How do I find out? Update - thanks for all the PM's.

[The Mystery Machine]

I'm still confused as to why he told me about Friday night in the first place.

Because he got caught. It must be someone you know well would be my suspicion....hmmmm.

As far as her calling he gave her the # more than likely and she is trying to do damage control for him.

Why would she do that? Because he is still attached to you and #1 she isn't interested in marriage, just the fling part OR she thinks she can work on him and get him away from you. So she is being his "friend" and calling you trying to convince you that they did nothing.

I am so sorry...boy did I do that alot. I believed the BS when the proof was right in front of me. When I look back, I "knew" but I didn't want to believe it.
The scariest thing you can do is ask people how long the affair has been going on. Sometimes it is a relief for you to find out because others can now spill their guts to you.

 

[helenabear]

Don't play any games. Don't try to trick anything out of anyone. Don't listen to the advice of anyone on here other than to trust yourself. You and your husband know better than anyone here. Talk to your husband.

Best of luck with everything.

Truthfully this is the best piece of advice I think you've gotten!

I would also think twice about believing an ex-girlfriend over your DH... get yourself into counceling and see what comes of everything. I have little faith personally in ex-girlfriends based on troubles I had with one of my DH's ex's. Many here would tell me that I was nuts to trust my DH (then only b/f), but I went with my gut and realized she was lying to me to get me to not trust my DH... in hopes I would leave him and she could try her hand at him again.

Don't always think the worst... and don't go thinking all men are lying cheating jerks either.

Get into counceling with an open mind. And just be 100% honest with each other. Be understanding as well.

Of course based on what I quoted above, you shouldn't listen to anything I said as well

Most importantly, hang in there

 

[ElizaB39]

Only a man would say something like this.

coolmom, my thoughts EXACTLY!

 

[scrump]

Trust your instincts, you know best. I've been through something similar, and looking back, what made all the difference for me was being "willing to leave".

I am very sorry you are going through this.

 

[Kim in TN]

 

[poohandwendy]

I am so sorry. I would just like to repeat, trust YOUR instincts and nothing else. And don't make any big decisions until you have calmed down and thought them through. It would be a good idea, whether you want to stay or leave the marriage at this point, to start counselling together and/or individually.

It may really help you to deal with some of the issues you are facing and get more answers as to what happened and why.

I certainly would not take this womans words as the gospel truth. She has much to gain from coming between you and your DH. I wouldn't ignore what she said, just try to remember it is not necessarily the whole truth.

I wish you luck, no matter what happens. You will get through this.

 

[Buckalew11]

And, of course, she could have gotten your cell # from his phone. Now why? I don't know. Maybe she was threatening to call and spill the beans. Or, like others have said, it could have been damage control. I'm not sure I understand what she actually said in the call. Did it make any sense beyond damage control that she'd be calling you? If it has been going on for quite some time, then why the confession and why the phone call so close together.

I'm wondering if the kiss was last summer a year ago or this past summer. My first thought was, like yours, last year. However, if it was this past summer that would at least be less time they have been sneaking around. (Little help, I know)

Her parents live so close to his. Ugh! I'm just so sorry you are facing all of this. It really does sound bad. i hope it isn't as bad as it seems. But trust is a huge issue to me in a relationship.

 

[bettyann29]

Personally I wouldnt believe him or her.. Since you dont really know what happened and dont know who is telling the truth..nor will you likely ever really know the truth.. only the different sides of it.. everyone always has their own side of the story.. and they usually dont match up.. You can only do what your instincts tell you to.. Again back to my earlier post.. I would NEVER be with a person I didnt trust.. Everytime he came home late, Id wonder was he with "her" or someone else..

I was married to a cheater and now Im not.. enough said...

Hugs to you in whatever you decide

 

[mbw12]

I am so sorry. I would really NEED to know how and where she got my phone number....sounds like some damage control on his part.....that may have back fired when she "slipped" about the kiss from last summer.

Trust your instincts and do not do anything rash....you really need to give yourself some time to sort through everything.

 

[TLHB70]

Could she have threatened/told him that she was going to call you and tell you everything (for whatever reason) the night of the game so he ran home to beat her to it? Maybe he thought that he had talked her out of calling but wanted to partly tell you just in case (the damage control)? Could that be why she called? Although if that was the case I would think that she would have spilled the beans about everything so I don't know if events add up to that or not, but it crossed my mind.

 

[TammyAlphabet]

I am really sorry! I know this really sucks. But, at my age, I have seen alot and this situation stinks to high heaven. (old tennessee saying of my mom) But, my guess is that he called her and told her to call you and confirm his story. That doesn't mean that they are having an affair. Just that he wanted desparately for you to believe him. As for his confession, I think it is a good sign. He has a conscience. Maybe he is telling the "whole" truth, maybe not, but only you can say. Although you feel like the walls are closing in on you now, you will be a stronger person after this is over. Best wishes and prayers.

Tammy

 

[Serena]

 

[KAMLEM]

Don't play any games. Don't try to trick anything out of anyone. Don't listen to the advice of anyone on here other than to trust yourself. You and your husband know better than anyone here. Talk to your husband.

Best of luck with everything.

My thoughts exactly. I really think you should stop reading this thread-it's just going to confuse you more. Talk with your husband and meet with the counselor and see where things go. Good luck, I hope it all works out.

 

[momof2inPA]

I think he got caught by someone. It wasn't the police, was it? They weren't parking in the church lot and got caught? If it was a friend or acquaintance, I wonder who, a friend of yours? Which one? I would probably ask him if any of your and his friends know he's been seeing the girl on the side and see what he says (although I wouldn't necessarily believe his answer).

 

[The Mystery Machine]

I would probably ask him if any of your and his friends know he's been seeing the girl on the side and see what he says (although I wouldn't necessarily believe his answer).

How about asking the girlfriends/wives of the guys he hangs out with. I'll bet they know.

 

[momof3disneyholics]

How about asking the girlfriends/wives of the guys he hangs out with. I'll bet they know.

I like that idea! I know my DH always tells me what everyone is doing.

 

[momof2inPA]

How about asking the girlfriends/wives of the guys he hangs out with. I'll bet they know.

I think she's trying to keep the cheating from family/friends at this point, but I'm sure his friends already know- and their wives, too. You don't see someone off and on for years without everyone finding out.

 

[Poohgirl]

I'm so sorry you have to go through this.

 

[mickeyboat]

Hugs, hugs and more hugs. I don't have any more advice, but I am sure glad you are going to counseling. I think counseling on your own will be very helpful for you, too.

Denae

 

[Teejay32]

Your DH isn't exactly a polished storyteller, and that's not a bad sign. The ex-girlfriend has a recurrent problem staying ex, and her phone call to you is just strange. I'd take anything she says with a grain of salt.