How do you deal with a text-a-holic?

[Carly_Roach]

For me, texting is a Godsend because if you call me, I won't understand what you are saying anyway so don't waste your time . unless, of course you have the time for me to say, sorry, can you say that again about 100 times.

In this case, if I had something like that in my life then I'd either cut off all communications with that person or find another way to talk if I really wanted or needed that person in my life.

Sorry, but I DON'T have time for some random friend or family member to dictate to me how I'm going to communicate with them. Especially if the media is going to cost me extra money. We'd either see each other face-to-face on a random basis or not at all.

Besides, I doubt seriously that this person would have much to offer me anyway if they're that controlling over their method of communication.

 

[golfgal]

I agree. I said before that anyone criticizing either preference doesn't have a leg to stand on.

Gal, that sort of thing happens on these boards every day, probably a dozen times a day minimum. A substantial portion of all threads on this Board are cases of someone judging something that they have no legitimate standing to judge, vacuously imposing their own personal beliefs and values on others, and expecting compliance, even though those other people subscribe to different beliefs and values.

Yep, and if people would give things a fair shot before they started criticizing others, the world would be a friendlier place.

 

[Northstar]

In this case, if I had something like that in my life then I'd either cut off all communications with that person or find another way to talk if I really wanted or needed that person in my life.

Sorry, but I DON'T have time for some random friend or family member to dictate to me how I'm going to communicate with them. Especially if the media is going to cost me extra money. We'd either see each other face-to-face on a random basis or not at all.

Besides, I doubt seriously that this person would have much to offer me anyway if they're that controlling over their method of communication.

I'm sure you don't mean it this way, but this is why people with a hearing problem have such a hard time maintaining social relationships and just getting their business done in the world.

Most of us can be flexible about our modes of communication and choose our preferred modes. But not everybody can access all modes with equal freedom of choice. So if you can access text, voice, email, and face time with equal ease, and the other person can also, then it's fair to express a preference and let them also express a preference.

But if you can access all modes, and the other person can't, then it's kind to give a little, understanding why they're not as flexible as you are.


But the OP's problem isn't that she hates texting, as I understand it. It's that she hates the obsessive texting, and the expectation that she'll text back instantly. I agree. If somebody's texting me several times a day, just to let me know what's going on in their life, and they feel miffed if they don't get a quick response... I feel stalked. Give me some space!

 

[golfgal]

In this case, if I had something like that in my life then I'd either cut off all communications with that person or find another way to talk if I really wanted or needed that person in my life.

Sorry, but I DON'T have time for some random friend or family member to dictate to me how I'm going to communicate with them. Especially if the media is going to cost me extra money. We'd either see each other face-to-face on a random basis or not at all.

Besides, I doubt seriously that this person would have much to offer me anyway if they're that controlling over their method of communication.

But you can dictate to THEM how they should communicate with you .

 

[bicker]

Sorry, but I DON'T have time for some random friend or family member to dictate to me how I'm going to communicate with them.

And assume the feeling is mutual, so your approach with your friend would result in contention or worse, while Gal's approach with her friend would result in compromise.

Besides, I doubt seriously that this person would have much to offer me anyway if they're that controlling over their method of communication.

There's really no difference between what they're doing and saying "I DON'T have time for some random friend or family member to dictate to me how I'm going to communicate with them".

 

[shortbun]

In this case, if I had something like that in my life then I'd either cut off all communications with that person or find another way to talk if I really wanted or needed that person in my life.

Sorry, but I DON'T have time for some random friend or family member to dictate to me how I'm going to communicate with them. Especially if the media is going to cost me extra money. We'd either see each other face-to-face on a random basis or not at all.

Besides, I doubt seriously that this person would have much to offer me anyway if they're that controlling over their method of communication.

Yeah, I gotta 'call' you on this one. Isn't what you are doing controlling how they communicate with you? If I say-look Carly, it's so much easier for me to text you because I like you and I want to stay in touch but I don't have time all the time because I work, have 3 kids, volunteer and take care of my house. I value your friendship and just need, have to have, a little contact with you sometimes to feel good about it. You would say to me-you don't really contribute that much to my life so, meh????

 

[design_mom]

Yeah, I gotta 'call' you on this one. Isn't what you are doing controlling how they communicate with you? If I say-look Carly, it's so much easier for me to text you because I like you and I want to stay in touch but I don't have time all the time because I work, have 3 kids, volunteer and take care of my house. I value your friendship and just need, have to have, a little contact with you sometimes to feel good about it. You would say to me-you don't really contribute that much to my life so, meh????

You know if someone said something like this to me with the reasons that texting is easier for them, I might consider adding texting to my plan. (If GolfGal was my in-real-life friend, I might consider it because I do see her point... but the only hard-of-hearing person I talk to regularly is my Dad and he doesn't text.) Because, yeah, there are some people that I would consider paying the $6/month to text if that was really important to them.

However, all the people I know who text also call, facebook, e-mail, etc. There are plenty of alternate ways to get ahold of me that don't cost me extra money... and when I say "I'd rather if you didn't text me, because it costs me extra" they don't. I don't think I'm dictating how they communicating with me. I'm just asking for their consideration. I suppose they could say "too bad. I'm texting." and then I'd have to decide what to do from there.

Honestly, the reason I "don't text" is not because I'm bad at it. It's more that I'm worried that I'll get too good at it. It's the same reason I don't have a smartphone. I spend *way* too much time on the computer doing e-mail, DISboard, etc. If I could carry that around in my pocket and access it all the time, that would be way too much for me. (I probably would become a text-a-holic.) At least this way once I walk away from the computer, I'm away from it.

 

[MELSMICE]

In this case, if I had something like that in my life then I'd either cut off all communications with that person or find another way to talk if I really wanted or needed that person in my life.

Sorry, but I DON'T have time for some random friend or family member to dictate to me how I'm going to communicate with them. Especially if the media is going to cost me extra money. We'd either see each other face-to-face on a random basis or not at all.

Besides, I doubt seriously that this person would have much to offer me anyway if they're that controlling over their method of communication.

I find this very sad, arrogant and very closed minded.

There are other things I could say about this, but it's not worth the risk of getting points!

 

[disney1990]

Give them a taste of their own medicine. Texters generally prefer texting over talking. Therefore, you should call them multiple times throughout the day to fill them in on every inane detail of your daily life.

I tried this approach with my sister, a tex-o-holic. She simply does not answer her telephone. She only texts -- period. If I blocked her text messages, I would be ending all conversation with her and I can't do that.

 

[WDWBlue]

Not harsh at all when it is my PERSONAL experience with people that refuse to try texting. It isn't difficult, they just refuse to try because they don't understand how it works, nothing more, nothing less.

I really doubt many people are opposed to it because they can't do it, or don't get it. I understand it completely and can do it. I just refuse to do it, don't like it.

 

[NotUrsula]

... rather than send an abbreviated message full of text-speak that I may not understand anyway and will probably ignore.

... And the light dawns. It sounds to me as if it isn't the mode of communication that really bothers you, but the way people in your circle are choosing to use that mode of communication.

When I text I don't use "text-speak" as you put it -- I write in full sentences with standard spelling. (Actually I really prefer to use email to text, which is easy to do by tacking the carrier designation onto the end of the phone number.) I don't forget my manners, either -- if I'm speaking to someone IRL, the phone stays muted in my pocket, and I excuse myself and leave the room if I really MUST read whatever it is.

 

[bicker]

When I text I don't use "text-speak" as you put it -- I write in full sentences with standard spelling.

My Windows Phone actually has type-ahead, so as I start typing a word, a bunch of options from the dictionary show up and I can click any of them to complete that word. Spell check, for TXTs.

 

[Big Cuddly Bear]

I really doubt many people are opposed to it because they can't do it, or don't get it. I understand it completely and can do it. I just refuse to do it, don't like it.

Me too. I hate them. And I have texting turned off. I was getting spam texts...

 

[disykat]

I find this very sad, arrogant and very closed minded.

There are other things I could say about this, but it's not worth the risk of getting points!

Me too. I'm not a big texter, but I can't imagine refusing if I had a friend who had difficulty hearing on the phone.

 

[2binak]

So, does anyone have advice on how to deal with text-a-holics that send unwanted texts?

Ask them to stop. If they don't like it, that's on them. DH & I don't text and we don't have a texting plan. (and he's a major techy so it's not that he doesn't know how, we just prefer talking to people).

One family member used to text and send videos & pictures all of the time (sometimes messages about or pictures of her friends, people we don't know) and everytime she did, it cost us money. We finally asked her to stop since it was forcing us to spend money that we didn't want to spend and we never recieved another text from her.

 

[Carly_Roach]

I find this very sad, arrogant and very closed minded.

There are other things I could say about this, but it's not worth the risk of getting points!

You probably find it sad, arrogant and close minded because you're choosing to find it sad, arrogant and closed minded. design_mom understood where I was coming from:

You know if someone said something like this to me with the reasons that texting is easier for them, I might consider adding texting to my plan. (If GolfGal was my in-real-life friend, I might consider it because I do see her point... but the only hard-of-hearing person I talk to regularly is my Dad and he doesn't text.) Because, yeah, there are some people that I would consider paying the $6/month to text if that was really important to them.

However, all the people I know who text also call, facebook, e-mail, etc. There are plenty of alternate ways to get ahold of me that don't cost me extra money... and when I say "I'd rather if you didn't text me, because it costs me extra" they don't. I don't think I'm dictating how they communicating with me. I'm just asking for their consideration. I suppose they could say "too bad. I'm texting." and then I'd have to decide what to do from there.
Honestly, the reason I "don't text" is not because I'm bad at it. It's more that I'm worried that I'll get too good at it. It's the same reason I don't have a smartphone. I spend *way* too much time on the computer doing e-mail, DISboard, etc. If I could carry that around in my pocket and access it all the time, that would be way too much for me. (I probably would become a text-a-holic.) At least this way once I walk away from the computer, I'm away from it.

Exactly right. If I have a hard of hearing acquaintance who tells me that the only method of communication we're going to use is texting (not email, letter-writing or face-to-face), then I'm sorry hard-of-hearing acquaintance but I really don't believe I'll be needing to communicate with you.

I doubt seriously anyone with those kinds of control tactic stipulations would add anything beneficial to my life, either.

 

[disykat]

deleting

 

[design_mom]

design_mom understood where I was coming from: Exactly right. If I have a hard of hearing acquaintance who tells me that the only method of communication we're going to use is texting (not email, letter-writing or face-to-face), then I'm sorry hard-of-hearing acquaintance but I really don't believe I'll be needing to communicate with you.

I doubt seriously anyone with those kinds of control tactic stipulations would add anything beneficial to my life, either.

I think we've been quoting each other but are saying different things:

I *would* consider adding texting (or paying per text) if there was a strong reason that texting works better for one of my friends. If I had a good friend who was hard-of-hearing and told me that texting works best for them, I would consider it.

However, all the people I know who would want to text me also use other communication methods regularly. I prefer to use the several communication methods that we have in common (phone, e-mail, FB, etc.) that *don't* cost me extra money. I have requested that they not text me, and aside from ocassional jokes about my antiquated cell-phone and being behind the times, they don't seem to have a big problem with that.

 

[disykat]

You probably find it sad, arrogant and close minded because you're choosing to find it sad, arrogant and closed minded. design_mom understood where I was coming from: Exactly right. If I have a hard of hearing acquaintance who tells me that the only method of communication we're going to use is texting (not email, letter-writing or face-to-face), then I'm sorry hard-of-hearing acquaintance but I really don't believe I'll be needing to communicate with you.

I doubt seriously anyone with those kinds of control tactic stipulations would add anything beneficial to my life, either.

I don't know where you're finding all these people you have to drop from your friend list because they will "ONLY" text. I can't find them on this thread. All of a sudden, you're going off on how you won't be friends with someone - because they feel that texting is easier for them due to a hearing problem? Go back and reread and I think you'll get why people were so upset by your post!

I don't text either. I don't get your anger at those who do!

I've never had anyone have a problem with people texting me when I don't have text messaging.

 

[Robinrs]

I love texting. I think it is one of the best inventions of modern times, right after the cell phone. I find that the only people that really don't like texting just aren't good at it and can't stand not to be good at something. It's amazing how their viewpoint changes with a Qwerty keyboard. Texting is less intrusive, more convenient and like others have said, less expensive. With the number of text messages kids send, I am surprised that cell phone companies make money on texting plans . I could drop phone coverage altogether and just have texting.

I don't hate it because I don't do it. I am just not much of a communicator. I speak on the phone for a moment or email a person a line. Texting annoys me, people send such horribly misspelled wordage and my eyes go BONKERS. I HATE misspelled words and they're constant. Sucks having a degree in English these days.