How Much Should Parents Pay?

[crisi]

I had no idea this post would generate so many responses. \

Background: Mother contacted me by email and asked for details of park entrance fees etc. asking how much she thought her DD would need. So I emailed her back with all her questions answered.
We talk quite alot her daughter is at our house all the time ( it is her second home) and we take her and treat her constantly during the year, we even take her on weekend trips to various places.. On the other hand my DD friends parents NEVER take my DD anywhere or pay for anything. I mean nowhere!!! There have even been times when my DD has been at their home and the kids are going to the corner store to get something and she always has to call home for some us to drop off money or she will not get a treat. No they won't even give her a toonie. How fair is this? Yes, we love this little girl like she is our own, and I would certainly not see her without while on holidays. But I guess I should not be expected to keep giving and giving and having my DD receive nothing ever in return.

It isn't fair, but you knew this was the parents behavior before you invited their daughter along on this trip. You can't take it out on the child. So you will need to be prepared to pick things up on this trip. Nickle and diming the parents would be unfair to them - if they thought $600 + airfare, and you are going back and saying $600 + airfare, plus another $500 for food, etc, they may not have said yes.

I think if this were my child's friend, they wouldn't have gotten an invite to WDW. Its one thing to pick up movies and ice cream for the sake of friendship, but quite another to expect to pick up a vacation without hope of reciprocity - unless you are willing to. And frankly it doesn't sound like you are willing to.

 

[imsayin]

No they won't even give her a toonie.

I just have to ask - what is a toonie?

 

[siobhan1997]

I just have to ask - what is a toonie?

$2.00 Canadian

 

[siobhan1997]

It isn't fair, but you knew this was the parents behavior before you invited their daughter along on this trip. You can't take it out on the child. So you will need to be prepared to pick things up on this trip. Nickle and diming the parents would be unfair to them - if they thought $600 + airfare, and you are going back and saying $600 + airfare, plus another $500 for food, etc, they may not have said yes.

I think if this were my child's friend, they wouldn't have gotten an invite to WDW. Its one thing to pick up movies and ice cream for the sake of friendship, but quite another to expect to pick up a vacation without hope of reciprocity - unless you are willing to. And frankly it doesn't sound like you are willing to.

$500 extra for food at what point did I mention this?

Alas, the GOLDEN RULE - do unto others as you would have others do unto you!!

Take it out on the child I think you have missed the whole point of this posting. My concern is for the child not for my own personal gain.

 

[crisi]

You didn't, I made it up. Sorry, I wasn't clear on that.

I think, if I am following you, the transactions to date have been...

1. You invite DDs friend

Sometime later

2. You tell DDs friend's parents that their expenses will be $600 + airfare.

You now seem to be wondering if you should go back and ask for more. You seem to be justifying this by saying they never pick up anything for your daughter.

Or perhaps I am misreading you and missing the point are you are just wondering if you are being reasonable. I'm not sure now looking at it. I think its perfectly reasonable to expect the child's parents to pick up airfare, park tickets and spending money. What I don't think is reasonable (and now I'm not even sure if this is what you are asking) is going back after the anticipated expenses have been established and saying "oh, I didn't mention this expense or this one or this that you will need to cover." That doesn't seem fair to the kid, or to the parents (even if they are rude, ungrateful yahoos).

 

[shelleyz]

I think the OP is just trying to say she doesn't think the friend will have enough spending money after the friend gives her the money for the park tickets. She will have $300 for 16 days of vacation. I don't think she is expecting this child to pay for her food either.

 

[siobhan1997]

I am not asking the parents for any extra. My concern is I wonder if $300.00 spending money will be enough for her for 16 days. The other $300.00 is for park passes and her parents are fully aware of this. That works out to being about $18.75 per day. We do not spend all our days at the theme parks. There are many different things to do in Orlando, but we do like to shop!! BUt we also like to spend time lazying around the pools (has to do with being Snowbirds).

I think next time I will definetly think twice before allowing my DD to bring a friend.

 

[disneychrista]

What does that $300 have to cover? Just suvies or is that to include food and snacks? If it is just suvies, then IMO that should be plenty. It may or may not allow the child money to buy everything that she desires but it should be enough to bring one several special items.

 

[siobhan1997]

I am sure she will also want to buy clothes. We cross the border quite alot and shop at JC Penney as they have real clothes that fit kids that are not so slim. My DD Friend is a little on the not so slim side as well.

 

[crisi]

I think you are being reasonable, but I do think you underestimated spending money. Its going to be hard with an eleven year old anyway, since many kids that age don't budget well. Perhaps you should sit down with her mother and figure out how her daughter handles money - will it be best if you hand her $15 each day? Can she keep all $300 and still have money left. If she runs short, what would her Mom like you to do - cover her reasonable requests? Say "tough cookies, you spent it."


BTW are you talking Canadain or U.S. dollars? I'm impressed you can do Disney, waterparks, Universal, Disney Quest, etc. on $300 U.S. for an eleven year old.

 

[hockey mom]

When we invited DD's friend we covered everything except spending. I think some parents will ask "how much will she need" to be polite. The parents of my DD's friend asked and I told them just spending- we invited her. I also think $600 plus airfare to be paid by the guest is a little steep. (Sorry just my opinion)

If it is CDN she will not have much left over.
4 day pass- $195 US or $215 CDn
2 days at Universal $120 or $135 CDN
2 water parks is about $60 US or $73 CDn
Total $375 or $423

Now this trip my other DD is bringing a friend. I said I will pay. Well she can't decide on which friend so she wants both. I said fine but I will require $250 US from each of them. She told them this as she asked them and made sure the parents involved knew the amount up front.

My other DD's same friend wants to join us also so she needs to buy her own tickets, plane fare, and a small portion of the food. She is good with that and was told upfront.

I think if you asked if the child would like to join you in Disney and left it at that for any amount of time then it is unfair to ask for any other money.

 

[dizagain]

Wow...I've been checking this thread out for days now. I am amazed at how many of you take friends on these amazing trips ...and how many of those parents let you eat the bill!!!! I can't imagine sending either of my DD's on a 16 day trip without me in the first place (they're 9 and 11), much less expecting someone else to pay for it. It is just not in my realm to comprehend and I've been trying really, really hard!! I could not accept such a "gift" nor would I allow my DD's to...a $1000+ vacation (tickets, airfare, food) is way more than I would feel right accepting. I did go on a beach vacation once with a friend's family...my parents gave them several hundred dollars for my food up front and I took my own spending cash.

Anyway, you guys are very, very generous...I would appreciate an offer from any of you, but I would never accept it. I would consider letting a teen go on such a trip, but we would cover most or all costs or she wouldn't go.

To the OP...my DD's would never get $300 to spend however they chose, even on vacation. I think if that money is not for food, only for extra purchases, the kid should be grateful and enjoy what she has. Again, this whole thing is out of my realm of understanding, so I'm just letting you know that $300 sounds like more than enough money for a young girl to me. I also don't see anything at all wrong with "suggesting" to the mom that now that you've finalized everything, the little girl might want a little more cash if you feel she needs it. That leaves it up to her.

Good luck and enjoy your trip!

*Edited to add...As far as dinners out, movies, etc...sure, we treat the girls friends often and vice-versa....that's different!

 

[westjones]

Wow...I've been checking this thread out for days now. I am amazed at how many of you take friends on these amazing trips ...and how many of those parents let you eat the bill!!!! I can't imagine sending either of my DD's on a 16 day trip without me in the first place (they're 9 and 11), much less expecting someone else to pay for it. It is just not in my realm to comprehend and I've been trying really, really hard!! I could not accept such a "gift" nor would I allow my DD's to...a $1000+ vacation (tickets, airfare, food) is way more than I would feel right accepting. I did go on a beach vacation once with a friend's family...my parents gave them several hundred dollars for my food up front and I took my own spending cash.

Anyway, you guys are very, very generous...I would appreciate an offer from any of you, but I would never accept it. I would consider letting a teen go on such a trip, but we would cover most or all costs or she wouldn't go.

To the OP...my DD's would never get $300 to spend however they chose, even on vacation. I think if that money is not for food, only for extra purchases, the kid should be grateful and enjoy what she has. Again, this whole thing is out of my realm of understanding, so I'm just letting you know that $300 sounds like more than enough money for a young girl to me. I also don't see anything at all wrong with "suggesting" to the mom that now that you've finalized everything, the little girl might want a little more cash if you feel she needs it. That leaves it up to her.

Good luck and enjoy your trip!

I feel exactly the same way, but I have found out (now that I have kids) that there are many people who have much different comfort levels about things that my DH and I do (so never assume anything when it comes to kids).

I also think it is very generous of all of you who offer this wonderful trips to your children's friends. I would never accept such an offer either, but I am impress by those of you who are able to do this.

DJ

 

[skiwee1]

My parents paid for everything if we did the invited. I do the same for our kids friends. When my kids are invited somewhere I always offer to pay but are graciously turned down. We get the same from the kids parents that we invite. We do not accept any money but do tell the parents that we will buy a souvenier too but for them to bring more spending money for those.

 

[skiwee1]

We generally don't invite other adult family members. We do ask my mom along quite a bit and yes, of course, we pay for her. She is our guest.

 

[Tinkim]

I do think this is a judgment call and each family will have different and unique circumstances to determine what amount will be paid by whom. We have three kids DS13, DS11, and DD8. My DS13 has a friend who is constantly at our house (so much so that I want to claim him on my taxes ) Anyway we have gone to WDW the last two years in a row once with DH and some other friends and once without DH (just me and the kids). While we were talking about it one day DS's friend had this sad look on his face and said "I will never get to Disney World." I really wanted to take him with us on the next trip but I knew with 3 kids of my own I probably couldn't afford his airfare, theme park tickets, etc. so I made a deal with him which was discussed with his mom. If they could pay for airfare and WDW tickets I would gladly take him with us. I got a great deal on airfare $120 and his WDW ticket cost $224. I bought his SW ticket. He has saved a ton of money over the last year from baby-sitting, birthday, Christmas, etc. and he will have quite a bit of spending money to do with as he pleases. This is working for us but as I said it was discussed with the child and the mom in advance and everyone agreed to the plan. I think as long as you are on the same page with the parents when it comes to expenses that is all that matters. I would love to be able to treat one of the kid's friends to WDW and pay all expenses but that is just not possible for us. Also, I think his friend has shown great maturity in saving his money and forgoing spending it on other things over the year and he has probably learned a valuable lesson about money and needs versus wants. To each their own.

 

[skiwee1]

It is surprising that there are people out there that would let another family pay for their child's vacation.
So, yes, people out there DO let others pay for thier kids and think nothing of it. I'm just glad I figured out this would be a problem before we got ourselves in this situation.

DJ

Where I come from is if you are invited somewhere then you are the guest and therefore do not pay anything. Of course we as parents offer but then the person inviting always declines! It isn't your guest if you make them pay. I certainly wouldn't invite someone if I couldn't afford to pay all costs.

 

[skiwee1]

Not judging anyone here, but this is the budget board. What does an 11 y/o spend $400 on? We just spend 6 days in Disney, and my DD11 could barely spend her alloted $20! That was the $20 that I gave her. She had no interest in adding her own money to her spending.

S0 $400 is her budget. What's the point? I think for 16 days that sounds about right. You don't have to have a low budget. You can have a higher budget. The budget board is for all budgets. I have a 6 y/o DD and $20 would be spent in a minute. We spend huge amounts on souveniers.

 

[ladyelle]

I have been following this thread as well. I think that $300 is plently of money to buy a few special things for the child and her family. If you think that clothes shopping will be a problem then maybe you save shopping of that type for when you are not on vacation with the exception of t-shirts, sweatshirts, etc. If it is something you really want to do then let the parent and child know of your plans.

On another note, I would not feel comfortable letting my children go on vacation with another family nor would I let another child come with our family. One reason is that this is a family vacation.

Also, I would worry the entire trip about my child's safety. I am very over protective and don't let my kid's out of my sight. My kids don't drive with others and I don't drive other kids. My kids are only 6 and 8 so I'm sure that will eventually change as they get older. But right now, the comfort level is not there. If I were to take another child, I would still not be able to relax on vacation. It is a huge responsibility and I would watch that child more than I do my own to ensure their safety. While you are reading this, please keep in mind that I do have five children so I do have my hands full and my children do not need a playmate to keep them compay. I am not trying to offend anyone. :

 

[westjones]

Where I come from is if you are invited somewhere then you are the guest and therefore do not pay anything. Of course we as parents offer but then the person inviting always declines! It isn't your guest if you make them pay. I certainly wouldn't invite someone if I couldn't afford to pay all costs.

Oh I know! I have learned this attitude now that I have kids. I am just shocked people are comfortable with this. Now I know not everyone is like this, and we have found a couple of friends who come from families who are not like this, so they are the ones we invite.

Personally, I am so thankful and grateful for another family being willing to take my kids to a movie or skating or whatever that I am THRILLED to pay their way (and then they get invited back again and again because the family learns that they can invite my kids and not have to worry about extra expenses). THEN DH and I get a nice quiet afternoon together.

In turn, we invite those kids who come from families who have the same attitude (pay your own way). They enjoy the opportunity for thier children to attend an activity (or as I call it 'Free Babysitting') so they get to have some quiet time at home. The ones that I have to pay for get invited once, and then I know how it works with their family and we don't get into that situation again.

DJ