How do we explain this to our 6 year old?

[Dani784]

A little background first, my six year old daughter has been obsessed with Rapunzel since the movie came out a couple years ago. She's seen the movie hundreds of times ( NOT exaggerating!). My daughter is a brunette. In fact, out of all four of our kids, she's the ONLY brunette! She refuses to cut her hair because she wants "long hair like Rapunzel".

A while back she noticed that her hair isn't the same color and became sad. Now I don't condone the dyeing of little girls' hair and I want her to be happy just the way she is so I explained to her that Rapunzel's REAL hair is brunette, just like my daughter's. this made her so happy. She watched the Tangled Wedding snippet and was thrilled to see Rapunzel looking gorgeous with her short, brown hair. We've even almost convinced her to let us cut it like Rapunzel's as its getting pretty difficult to care for.

Today we celebrated her birthday by taking her to the Disney store to get her a new princess outfit. She chose Rapunzel's wedding gown complete with shoes, veil, bouquet, and ring. She's in heaven!

Here's the problem: we've done all this to help her feel better about being a brunette and we are taking our first trip to WDW next April. She really wants to meet Flynn and Rapunzel. How are we going to explain why Rapunzel has long blond hair? My kid is smart and I know she'll ask. She's smart but still believes in magic and I don't want that to change. So what do we say? Do we just let her ask the character that and leave it for them to explain?

I know it's not a huge deal to most but it is to her. Rapunzel was the first princess she truly loved that wasn't the classic blond. In our society, blond is seen as more beautiful and desirable than brunette. I should know, I'm a brunette too. The only brunette in a family of blondes, just like my daughter. She's so beautiful but really really insecure and while we try to instill that true beauty is on the inside, with today's world, she can't help feeling subpar. Seeing that she was more like her favorite princess than she thought made her so happy and I fear that will be ruined when we meet the "real" Rapunzel at the parks.

So any ideas on how to handle this? I appreciate any and all tips. Thanks!

 

[smitch425]

A little background first, my six year old daughter has been obsessed with Rapunzel since the movie came out a couple years ago. She's seen the movie hundreds of times ( NOT exaggerating!). My daughter is a brunette. In fact, out of all four of our kids, she's the ONLY brunette! She refuses to cut her hair because she wants "long hair like Rapunzel".

A while back she noticed that her hair isn't the same color and became sad. Now I don't condone the dyeing of little girls' hair and I want her to be happy just the way she is so I explained to her that Rapunzel's REAL hair is brunette, just like my daughter's. this made her so happy. She watched the Tangled Wedding snippet and was thrilled to see Rapunzel looking gorgeous with her short, brown hair. We've even almost convinced her to let us cut it like Rapunzel's as its getting pretty difficult to care for.

Today we celebrated her birthday by taking her to the Disney store to get her a new princess outfit. She chose Rapunzel's wedding gown complete with shoes, veil, bouquet, and ring. She's in heaven!

Here's the problem: we've done all this to help her feel better about being a brunette and we are taking our first trip to WDW next April. She really wants to meet Flynn and Rapunzel. How are we going to explain why Rapunzel has long blond hair? My kid is smart and I know she'll ask. She's smart but still believes in magic and I don't want that to change. So what do we say? Do we just let her ask the character that and leave it for them to explain?

I know it's not a huge deal to most but it is to her. Rapunzel was the first princess she truly loved that wasn't the classic blond. In our society, blond is seen as more beautiful and desirable than brunette. I should know, I'm a brunette too. The only brunette in a family of blondes, just like my daughter. She's so beautiful but really really insecure and while we try to instill that true beauty is on the inside, with today's world, she can't help feeling subpar. Seeing that she was more like her favorite princess than she thought made her so happy and I fear that will be ruined when we meet the "real" Rapunzel at the parks.

So any ideas on how to handle this? I appreciate any and all tips. Thanks!

I would just tell her that she found another magic flower and her hair changed back. She will likely not be able to meet Flynn in April, so prepare her for that. He is only available for meets at hard ticket parties during the fall.

I don't really understand how a 6 year old can be that insecure over her hair color. There are several non blond princesses. In fact, MOST of them do not have blond hair.

 

[Magpie]

I'd show her pictures of Rapunzel in the park, and comment on the fact that she has long blonde hair. I'd agree with her that it's puzzling.

My favourite response when children are confused about something is, "What do you think?" Their answers will tell you a lot about what they want to believe.

Then once my daughter has told me her theories, I would tell her that I think that when we're in Disney World, we're probably in an earlier part of Rapunzel's story. Because that's what Disney's magic is all about! Getting to step inside our favourite stories and play.

However, I wouldn't pretend to know for sure. Instead, I would encourage her to ask Rapunzel about her hair. I'm sure Rapunzel has a terrific explanation, as your daughter won't have been the first child to wonder about it. It could make for a very special interaction between them, especially if your daughter has her hair cut like Rapunzel's and is wearing one of her gowns.

 

[Dani784]

I would just tell her that she found another magic flower and her hair changed back. She will likely not be able to meet Flynn in April, so prepare her for that. He is only available for meets at hard ticket parties during the fall.

I don't really understand how a 6 year old can be that insecure over her hair color. There are several non blond princesses. In fact, MOST of them do not have blond hair.

She's insecure because all of her siblings have blond hair and all of her FAVORITE princesses are blond. She sees blond as special and beautiful because its different than her. She truly is just like me. I'm also really insecure and I grew up with all blond siblings as well.

It's just how we're wired. Her favs have always been Aurora, Cinderella, and Rapunzel. Only recently did she pick a non-blonde when she realized she loved Merida! (Which I was so happy about since Merida is a strong female role model with no need for a prince to rescue her! Yay for girl power!)

We're working on her insecurities. And the kicker is that she truly is a gorgeous child. She just doesn't see it. And I love her dark hair! I wish she loved Belle more. Belle has always been my favorite! I'm a bookworm!

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[Dominion]

Even without the hair color insecurity issue, I've been wondering how to explain the blond/brown hair thing for Rapunzel as well! As well as why Tinker Bell is human sized. My very inquisitive(dare I say argumentative?!?) 6 year old will not let those things go...

 

[Dani784]

Even without the hair color insecurity issue, I've been wondering how to explain the blond/brown hair thing for Rapunzel as well! As well as why Tinker Bell is human sized. My very inquisitive(dare I say argumentative?!?) 6 year old will not let those things go...

The tinker bell thing is easy! That tunnel you go through transports you to pixie hollow which is the only place we humans can understand fairies. It also shrinks you to their size! Remember, out on the mainland a fairy's voice is like a bell.

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[ginnygi]

Smitch425: believe it! My daughter has auburn hair. The shade is absolutely exquisite! People compliment her all the time. But she hates it. She is the only one in our family who is not a brunette. She noticed it and brought it up on her own when she was not yet 4. She cried the first time she brought it up. She has brought it up several times since then. I dont think it is an insecurity as much as she does not like being the odd man out. It's amazing what kids pick up on.

 

[darnheather]

I'd show her pictures of Rapunzel in the park, and comment on the fact that she has long blonde hair. I'd agree with her that it's puzzling.

My favourite response when children are confused about something is, "What do you think?" Their answers will tell you a lot about what they want to believe.

Then once my daughter has told me her theories, I would tell her that I think that when we're in Disney World, we're probably in an earlier part of Rapunzel's story. Because that's what Disney's magic is all about! Getting to step inside our favourite stories and play.

However, I wouldn't pretend to know for sure. Instead, I would encourage her to ask Rapunzel about her hair. I'm sure Rapunzel has a terrific explanation, as your daughter won't have been the first child to wonder about it. It could make for a very special interaction between them, especially if your daughter has her hair cut like Rapunzel's and is wearing one of her gowns.

Great response! I always try to ask my kids what they think first. Then I'll say what I think and finally if possible (like when did Disneyland open) we'll look up the fact together. This helps children stay curious, inquisitive and teaches them how to learn.

 

[cobright]

Explain to her that the magic of Disney world lets her meet the characters as they celebrate specific parts of her favorite movies.

The Rapunzel she meets will be sharing with your daughter that part of her story when she had long sometimes glowing blonde hair.

That's why sometimes she will see Belle with her blue town-dress and sometimes with her grand ball gown.

She gets to share the times with Ariel when she was a princess in a castle as well as other times when she was a mutant fish-girl in her grotto.

I think it is really special that the characters would use their magic to allow us this opportunity.

 

[Dominion]

The tinker bell thing is easy! That tunnel you go through transports you to pixie hollow which is the only place we humans can understand fairies. It also shrinks you to their size! Remember, out on the mainland a fairy's voice is like a bell.

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That is so neat. I had no idea that's how meeting Tink would work. They really think of everything!!

 

[rapunzels]

You probably didn't mean it as snarky as I read this... I happen to have a blond 8 year old that wishes she had brunette hair like my DH, daughter and I have..... It is common in a lot of families where everyone has one color of hair, and one child has a completely contrasting different color - that they simply want to have hair like the rest of the family and wonder why their hair is different.

 

[brymolmom]

Hmmm..It's a tough one. I will tell you that since she's 6 now..The whole 'princesses are real' thing doesn't usually last much longer than that - so likely she will come up with her own ideas either this trip or next.

That said - I would try to down play it. If she comments on it - Just say 'oh - well, she's a princess I guess she wanted to change her hair today.' And maybe follow it up with 'She probably changes her hair color every day because all the princesses like you at DisneyWorld are all beautiful and she wants to take turns matching all the princesses that come in to visit'.

But I wouldn't say much beyond that.

It's hair...It's ONLY hair...so spending too much time and too many words on it might just backfire on you - and she'll end up thinking and focusing on it MORE.

 

[smitch425]

You probably didn't mean it as snarky as I read this... I happen to have a blond 8 year old that wishes she had brunette hair like my DH, daughter and I have..... It is common in a lot of families where everyone has one color of hair, and one child has a completely contrasting different color - that they simply want to have hair like the rest of the family and wonder why their hair is different.

No, definitely wasn't trying to be snarky. We live in a pretty diverse area with all types of nationalites, hair colors and religions, so I guess my kids are just used to seeing so many different types of people, and never felt they were different from anyone to the point that they had real insecurities about it. DD got her glasses when she was 3, so that was never an issue with her either. DS got braces a couple of months ago and didn't bat an eye about it. I guess it just depends on the kid and what they are used to seeing and how they perceive it.

 

[Dani784]

Hmmm..It's a tough one. I will tell you that since she's 6 now..The whole 'princesses are real' thing doesn't usually last much longer than that - so likely she will come up with her own ideas either this trip or next.

That said - I would try to down play it. If she comments on it - Just say 'oh - well, she's a princess I guess she wanted to change her hair today.' And maybe follow it up with 'She probably changes her hair color every day because all the princesses like you at DisneyWorld are all beautiful and she wants to take turns matching all the princesses that come in to visit'.

But I wouldn't say much beyond that.

It's hair...It's ONLY hair...so spending too much time and too many words on it might just backfire on you - and she'll end up thinking and focusing on it MORE.

I guess I should say she doesn't think the princesses are real per se. We've always made it a point to never lie to our kids so we don't perpetuate Santa or the Easter bunny or stuff like that but as my kids started school and learned the difference between real and make believe, we've encouraged them to pretend however they like and to never spoil the magic for someone else.

So while she "knows" it's not REALLY Rapunzel, she still immerses herself in the fantasy and she tries to make logic out of it. She's a weird kid!

I know it doesn't make sense. You'd have to know her!

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[rolliev60]

You say you really don't believe in dyeing young girls hair to fit in but you want the characters to handle questions about people looking different? How exactly would you handle if your daughter's skin was brown instead of Rapunzel skin white?

 

[writersblock42]

I often wonder this too. Rapunzel goes back to having long hair, the beast is turned back into a beat, and Ariel has fins half the time and legs the other half of the time. Sometimes the characters just like to pretend how they were in the movie before they changed. It is part of the fun of Disney World. If she really wants to dress up too she can get a Rapunzel wig. There is nothing wrong with dressing up and pretending to be someone else for a little while.

 

[rapunzels]

No, definitely wasn't trying to be snarky. We live in a pretty diverse area with all types of nationalites, hair colors and religions, so I guess my kids are just used to seeing so many different types of people, and never felt they were different from anyone to the point that they had real insecurities about it. DD got her glasses when she was 3, so that was never an issue with her either. DS got braces a couple of months ago and didn't bat an eye about it. I guess it just depends on the kid and what they are used to seeing and how they perceive it.

It's really not about other people and what different nationalities look like... (Northern VA (D.C. area included) are plenty diverse, trust me my kids are exposed to all nationalities.) This isn't about people outside of the family. This is about wondering why mom, dad and sis/bro look different from themselves, with what they are born with. It's a hard concept to explain. Glasses and braces are pretty cosmetic, compared to a natural hair color, natural eye color...
I guess this really could leak into all aspects of a person in a family being different, and wondering why that is... and possibly wishing that wasn't so.... it could be they are taller than everyone in the family, shorter than everyone in the family, fatter, skinnier, a disability even.... or back to hair color. It really is a natural thing that the person that feels so different wishes or wonders why that is... I guess it is an insecurity... but I'm sure in those families, it's something that child or person is learning to come to terms with... and will learn to accept or outgrow. In our case, my DD was maybe 5 when she realized her hair was blond and not brunette like the rest of us. We explained to her that her grandfather, who was passed on before she was born, and her uncle that she does not remember both have blond hair just like she does. We explained blond hair runs on that side of the family. She doesn't dwell on it, nor did she then... it was just something that made her feel different...and she wasn't sure if she liked that feeling..

 

[chiburple]

I don't have kids so maybe my answer to this might be totally stupid... I was thinking perhaps the way to help her might be to focus on the differences and make those special rather then the other way around (focusing on what's the same and reinforcing that she should try to be exactly like Rapunzel). That probably doesn't make any sense the way I wrote it so let me see if I can translate my nonsense babbling into coherent English (sadly not one of my strongest suites, Lol).

Your daughter sees that she's different from Rapunzel and her family and she sees that as a bad thing. The first step might be to show her that everyone sticks out in some way - perhaps you can point out to her what makes each member of your family different from all the others. You can also point out how Rapunzel is different from the other princesses - how she sticks out. Step two: explain to her that sticking out - being different - is a good thing. If Rapunzel were like the other princesses, she wouldn't be special. So really, being like Rapunzel is being different and being proud of how your different. Does she have any unique features she likes about herself? Point those out and remind her that if she were exactly like Rapunzel she wouldn't have x or be x way.

Anyways, I really don't know if this kind of thinking is too advanced for a six-year-old. My last experience with one was 20 years ago when I was six, Lol.

 

[jjl181]

My DS is very short for his age and very insecure about it. My other DS is far from chubby, but his brother and sister are beanpoles, so he feels bigger than them. My DD doesn't understand why she has had 5 different hair colors in her short life (not exaggerating!) and none of them are like mine or her dad's.
There is always something children find different about themselves and hopefully it is something minor. My children actually take after my brothers more than me with blonde hair and blue eyes, so we have had a lot of different types of these conversations
I smiled a little when I read the original post, because my daughter is the same way. She had very blonde hair a few years ago when the Rapunzel movie first came out (also her favorite princess) and as it's darkened a little since she has been very unhappy. She also gets upset at the idea of cutting it because she wants long Rapunzel hair. However, I explained to her that cutting just the dead ends would make her hair grow longer faster and she liked that!

 

[pfalcioni]

I agree that it is rare for ANY child to love their hair. Looking back at pictures of myself at a young age, I had gorgeous long blonde hair. I hated it. I wanted curly brown hair like my best friend. Her hair was so easy to comb and take care of, mine always had tangles and it hurt to have it combed and braiding took forever.

I didn't want to be a little blonde princess, I wanted to be a horse. If I couldn't be a horse, I at least wanted to be a cowgirl. With short brown curly hair.

It's all part of growing up, I'll bet if you talk to your blonde siblings they'll tell you they wanted something about their looks changed at a young age - it's just the way we're wired.

And although I've seen my share of beautiful young blondes, I've also seen some extremely hideous looking blondes too. Hair color is just part of the complete package when we think of beauty - a very tiny part.