how long have you and your spouse been

[december]

We lived apart for 3 mos in 2008. Dh and I both have a brother in the military, so I know it wasn't so bad, but it was hard on us. We had moved 3 hrs from "home" in July of 2007. We bought a house, I sigend a teacher contract, and dh got a job. Unfortunately, in August, the company he was working for got sold, he was out of work and couldn't find anything, and the kids and I HATED our school. He was offered his old job back with lots of incentives, and he moved back New Years week. The kids and I were going to stay and finish my contract and try to sell the house. So we were planning to be apart for 5 mos. Amazingly, the house sold in less than 3 mos, and the school let me out of my contract early. We moved back the last weekend in March.

It was hard. Dh and I have been together since we were 15, and we fought more during this time than any other. And it was hard to readjust to living together. We are much stronger now, and even have a new baby, but I wouldn't want to go through that stress again.

 

[wdwmom0f3]

in what works for you.

Right now DH and I are apart Monday through Friday, which I know to some is normal but to us it is not. It's tough ... every Friday night we go through a battle of the blankets in bed and it's hard to get into the swing of being a family on Saturday's. Then Sunday comes and he leaves again.

I know lots of people can do it ...

This is us right now, but it's only for three months and he will be back. Three weeks is already over and we have a week at Disney coming up so that will help too.

We have been apart a few other times as well, but not for very long. Maybe a month or two and that was when he was being transferred and I would stay and sell the house. We have been lucky in the past to sell the houses very quick, but that was when the market was up.

Honestly, it has made me appreciate him so much. I didn't really realize just how much he helps me when he is here. I also think that he knows what he is missing too. He has really been missing the kids. Bless his heart.

To the OP, try to make the best of it and think positive.

 

[Disney Darling]

This isn't me personally but I work w/ a faculty member "1", in my department, and faculty member 1's wife works at a different University which is approximately 9 hours away. He's staying here in his faculty position and with the kids while she's up there. I know he tried to get on at her University but there were no positions for him at this time.

Now, I know of a completely different faculty member "2", who works in another department. He took a job at the same University as the wife mentioned above while his wife will be staying here with the kids until they graduate highschool in two years I believe.

From what I understand, the wife of our faculty member "1" and this other faculty member "2" from another department were put in contact with eachother and now they plan to carpool back and forth on the weekends so that they can see their families.

I know faculty member "1"'s family has been doing this for two years now. I guess it works for them.

Growing up, my mother's dear friend's husband worked in Virginia Beach while they lived in West Virginia. I know his commute home was something like 8 hours each way. He would do it every weekend.

 

[luvmy3jewels]

My dh and I lived apart for 3 months during the first year of our marraige. He was committed to a teaching job in one city, and I got a job in the middle of the year working for a company three hours away. We were together on weekends, and most weekends I was able leave on Thursday evening and return early Monday a.m. It did not work out very well and dh was totally miserable living alone. We both changed jobs and relocated to one city so we could be together again as soon as possible.

Having experiences this once I know that I would never do it again, especially now that we have young kids. I know that there are a lot of military families that go through long deployments and seperations, and I think it can be really tough for everyone within the family.

Your situation, however, is a little different since things are already rocky. In that case, it would give both you and your dh a little time apart to determine how to proceed in the future.

What does your daughter think about it?

 

[emdav]

This kind of thing makes me so sad.

Don't feel sad. They're best buddies now. It's a fact of life that my husband is in a service industry that requires him to travel when people need assistance. I know that he is helping people in bad situations. We're proud of him.

 

[Disney Darling]

Oh, forgot to mention that one of our Post-Docs is married and her husband lives 2 and a half hours away. He can't find a job down here yet so for now, she lives here and he lives there 5 nights a week and they commute on weekends.

It must happen alot in academia? Cause that's three people I know right now doing it.

 

[dolphinrescuegirl]

A week. I was glad to go home! Usually it's only 2-3 days.

 

[TanyaLovesPooh]

One week. DH had to fly to England for business.

We both work from home and are together most of the time, we are best friends and get along extremely well so it works out well.

 

[jodifla]

We spent 10 months apart when DH was on a fellowship to Columbia in NYC. It was fun! And we have our own little souvenir from the adventure, DS, 7.

 

[DisneyBlonde]

DH and I lived apart for the first year of our marriage. We lived in different states when we met, I commuted on weekends for years (DH is in retail, weekends off are not common). My DS (from 1st marriage) was starting his Sr year of high school the September after we got married. I didn't want him to have to change schools...so I stayed where I was for another year. It's not easy, but it is doable.

Because I see some similarities here I'm gonna expound a little, if you don't mind...

If I had the option to move DS here during the beginning of his JR year I would have. IMO senior year is special, and I didn't want him to be the 'new kid'. But if I could have moved him a year earlier, he would have had time to make friends and get settled. Something to think about.

Also...I left a really good job, and I have yet to find employment in my new location. I would definitely try to line something up before you leave your current job.

hth, good luck!

 

[SaraJayne]

The longest we've ever been apart (without any visits in between) is 3 weeks. We were both miserable and hated it.

He goes hunting for 14 days in Colorado every other year and that's hard, but since it doesn't happen very often, we're okay with it. I know he's having a great time and that he misses me.

Now, with business trips, it's normal for DH to be gone 4-5 days at a time. We're very happy to see each other when he comes home.

 

[Disney Doll]

Well, sounds like it'll either kill or cure your marriage.

 

[LisaZee]

Wow - I am odd woman out here. The spouse and I have never spent one night apart in 8 years of marriage. The girls at work were telling me what an anomaly that was, and I didn't believe it til now...

to everyone that has no choice in the matter and still make things work...

 

[Micca]

Due to work/careers DW and I lived in different cities for two years after we had been married for 30 years. It was wrenching. We talked all the time, saw each other on camera from the web, and visited when we could. It was not good but we survived it. I wouldn't recommend it, but you do what you must.

 

[Took]

Dh and I have lived apart for several weeks at a time when job situations required it. We hated it, but we were okay at the end. It was a bit stressful, yes, but we knew the situation was temporary. I think it would have been much harder if we had known the situation was long-term.

Good luck to you, OP.

 

[twinmomplus2new]

My husband and I have been living apart for 14 years. We bought a house an hour from his job. ( with no traffic) with traffic 2 plus hours. originally he was here on thursday to Monday. he has taken a higher position in same co. and it made no sense to leave the office at 7pm, return home at 9pm. get up at 5pm and start all over.
So the kids and I stayed, he is home friday pm to Sunday pm. takes the occasional friday or Monday off.
yes it causes friction and no it's not for everyone. for me i love it best of both worlds. for him awesome Monday thru friday he can totally focus on his job. I can totally focus on the kids and household.
we do alot of e-mail!

 

[Pomlover2586]

DH and I have been together 7 years.....in those 7 years the longest we've ever been apart is 2 or 3 days.......we generally don't go away from the other just because neither of us like being away from the other.

 

[JOCAmom]

PS I think the most difficult thing for me was no knowing how long the 'separation would last. It could have dragged on for months longer. If we had had a clear deadline in mind to work towards, it would have been easier psychologically for me.

This is exactly what I am going through with DH right now. My DH works in construction and his jobs this year have taken him from PA to somewhere in OH; Long Island, NY, New Orleans, LA, and most recently Kentucky. He just got home today after being away for 3 weeks. And all those places don't include what the company considers to be local even though we live about from the shop.

Since his job depends on the weather, we never know when exactly he will be home. He worked 14 hour days this past week in order to get home for the first day of school. We've discussed him finding another job but in this economy not sure that is the wisest decision. We just go on and hope somewhere in the future that there will be some local jobs to keep him home for more than 4 days at a time.