How do you control the urge to buy?

[MEM]

Are you a SAHM or do you work outside the home? In either case, eating out 5 times a week seems like a lot to me. Learn to love your crockpot. I use mine at least 5 times a week in the winter, not so much in the summer. I do work full-time outside the home and don't have a problem serving salad and sandwiches for dinner several nights a week in the summer.

I stay out of the stores plus I no longer have credit card info stored with my favorite on-line merchants like Amazon, hsn and qvc. I also tend to think of potential purchases in terms of what that money would buy that we really need rather than want - A $100 pair of shoes is one-tenth of a new sofa, for example.

 

[talulabelle]

I don't have the urge to spend when I don't have the money in my hand. Even though I use credit cards, I know how much is in my bank acct. and I don't spend it if I don't have it. I just use the credit card as a convenient way to spend my CASH. I don't use it for credit to spend money before I have it. I pay off the balance as soon as the bill comes and I like having the detailed list of my purchases. I have never understood how people rack up credit card debt. I am happier doing without than having something I had to buy on credit. I was taught by my parents from a young age by only using cash how to prioritize my spending. On the simplest level, I babysat for neighbors when I was 16-18. I babysat every Friday night and made about $20. With this $20, I had $5 to put toward gas in the car I shared with my brother to get us to school. I used about $5 to go to a movie or out with friends on Sat. night (ok, obviously prices were lower back then) and the other $10 I could either spend or something I needed or save up to get clothes or something after several weeks of saving. Sure I wanted a soda or an ice cream from time to time with my friends, but it was simple - I didn't have enough cash in my wallet for it, or I had cash, but knew I was almost out of shampoo so I didn't want to spend it and be without my basic needs. (my parents required we pay for our own gasoline and toiletries when we lived at home, but they provided food). This extremely basic spending habit has followed me through life. When I got my first real job and was making pretty good money...I enjoyed watching the number go up in my savings acct. and didn't like to spend it. I would deposit my paycheck and take out only $20 to get by the week on. I stayed living at home, because I couldn't stand the idea of paying rent. Sure, it looked way more fun to have an apartment with friends - but I enjoyed watching my money grow so that I soon had a down payment for my own house. When a friend got a designer bag that I loved - i either made a decision to use some of my savings toward it - or I decided it wasn't worth the money out of my savings. But I NEVER would have bought it on a credt card without the money to back it up. You just can't spend money you don't have. I know it is simplistic - but this is how I always have lived my life. The only debt I have is my mortgage - but that was a sound investment and the value of my house is above what I payed for it.

I know not everyone is able to view it the way I do - so to people who max their credit cards and feel they NEED things that they really could do without - I suggest you go back to basics like when I was a teenager and start there. Deal only in cash and cut up the credit cards. Budget how much of your paycheck goes toward bills and how much is for fun things a week. Only put that much cash in your wallet a week. (say like $50a week for anything outside of groceries and bills. If you want lunch out - it comes out of this money (that always forces me to pack my lunch 4 out of 5 days at least) If you want a new purse and it is more than your fun money for the week, wait until the next week or the week after to spend your 3 weeks of fun money on it. It really makes you appreciate the value of a dollar when you have to wait for the fun things. Sometimes by the time you have waited a a week or three for something extra, you finally have the money, but realize how long it took you to earn it and you realize you don't want to spend it on the item after all as it is not worth it.

Just go back to basics - you can't spend money you don't have yet. Change your thinking.

 

[MaggieBailey]

I pay cash for everything and when it come time to go shopping for whatever, I make a list and estimate how much it will cost and take only that much cash with me. If something is not on the list it does not get bought.

Us too! It might sound like a pain, but we follow a finance plan that truly helps us save for Disney time, and pay off debt... Dave Ramsey has some awesome books out there to help! I have always been a spender, but using cash makes it more "Holy cow, do I need this item"?? Lol

My husband and I both get paid the 1st of the month, and our pay is always the same (I am a nanny with a set salary, and he gets military pay) so we set up our budget, take out a set amount for food, put it in an envelope. If we want to go out to eat, it comes out of the food envelope. We also pay ourselves! 10% goes to each of us, for us. Not house stuff, not need stuff - fun, that way we don't feel deprived while paying off debt and saving. We have an envelope for clothes and household stuff, one for our fur kids (2 dogs, no human kids here ) etc. When you keep track of where it goes, and have a set amount, it's amazing to see what spent where! I used to go grocery shopping and just spend, not really thinking. Now, if we want to go out to eat, or make something special for dinner, I make it fit the budget.... That way there is no over spending. Anything left over at the end of the month either stays in its envelope or we decide what to put it towards. Extra to the mortgage, or maybe put it in the vacation fund. Good luck to you!

 

[dzorn]

I know this is going to sound awful, but lately I am out of control. I spend wayyyy to much money, and I *know* I shouldn't be doing it.

I have most cards at max and our savings is not growing because I spend anything extra that should be going that way.

To be fair it's almost always clothes, etc for the kids... sometimes they are truly things they need, but I don't make them wait until a different week, because quite frankly I don't want to go back to the store/mall.

We eat out at least 5 nights a week and I just can not seem to break that habit.

What do you do when you have the urge to buy something you know you don't "need"???

Stay home.

Cannot spend at the mall if you avoid the place like the plague.

Cut up the credit cards.

Densie in MI

 

[mom2princesss]

DH and I were in the same situation. More credit card debt then we could pay off each month, impulse buys, it was out of control.

There were several things that helped us get under control.

1. Put your credit and debit cards in a ziplock, fill with water and put them in the freezer. That way, not only do you have to come home to get the card, you have to wait for it to thaw out before you can make a purchase. Gives you lots of time to think about if that purchase is worth it or not.

2. Stay home. If you don't go out you can't spend the money.

3. We cure the "I don't want to cook so let's go out" urge at the grocery store. A rotissery chicken and a couple of ready made sides costs about $10 for the whole family instead of $30-50 and we don't have to do anything. We can even "picnic" in the livingroom with paper plates so we don't have dishes to do

4. Tell the kids no. Most of the time what the NEED is really what they(or you) WANT.

5. Invest in something that will save you money. If you don't have a neighborhood pool, invest in a Y membership. Or museum passes or aquarium passes. Some place you can go and get out of the house but isn't shopping related.

 

[jodim]

Thanks so much for everyone's advice!

I just printed out about 30 crock pot recipes from the thread here and I am going to use *at least* 2 per week for right now, until I get the hang of my crock pot. I think that will help tremendously on the nights the kids have games, class or camp.

DH and I were in the same situation. More credit card debt then we could pay off each month, impulse buys, it was out of control.

There were several things that helped us get under control.

1. Put your credit and debit cards in a ziplock, fill with water and put them in the freezer. That way, not only do you have to come home to get the card, you have to wait for it to thaw out before you can make a purchase. Gives you lots of time to think about if that purchase is worth it or not.

2. Stay home. If you don't go out you can't spend the money.

3. We cure the "I don't want to cook so let's go out" urge at the grocery store. A rotissery chicken and a couple of ready made sides costs about $10 for the whole family instead of $30-50 and we don't have to do anything. We can even "picnic" in the livingroom with paper plates so we don't have dishes to do

4. Tell the kids no. Most of the time what the NEED is really what they(or you) WANT.

5. Invest in something that will save you money. If you don't have a neighborhood pool, invest in a Y membership. Or museum passes or aquarium passes. Some place you can go and get out of the house but isn't shopping related.

Thank you for your post, I especially love the part about freezing the cards. I am going to do that as soon as I get home!

I also like the idea of grabbing a rotisserie chicken and sides.

Someone else posted a great idea about having a nice dinner at home once a week that we are definitely going to try too.

 

[Marionnette]

Thanks so much for everyone's advice!

I just printed out about 30 crock pot recipes from the thread here and I am going to use *at least* 2 per week for right now, until I get the hang of my crock pot. I think that will help tremendously on the nights the kids have games, class or camp.



Thank you for your post, I especially love the part about freezing the cards. I am going to do that as soon as I get home!

I also like the idea of grabbing a rotisserie chicken and sides.

Someone else posted a great idea about having a nice dinner at home once a week that we are definitely going to try too.

You won't regret doing those special meals once a week. I have two away at college now and the one thing that they miss the most is a home-cooked meal.

Okay, well maybe they miss the dogs the most. But a home-cooked meal is definitely a close second.

And no young man is going to bring his bride-to-be home and ask you to show her how to order take-out like you do.

 

[luvmylittleboy2003]

I do the best when I don't leave the house. If I go out, I spend money!

Doesn't work for me because of internet shopping, Amazon is killing me

 

[*Seanaci*]

I know this is going to sound awful, but lately I am out of control. I spend wayyyy to much money, and I *know* I shouldn't be doing it.

I have most cards at max and our savings is not growing because I spend anything extra that should be going that way.

To be fair it's almost always clothes, etc for the kids... sometimes they are truly things they need, but I don't make them wait until a different week, because quite frankly I don't want to go back to the store/mall.

We eat out at least 5 nights a week and I just can not seem to break that habit.

What do you do when you have the urge to buy something you know you don't "need"???

Coupons! Seriously. We get just the adverts and coupons every Sunday for free (we never read the paper, get all our news online) and I take an hour and clip any coupons and file them in my coupon keeper. That will help break the habit of eating out so often.

Also, make a grocery list. Come up with 5-7 dinners (we typically have 4-6 as we desginate Friday nights as no-cook nights, and weekends are generally Fend For Your Own aka FFYO which gets leftovers from dinners earlier in the week eaten rather than just thrown out). Try to make your shopping trip as quick as possible. My son and I go have lunch with my mom on Friday's, so we do our grocery shopping about an hour or two before we're supposed to meet her. This makes me rush through the shopping, but with a list, I don't forget anything I need. I think in the last year, we've saved a few hundred dollars by not needlessly buying.

Get your kids involved in dinner planning. My kiddo is only 3...but we still ask him what he'd like me to cook for dinners for the week. If they help plan it, they can't complain when it comes time to cook and eat the meal.

The other thing that has helped us save money is we got the Target Debit Card (it is connected directly to your checking account) and save 5% every time we make a purchase at Target. That combined with my couponing, we save at least $15 every shopping trip.

Good luck! Hope these tips help!!

 

[beansmom]

while couponing is one of my favorite hobbies, i fear this problem is way beyond coupon clipping. THe OP and her family are far outspending their budget and the best advice is to just STOP. Cooking at home (make double batches and freeze for another meal) is a huge step in that direction. Staying out of the stores is another. I have no clue how to help with internet shoppng because that is MY particular demon as well.

The OP needs to work on a complete mental makeover for her spending. Otherwise, she will wake up in 20 years and wonder why she can't retire because they have no money in the bank. My DH has saved all his life and we still have to work because nowadays, even a million dollars really isn't all that much to live 30-40 more years on.

My secret weapon is that I belong to a frugal support board... www.fractured.net . Those ladies (and few guys) know how to make Lincoln on the pennies cry from the hard pinching. They have great ideas for saving, making the most of what you have and living more simply. It is a paid site but it is the BEST $20 i spend each year. JMTCW

 

[Shelly F - Ohio]

Make a small resolution to not eat out for say one week. then if you stick to it do it again.
When you see what your dinning budget drops down to you will be more willing to cook in. Plus cooking at home is healthier and cheaper.

Tonight I am making sliced ham, green beans and mac and cheese. Total cost $ 5.75 for two people plus I will have left over mac and cheese for my lunch tomorrow.

Tomorrow is Stouffer stuffed peppers, mashed potato and corn total cost
$9.35 for two people.

 

[university]

What foods are you eating when you're eating out? If it's pizza, you can easily buy some frozen pizzas or buy the ingredients and make it yourself for way cheaper. If it's burgers, you can buy premade patties, buns, etc and cook them up quickly on the grill. Try to focus on making the fast food stuff at home first before you go all gung-ho on trying new recipes. You're used to eating certain foods at this point and you need to try to shift the focus onto eating at home, not necessarily eating better food.

Once you're used to eating at home all the time, then try out some new, healthier stuff.

 

[rnorwo1]

Be mindful and intentional with your money. Write down every penny you spend. You will not blindly spend it and you'll automatically be more mindful and discriminate with your purchases.

Assign every dollar a job before you spend it. We don't do this as consistently as we should. But if you get off track, no worries, just start over. Feeling guilty and being perfectionistic about it will surely lead to failure.

Get your kids involved. This will save you money as well as teach them crucial life lessons. I am rarely tempted to spend unnecessarily for myself, but I can come up with a million justifications as to why our kids "need" something or an experience. Kids are resilient and will be fine... In many instances they will be better off.

And no matter what, just keep trying. If you do well for a few days and then terrible for a few, wipe the slate clean and start over!

 

[travelbug]

I'm not much of a spender or shopper, so I don't battle the urge very often.

But every once in a while, after I'm home from work, I don't feel like cooking anything so I consider going to get take out food somewhere. If I decide to fight that urge, I quickly take off my make-up and change into night clothes so I'm not fit to go out of the house or even to accept delivery. Hey, it works for me!

 

[southernbohemian]

I think a lot of mothers, me included, get into a cycle of being the shoppers/consumers of the household. What you need to remember is that buying things is not the only way you can provide things for your family. Anyone can buy a hamburger at MacDonalds, but no one makes a hamburger like my boyfriend - and our kids will remember that for the rest of their lives. Teach your kids to live within their means, and you will have done a great thing as a parent.

Just because you have money, doesn't mean you have to spend it. Think about how much money you have spent over the past year just on eating out - around $12,000? What kind of amazing experience could you have given your kids - a great trip, a down payment on a cottage summer home, etc? At our house, we are all about the big picture, and that helps a lot. Picture what you want your kids to remember about their childhood - it's probably not trips to the mall or eating out. If you funnel your money towards a goal, it will be easier to funnel it away from consumption for consumption's sake.

 

[pigletto]

Be mindful and intentional with your money. Write down every penny you spend. You will not blindly spend it and you'll automatically be more mindful and discriminate with your purchases.

Assign every dollar a job before you spend it. We don't do this as consistently as we should. But if you get off track, no worries, just start over. Feeling guilty and being perfectionistic about it will surely lead to failure.

Get your kids involved. This will save you money as well as teach them crucial life lessons. I am rarely tempted to spend unnecessarily for myself, but I can come up with a million justifications as to why our kids "need" something or an experience. Kids are resilient and will be fine... In many instances they will be better off.

And no matter what, just keep trying. If you do well for a few days and then terrible for a few, wipe the slate clean and start over!

This is solid advice and worth repeating. If you try to cut back and mess up a few times.. Don't Give Up!! Just dust yourself off and start again. It's not an all or nothing thing right off the bat. You will be learning new habits. It takes time. With a dedicated effort you will see improvement!

And like the pp said..when you look at the big picture it all makes sense. I can barely order a pizza without thinking of the vacation fund these days. And going on vacation debt free is an amazing feeling. You can do it!

 

[MadilynnsMomma]

Us too! It might sound like a pain, but we follow a finance plan that truly helps us save for Disney time, and pay off debt... Dave Ramsey has some awesome books out there to help! I have always been a spender, but using cash makes it more "Holy cow, do I need this item"?? Lol

My husband and I both get paid the 1st of the month, and our pay is always the same (I am a nanny with a set salary, and he gets military pay) so we set up our budget, take out a set amount for food, put it in an envelope. If we want to go out to eat, it comes out of the food envelope. We also pay ourselves! 10% goes to each of us, for us. Not house stuff, not need stuff - fun, that way we don't feel deprived while paying off debt and saving. We have an envelope for clothes and household stuff, one for our fur kids (2 dogs, no human kids here ) etc. When you keep track of where it goes, and have a set amount, it's amazing to see what spent where! I used to go grocery shopping and just spend, not really thinking. Now, if we want to go out to eat, or make something special for dinner, I make it fit the budget.... That way there is no over spending. Anything left over at the end of the month either stays in its envelope or we decide what to put it towards. Extra to the mortgage, or maybe put it in the vacation fund. Good luck to you!

I LOOOOVE the envelope idea! We recently put this to use in a reverse manner. I set aside 7 or so envelopes for OOP expenses we would face when on our Disney vacation - when we had "loose cash" we would stuff it in an envelope. Now everything but our second night of MNSSHP are paid, licked shut and in the suitcase - 5 months ahead of time!

1. Put your credit and debit cards in a ziplock, fill with water and put them in the freezer. That way, not only do you have to come home to get the card, you have to wait for it to thaw out before you can make a purchase. Gives you lots of time to think about if that purchase is worth it or not.

I don't know if I could get DFi on board with the one - but it could be worth a try!

 

[allison443]

Do you really eat out five times a week? Do you mean picking up pizza/fast food, going to casual dining places, or what? I think you should look at why you're doing that...is it a time factor? I know with work, kids's schedules etc. it can get crazy! Honestly though that would get old after a while for me...it's no longer a treat if you do it all the time.

I don't know what your family's schedules are like, but if you work outside the home your kids are old enough to get dinner on the table.

Good luck OP....the most important thing is probably to get your family on board with you!!

 

[Pastamom]

In addition to all the great replies.

When you do cook make a double batch and freeze the 2nd one for later.

Take something out of the freezer in the morning or night before so you have to use it.

Plan one day and make a couple quick go-to meals. Sloppy Joes, pulled pork, etc. When whole chickens are on sale buy a bunch, cook them,and freeze the meat in 1 or 2 cup bags and you have cooked chicken for recipes.

Make sure you have certain staples on hand, canned soups, diced tomatoes, shredded cheese, etc that you will need to make quick recipes. Stock up when they are on sale.

I've used the website Eatathome.com (fellow diser and gotten a lot of useful, easy great meals.

 

[jodim]

I want to clarify that this problem has just started in the last year. (Actually about the last 8mo - although the eating out has been going on for at least a year, if not more) Before we didn't have a lot of debt and had paid off all cards, etc, with the exception of 1 high balance card that was due to our insurance co. screwing us after a house fire, and we had put quite a bit on it. We are still paying on that, and I lower the limit every time we pay it down a thousand dollars... that way there is no temptation to add to it.

My biggest problem was going to Quicken, I realized it last night. When we switched over after a few weeks I quit writing in our Debit Card purchases and just downloaded them weekly. Well, we spend wayyyyyyyy more that way because I don't realize how much we've spent until I download it, and then we're so far over our budgeted money that we to be able to pay all of our bills accordingly, I don't pay off the cc's in full, which has added up, so I make a payment on them. (more than minimum but not the full amount) Because of our having such a high balance on the one from the fire, we only keep a 1k or under limit, but we have so many little cards, it really adds up.

I read some of Dave Ramsey's online stuff last night and am going to start that after we get back from Branson on Monday. I am kind of confused about the envelope system, but I will try that and see how it works.. although I don't like having that much cash laying around, especially with the amount of teenagers that come in and out of my house on a daily basis (we have a pool, so it seems like we have never ending teen traffic in summer - but we know where our kids are, and what they're doing, so it's worth it!)

Do you really eat out five times a week? Do you mean picking up pizza/fast food, going to casual dining places, or what? I think you should look at why you're doing that...is it a time factor? I know with work, kids's schedules etc. it can get crazy! Honestly though that would get old after a while for me...it's no longer a treat if you do it all the time.

I don't know what your family's schedules are like, but if you work outside the home your kids are old enough to get dinner on the table.

Good luck OP....the most important thing is probably to get your family on board with you!!

Yes, we really eat out 5 times a week, sometimes more. Usually not all of us, but I would say at least 3-4 meals a week are everyone. Half is fast food, the other half is decent/nice restaurants.
I work full time, and my kids (4 still living at home) almost all have some kind of game/practice at least 4 times a week, sometimes more. Which is how we got in the habit of eating out, we just weren't home, and I didn't prepare.
You're right, it's not a treat. You know you eat out to much when nothing sounds good, not even "nice" restaurants.

I talked to my daughter (13) last night and am going to talk to my son (15) tonight about some of the responsiblities they will be helping with. I am so overwhelmed with everything and while they used to do a daily chore, and 1 weekend chore, after bickering with them so much to get it done, I finally just settled with the weekend chore. That isn't really working now that I work 40+ hrs a week, and they are going to have to help out.
DD agreed to help cook, but she knows very little now. She also said she will make a deal with her brother about him doing her chore and her cooking for him (We've tried, the boy can't boil water right!) - so that will take 2 meals a week off me.... possibly more, depending on their schedules.