How much to give for a wedding gift for family of 5 attending

[goofy!]

Does anyone remember the dollar dance at weddings? Maybe this is a California thing. The way it worked was the bride would stand on the dance floor and men would line up to dance with her. The man had to pin $1 on her dress in order to dance with her. My mom wanted me to do this because it was a big tradition, but I told her I would sock someone if they came up to me in my expensive dress with a safety pin. She stopped asking me after that. Anyway, I'm just wondering if any other areas of the country did the dollar dance. Oh, and it was a slow dance, not a lap dance or anything.

I hate, hate this "tradition." It was in existence long ago when I got married and that was the one thing my mother put her foot down. She would have been mortified if we had done something that gauche in front of all the European relatives.

Unfortunately, the practice does not seem to have died out. My niece did it at her wedding just this past summer. And not only was it the bride, but the women were supposed to pay to dance with the groom. They both stood out there on the dance floor almost begging for more money.

 

[disneyjunkie]

One of my coworkers had a dollar dance at her wedding a few years ago. She's from Domincian Republic and he's from Puerto Rico. It was cute but not something I would do.

 

[MELSMICE]

Did the OP stick around, or run screaming from this thread?

LOL........I'm still here. I came back last night & there were about 5 pages of posts for me to read. Needless to say, I didn't get through them all.

Still not sure what I'm going to do. Maybe around the $300 range. My DH almost fell over when I told him I was considering $500. Of course, he low balls everything when it comes to giving gifts.........he has no idea!

 

[luvsJack]

And around here it would be considered rude to not give a wedding gift because you already gave one at the shower like some earlier posters said.

No one's tradition or customs are better or right just different.

That is very true. I feel for those that have to move around a lot! Trying to get used to the traditions and customs of each area! Heck I have a hard time remembering what is "in good taste" around here much less somewhere else!

 

[Nik's Mom]

LOL........I'm still here. I came back last night & there were about 5 pages of posts for me to read. Needless to say, I didn't get through them all.

Still not sure what I'm going to do. Maybe around the $300 range. My DH almost fell over when I told him I was considering $500. Of course, he low balls everything when it comes to giving gifts.........he has no idea!

You missed a lot of action! It's been an interesting thread though. It's interesting to see how people do things in different parts of the country. We all seem to agree that the dollar dance is tacky though.

 

[MELSMICE]

You missed a lot of action! It's been an interesting thread though. It's interesting to see how people do things in different parts of the country. We all seem to agree that the dollar dance is tacky though.

Yes, I've seen that & agree that it's tacky. Not to mention.........I wouldn't have wanted to dance with all those "old guy relatives" when I was getting married!

 

[luvsJack]

If you think people in the NYC metro area are generous with wedding gifts, you haven't seen anything compared to how generous people are when someone has a family crisis! You could feed a third world nation on the amount of food that shows up! Long term illness? Dinner schedules are started immediately. I don't think any other region can compare to this one when it comes to food. If you attend a party at 2 pm, be prepared for multiple courses, not-stop food.

People get the wrong idea - we give money (and it seems a lot to others, but remember, our COL is so high, $100 here = $25 where some others live), because most here are very generous, with money, help, and absolutely with bringing people food! I remember when I had my twins, I had a friend who had a baby a week before, so she wasn't really up for cooking, so she sent a tray of chicken parm from a local restaurant.

It's a culture of giving - heck, we tip EVERYBODY!

Now that is something our regions may have in common! Its as though the first thing people think of when something happens is FOOD.

I didn't really realize how much until the hospital started sending you home with frozen casseroles after having a baby (they send two) and then you get home and find a wonderfully cooked meal just waiting for you to arrive (usually with family member in attendance to clean up afterwards).

When my dad died, the next morning we all gathered at Moms. Neighbors came with muffins, doughnuts, coffe, juice and hot chocolate. They came again with meat trays, fruti trays and veggie trays at lunch and that night with casseroles,salads, bread, etc. This went on for two days and then a huge dinner after the funeral! We had so much that we all had several casseroles in our freezers and didn't have to cook for awhile.

You really realize how generous and caring people really are at times like that. Its good to know that is something that happens all over, not just in any one area.

 

[TheIncredibles!]

PaulaSB12, no one is expecting anything. If you attend the shower and the wedding, you take something to each. I give a gift at showers and cash at weddings. Why? Beacuse it is what I was taught to do. My mother always said "You don't go to people house empty handed." If someone invites you to their home, party, shower, wedding...you take something. That something may be items from a bakery, a bottle of wine, a side dish, a gift, a card with cash or a check... What you give depends on the event, but you give something.

Yup - you don't go to somebody's house empty handed and you NEVER return a dish empty. That is what we were taught.

 

[AustinTink]

What would you give in lieu of money for a wedding gift and what would you give as a bridal shower gift?

So, if a couple invites 300 people to a wedding in your neck of the woods, does that mean she can look forward to receiving 300 chotchkies for wedding gifts?

Seriously, what do you do with all of the junk you would get from people and where in heavens name would you put it all? Or do you expect the bride to have to return most of it to the store?

Here in New Jersey, appliances (small and large depending on who is giving it), linens, china, silver, etc, is given for a bridal shower gift. CASH is given by us *rude* folks for a wedding present.

What would you rather receive as a wedding gift -- a nice big fat check or another crock pot?

I haven't checked this thread since I posted. Sorry.

To answer your question... Around here the shower is for everyday items. These are your small appliances, everyday dishes and flatware, kitchen gadgets, towels, etc. These are from a registry.

For the wedding, people buy from the more expensive side of the registry. This is your fine china, real silver, crystal stemware, pretty vases, etc.

I ended up getting everything from my registry. I had all that I needed to set up the new home we moved into a month after we married. It was wonderful.

I still use my fine china, silver and stemware on a regular basis. We like to have fancy dinner parties with our friends. In fact, we won a dinner cooked in our home by one of the finalists from Top Chef, Casey. I'll be breaking out the china that night, for sure!

Oh, and I didn't receive one single chotchkie. That's an interesting word, we don't use it around here. Would that be like a figurine, or something? My family says curios.

 

[jrmasm]

I haven't checked this thread since I posted. Sorry.

To answer your question... Around here the shower is for everyday items. These are your small appliances, everyday dishes and flatware, kitchen gadgets, towels, etc. These are from a registry.

For the wedding, people buy from the more expensive side of the registry. This is your fine china, real silver, crystal stemware, pretty vases, etc.

I ended up getting everything from my registry. I had all that I needed to set up the new home we moved into a month after we married. It was wonderful.

I still use my fine china, silver and stemware on a regular basis. We like to have fancy dinner parties with our friends. In fact, we won a dinner cooked in our home by one of the finalists from Top Chef, Casey. I'll be breaking out the china that night, for sure!

Oh, and I didn't receive one single chotchkie. That's an interesting word, we don't use it around here. Would that be like a figurine, or something? My family says curios.

That's awesome!!!!

 

[AustinTink]

That's awesome!!!!

It really is! Her mom is a friend of mine. Casey does these dinners for a non-profit we both support.

 

[luvmyfam444]

I guess I'm cheap. Close family and friends get $50 maybe $100. Anyone else gets $25-$40.

I look at a wedding as the coming together of two people who love each other and want to share their lives. I look at the reception as a party that the newly wedded couple are throwing to celebrated their union and are inviting friends and family to celebrate with them. It's their choice how much or how little they want to spend on said celebration. If I have to give the couple a large enough monetary gift to cover my "cost" then they might as well just sell tickets to their event.

I TOTALLY AGREE! We had a quite large wedding - I wouldn't be surprised if my parents are STILL paying it off (16yrs later!) we invited 1,000 & a little under 500 signed to book.

I'd say There wasn't a single person that spent over $100 & that's including the family that's mom's best friend that's a multi millionarie (literally).

The people that are close customarily do something like give a shower (this woman gave the bridesmaid luncheon).

We are exactly the same a customary gift is $30 or so - now my mom will spend $100 & help with a shower or serve @ the wedding. NEVER do we give cash. I don't want to foster whatever bad habits they have. HA HA! Just kidding (kinda)

 

[mjkacmom]

To expect 2 presents when you get married seems rather greedy to me though.

If you took a poll here, in the US, I'm guessing 99% would say you give a gift at the wedding, and at the shower. Everyone who is invited to the shower is invited to the wedding, but not everyone who is invited to the wedding is invited to the shower - usually just the closest family and friends.

 

[AustinTink]

If you took a poll here, in the US, I'm guessing 99% would say you give a gift at the wedding, and at the shower. Everyone who is invited to the shower is invited to the wedding, but not everyone who is invited to the wedding is invited to the shower - usually just the closest family and friends.

That's it in a nutshell. It's usually just ladies you are very close to, like a baby shower.

 

[allison443]

I am not the person you asked but I can answer for my neck of the woods. Here a bride registers for everything from kitchen towels to crystal, silver and china. Shower gifts are more of the kitchen towel variety and wedding gifts are more of the crystal, silver and china variety. And since most people either give something off the registry or something special for the bride (one person gave me a handcrafted teapot that I still have and still love. and grandma gave me her china, for instance, which I love.) most things are things that she wants and needs and not considered "junk".

Personally, I don't think ya'll are rude necessarily (I don't know you), but the expectation of anyone to give you a check or cash IS rude. Or at least that is the way it is here. The reasoning on that is that getting a check or cash tells you exactly how much the person gave you and THAT is what is rude. Actually telling somone that you spent $$$$$$ on a wedding is considered quite "vulgar" in some circles. (of course that is usually the circles that can AFFORD to spend $$$$$$$$$ on a wedding. )

And for your last question? I would prefer the guest attend my happy day and help me celebrate, regardless of the gift they do or do not give.

.

Well by registering for gifts isn't there the expectation that at least some people will give you gifts?
If someone buys you a place setting or another item off the registry, don't you know exactly what it costs anyway? So you know exactly what they spent, whether they give you an item off the registry or a check.

It's just traditional and I don't think people should be putting the other traditions down.

 

[luvsJack]

Well by registering for gifts isn't there the expectation that at least some people will give you gifts?
If someone buys you a place setting or another item off the registry, don't you know exactly what it costs anyway? So you know exactly what they spent, whether they give you an item off the registry or a check.

It's just traditional and I don't think people should be putting the other traditions down.

Hey, I don't make the rules down here. I just live by them.

Wasn't meaning to put anyone else's traditions down. I should have said "around here it would be rude".

I see what you mean about the registry and you are right, technically. I guess maybe its more of a somebody else will be able to see what they spent. I don't know. Its just long been a southern thing that discussing money or how much something cost or how much someone spent is rude. (and "knowing" what someone spent--as in seeing the check or price tag--is "discussing").

 

[msjprincess]

Hey, I don't make the rules down here. I just live by them.

Wasn't meaning to put anyone else's traditions down. I should have said "around here it would be rude".

I see what you mean about the registry and you are right, technically. I guess maybe its more of a somebody else will be able to see what they spent. I don't know. Its just long been a southern thing that discussing money or how much something cost or how much someone spent is rude. (and "knowing" what someone spent--as in seeing the check or price tag--is "discussing").

Actually I would think it's the other way around. If I give someone a check only the couple knows what I spent. But if I buy something off the registry anyone who looked at the registry would know how much it cost. Doesn't really matter either way.

 

[krcit]

Well by registering for gifts isn't there the expectation that at least some people will give you gifts?
If someone buys you a place setting or another item off the registry, don't you know exactly what it costs anyway? So you know exactly what they spent, whether they give you an item off the registry or a check.

It's just traditional and I don't think people should be putting the other traditions down.

Exactly!!! These discussions alwyas turn into a 'our way is the right way, you're way is rude'. It is just the way it is done here on LI. I have been to probably 50 weddings and have never seen a gift table or anyone bringing in a gift. I'm not knocking the tradition of wedding gifts so I wish people would just accept that things are done differently without the subtle put-downs.

 

[Liberty Belle]

I am also just amazed at how much people give for wedding presents. Around here a very generous gift would be $100, maybe $200. Also, your gift isn't your admission fee to the wedding. I don't know of ANYONE that looks at it that way. It is just such an odd concept-something I had never heard of until DIS.

I agree that your DD should provide their own gifts.

Same here. I would be shocked and embarrassed if someone gave me over $100 for a wedding gift, unless they were my family member. Even then it would be appreciated, but certainly not expected! I think things are different on the East Coast.

 

[luvsJack]

Exactly!!! These discussions alwyas turn into a 'our way is the right way, you're way is rude'. It is just the way it is done here on LI. I have been to probably 50 weddings and have never seen a gift table or anyone bringing in a gift. I'm not knocking the tradition of wedding gifts so I wish people would just accept that things are done differently without the subtle put-downs.

We should all word it as "in the area I live in. . ." I am sure weddings are hardly the only thing were the regions differ in what is "supposed" to be done and what is not.

I think what amazes some people is not the giving of money so much as the amounts. And as someone not used to the tradition, when anyone says that they "cover their plate" it just begins to sound more like something the guests are required to do than something that is just done.