How many weddings is too many?

[mickman1962]

My DW's friend just sent us an invitation to her 4th wedding in the last 10 years. So here comes our 4th wedding present to her. At what point does a person just say I've done the big wedding before and this time I'll just do a Justice of the Peace ceremony?

 

[Mermaid02]

Beats me. After 3 divorces though I would think someone might say, "Hmmmm.... maybe it's me" I wonder this about my Dad all the time, he's been married at least 5 times.

 

[AKLRULZ]

Well they can have as many weddings as they desire - doesn't mean you have to attend or get a big gift, however.

 

[JunieJay]

I'm o.k. with a second big wedding, but after that, I'd have to decline the invitation.

 

[gina2000]

They can have as many as they want. I, however, can decline as many as I want.

Easy solution.

 

[mickman1962]

Well they can have as many weddings as they desire - doesn't mean you have to attend or get a big gift, however.

If it were one of my best friends I would just tell him "look, man you've already been married enough, no more gifts from me". My DW, on the other hand can't seem to do that as this has been her best friend for 35+ years. Also, one marriage lasted less then a month, I thought we should have gotten that present back.

 

[mickman1962]

They can have as many as they want. I, however, can decline as many as I want.

Easy solution.

Would you really decline if it was one of your best friends, not just someone you knew?

 

[CEDmom]

Would you really decline if it was one of your best friends, not just someone you knew?

If it were one of my best friends I'd really have to (nicely of course) why she's getting married again. If she hasn't had luck with the 1st 3 why would she think this one would be any different.

 

[aprilgail2]

one big wedding..after that a small one. Two big weddings is already to many!!

 

[dianeschlicht]

Seems to me with weddings you get ONE big one and should you not be able to hang onto that commitment, then the rest are for you and your spouse and maybe a couple of others, but no more than that. Bear in mind this is coming from someone who has been married to the same person for 39 years.

 

[HSMndLKfan92]

Two..

 

[dis-me]

Mickman - If you don't feel you can afford another gift now or attend another wedding - as her friend I feel you should send your sincere apologies and promise her you'll be at her next wedding

 

[mickman1962]

Mickman - If you don't feel you can afford another gift now or attend another wedding - as her friend I feel you should send your sincere apologies and promise her you'll be at her next wedding

That is a great idea,as I'm sure there will be more.

 

[mickeyfan2]

I only give one nice wedding present. On your 10th, don't expect anything.

 

[Mike Jones]

Looking at getting married (again) soon, and both of us have had the big event before, 7 years ago for my partner, 21 years ago for me... we're planning a small, intimate affair with a very small guest list and we will ask them specifically not to buy us gifts.... we want their company and blessings, not their money! I think anyone expecting a substantial gift for wedding number 2, 3 or more needs re-educating... and maybe, at 3 or 4, they might be better off single anyway?

 

[Disney Doll]

I usually give people two in a short period of time, because I have known many people who, while it was their second wedding, it may have been their second spouse's first wedding, and part of me thinks that the second spouse deserves a "big" wedding if that's what they want.

Your DW is in a bad position because it's her best friend and I'd want to be there for my best friend, even if I didn't think getting married was the best idea for her. Your DW is kind of stuck between a rock and a hard place.

My oldest friend has been married 3 times...the first when we were in HS to the father of her child, which was obviously a mistake. The second was to a great guy to whom she was married for 17 years. The third, and current, is to her life partner. They had a commitment ceremony about 3 years ago that I also attended. My friend has led a very colorful life! Now, these three weddings took place over the course of 30 years, so it is a it different than 4 weddings in 10 years.

These things are hard, but as her DH, I think you should go along on this one. I am sure she's done things for you which she hasn't necessarily agreed with, but has gone along with them for your sake.

 

[JunieJay]

Seems to me with weddings you get ONE big one and should you not be able to hang onto that commitment, then the rest are for you and your spouse and maybe a couple of others, but no more than that. Bear in mind this is coming from someone who has been married to the same person for 39 years.

I've been married to the same person for 20 years, but I can absolutely see why someone might want a second big wedding. I got married at 23, if God forbid something happened to DH and I got married again, I'd probably want something completely different at 43.

Also, for many people, A second marriage is often times the better or longer laster marriage. The person got married when they were very young and it didn't last long, etc., and the second time around they are much more secure in the relationship having grown, etc. I can see why they would want a big to-do. I don't deny them that. The third time, however, forget about it. I would and have declined those invitations.

 

[Chattyaholic]

I couldn't vote because I feel it depends on the situation. My DS was married when he was 18 (medium size church wedding/reception) and divorced 5 years later. Last October he re-married. His wife had never been married so they had a small wedding/reception. They invited mostly just family and a few close friends so it wasn't anything big and ostentacious or anything like that.

I guess it just depends on the people involved, and what they want. If someone has been married multiple times and keeps having big weddings where they expect gifts, it doesn't mean the people invited have to attend or give a gift.

 

[Keli]

I've never personally known someone that has had more than a couple big weddings. In principal, I would only give a gift twice I think.
In reality? If it was one of my closest friends of 35 years, well, I'm a softie. I'd probably tell her I think she's crazy (you can do that with your best friend) but go to the wedding and give a gift. Just not a big or nice a gift as I would have given on the 1st wedding.

 

[MariDisney]

My first marriage ended after 7 years and I remarried 2 years later. I was mortified at the thought of inviting the same people to my second wedding. Having a "big" affair didn't even cross my mind. For the 2nd we were very low key. We invited immediate family (parents, siblings), close friends, and folks from our church and work who I did not know at the time of my first wedding.

Now, I will say I wanted a big wedding. I really felt (and still do!!) that this marriage will last forever. I would have loved to include tons more people. But, for me, it felt too tacky, so I had to go with the "sometimes you don't get what you want" philosophy.