How Much Should Parents Pay?

[CarolynNC]

I wanted to add I also issue the invitation directly to the parents and put the details in writing. Of course the trip has already been discussed between my son and his friend but I think it's best to make sure the parents have the correct details. I include the dates of the trip and ask them for a decision by a certain deadline since airfare must be purchased. I remind them the airfare is not refundable so this is a serious commitment. I also request a notarized statement giving me permission to travel with their child and to seek medical attention if necessary. I remind them the child needs to bring insurance cards and id cards.

 

[jeancbpugh]

My DD friend age 11 shall be coming with us this March on a 16 trip to Disney and Orlando? Her parents have already paid for her flight. How much and for what else do you think her parents should be responsible for paying? We will be doing four theme parks, both water parks and Disneyquest as well as a few other things. We are renting a car for 15 days, staying 2 nights at the Nick Hotel and then on to timeshares. But everynight we eat supper out.

Opinions and help please

If you invited her to come, you should pay for everything. You're the host and she's the guest.

 

[canwegosoon]

I agree with most posters. You asked for the transportation costs up front, so the family knew that would be a condition of accepting the invitation. I would think that souvies are not a requirement, but would hope that the family would send her with a little spending money. But at this point I would not ask for any other money. Their daughter has her heart set on coming, and to suggest that the family contribute money now, IMO, is not right. It might mean the family could not send her. If I invited someone, I would pay all expenses, except airfare. I think this is something you have to tell up front if you expect additional expenses covered. SO at least you know for next time. If budget is a problem, there are lots of ways to fix that. Good luck I am sure you will have a great trip.

Now, if the parents come to you and insist that the cover all expenses, you could out line costs(like tickets, and to bring souvie money), but the same with a sleepover, I would never ask for food money...you are choosing where they are eating, and that is easy number to control. You mentioned you are staying in timeshare, so I would think you have some light cooking access, or you can order pizzas in one or 2 nights. You can also get take out, which is cheaper than eating in.

 

[jeancbpugh]

When I handed out money to my son I handed a like amount to his friend.

This makes a lot of sense to me. If you bring a guest with you that's a child, it would be cruel not to give them spending money if you are giving some to your own child. If the guest child already has spending money, you don't have to double it though.

A friend told me her grandson (10 years old) was invited to go to WDW as a guest by a friend's family last October. The family said he was their guest and only needed to pay for airfare; he took about $200 of his own money for souvenirs and snacks. Turns out it was a nightmare trip for the poor kid. First of all the host family's kid was sick on the way down. Then they expected my friend's grandson to pay for everything: park admission, meals, etc. He spent the whole trip starving and worried sick he wouldn't have enough money. Then on the second day he caught the other child's virus, and the host family did nothing for him, no meds, no call home, no resting in the room. Poor kid was sick for a week after.

I was shocked when I heard about his experience, and will certainly view future invitations to my kids very cautiously.

I would have done some things differently in the first place. No way my kid would go off for the weekend with a friend's family that I didn't know well enough to KNOW they would take care of him. And I would be very sure I understood all the arrangements before accepting the invitation. I'd send a cell phone with my kid so I could check up a lot.

 

[crisi]

I think it depends on the deal made up front. Its reasonable to say to someone "we'd really like to have Brittney along on our next trip. We'd want you to cover airfare, which should be $XXX and park tickets, which should be $XXX and send some spending money, we will pick up the rest." This is the "having to pick up some bills is better than no trip" logic - you just have to make sure you are talking to the parents when the offer is made. Not everyone can afford an extra plane and park tickets.

It is, of course, reasonable (and generous) to say "We'd really like to have Brittney along, don't worry about anything, we will pick up everything she needs. She might want to save her allowance in case she wants some souvieners."

I don't think its reasonable with an eleven year old to expect them to pick up sit down dinners. They are difficult to budget for and a lot of kids and parents wouldn't choose to do them. Likewise, add ons other than the parks you want to do should be included (like Cirque tickets) or itemized out front.

It also isn't reasonable to expect your guest to pick up their share for things you would have bought anyway. For instance, 1/4th of a rental car you would have rented had she come or not, or 1/4th of the hotel room. You aren't inviting someone to lower your own unit cost.

What isn't fair is to invite someone along without being clear up front on the terms of the invitation, then springing bills on them. "I bought plane tickets today, can you send a check to school with Brittney for $318.20?" "Here are the itemized receipts from dining, what Brittney had is circled, it totals $613.36 - oh, and she didn't bring money for park tickets, so you own us another $372."

 

[dcfromva]

I agree that if you extend an invite, then you should expect to pick up the tab for your guests expenses (other than optional souvineers). If there are provisions, then they need to be clearly outlined at the time the invite is extended. I think it puts the parents of your guest in a bind to tell them about additional requirements after the airfare has already been purchased.

On the other side of the issue, I think a lot of parents would offer to pay for the tickets especially if they have an idea as to how expensive they are.

I would keep the amount of fun and shopping money a matter between your guest and your guest's parents unless they asked for a guideline as to how much to send along.

Good luck!
-DC

 

[mickeyfan2]

If you invited her, then you should pay for her. If they asked you to take her, then they should pay for her.

 

[seashoreCM]

A friend told me her grandson (10 years old) was invited to go to WDW as a guest by a friend's family last October. The family said he was their guest and only needed to pay for airfare; he took about $200 of his own money for souvenirs and snacks. Turns out it was a nightmare trip for the poor kid. First of all the host family's kid was sick on the way down. Then they expected my friend's grandson to pay for everything: park admission, meals, etc. He spent the whole trip starving and worried sick he wouldn't have enough money. Then on the second day he caught the other child's virus, and the host family did nothing for him, no meds, no call home, no resting in the room. Poor kid was sick for a week after.

Also you need to be able to contact your (grand)child. YOu might tell him to call you every so often. Then you could have told your (grand)son to not scrimp unusually, eat in almost the same manner as the host family does, and to bum money off the host family as needed "and you would take care of it after he got home". (With negotiation, which you don't mention until afterwards.)

It is a bad idea to starve when sick except that in case of tummyache the person should fast (water only, plenty on hot Disney days) until every twinge of pain is gone plus a few more hours.

My own etiquette rule: If you can't get through on the phone you are entitled to keep trying at regular intervals until you get an answer. Everyone cannot be fast asleep just after the internet connection is hung up or they just get back from the park.

Regarding the actual incident, IMHO it is not too late for the parties involved to make up by negotiating something for the grandson's next trip with his own family.

Disney hints:
http://members.aol.com/ajaynejr/disney.htm

 

[Alicnwondrln]

I have to agree with picking up the tab if you invite them. Unless you make other arrangements right at the outset.

We're bringing DS's (16) best friend this year. We had a lot of damage after Katrina and this kid showed up every day (even walking the 3 miles from his home once) to help us get back in our house. He always refused any money from us, so DH and I decided we would surprise him at Christmas by giving him this trip. He has never been and wouldn't be able to go if his parents had to pay for tickets or anything, so we're glad to take him. The only thing he's responsible for is spending money.

sounds like a good boy and how wonderful of you and your family to take him
nice to hear a good story of people helping each other

 

[jmkst58]

sounds like a good boy and how wonderful of you and your family to take him
nice to hear a good story of people helping each other

I agree....How wonderful to hear of such a good hope-filled story. Good for you all!!

 

[hmgolden]

When my parents started letting us bring friends on our Disney vacations the only thing they asked (upfront) of our friends parents was that they pay for airfare and spending money for souveniers. Everything else my parents paid for - including giving our friends charging privledges on the room cards (at the time we started bringing guests, I was 18 and my brother was 13). I think that when you invite a friend as your guest, unless you state otherwise from the get go, its your responsibility to pay for the activities and meals that you chose as part of your vacation.

 

[Pooh_Friend#1]

When I was younger and my parents invited my boyfriend to go to WDW and DCL they always paid for everything except souveniers and vice versa that when I went to an all-inclusive resort in Nuevo Vallarta and DCL with his family they paid everything for me. Both of us did bring extra money and we would both treat our familes to special dinners, treats, etc to help them out with expenses but they would never expect that because they invited us.

 

[jeancbpugh]

Then you could have told your (grand)son to not scrimp unusually, eat in almost the same manner as the host family does, and to bum money off the host family as needed "and you would take care of it after he got home". (With negotiation, which you don't mention until afterwards.)

Bear in mind I'm getting this second hand from my friend...she said she called her grandson, but he was too upset to tell her what was going on. As for bumming off the host family, I can't begin to guess how such selfish people would have reacted to that.

 

[ElizaB39]

I called my sister last night because I remembered that she went to Hawaii with a friend when she was in high school. The friend's parents made a deal with the girls; "make it to the state basketball tourney and we will take you both to Hawaii for a week, all expenses paid." The girls made it to state and the parents took them on the trip (Minneapolis was the starting airport). My sister brought her own souvie spending money, she said about $200.00. That was the extent of her expenses.

She is still very close with this friend, all these years (15) later.

 

[gottaluvdis]

I will be wrestling with this very question someday. Our DD9 is an only child and we plan to allow her to bring a friend with us to Disney in the future. I would tend to lean toward paying for everything for the guest other than spending money for souvenirs. I believe that if we do the inviting, then we should be prepared to pay the friend's way. If the parents offer to purchase airfare or park tickets after the invitation has been extended, I would be inclinded to take them up on their offer for one or the other, but I wouldn't expect it when extending the invitation.

 

[HM]

This reminds me of the trip my sister took with her boy friend years ago (high school). His mother invited her to join their family on a trip to a 'resort' in Georgia. My parents agreed. They sent her along with some spending money. When they all returned from the trip, the mother asked my parents for money to pay for stuff (can't remember exactly...but probably hotel and food). They were flabbergasted! This woman invites her along and never makes mention of money until after!

This is just a tale of warning. Be prepared for anything if your kids are invited by others to share a vacation.

 

[shades]

We always pay 100% when DD "invites" a friend to join us. We have yet to take one of her friends to WDW, though. If we were going to extend this offer, I would decide prior to the invitation how much we would be willing to pay - ie. airfare, tickets, spending money, etc. Then, while extending the invitation, I would tell the friend's parent what we will pay for (most likely, everything - would just depend on that family's ability to contribute - the most I would ever ask would be for the airfare & park passes). I would probably tell the parent we will give "friend" $50 spending money and that she may want to bring some extra spending money for additional souveniers/incidentals. I would NEVER ask a family to pay for their child's food while they are with us.

Whenever my dd is invited on outings with friends, I ALWAYS offer to pay her share and even if the parent declines my money, I ALWAYS send extra money with dd to pay her own way - just incase. She has a new friend that we always pay for her while she is with us - but, her parents never reciprocate while dd is with them. Not a big deal for us, we don't expect it and we don't ask.

 

[lovewdwdvc]

We have had fiends along on our vacations and have always set guidelines with the parents upfront and specific before a child is invited to join us. The guidelines are not the same each time. It is just important to be very clear about the guidelines from he very beginning before the children are included in the discussion.

 

[shelleyz]

I think it all depends on the situation. I am bringing my 13 year old neice in August and I'm paying for everything except souvies. She is already saving her money and her dad will give her some spending money. I would not ask her dad(DH's twin brother)to pay for her. Airfare, park tickets, food, snacks, accomodations (disney timeshare), I am taking care of. My DS's ages 5 & 6 have a money jar that we are saving for their trip so hopefully they have about the same spending money.
For the OP, the trip is not that far away so asking for her to bring $600 may seem like a lot. Depends on the family, I guess. The trip is for 15 days though and I think maybe $30 a day for souvies and extra snacks if wanted would be good. If my child was going with someone on vacation for 15 days at that age I would probably give them about $450-$500. They would have a certain amount each day to spend. If you invited her and didn't set up anything about whos paying , the parents probably think you are paying her way except the airfare which you said they were paying for.
So I think it just depends on the situatuins and the people involved. Some ppl can afford vacations and others can't.

 

[siobhan1997]

Let me inform you that the $600.00 is for park entrances and her fun shopping money, not for meals or food or any of that. Her parents asked me about 4 months ago how much money their daughter needed and at that time I told them around $600.00 so she could really enjoy herself. Keep in mind this is for 16 days not 7. I figured 1/2 of that for park entrances and the other 1/2 for her to spend. My DD who is 11 always goes with at least $400.00 to blow on whatever she wants. It is her holiday too. She has her birthday right before we leave every year and everyone in the family gives her money. I am finding it hard to believe that no one out there feels that the childs parents should have to pay something.

So tell me something when you as parents invite other adult family members with you, you all cover all of their costs ?