How does your school deal with bullies?

[rbuzzotta]

I really don't recall all the bullying when I was growing up that there is today. I wonder if it has alot to do with computers, cell phones and the way kids communicate nowadays. It seems that cyberbullying is all around and the prinicpal said she sees it all the time. It is sad that kids just can't be kids......

The latest 'threat' my DD recieve was saying that this was going to get 'nasty'...........hmmmmmm, what is they bully implying??? That is making DD a little uneasy (me too).

I have tried to communicate with the bullies mom (we were friendly for years befre this). However, the mom is making like her DD is the victim here. I submitted my DD's cell phone records to her to prove my DD did not make the call tht she was accused of making which started this entire incident. Others have said my DD did not make the call. The mom was persistent and once others came forward and said my DD did not make the call, the mom is now saying that a predator or sex offender is out to get her DD. She was going to court to have the cell phone number subphonaed.(sp). I never heard if she did or not.

I can see parents wanting to protect their children and believe they do not wrong. I usually give my girls the benefit of the doubt as well. However, I do not have my head in the sand. I will listen to both sides of the story and try to come up with a logical solution. However, if the same topic continues to come up and there is proof that my DD was the instigator, she would suffer serious consequences. I wouldn't take it so lightly. Sometimes parents have to be parents and not their kids friends!!!!

The bully has called my DD fat (she is 5,0 and weighs 85 lbs!!), ugly and told the entire homeroom that DD is a lesbian. The lesbian thing flew with this age group and half the school were talking about it!!!! The principal is well aware of these rumors.

DD won't be in school tomorrow but will be back on Friday..........I would like to meet with the principal then to discuss this 'nasty' message. I just want to be reassured my DD is safe in school and on school grounds. I can take care of her from there.

School will be out soon..............and if I need to keep my DD home to be safe, I will let the school know the reason why she is being kept home!!!

Again, thank you all for sharing your words of advice (whether I understand or not!! LOL) and for sharing your experiences!!!

It truly is sad that kids are like this today!!! Life is tough enough but to have to deal with bullying is horrible.......

 

[bicker]

Rest assured (is it assuring?) Kids were like this 20 years ago; kids were like this 40 years ago; and from what I've been told, kids were like this 60 years ago. The "mean" hasn't changed; only the means have changed.

 

[NHdisneylover]

I am sorry for you and your DD OP as well as to the others who posted on this thread whose kids are going through this My DD is dealing with a lot of bullying behavour at the moment as well--she is counting down the days she has left of school (and she is one of those oddball kids who loves learning and school work). I wish I had some good advice to give you, but I really don't.

One thing I have seen is that often teachers or administrators or even other parents want to define bullying only in physical terms. So, if someone is not being physically hurt it is okay Even when that is not the case, often these manipulitive kids are very good at flying below the radar and not dong anything that technically breaks any rules and then it is very hard to cope with and stop.

Oh, and I agree with Bicker that this has been going on for years. I remember it from my school days. My dad had it really bad (and it was physical). Back in the 50s in his little Texas town being found knocked unconcious in the bathroom was not even considered a big enough deal to call home It was just "boys being boys" It happened three times in one year (plus many otehr smaller incidents) and finally my grandparents had enough and pulled him out and sent him to a private school in Dallas.

 

[rbuzzotta]

I guess I was referring to the magnitude and the 'means' by which bullying takes place today. I guess I was lucky growing up in that I did not see as much bullying as I do today.

 

[aprilgail2]

4care of her from there.

School will be out soon..............and if I need to keep my DD home to be safe, I will let the school know the reason why she is being kept home!!!

I have a friend whos 5th grade daughter was bullyed so bad at school that the school was forced to provide her with a home tutor so she did not have to go to school and deal with those monster kids anymore!

 

[bicker]

I think the nature of bullying has changed, but not the extent or severity.

When I was growing up, parents didn't just ignore or rationalize bullying, as many do today; some parents fostered or even prompted bullying, viewing it as a rite of passage, and deriving satisfaction from their child's status as a bully. I think we can take solace, now, that generally, in adult discourse, at least, bullying is considered to be a bad thing.

 

[castleview]

My dealing with administrators as a teacher and parent is that sometimes they get it right and sometimes they totally miss the boat. They have to look at things from both sides, but sometimes there aren't two sides to the story IMHO.

I'm a nip it in the bud person when it comes to bullying. If the principal isn't handling this the way she should, take it to the superintendent's office or the police station. The resource officer should have been involved from the beginning. Either way, make sure the administration knows that you won't tolerate anything getting in the way of your daughter's education and safety. Things may not be handled the way you want right now, but they'll know you won't back down.

DH & I didn't appreciate the way a bullying situation with our daughter was handled. Things didn't go the way we thought they should at first, but we made it clear that we would have a meeting and take up at least an hour of their day if it should happen again.

 

[mickeyboat]

It is a hard situation for schools to be in, especially if it takes place off of school property. Soemtimes even when the school does their best it continues.

There was a situation I know of where a group of fourth graders were acting worse than high schoolers. They were forming "cliques" and every other day they were kicking some girl out, saying they can't be friends with them, etc. etc. The poor teacher was at her wits end. How do you handle that type of situation? You can't force the kids to be friends with somebody else. She tried talking to hte kids, breaking up the clique on the playground, nothing helped. And you can't exactly suspend a kid for saying that somebody couldn't be their friend. It was just one of those no win situations. Kids can be so cruel sometimes.

It's easy when the bullying is of a physical or threatening nature. The schools have clear grounds for punishment or pressing charges. But when the bullying is more subtle (like above) schools are often at a loss for how to handle it. The biggest problem is anymore we are expected take the place of parents. Too many parents are not having these conversations with their children, or they stick up for their children when they are the bullies and the school has to clean up the mess.

My DD has been involved in this kind of situation this year in 3rd grade. At the beginning of the year she was on the "outs" of the clique and after a couple of months she was invited to be part of the clique, and started exhibiting the same kind of behavior toward the girl left out that was being exhibited towards her earlier.

I have not taken it lightly, believe me. She has been spoken to numerous times by me, her teacher, and I insisted she see the guidance counselor. I bought her books to read about social bullying. I have spoken to this girl's mother (she is my friend) and we have tried lots of different tactics. The teacher has also tried lots of different solutions.

It's a hard one, though. I can't force her to be friends with someone she does not like. I have heard some of the things this girl has said to her, and to be honest, I would not want to be her friend, either. But she still needs to be kind. It's easier said than done, though, and hard for an 8 year old to know how to apply those rules in every social situation. I have also been told by her teacher that she thinks DD is being led by another student.

I got so involved in the situation earlier in the school year that I think I took it on as MY problem instead of hers, and she hadn't learned what to do because I was telling her what to do all the time. I think I might have made things worse because my DD was getting in trouble all the time and of course blaming it on the other girl.

Since I have taken a small step back, things have actually gotten a lot better among all the girls. DD has actually made an effort, and I am proud of her. I really hope it continues.