how do I leave work at work and stop thinking about it at home

[amyy]

I work in a middle and high school. I have 2 situations with co-workers that I can't stop thinking about. One is that I got stabbed in the back and didn't see it coming. In my 4 years here nothing like that has happen because it is such a wonderful place to work. I am so hurt on a personal level. The other is a teacher that has unrealistic demands. Granted she is known as being pushy and aggressive but it doesn't make it any easier. Due to her position she only deals with a couple of people and I am one of them. She is always saying "you need to", "you need to" and the fact is I can't do what she is saying. I am to the point of getting done but I hate to so few people have control over me. I think I could cry everyday. I can't afford to just quit which is what I want to do. I have thought a little medication might be needed because chocolate is not doing the trick

When I am home thinking about it I will keep repeating little mantras like "let it go" and "let go and let God". I know years ago I use to write in a journal and tell my self it is already written down so you don't have to think about it anymore. It worked well at night because I hate getting out of bed.

I will take suggestions of books, sayings anything.

 

[usnuzuloose]

You know the people who cause the drama are the ones that are miserable. And to make themselves feel better they need to cause friction for other to feel better about themselves. If it gets to be a huge issue I would sit down with the supervisor in private and have a talk with them. When you get home take of your coat and say when I walk in the door my problems stay there til tomorrow. Refuse to bring home this person with you. So leave him hang there til tomorrow. Hope this helps. I use to have a very stressful job, that was way out of line in demands. My husband said enough was enough. So start with that and go from there. Why do you want to bring this persom home anyway? My prayers are with you. Keep us updated. Jo

 

[hanutedmansionmomma]

Try to spend more time and energy on things you CAN control, like what you are doing at home, with your family, with your friends. You have a choice about how to react to these nutty situations (laugh or cry!).

What I do:

Start planning your next Disney trip!

Have something fun to look forward to weekly - join a group or a club, have a special dinner night once/week.

Start watching a weekly TV show - like Modern Family -so funny!

Work is work...life is what happens when you get home. Try to make the work part smaller in your head.


ps = can you talk to the supervisor? your building NEA rep?

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Sounds like you were recently stabbed. You have to accept that you are going to be in a bit of pain for a bit and have to heal. So give yourself some time there. I know we live in an age of "instant" however the reality is that it takes time to get over things that are very painful.

Instead of trying to make it go away, I say cry and feel the pain. Your spirit is sick and needs to go thru the stages of death, so to speak.

As far as the coworker, probably need to learn some canned responses for her since you work closely with her. You don't want that building up too much so you explode like a pressure cooker on her. Need to open the steam valve in some way.

How about a dart board with her picture on it?

 

[MIGrandma]

I don't have much to suggest to you, but just wanted to say that I understand how you feel. I felt that way sometimes with my job as well. With customers who were nasty to me, I would "take it home" and it was hard to get over and just "let go." Some things I still remember and it can be hurtful if I dwell on it, which is what I try not to go. If one of those incidents starts creeping into my head (triggered by something else I've seen or heard) I just tell myself "it's over, done with, gone, let it go." But sometimes that is harder said than done. And what my boss did to me, that is hard to "let go" too. It's a long story, no need to bore you with it.

I think it would have helped me to write her a letter and let her know how I felt. But I never did that. It's been over a year and I still think about it. I wouldn't write the letter now, because then she would know it still bothers me and I don't want to give her that satisfaction, you know? Try not to give people the satisfaction of knowing they're getting to you. I hope you can find something that can help.

 

[amyy]

Thanks all for taking the time to respond. I will try out some of your suggestions.

I do have a wonderful supervisor and she knows of my difficulty with one of the individual in the past. I haven't talked to her recently. She is great but that other person isn't going anywhere and I have got to learn to leave it at work. Or win the megabucks

 

[MM27]

I took a class once on Stress Management and the instructor said you need to get to the point where you can pull the shades down at the end of the day and say whatever happened that day is over. This way when you go home, you can give all your attention to home things. Easier said than done, I know.

I had a similar situation last year. My teaching partner (we're departmentalized) went out on maternity leave and the sub that took her place from April-June came in ready to walk over anyone she could to make herself look good. The fact was, she wasn't good and major issues came up. I tried to help her but she was offended that I thought she needed help and was constantly being rude to me and treating me like garbage.

I found that the best thing that worked for me was to come home, change into my sneakers and go on a long walk at the beach. It cleared my head and allowed me to calm down before I got home.

 

[LuvOrlando]

Awww Amyy, I feel so bad you are hurting right now. I don't think this is bringing your work home exactly, I think it's more about grieving over a friendship.

What's probably happening is you were really deeply hurt by the person who stabbed you in the back. So now everything else is much more amplified. This demanding teacher has probably always been the same but now you are 'off your game' so you aren't coping as well and are probably making more errors, which make her more demanding and on & on.

TO me, the best way to deal with stress like that has been to find a little corner of the world I treat like a sanctuary. This has always been my bedroom, which has always been private and for family only, this way no-one elses presence ever tainted it, KWIM. This was especially wonderful during breakups, since no-one ever got into my room there were never any painful memories there either. To this day I am very protective of who gets to the top floor of my home, I never invite people up to look around. It's mine and as long as I treat it with reverence it gives me comfort.

When I was working I used to surround myself with photos of my loved ones (pets included) and me in happy memory cue selections so whenever I got upset I could just look at them and melt knowing I was loved somewhere else. Lockets can help too, even carrying pictures of people you love in a pocket can be comforting. When my grandma died I wore a bit of her jewelery every day for a year because it felt like I was always getting a hug, KWIM.

I hope you have a peaceful weekend

 

[funkychunkymonkey]

I was going to post a similar thread last week! I have a similar situation going on with two coworkers ganging up on me and my coteacher.I have a jar by the door and write down all the crap that makes me mad and toss it in. It seems to help.

 

[shamusgirl]

i know how you feel i went through something simliar i just am very careful who i trust got to work do the job and come home now and forget it now its hard and a awakrd position to be in esp being there for so many hours a day i think i just try to keep my self busy throught the day

 

[Blueeyes101817]

I have the same problem with leaving work at work..I tend to come home and worry about things that dont matter and they just drive me crazy..i just cant seem to let it go!