How much do you prepare your kids for life before they leave home?

[Frozen Canuck]

I would imagine a person who couldn't figure out how to make a bed would have some special needs. I hope your son helped him.

This was a number of years ago now, but yes, if the young man had wanted help or looked like he was struggling while making an attempt, my son absolutely would have stepped in to lend a hand. I got the impression that the person didn't care much for where or how he slept and he took the path of least resistance. Learning to make a bed, assuming he had someone who changed his bedding and made his bed for him while he was at home, would take more effort than just tossing on a blanket and going to sleep.

 

[smiths02]

That is great!!!
Teach away!!! (Have absolutely NO problem with that!!!)
But, many parents are not so inclined.
Many parents, working and/or single parents, etc. might welcome such a program in the schools.

NOTE: anybody here who knows me, at all, knows that I am very opposed to schools overstepping.
I simply do not include life skills such as handling and balancing basic finances, job applications, taxes, etc... to be 'overstepping'.

There are organizations that will teach many of those skills like Boy Scouts, various church programs, etc. Most of these organizations are relatively cheap or scholarships can be had.

I think most middle schools still also have the kids go through several electives that include home ec., shop, etc.
(And high school in this state require a semester of Health and some PE)
The problem comes in high school where the electives need to be taken up with foreign language and then usually a specialty area like band, etc.

 

[tvguy]

Then don’t make a life skills class a requirement. Like the pp, I don’t need school to teach things I can as a parent but do need them to teach higher level math. Don’t need my DS having to waste time in a class like that as opposed to academic classes.

Unfortunately some parents choose not to teach their kids these skills, and/or the PARENTS don't have the skills themselves. And society (all the rest of us) suffer. Or so is the argument of some who advocate teaching these skills in school.

 

[Hikergirl]

Some of you may want to check your school's course handbook, you may find these types of classes are offered.
In our district all middle school students take clothing (sewing), foods, computer, and tech classes. These are required.
When the students get to HS they can choose to take electives that focus on those things. My ds has chosen the culinary electives, last year he took food prep which taught the basics like food safety, knife skills, etc. He also took gourmet foods where he actually learned to cook all kinds of different foods, this year he is taking baking.
Under the business education electives there are classes for money management, and financial math.
These aren't mandatory in HS but they are offered to all student regardless of whether or not they are focusing on a business education or family and consumer science (that is where culinary classes fit).

 

[Boardwalk Jedi]

First of all...the OP knows way too much about other students in her kids' dorms, and yes the post comes across as "judgey". My husband gave our college kids tool boxes before they left. They've come in handy both for them and other kids in the dorm. We do not think parents who sent their kids to college without tool boxes failed to prepare their children.

As for life preparation, well we did our best. I never feel like I prepared them enough, but we likely did. DD19 was the worst when it came to keeping her room clean and doing laundry at home. She was in the midst of doing laundry the other day when I texted her and was not freaked out in the least about it. Her room is still quite organized too.

I honestly believe the ability to adapt is what's important. If my kids don't know anything, hopefully they are resourceful enough to figure it out and humble enough to ask questions.

 

[aprilchem]

We really focus on this in our house, mostly because I grew up in a house where I was taught NO life skills - when I went to college I had never cleaned anything, never done a load of laundry (we weren't allowed to touch the washer/dryer), had never loaded a dishwasher, didn't know how to manage money, etc. This was in the time before Youtube/Google so I sort of just had to figure out the basics by myself. My mom was a SAHM who thought it was her job to do everything for us.

As a mom, I'm teaching my kids life skills early. My 12 year old is responsible for cooking dinner for the family 2-3 nights per week, and he's actually good at it (and likes to do it!). My kids each have a room of the house they're responsible for, and all of the tidying/vacuuming/glass cleaning etc. in that room is up to them. They know how to load/unload the dishwasher, mow the lawn, how to use the string trimmer/leaf blower safely, etc. When my DH fixes something in the house, one of the kids are with him helping him and learning the task. It's something that is really important to us.

As a college professor, I will say we have a freshman "class" (it doesn't count for credit, but everyone has to take it) that is part adjusting to college, part life skills. I teach a section of this and one thing we talked about last class was how to do laundry. Not everyone needed that information, but some of them did.

 

[Boardwalk Jedi]

As a college professor, I will say we have a freshman "class" (it doesn't count for credit, but everyone has to take it) that is part adjusting to college, part life skills. I teach a section of this and one thing we talked about last class was how to do laundry. Not everyone needed that information, but some of them did.

DD has the First Year Experience class. Think it's one credit though. I did give my kids a warning about not signing up for credit cards though. I remember in my college years, frats often did fundraisers through credit card signups and would say to anyone reluctant "just cancel it next month". Hopefully that doesn't exist as much given most kids have their debit cards and school accounts.

 

[Boardwalk Jedi]

We're a family of 5 so I do laundry... um... constantly.... and I also throw basically everything together, in cold water, including my winter sweaters (winter is like 5 1/2 months long here so I have quite a bit - a lot of them hang or lay flat to dry though). The only things I separate are towels and sheets and do those in warm or hot water, but even that doesn't always happen depending on how rushed I am. My mom would have a conniption if she watched me do my laundry though, LOL. I was taught to separate everything, do lingerie bags, etc. Now it's just a cold water free-for-all!

I could have written this post. This might contradict my other posts, but one thing I still rely on my mother for is her ability to get ANYTHING back to a white color. My brother would go to football practice everyday with shiny white football pants. Boys being idiots....well, my brother would get tackled to the dirt before practice even started. Mom would insist on getting them nice and shiny and the next day he went through it again. My kids know if there is a white garment they want perfect or a stain I can't undo to drop it at Grammys

 

[BLAZEY]

That is great!!!
Teach away!!! (Have absolutely NO problem with that!!!)
But, many parents are not so inclined.
Many parents, working and/or single parents, etc. might welcome such a program in the schools.

NOTE: anybody here who knows me, at all, knows that I am very opposed to schools overstepping.
I simply do not include life skills such as handling and balancing basic finances, job applications, taxes, etc... to be 'overstepping'.

I agree, don't make it mandatory but at least make it an option as an elective class. The kids that learn this stuff at home will likely skip it, and those who don't may take it looking for an easy course, but actually may learn something. And some may take it because it teaches useful skills they will actually use after high school. I was raised by a single mum, so we learned many of the things BECAUSE she was raising us on her own, she had no help besides us kids so she taught us how to do stuff out of her needing help.

 

[Hikergirl]

DD has the First Year Experience class. Think it's one credit though. I did give my kids a warning about not signing up for credit cards though. I remember in my college years, frats often did fundraisers through credit card signups and would say to anyone reluctant "just cancel it next month". Hopefully that doesn't exist as much given most kids have their debit cards and school accounts.

My 17 year old ds has been bombarded with credit card offers in the mail all summer. He didn't even have a job when they started coming.

 

[Wishing on a star]

Yes, it's crazy with the credit cards.
Somehow my son escaped most of that. Didn't end up on all the lists.
But, an 'offer' from a Predatory Lender arrived in our mailbox the other day.
It was so bad that I actually typed up a quick note, saying that I wanted this address off their list, that I did not appreciate this type of lending, and would not do any business with their lending institution. Put it in the postage paid reply envelope and sent it back!

 

[Wishing on a star]

We did make sure that DS has one credit card, and cosigned for a loan on his nice truck... and that is paid off.
Want to make sure he has established a good credit history!

 

[DopeyDame]

That is great!!!
Teach away!!! (Have absolutely NO problem with that!!!)
But, many parents are not so inclined.
Many parents, working and/or single parents, etc. might welcome such a program in the schools.

NOTE: anybody here who knows me, at all, knows that I am very opposed to schools overstepping.
I simply do not include life skills such as handling and balancing basic finances, job applications, taxes, etc... to be 'overstepping'.

Exactly! All parents have different skills and priorities, and a school's job is to (as my high school used to say) "teach them what they need to know for like" - and I think that includes some basic life skills.

I would *love* my kids to have a life skills class that includes some home ec, personal finance, and basic repair skills. I am *horrible* at those things! (Frankly, I out source a lot of it...) However, I am really good at teaching my kids high level math. But that doesn't mean I don't think school shouldn't teach it.

 

[gotomu212]

This was not my intent at all, and I'm sorry if my post came across that way. I would not have originally considered this even something for discussion, as I am in agreement with many posters, where I figured most kids would grow up doing these things or seeing these things done to the point that they could "fake it 'till they make it" or at least know enough to seek out help via friends, parents, or even the internet. Obviously thousands of young adults do grow up and go off to seek their fortunes and they have no issues figuring out which sheet goes on the bottom.

We all grow up with "holes" in our learning that we need to fill in as the need arises. That is a completely natural part of our development. The purpose of my "extreme" examples was to provide contrast to what many people have confirmed, and that is that most parents ensure that their kids have at least some exposure to home skills before they leave home. As I stated in my original post, the one thing that triggered me to write, was the mom that I saw trying to provide her daughter with "all of the knowledge" in the middle of the Target aisle. (And yes, I'm projecting...maybe they weren't mother and daughter, maybe there were extenuating circumstances, maybe...fill in the blank, but the end result was the same.)

Regardless, if I wanted to humble brag about my kids, it wouldn't be to comment on how well they can make hospital corners or clean under the caps of a toilet seat. This was intended as a discussion question and nothing more. I think it is great that your daughter has grown up in a home where she was encouraged to figure things out for herself and is finding her own path. Not all kids, even those "smart enough" to get into college are as intuitive when it comes to life skills, thus the need to have them observe and practice these things before they leave home. Book smart does not necessarily translate into life-skills smart. In fact, sometimes I think it is the kids who are super studious, yet oblivious to much of what makes their life run, that are the most "at risk" of waking up one day, not knowing how to do their own laundry, with people assuming that, "They're smart. They'll figure it out."

I think you might have confused a nervous mom of a first time college student trying to have a conversation with her daughter while shopping with some big life lesson on how to be equipped for domestic life.

I’m a fully capable middle aged woman with 2 kids and when my mom visits she still likes to ramble on about the best diaper cream and how I should use it with my kids, the best “trick” or product for cleaning my floors, and how I should be cooking the potatoes. If someone followed us through Target I guess they could think I was some idiot who didn’t know how to care for herself/home/kids but really I’m just a patient woman who lets her mom feel good giving her unneeded advice.

 

[AnnaFloridaLover]

This was a number of years ago now, but yes, if the young man had wanted help or looked like he was struggling while making an attempt, my son absolutely would have stepped in to lend a hand. I got the impression that the person didn't care much for where or how he slept and he took the path of least resistance. Learning to make a bed, assuming he had someone who changed his bedding and made his bed for him while he was at home, would take more effort than just tossing on a blanket and going to sleep.

I'm pretty sure unless this roommate was special needs he just couldn't be bothered to make his bed. Almost anyone can make a bed, wash dishes, iron a shirt, unload a dishwasher even if they never, ever did it once at home. No special parenting lessons needed.

It appears you are highly sensitive to what you consider a lack of parental training in other people.

 

[Lilacs4Me]

My son left for college in July. I've tried to teach him all the basics. So did DH. DS18 is one of those kids who needs to learn things the hard way.

Case in point - DH has been inviting DS18 out to the garage every time he changed the oil, or a tire, or the battery, or the brakes, etc. DS18 never wanted to go, and if we forced him, he stubbornly refused to learn or pay attention.

His brakes started grinding last week. He was home for the weekend, but didn't bring his car as he caught a ride with my BIL. DH said that he has tried teaching DS18 for years how to do this stuff himself, but since DS18 never wanted to learn, instead of paying $25 for a set of brake pads, he will now be paying hundreds for a shop to change them for him. Good thing he is cheap and saves his money. Sucks that he has to spend a ton of it on brake pads!

Live and learn, my son.

But there are also things that my son does for himself that very few kids are willing to do - if he wants something, he WILL make it happen. He successfully not only was awarded a transfer to a new location for his high school job when he moved to college, but negotiated a raise for himself at the same time. And the transfer wasn't easy, it took a lot of paperwork and coordination between the two locations... it is so much easier for a high school kid to quit his job and find a new one than it is to work with HR and senior management to make a transfer happen, but DS18 wasn't intimidated at all. As a matter of fact, I was with him one day at his store when he was trying to figure out who could help him since the HR lady was on vacation, so he had the regional manager of the store called up to the front because he had remembered his name on some of the paperwork lol. I was like - do you know who you just summoned! And DS was not worried in the least...he needed an answer and wasn't afraid to go to whomever could help him.

Oh, but he also thinks making a sandwich for himself is too much work, so.....

 

[china mom]

I respectfully disagree with the above posters about telling young adults not to sign up for credit cards. i think they should be encouraged to have one card but then taught how to never pay interest. This way, they can establish good credit at a young age and learn healthy habits.

My son got his first debit card at age 9...yes, 9. It, of course, was issued in my name but it was linked to is checking account. Prior to getting him his card, allowance was a magical and mystical thing. I would ever have cash on allowance day and he would never have his money with him when we went to the store.

We would be at the store and he would ask for something and say he was spending his money. We tried to keep track of who owed whom but like I said, it was kinda mystical money.

I began direct depositing his allowance into his account and made him use is card to make purchases. All of a sudden he became incredibly frugal. It was an amazing transformation.

He usually has about $100 or so in his account (he is 15 now). He earns some money and then blows it on a video game but rarely goes below his $100 threshold.

My daughter, on the other hand, is a cheepo like me. I thinks she has about $2,000 in her account.

Both kids will get a credit card when they turn 18. They will be taught how to use it responsibly.

 

[bdcp]

A parents job, after loving their children is preparing them for life by teaching them life skills. My boys (32 and 34 now) before they were 5, were making their beds and helping with household chores. By the time they were in High School, both knew how to do laundry, clean house, cook, even mend their own clothes. They also had access to their savings account with us as joint owners until they turned 18 and we took ourselves off the accounts. They didn't have paying jobs until they were 18 and then opened checking accounts and each got their own credit card (yay USAA who made that easy with a $500 limit) so they'd have it for college and they never abused it. They always had some cash, either from allowance, gifts or doing odd jobs for neighbors. They both own townhomes (34 yr old for 9 years and the 32 yr old for 2 years), youngest is married and oldest is engaged. After college, they both lived at home for a few months but then moved out with friends and have never moved back. They both have very good paying jobs with great benefits and fabulous credit scores due to their managing their own money and credit responsibly.

I used to volunteer in their elementary school and there were always a few kids who couldn't tie their shoelaces which astonished me. I saw a study once that said lower income kids were less likely to have a lot of skills necessary in life because the parents thought it was the school's job to teach them even the basics such as tying their own shoelaces (I taught both of mine in about 20 minutes when they were about 4 1/2).

They also learned to pump gas as part of their driving training with us. Seriously not difficult to, although you wouldn't know it by some people who live where they're not allowed to.

 

[aprilchem]

DD has the First Year Experience class. Think it's one credit though. I did give my kids a warning about not signing up for credit cards though. I remember in my college years, frats often did fundraisers through credit card signups and would say to anyone reluctant "just cancel it next month". Hopefully that doesn't exist as much given most kids have their debit cards and school accounts.

That's banned on many campuses now (including mine). No credit card fundraisers or credit card sign ups that offer perks or prizes for signing up on campus. They've also banned military recruiters and religious proselytizing, although both of those can be done on public sidewalks throughout campus.

 

[clh2]

my DD left for college knowing how to clean, do laundry, use AAA, and to minimally cook.

Her bff in college loved to cook. So-once a week, DD went to her BFFs apartment. BFF coked, DD cleaned up.

Ironically DD is now married, and my SOn-in-law does the majority of cooking and DD does the majority of cleaning.