you're attending and then not show up.

 

[Tinkerbelle9980]

I got married last september and couldn't have cared less who even brought presents. In our area(southern Indiana) most people are not well off and it's not uncommon for you to only receive 20.00(sometimes just a card) or so for a present. We didn't really care, all that mattered was the people showed up to support us. Now I will say there were quite a few well off people who gave next to nothing presents, while people that struggle gave amazing presents. The people that gave beyond their means, I felt bad about. Their presence was so much more important to me than a present. So basically like others have said it's up to you. Good luck with it, although I'm willing to bet that most couples just prefer you to show up and support them. Any present is really just a bonus!

Jill

 

[sandraB]

Oh my! Are there any other Canadians out there reading this thread??? If so....please tell me that the amounts spent/given in the US are higher????

I am totally blown away by the amounts of money given in the thread. I have never given a gift that was worth more than 50$, and I have never felt that it was too low. I dont consider myself cheap. I just went to a wedding this past weekend, and spent only 25$ on the gift (It was Pottery Barn stuff on sale, worth about 50$). The friend I went with gave a gift that was worth about the same, but she got it on sale for 15$! I don't think that is a bad thing! We are both teachers, and don't get paid all summer...so stretching the budget is necessary, with 3 colleagues getting married this summer.

I always thought it was about being a part of the special day, and giving something you could afford. I have never heard of brides around here talking about giving/getting large amounts of money! I know family will sometimes do that, but not friends.

I guess I am just really thrown by the amounts discussed. At the same time, in our area, a wedding that cost over 15,000 would be rare. Most weddings are in the lower range. I know my wedding was 15yrs ago, but it was considered a " big , expensive " wedding at the time, and it was around 5000 total!

 

[powellrj]

$75 per couple?! I'm sorry but I think if that's all that I could afford, I would not be attending the wedding...

I'm sorry, but thats sad. When my DS got married, I would hope that money wasn't a reason for anyone not to attend. They invited people to attend because they wanted their company, not because of what gifts they were bringing.

 

[An_Island_Girl]

I think your georaphical location, and the type of wedding varies greatly on these boards.

Here in MA, all of our friends and relatives have 200+ guest weddings that easily top 75K to host in expensive seaside villas/ historic mansions and Boston hotels. I do feel as though everyones' gifts vary greatly based on the "formality" of the wedding. For us, family members get $500+ and good friends about $250.

All different parts of the country do things differently, and sometimes when we read these boards I think we sometimes forget that other people here may live very different lives. ( I envy those of you that have backyard weddings and outdoor summer receptions! The black tie full formal receptions are getting rather stuffy No one in our family though has dared to cross my grandmothers "Emily Post" style of foral weddings)

Just remember though that if your budget doesn't allow for many extras... "Your presence is present enough" has always been our family motto for those we know are in hard times.

 

[*KeepMovingForward*]

I was always brought up with the "cover the cost of your plate + some" thinking. Not saying its right, but that's how I was raised. We went to a wedding for one of our employees a month ago and gave $200-it was a 65 person buffet dinner...nothing fancy. Now if we didn't attend, I probably would have sent half that amount with our regrets for not attending and a note of congratulations.

 

[Jeanne B]

Oh my! Are there any other Canadians out there reading this thread??? If so....please tell me that the amounts spent/given in the US are higher????

Well I'm not Canadian, I'm from Maine, and I'm shocked at the amounts I'm reading on these boards!! We typically give $25-50 for a wedding gift depending on how close we are to the bride or groom and I think that's typical for many people in this area...but I also live in a rural area where weddings tend to be less formal so I'm sure geographical location can play a big part.

When DH and I got married I have no idea what it cost us per person for our wedding, and it didn't matter, we invited our guests because we wanted them to be part of our special day...we certainly didn't relate what their meal cost to what we received from them for a gift.

 

[GOOFY4DONALD]

Oh my! Are there any other Canadians out there reading this thread??? If so....please tell me that the amounts spent/given in the US are higher????

I am totally blown away by the amounts of money given in the thread. I have never given a gift that was worth more than 50$, and I have never felt that it was too low. I dont consider myself cheap. I just went to a wedding this past weekend, and spent only 25$ on the gift (It was Pottery Barn stuff on sale, worth about 50$). The friend I went with gave a gift that was worth about the same, but she got it on sale for 15$! I don't think that is a bad thing! We are both teachers, and don't get paid all summer...so stretching the budget is necessary, with 3 colleagues getting married this summer.

I always thought it was about being a part of the special day, and giving something you could afford. I have never heard of brides around here talking about giving/getting large amounts of money! I know family will sometimes do that, but not friends.

I guess I am just really thrown by the amounts discussed. At the same time, in our area, a wedding that cost over 15,000 would be rare. Most weddings are in the lower range. I know my wedding was 15yrs ago, but it was considered a " big , expensive " wedding at the time, and it was around 5000 total!

I am from the US and I am shocked by many people all over these boards. Is it only a US thing where we must spend 50k on a car 500K+ on a house and give lavish gifts in order to feel like we are worth something?