How do you relax?

[Humiliated]

I need advice on how to relax, seriously.

The background—just in the past week, my marriage suffered a huge blow (can’t go into details or thread will be deleted), refrigerator quit so we had to buy a new one immediately, DS18 was brought home drunk by the police on Saturday night, and my mother says it’s all my fault. I can’t eat, I can’t sleep, my stomach is in knots, my head is killing me, and every muscle in my body is tense.

I did get an emergency appointment with a counselor last Thursday, but she wasn’t very helpful…just asked questions and nodded a lot. She did keep telling me that this isn’t my fault but I pretty much knew that before. I went into the appointment feeling like crap, I left feeling like crap. I went to my regular doctor the next day. He, too, just kept nodding sympathetically while I bawled my eyes out. Finally, when I was about to get up and leave, he prescribed an antidepressant (fluoxetine) and Ambien. So far, the Ambien helps me get to sleep, but doesn’t keep me asleep. I still wake up after about 4 hours and lie there awake in the dark.

I went for a massage on Saturday, which was WONDERFUL. I actually left there feeling like a new person. My stomach didn’t hurt and my headache settled down to a dull roar. I was able to keep down a small supper. But that was the night the police came to the door with my son. So my “peace” lasted roughly 12 hours.

I can’t keep going like this. I see the same counselor again tomorrow, a marriage counselor next week, and the regular doctor again in three weeks. I work out about three days a week in the gym, but that hasn’t seemed to help. Neither did a hot bath. Is time the only thing that will help? Does anybody have any suggestions of what works for their nerves? I’ll try just about anything.

 

[focusondisney]

I need advice on how to relax, seriously.

The background—just in the past week, my marriage suffered a huge blow (can’t go into details or thread will be deleted), refrigerator quit so we had to buy a new one immediately, DS18 was brought home drunk by the police on Saturday night, and my mother says it’s all my fault. I can’t eat, I can’t sleep, my stomach is in knots, my head is killing me, and every muscle in my body is tense.

I did get an emergency appointment with a counselor last Thursday, but she wasn’t very helpful…just asked questions and nodded a lot. She did keep telling me that this isn’t my fault but I pretty much knew that before. I went into the appointment feeling like crap, I left feeling like crap. I went to my regular doctor the next day. He, too, just kept nodding sympathetically while I bawled my eyes out. Finally, when I was about to get up and leave, he prescribed an antidepressant (fluoxetine) and Ambien. So far, the Ambien helps me get to sleep, but doesn’t keep me asleep. I still wake up after about 4 hours and lie there awake in the dark.

I went for a massage on Saturday, which was WONDERFUL. I actually left there feeling like a new person. My stomach didn’t hurt and my headache settled down to a dull roar. I was able to keep down a small supper. But that was the night the police came to the door with my son. So my “peace” lasted roughly 12 hours.

I can’t keep going like this. I see the same counselor again tomorrow, a marriage counselor next week, and the regular doctor again in three weeks. I work out about three days a week in the gym, but that hasn’t seemed to help. Neither did a hot bath. Is time the only thing that will help? Does anybody have any suggestions of what works for their nerves? I’ll try just about anything.

Don't have a lot of experience with these kind of life stresses, but if the massage helped, there is a great shiatsu massage pillow, made by Homedics, I think. Only cost about $20-30. Works great on neck & shoulders, which in turn could help the headache.

If you are still crying alot, you could also be dehydrated, which causes headaches. So force yourself to drink lots of water.

When I've had major stresses, I try to remind myself to BREATH. Slow deep breaths can actually help. Even at night. Try to just concentrate on the slow deep breaths when you can't sleep. Focus on that when you start thinking at night. If you start to think about your problems, force yourself back to thinking about the breathing. Just in & out. You won't even realize it, but you'll fall asleep.

I hope things will look better for you soon. And since your mom didn't give you one, here's a hug from me

 

[usnuzuloose]

I understand what you are going through. I have been there and done that. I found that I just needed someone to listen to me. I had alot of people praying for me as well. I went to counselors. I am still feeling different things. But I do not know your whole situation. I dont need to know I can tell just by your words. Just remember your not alone with these issues. If you find that this counselor is not helpful then please find one that will take more concern for your issues. I never took meds as I knew it is not the cure all. Just please know I really care! My heart aches to hear this. Find a good friend that will just let you vent every now and then. You are in my thoughts and prayers. You can go find peaceful places to take a walk. Take relaxing baths. Go to lunch with friends. Just take one day at a time. True friends will always listen. I know its not always easy to relax, but do what makes you feel comfortable. If someone knew my story it would be rather shocking. But many hugs to you. Jo

 

[NHdisneylover]

First of all It sounds like you are in a really rough spot and I am so sorry.

When things are really bothering me I find that reading something I know I will get caught up in helps. I have to find something I love that will keep me so focused that I forget to worry while I am reading it. It gives me little stress free breaks while Iam at it at least. Maybe you can try that, or a really good movie if you are not a reader.

I also echo the PPs advice about remembering to breath. Try sitting with your eyes closed and just focusing on long, deep breaths for a few minutes every hour. It does seem to slow my heart rate and my crazy thoughts down a bit.

Other than that, eating right (hard to do when you feel really bad) and drinking lots of water do help keep things from getting worse.


I am glad you are seeing counselors and doctors and making sure you take care of yourself in this time

 

[Humiliated]

I have been drinking LOTS of water and tea today Hopefully that will help. I also have to consciously remember to stop clenching my teeth (amazing how often that happens when you're not even aware you're doing it).

Deep breathing does help--thank you. Unfortunately, I think my co-workers are getting really annoyed by my deep sighing every few minutes.

I wish I could talk to friends right now, but it's just too humiliating to discuss with people I know. Besides, DH and I may try to work it out at some point (I'm not ready yet), and then this "thing" will always be known by someone. My mother is bi-polar, and I knew I shouldn't have confided in her at all, but in a moment of weakness I filled her in on a few things. I never expected her to lash out at me the way she did.

Okay, back to deep breathing and water. Reading and walking are also good ideas, but my mind is not in the right place for that to be beneficial yet. I can't quit thinking and worrying about it. I know I have to let some of this go, I just don't know how.

 

[Pixiedust34]

I'm sorry about all of the hard stuff that is hitting you right now.

I agree with the others. Take care of yourself. Drink a lot of water. Eat well. Try to get some sleep.

As for relaxing, I've always been able to enjoy a good book. This isn't literally relaxing, but exercising can help your body deal with stress and it's good to hear that you are exercising. Also, how about renting some good movies, especially comedies or something light/easy to watch? And there's always the Dis.

I hope things will be looking up for you soon.

 

[Planogirl]

Get out of the house! I think that often the best way to recharge is to do something different that takes your attention. You could see a movie, go to a museum, eat a nice lunch, window shop, hang out in a bookstore, etc. A change of scenery can do wonders.

It sounds like the counseling is a good idea. Just talking about it can help. You may need several visits before you see a change though.

 

[Humiliated]

I wish I could someplace! But since I'm prone to blubbering at just about any second, I'm trying to stay out of public places. I have been going to work (can't afford to lose my job, too) and hiding out in the bathroom with my emotions get the best of me.

Yes, the DIS is awesome! The topics are short enough to hold my attention. Anything too deep, and my mind will start to wander back to the misery again.

The only bright side is I am losing weight. Five pounds this past week, but I'm pretty sure my body is also in starvation mode, holding onto anything I can put in there. Not the way I wanted to lose weight, that's for sure. Not eating is also making it difficult to exercise (no energy/getting dizzy). But if I try to force the food down, it will come right back up. Only soft, bland foods will stay down and as long as I eat VERY slowly.

I WANT to get back on track, I really do.

 

[focusondisney]

OP, you are doing great so far. Good point on the teeth clentching. Try to relax your shoulders, too. Drop them down, circle around, squeeze them together & then relax them.

Take it one minute, one day at a time. You are strong & you will get thru all these trials. In thru the nose, out thru the mouth. Just like a mantra. Your co workers will get over it! Sorry you don't have your mom's support. That is so sad on it's own. But your Dis friends are here for you.

 

[Humiliated]

In thru the nose, out thru the mouth. Just like a mantra.

GREAT advice--thank you! It's really working! I knew I could count on DIS'ers to pull me through. I've been on here for a long time, just changed my name when all of this came up.

Thank you for all of the suggestions. As I start to loosen up more, I'm sure more of those will come in handy. Right now, it's all I can do to make it through the day, hour by hour.

 

[dalt01]

i am

 

[Robindianne]

acupuncture? I use acupuncture, paxil, meditation chanting and music cds (got them from my acupuncturist), herbs also from acupst, counseling (and counselor made me a relaxation cd like a visualization with music), my pets (lots of snuggle fur time). And sometimes (don't laugh) I'd ask the planet to show me just one wonderful thing that day and then (probably because I was looking for it), I'd notice a cool flower, hear a bird, feel sun on my head, or some such thing - didn't matter what it was. That really helped me alot. If the counselor you saw didn't help (or you didn't click or whatever - doesn't matter; you are the consumer) I'd try another. And maybe walk in with something like, "I need immediate relief in the here and now, we can work on other things as they come up but now I just need to feel better right now". Oh, hypnosis has helped me too. The bad thing is these all cost money. I"m sorry for all you are going through and I'm glad you know it's not your fault.

I need advice on how to relax, seriously.

The background—just in the past week, my marriage suffered a huge blow (can’t go into details or thread will be deleted), refrigerator quit so we had to buy a new one immediately, DS18 was brought home drunk by the police on Saturday night, and my mother says it’s all my fault. I can’t eat, I can’t sleep, my stomach is in knots, my head is killing me, and every muscle in my body is tense.

I did get an emergency appointment with a counselor last Thursday, but she wasn’t very helpful…just asked questions and nodded a lot. She did keep telling me that this isn’t my fault but I pretty much knew that before. I went into the appointment feeling like crap, I left feeling like crap. I went to my regular doctor the next day. He, too, just kept nodding sympathetically while I bawled my eyes out. Finally, when I was about to get up and leave, he prescribed an antidepressant (fluoxetine) and Ambien. So far, the Ambien helps me get to sleep, but doesn’t keep me asleep. I still wake up after about 4 hours and lie there awake in the dark.

I went for a massage on Saturday, which was WONDERFUL. I actually left there feeling like a new person. My stomach didn’t hurt and my headache settled down to a dull roar. I was able to keep down a small supper. But that was the night the police came to the door with my son. So my “peace” lasted roughly 12 hours.

I can’t keep going like this. I see the same counselor again tomorrow, a marriage counselor next week, and the regular doctor again in three weeks. I work out about three days a week in the gym, but that hasn’t seemed to help. Neither did a hot bath. Is time the only thing that will help? Does anybody have any suggestions of what works for their nerves? I’ll try just about anything.

 

[Humiliated]

You know, Oprah had something on one of her shows that went like "Depression is a luxury poor people can't afford." She was so right! DH and I both work, and as long as we're together we can survive this financially. Apart, it would be extremely tough. That's another worry--I'm really watching my spending in case we do split up.

Yes, pets are wonderful. As I was burying my face in my dog's coat last night and crying, I had incredible feelings of deja-vu. I speficially remember doing that as a child and as a teenager. Different dogs, but all provided comfort.

Funny thing about sleeping last night--DH and I aren't sharing the same bedroom right now, and the dog usually sleeps on the bed with us. I know I started out in the middle of the bed last night, but the dog slowly pushed me over onto my side. Not only is the dog taking his share of space, but DH's as well. Apparently my dog doesn't like this arrangement and is telling me in no uncertain terms. The dog also barks incessantly everytime DH and I have "tried" to discuss things, making it next to impossible to communicate. The dog doesn't want anything, he just keeps barking. I know pets CAN sense metabolic changes in people, but I certainly didn't think MY dog was that smart.

 

[Disney Doll]

I walk.

I clean.

I go to church. I don't even always formally pray when I am there...sometimes I just sit there and let the feeling of being in a holy place wash over me. And I think and I let God's words come to me.

If you are not a church person, try going out into nature. I have been known to do that too, often with the same effect as going to church.

I tell myself "This too shall pass". I find that if I tell myself that often enough, I begin to believe it.

I tell myself that I must let go of things I cannot control. I find that if I tell myself that often enough, I begin to believe it.

I go walk through the cemetery across the street from my house. It is an old cemetery (some Revolutionary War graves), and so it gives me great perspective to think that all the people resting there had times in their life that were difficult, terrible, hurtful, sad...and they went on, and after they were gone, the world went on too.

to you in this difficult time.

 

[Humiliated]

I would LOVE to go to church, but don't think I could hold my tears for that long. I often get emotional in church anyway.

At the suggestion of another poster (last week, when I originally put the whole issue out there), I went to CelebrateRecoveryOnline.com, where I've been listening to a recorded message by the pastor. It's a very powerful and helpful message (it's really long, so I have to listen in segments).

Normally I love to clean too, but have lost interest in that completely. I've only done the bare minimum of what absolutely has to get taken care of.

 

[Disney Doll]

I don't go to church for Mass when I am upset. I go to church during the week and just sit there quietly. Usually I am alone and if not, I can get myself far enough away from someone else who might be there praying so that disturbing them if I am quietly crying or something isn't an issue.

 

[Humiliated]

I don't go to church for Mass when I am upset. I go to church during the week and just sit there quietly. Usually I am alone and if not, I can get myself far enough away from someone else who might be there praying so that disturbing them if I am quietly crying or something isn't an issue.

Good idea. Maybe I'll go to a church different from the one I normally attend. I really don't want to see anyone I know right now.

 

[bumbershoot]

Deep breathing does help--thank you. Unfortunately, I think my co-workers are getting really annoyed by my deep sighing every few minutes.

Oh my goodness, don't worry about THEM right now! If you don't want to share everything, just let them know you've got big baddies happening right now and you're needing to breathe.

however, if you're breathing in and out nice and big, you don't have to make them *sighs*, they can be quiet.

Bach's Rescue Remedy helps when I'm very anxious. It's somewhere between a homeopathic remedy and an herbal remedy; made of flowers. It's magic. First found out about it from an employee at PetSmart as something to put in our cat's water for 4th of July, but later became a staple in our household! Very very helpful.

I'm not a big fan of using western medications to forget about my troubles. I think that if we go right through them, crying when we need to (and when it's safe to), talking, working it all through, it's far better. Glad you're going to have counseling (you did say you're going to have *individual* counseling, yes?) b/c you need someone SAFE to talk to!

The dog also barks incessantly everytime DH and I have "tried" to discuss things, making it next to impossible to communicate. The dog doesn't want anything, he just keeps barking. I know pets CAN sense metabolic changes in people, but I certainly didn't think MY dog was that smart.

That's pretty amazing. Also sounds like you need to be away from the dog while working through your stuff with H. My dog growing up used to stand in front of me, choosing sides, when my mom and I would argue.

I would LOVE to go to church, but don't think I could hold my tears for that long. I often get emotional in church anyway.

Sit in back and cry!

 

[NHdisneylover]

Oh my goodness, don't worry about THEM right now! If you don't want to share everything, just let them know you've got big baddies happening right now and you're needing to breathe.

however, if you're breathing in and out nice and big, you don't have to make them *sighs*, they can be quiet.

Bach's Rescue Remedy helps when I'm very anxious. It's somewhere between a homeopathic remedy and an herbal remedy; made of flowers. It's magic. First found out about it from an employee at PetSmart as something to put in our cat's water for 4th of July, but later became a staple in our household! Very very helpful.

I'm not a big fan of using western medications to forget about my troubles. I think that if we go right through them, crying when we need to (and when it's safe to), talking, working it all through, it's far better. Glad you're going to have counseling (you did say you're going to have *individual* counseling, yes?) b/c you need someone SAFE to talk to!



That's pretty amazing. Also sounds like you need to be away from the dog while working through your stuff with H. My dog growing up used to stand in front of me, choosing sides, when my mom and I would argue.




Sit in back and cry!

A friend gave us some of those when we moved. They are surprisingly effective They are not going to put a stop to all your pain but they can take the edge off the stress.

 

[Humiliated]

Bach's Rescue Remedy --I'll definitely check it out. Any idea if a store carries it, or is it only on-line?