How do you handle holidays with the relatives?

[It's A Happy Day]

With the holidays fast approaching I was wondering how those of you with SO's, spouses, children....handle dividing your time between the family members?

Luckily our immediate family members all live relatively close - 15-20 minutes away by car. When DH & I got married we made a decision to have the holiday meal at our home with just us ~ and our children now that we have kids ~ and then we go visit the rest of the families for dessert/visiting. We have a small house so it does not accomadate alot of people very well and with divorced parents in the mix it would be too much too close to invite everyone over so it remains happily just us with no drama mixed in and we still get to see everyone too.

So for example on Thanksgiving we have a dinner at home around noon and then later we drive to each parents home and visit for coffee/dessert/chat. We have found this the easiest way to enjoy our holiday and not stress out over which side gets this holiday or that holiday.

 

[MichelleVW]

We live 2 1/2 hours from my inlaws and 2 days from my family. DH's family isn't close so if we see them we see them, but usually not. Occasionally we will go visit my family in Ohio. Most of the time it's just the immediate family and no drama!!

 

[amyhughes]

We used to do the whole drive everywhere every year on Christmas day thing. That got old real quick, plus the kids didn't get to really enjoy their Christmas b/c they were being shuffled around. So, new rule, you wanna see the kids, they'll be at our house. Since they are the only grandchildren on all sides, it works out pretty well.

 

[TheGoofster]

How do we handle it?
We stay in Mexico, and send everyone a nice card. Works great.

 

[Lintasare]

I drink. It usually drowns out relatives.

 

[Saphire]

We have always seen DH's side of the family around the holiday, not on it, because they live two hours away and we never wanted to spend the holiday driving. Besides, I love to cook and host holiday's at my home. My in-laws have always been wonderful about it.

Now it is my turn to be mature and flexible, and I am determined to not be one of those jealous and controling mothers. Our DS has a serious girlfriend, but she lives in Maine. I told him that he should do what he wants on the holiday's, that it is OK if he wants to spend it with her. She is welcome here, too. Whatever works for them is fine!

 

[tazdev3225]

My holidays have gotten complicated since my kids have all grown up and have their own families. Thanksgiving is a free for all. DH and I go to my parents' house where we have the annual wait to see how long it takes my brother to get mad and storm out. Last year he lasted 10 minutes. I always feel sorry for his boyfriend who also has to leave though. My kids all go to their SO's families. Christmas is a trade off. My DS spends all holidays with his family and DH and I stop by later in the day. DD1 switches between his family and us and DD2 goes to both families. We all spend Christmas Eve with my BIL's family. I cook at DD1's (she can't cook at all) or go to my parents. I hate the holidays.

 

[Papa Deuce]

I ask to work on holidays.

 

[XYSRUS]

I drink...all day long.

 

[JessicaR]

How do we handle it?
We stay in Mexico, and send everyone a nice card. Works great.

I drink. It usually drowns out relatives.

I ask to work on holidays.

I drink...all day long.

All of the above sound like excellent options to me! I may have to choose one soon.

 

[okeydokey]

We moved 2000 miles away. Anyone is welcome to come see us for the holidays, but with young kids at home we do not travel at that time of year. It's worked great so far.

 

[BriarfoxinWA]

I drink. It usually drowns out relatives.

I think I need to try that...

I railroaded the in-laws into picking a day prior to the actual holiday for a family get together. It's worked well for the past 5 years or so. But last year I started getting tired of having to plan everything. Now I'm just sitting back and letting them figure it out. I'm not going to run around on the holiday so if they want to see us they know where we live.

 

[Disney Doll]

When DMIL was alive, we alternated one holiday with his sided, one holiday with mine.

Now we kind of just figure it out. It works pretty well. My parents are still alive, so we get to see everyone at some point.

When my parents are gone, I am sure it will change again.

 

[RUDisney]

My MIL does not believe that holidays should be celebrated on any day but the holiday. In 2002, there was such a bad blizzard on Christmas Day and she insisted that everyone trudge to her house for dinner even though the highways were closed, because it was Christmas Day. We all stayed an hour and then went home.

So, with some of my siblings being out of town, my Mom either has dessert on the holiday or she has the holiday meal on a weekend close to the holiday. Christmas Eve is always at my parents' house. It's also my youngest sister's birthday, so she's always guaranteed that all of her siblings, nieces and nephews will be there that day. On Christmas Day, we eat at my MIL's house, open presents and go home.

This arrangement is so much better than going to both parents' houses to eat and dragging the kids around all day long, like we were when we were younger.

 

[EthansMom]

My family is all on the opposite coast and, since they don't want to travel at the holidays any more than we do, we don't see each other at the holidays.

With the ILs, I find that setting limits and sticking to them works well. For me, those limits include: no guests on Christmas morning because that is time DH and I reserve for ourselves and our kids and no hosting a family get-together ON an actual holiday.

 

[kldmom2000]

Both my parents and DH's parents live about an hour away from us (they live in the same town we grew up in so they're only 10 min. from each other)...

Thanksgiving we go to my parent's because DH's family flip-flops lunch/dinner based on his Aunt's schedule (she's a CNA) and they want to accomodate her. It's not fair to my mom to make her switch her meal to the opposite for DH's family.... and I'd much rather just be @ my mom's We used to do both and would get so sick from all that turkey Plus, DHs' family has a ton of people there-about 22... while my mom/dad have only us (DH, myself and 2 DD's) and my single brother. I'd hate to have them alone on Thanksgiving....

Christmas is crazy.... really, really crazy. We get out of the house by 9:30am (we have 2 girls now ages 6 and 8)... rush them through getting their presents open so we can get to my Aunt's brunch by 10:30 (she also lives in the same town as our parents). We stay until 11:45 and then go to DH's parent's house from noon-3:30pm for presents/Christmas lunch.... then we go to my parent's house from 4-8"ish" for more gift exchanges and dinner.... get home around 9 and the girls go to bed while we look at the mess left over from the rushed morning to get out of there

Honestly, as crazy as it is, I suck it up because I complained once or twice and ended up with 2 DD's and a DH with INFLUENZA 4 years ago and we were all stuck at home for almost 3 weeks (and over Christmas/New Year's) and then a 4 yr old DD with the stomach bug 2 yrs ago.... believe it or not, I really did miss not seeing all the extended family!!!!

 

[rie'smom]

Thanksgiving- My daughter and I go to WDW.
Christmas Eve-my inlaws and Milk Punch.
Christmas Day-my side and Whiskey Sour Punch.
You see the pattern?

 

[bubie2.5]

Picture this:
I'm an only child and both my parents are dead, Christmas were always celebrated at home, just mom, dad and grandma.

My partner is the younger of seven. And only two of "the kids" live near their maternal home. They celebrate three holidays between Dec 24/Jan 6 Christmas, New Years and Three Wise Men Day (Spanish tradition). After making a long trip AND only seeing them for a couple of weeks during the summer, we try to schedule it so that we'll be there for all three holidays.

At first I was a little seeing all of them together coming in and out, the noise, the games, the amount of food, people everywhere... it was crazy. But they're such a loving family that I couldn't help to fall in love with them. Now I can't wait for Christmas to come!!

 

[mhsjax]

We see all of the family and friends that we can, sometimes on Christmas Eve, some on Christmas Day and some the day after, I don't go anywhere myself on Christmas Day but family and friends are more that welcome at our house on Christmas Day, I like alot of people around.

 

[NMAmy]

Well, my IL's are all in England so they're not part of the equation. For awhile, we had my extended family all coming to our house for the holidays but my niece now has 3 young children so we all go to my sister's house (which is closer for them.) My mother is 76 and doesn't want to do a party at her house anymore so she just goes to whichever one includes the little kids. I can't compete with all that cuteness, KWIM?

DD's father and I are divorced so sometimes dd is with us for a holiday and sometimes with him. I can totally create any holiday on any day of the year. A lot of the time, it works out better for the extended family when dd isn't here because we have the celebration either before and after and there's no competition with all their assorted in-laws. Then on the actual holiday, DH and I have a relaxing day and maybe take in a movie.