How do you know when a child is good at something?

[NY Disney fan]

For parents out there: how do you know your child is good at something or excels in a hobby/subject? Do you sign them up for various classes and hopefully they'll excel in it?

Do you train them at home to be good in something YOU want them to be good at? (Math, spelling for spelling bee).

When you find out your kid is good at something do you exploit it/take advantage? (ie, try to get them a scholarship based on that or enter them in competition?)

 

[swald91]

I think most parents think their kids are GREAT at everything! But sometimes they will show interest in something & let them try it out-if I don't have the knowledge on it I would seek it out...

 

[Nik's Mom]

We try to expose our kids to a lot of different things. If they seem to enjoy a certain activity, then we continue with it. If they seem to hate it, then we leave it at that. But while I don't believe in forcing a child to participate in a certain activity, sometimes a little pushing is required. For example, my sons are in special olympics. There are times when my oldest son does not want to go to practice. We make him go because we believe it is important for him to be involved in a physical activity. Once he's at practice, he is totally happy and has a great time.

I think it is important to be supportive if your child excels at something. But I think it's bad if you let your own desires or dreams cloud your judgement. Too often, we see crazy parents at athletic competitions. It's sad.

I have a brother who was very good at football and even received a college scholarship to play. He has 2 sons and they really enjoyed playing football too. But I believe he took it to the extreme. His oldest was accepted to Harvard University and was offered a spot on their football team. My brother convinced his son to attend another school because they offered him a football scholarship. The University was no where near the level of attending Harvard. It was like all my brother wanted was a son in the NFL.

Don't get me wrong, I know my brother loves his son, but I believe that desire to have a son in the NFL really clouded his judgement at times.

 

[NMAmy]

I think you can encourage kids and help them enjoy activities. I'm a reader and, much as my own mother did, I filled the house with kid books and read to her a lot. She really enjoys reading for pleasure even though her friends think she's a little weird. I also encouraged her to take foreign language classes, etc. She got an academic scholarship to college.

DD was also very good at sports. She was allowed to choose one sport per season to participate in. We went to her games and cheered her on but since I have no interest in sports at all, there was no pushing her to excel. I couldn't care less as long as she was having fun.

 

[DisneyBamaFan]

We have demanded that our children try a number of things, but we never expect them to continue past their initial season/year if they decide that it isn't for them. We didn't let our boys just play one sport - we made them play several. They have now settled into the sports that they like best, at least one of which they wouldn't have even tried without our insistence.

As for pushing them to be better - that is up to them. I will support lessons if they can convince me that it is important to them. Not at the scholarship position yet, but all of these things come into play when they apply for a college.

I want well rounded boys who can think for themselves. The rest is gravy...

 

[dislaney]

I encouraged mine to try lots of different activities. Our one rule was that you couldn't quit until the season/semester was over if it was something you didn't enjoy. I don't think you have to excel at an activity to be able to enjoy and participate in it. While it would be great if a scholarship came from an enjoyable activity - I'm not sure that should be the goal.

 

[minniebeth]

I want well rounded boys who can think for themselves. The rest is gravy...

I think when kids really excel at somthing, it is a natural progression and between the parents, the kids and surrounding teachers/coaches/mentors, etc. you will know.
Most importantly, the love and passion for the activity should stay first and front~

 

[Erin1700]

My daughter has never had a fear of water. we realized when she was almost 3 that she could swim underwater, we put her in mommy and me swim class. She just naturally took to the water. By 3 1/2 she could go off of the diving board, swim the length of the pool in as good a freestyle swim as a 3 yr old could do (with someone walking along side of her incase she got tired) and could swim backstroke too.
We kept her in lessons through the winters and she is now 9 and swims for USA swimming.
She never asks to do any other sport and loves swimming. In kindergarten she did ask to try basketball and we let her and she discovered she wasnt very good at it. We made her finish out the season but otherwise it is just swimming.

 

[wdwfan16]

A parent needs to expose their kids to as many different things as they can. If the kid only does stuff they are good at they will not be well round. If the kid trys it and does not like it then let them stop. If the kid finds something they really like then let them continue but still try to make them try other stuff too.

 

[ADisneyQueen]

I think you know your child is good at something when other people start to comment on it and compliment your child.
My dd9 is really good at art. It started at age 4 when they would tape up all the kids pictures at preschool and other parents would rave about how well she could draw. She puts her artwork into the fair and has won awards. I just provide a lot of art materials at home for her.
I never push my kids to over practice something. If they have a natural ability to do something, they will be good at it w/o going overboard on perfecting it.

 

[Erin1700]

A parent needs to expose their kids to as many different things as they can. If the kid only does stuff they are good at they will not be well round.

I am not sure I agree with you 100% on that.
I can tell you that when you have a child that is involved with something like USA swimming or USA gymnastics, there really isnt a whole lot of time to do anything else.

Is my DD not well rounded because she only does one sport? She is the top of her class and auditioned for and got 2 parts in an AMerican Girl fashion show, so she does have other interests.

 

[wdwfan16]

I am not sure I agree with you 100% on that.
I can tell you that when you have a child that is involved with something like USA swimming or USA gymnastics, there really isnt a whole lot of time to do anything else.

Is my DD not well rounded because she only does one sport? She is the top of her class and auditioned for and got 2 parts in an AMerican Girl fashion show, so she does have other interests.

It does not have to be a sport. It could be theater, like you listed or something totally different.

 

[DisneyBamaFan]

I am not sure I agree with you 100% on that.
I can tell you that when you have a child that is involved with something like USA swimming or USA gymnastics, there really isnt a whole lot of time to do anything else.

Is my DD not well rounded because she only does one sport? She is the top of her class and auditioned for and got 2 parts in an AMerican Girl fashion show, so she does have other interests.

There are exceptions to every rule, but the best way to ensure that your child is well rounded is to expose them to more, wouldn't you say? Your method worked for your DD, but it sounds like she is has a pretty special ability. Not everyone can be a great swimmer, no matter their level of effort or time practicing/swimming...

 

[Acklander]

Like many others, I expose my kids to lots of different types of activities and then narrow down to what they actually enjoy doing.
I've always been a firm believer in the thought that if they don't enjoy it, they'll never get beyond mediocre.There are too many things in life you're required to do even if you don't like it, extra curricular activities should be the things you WANT to do. I've had the opportunity to do the things I enjoy and what I'm good at, now it's their turn to find their voice in this world.
As far as "exploiting" them for their talents (i.e. scholarships etc....) I let them make up their own mind on that one, because usually with the scholarship goes some type of commitment.
I remember when in H.S. receiving tons of offers of scholarship $$$ that was tied into a sport that I excelled at. Thing was, while I enjoyed the sport I didn't want my education to be tied to my actually playing that sport, so I found another way to pay for college

 

[Erin1700]

I think there is a way to go overboard though on trying to get your child well rounded.

I know families that have their kids in every possible sport and activity!

 

[KiminChicago]

I have to agree with all of the PPs. We (DH and I) have had both our son and our daughter try gymnastics, dance lessons, swim lessons, Little League, music lessons, skiing lessons -- you name it and they've probably done it at least once. Then last year when DS started middle school, we told him to try any sport he hadn't already played since the 6th grade after school sports are all intramural and they accept everyone, no one can be cut from a team. So he tried track, flag football and basketball.

It turns out that our son is not really an athlete at all. He played baseball for several years but this is the first year he told us he just didn't want to do it anymore. He may try out for the track team this year but his real love is music and acting. He tried out for his middle school musical, he's in the school band and the jazz band and he's also in the 7th grade chorus and an all-male vocal group.

DD is a dancer. She started taking classes when she was three and last year her dance teacher asked her to join the competition dance company. DD keeps getting more more key roles and even though she's only 11, the dance teacher tells me she's one of the strongest, hardest working dancers that the company has had in the last couple years.

The only thing that wasn't negotiable in our house was swimming lessons. I told them that they had to keep taking lessons until they could swim the length of the indoor pool at the rec center. Both of them hated it at first, but I never learned how to swim and I've always regretted it. It took several series of lessons, but now both kids can swim like fishes and when they are invited to friends' houses for pool parties, they always thank me for making them learn.

So I guess my advice would be to expose them to as much as you can from as many disciplines as you can. Not all boys are meant to be athletes, and not all girls turn out to be dancers or gymnasts!

 

[DisneyBamaFan]

I think there is a way to go overboard though on trying to get your child well rounded.

I know families that have their kids in every possible sport and activity!

Agree 100%...

 

[The Mystery Machine]

For parents out there: how do you know your child is good at something or excels in a hobby/subject? Do you sign them up for various classes and hopefully they'll excel in it?

Do you train them at home to be good in something YOU want them to be good at? (Math, spelling for spelling bee).

When you find out your kid is good at something do you exploit it/take advantage? (ie, try to get them a scholarship based on that or enter them in competition?)

My dd who is 13 now is a good writer & speaker. In TX she entered into a UIL competition in 3rd grade for writing, up against 3/4th graders. Many schools participate. Well she got 1st place. We had heard from teachers how well she wrote, blah, blah, blah so this confirmed it a bit.

Right now she is into "business" so she has taken a different direction however she is taking public speaking next yr and may get into debate if she likes it in HS.

She is also signed up to take a writing class at a college this summer for 3 weeks. Now she has to still get accepted to do that.

She also loves acting, management, directing (movies) and likes screenwriting. She wants to do a screenwriting class over the summer at another scholar program at a college. We will see, that is way more expensive.

She hates sports and not an athlete in anyway shape or form. That is fine with us. She has many other talents to explore and is having fun doing it. If we pay for summer scholar programs instead of sports it is all good in the end.

 

[mom2travel]

Like many others, I expose my kids to lots of different types of activities and then narrow down to what they actually enjoy doing.
I've always been a firm believer in the thought that if they don't enjoy it, they'll never get beyond mediocre.There are too many things in life you're required to do even if you don't like it, extra curricular activities should be the things you WANT to do. I've had the opportunity to do the things I enjoy and what I'm good at, now it's their turn to find their voice in this world.
As far as "exploiting" them for their talents (i.e. scholarships etc....) I let them make up their own mind on that one, because usually with the scholarship goes some type of commitment.
I remember when in H.S. receiving tons of offers of scholarship $$$ that was tied into a sport that I excelled at. Thing was, while I enjoyed the sport I didn't want my education to be tied to my actually playing that sport, so I found another way to pay for college

This fits in with our thinking.
DS and DD both have one sport now - they each love what they do and couldn't possibly fit another one into their schedules at this level. Each tried many different sports or other activities, but for one reason or another moved on - this includes giving up otherwise enjoyable activities because of time restrictions from their main sport. That was their choice, not ours. They enjoy their chosen sports and are willing to give up other things to spend more time with them. I think that is important - that they are competing in sports (or any other activity, etc) for themselves, no one else.

DD(10) is a competitive gymnast. She says that she would like to continue through college. Maybe she will, maybe she won't; that is her choice. I have commented many times that we will know when she is ever "done" with it when she no longer is enthusiastic or if she complains about going to practice. The drive and motivation need to be hers - we can't force her to practice a dozen hours a week. It also comes at the price of giving up time with her school and neighborhood friends; as she moves up more and more free time with friends is spent with teammates who have schedules and goals similar to her.

DS(15) is a very good tennis player. From what people tell me has a very good chance of college scholarship (assuming he continues to play at the level he is now). If that happens, he will need to decide whether he would like his college experience to include a team commitment to his school.

Circling back to one of OP's questions... I think all you can do is offer opportunities to your children and take your cues from them. If they hate something, don't force them to do it again (although we always had a "you need to finish the season" rule). If they enjoy it let them continue. You will be able to see whether they are enjoying it for fun or have the talent to excel/progress; I think "good at it" and "enjoy it" activities are equally important. Keep in mind talent and ability change over time - the kid who has great motor skills at the age of 4 may not be the star of the team at 10. Kids develop at different rates. The 2 rules in our house are "have fun" and "do your best". As a PP said, the rest is gravy

 

[mom2travel]

I think there is a way to go overboard though on trying to get your child well rounded.

I know families that have their kids in every possible sport and activity!

Oh my gosh yes! Sometimes I wonder how some of the kids keep up. DD has several friends who have activities every day of the week - exhausting imo. But some people like to keep busy and not sit still so I guess whatever works for you.

Our kids each have their main sport and religion class/youth group. Plus DS has music and DD girl scouts. More than some, less than others; perfect for us right now