How do divorced parents split college costs?

[Mrs. Ciz]

I witnessed an interesting conversation at our extended family Christmas party this weekend. M is a recently remarried father of 2 kids. His DD is a college freshman. He told everyone that his ex wife sent him an email about splitting his DD's college costs. He responded that since ex wife married a rich man, they didn't "need" the child support he's been paying all those years, and ex wife should have saved the 10 years of child support money for DD's college. Once his DD turned 18 he no longer had to pay anything. He said the rich 2nd husband can pay for her college or she can get loans. It's not that M can't pay for any of the college expenses, it's that he won't because he feels he's already paid enough. He and his new wife felt that the $390 per month per child he'd been paying for years was highway robbery.

I have no experience with divorce, so I don't know how it all works. I get that every family deals with college in their own way. How do most divorced parents split up college costs?

 

[jrmasm]

M sounds like a real nice guy. I hope he doesn't want a relationship with his daughter.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

I witnessed an interesting conversation at our extended family Christmas party this weekend. M is a recently remarried father of 2 kids. His DD is a college freshman. He told everyone that his ex wife sent him an email about splitting his DD's college costs. He responded that since ex wife married a rich man, they didn't "need" the child support he's been paying all those years, and ex wife should have saved the 10 years of child support money for DD's college. Once his DD turned 18 he no longer had to pay anything. He said the rich 2nd husband can pay for her college or she can get loans. It's not that M can't pay for any of the college expenses, it's that he won't because he feels he's already paid enough. He and his new wife felt that the $390 per month per child he'd been paying for years was highway robbery.

I have no experience with divorce, so I don't know how it all works. I get that every family deals with college in their own way. How do most divorced parents split up college costs?

It can be a part of the divorce settlement.

Parents could work together for their child because college is expensive. You have to work together as a team to figure it out and that includes the kid doing their part as well.

Or like M, you are a jerk and well, your child will lose respect for you as a man and father. (My BIL is under this category right now.)

 

[GaSleepingBeautyFan]

My sister and her ex had planned on splitting the cost 50/50 but now her ex had the company he was working for close so he's struggling just to keep his house while looking for work.

Sounds like M had a real loser of an ex. He'd better not be surprised if he ticks off his daughter with that attitude and she won't be a part of his life anymore.

 

[VandVsmama]

I am not divorced nor have I been divorced, so I don't have first hand experience with this. But M is a selfish jerk and i totally agree with that jrmasm said....hope he doesn't want a relationship with his daughter!

The parents of a friend of mine divorced just after he (the friend) graduated from high school. And when the divorce was finalized, my friend's dad did the same thing - told his son that since he is now 18, his obligations are now done and over with, so all of the money that my friend was counting on from his parents to pay for college tuition suddenly went out the window. His dad was a very well off veterinarian and could have afforded to pay for the tuition easily. My friend really struggled as a result. And it permanently scarred his relationship with his dad. Within 3 months of the divorce, his dad had remarried and when he died years later, he left all of his estate to wife #2 and her children. My friend got nothing...not even a memento.

 

[mi*vida*loca]

It's in my divorce decree that XH pays 100% of college costs. I did that mostly for protection. In case he turned into a total douche and refused to help at all. I won't be in court fighting that one. We are at a good spot and don't do anything based on our divorce decree. I don't even remember half the stuff in the decree. We wing it with the kids and expenses. No arguing or fighting. We just do what's best for the kids.

IMO parents paying for college isn't a right. It's a privilege if your parents can afford it. Kids who have parents still married can't force one parent to pay so it's not fair that just because you divorce you are forced to pay.

DS is a sophomore right now. My XH hit a rough patch with his job and is working to get everything together. He says he will do as much as he can, which he does now. We won't be paying 100% of his college expenses, especially if he decides to go out of state. We will help as much as we can but he will be expected to take out loans or try his best to get scholarships.

 

[LynnTH]

Our neighbors just recently went through this. (although he was paying $2000 a month for 2 kids). Youngest will be 18 in August and oldest is 19. Him and his Ex do not get along at all. He basically told his daughters the amount of money that he would put towards their college and he said it is none of his ex's business. She can put whatever $ she decides towards college. Then the girls need to figure out where they want to go and if they need to take out loans on top of that.

 

[PghPixie]

We had it written in our divorce decree that ex-dh and I are to split college tuition 50/50. Per my attorney, it has to be part of the divorce agreement in order to be enforceable by law, because it is considered above and beyond child support requirements. So maybe it's not written in their agreement and that's where M is coming from? He does sound like a royal jerk, though.

Where do they live that they think $390 a month for two kids is "highway robbery"?! I know people that get 2-3x that for one kid! He's certainly getting it easy compared to numbers I've heard in my area.

 

[littlejimmy]

same way that most of us do, I imagine. by the seat of our pants.

 

[mefordis]

I witnessed an interesting conversation at our extended family Christmas party this weekend. M is a recently remarried father of 2 kids. His DD is a college freshman. He told everyone that his ex wife sent him an email about splitting his DD's college costs. He responded that since ex wife married a rich man, they didn't "need" the child support he's been paying all those years, and ex wife should have saved the 10 years of child support money for DD's college. Once his DD turned 18 he no longer had to pay anything. He said the rich 2nd husband can pay for her college or she can get loans. It's not that M can't pay for any of the college expenses, it's that he won't because he feels he's already paid enough. He and his new wife felt that the $390 per month per child he'd been paying for years was highway robbery.

I have no experience with divorce, so I don't know how it all works. I get that every family deals with college in their own way. How do most divorced parents split up college costs?

Since the father paid child support, he fulfilled his duties. If he doesn't want to pay for his daughter's college education, he doesn't have to. He shouldn't expect some other guy (who isn't even her father) to want to pay for it, either.

 

[LinderInWonderland]

Our neighbors just recently went through this. (although he was paying $2000 a month for 2 kids). Youngest will be 18 in August and oldest is 19. Him and his Ex do not get along at all. He basically told his daughters the amount of money that he would put towards their college and he said it is none of his ex's business. She can put whatever $ she decides towards college. Then the girls need to figure out where they want to go and if they need to take out loans on top of that.

My friend has done something similar with his ex. Their oldest started college this past fall. His ex insisted on private high school for both of their kids and asked him to contribute to their tuition, on top of the child support. He said he would, but explained that it would seriously decrease what he would be able to contribute to their college tuition. (He also paid for all their extra-curriculars, not because it was ordered but because it was a way he could stay close to them. He also coached and did Scouts.)

My own parents divorced when I was 15 and my father balked over $600/mo child support for 3 kids. He barely ever paid, so I didn't go to him or my mother for college money. School was still affordable when I went, so I paid for it myself for my associates. I didn't go back for my bachelors until a few years ago and now have loans from that.

On one hand, I understand the new wife in OPs story being resentful of money going out that could have helped their household. I don't feel for M. He made those kids, he gets to support them as well as their mom. To expect that she would save all of their child support for their college while assuming ALL of their expenses as they grew up is ludicrous.

 

[DisneyOma]

Since the father paid child support, he fulfilled his duties. If he doesn't want to pay for his daughter's college education, he doesn't have to. He shouldn't expect some other guy (who isn't even her father) to want to pay for it, either.

A loving father would pay, though. Sucks to have a jerk for a parent. Also, in order to get loans, the FAFSA has to be filed, and both parents' income should be entered.

 

[scrapquitler]

I witnessed an interesting conversation at our extended family Christmas party this weekend. M is a recently remarried father of 2 kids. His DD is a college freshman. He told everyone that his ex wife sent him an email about splitting his DD's college costs. He responded that since ex wife married a rich man, they didn't "need" the child support he's been paying all those years, and ex wife should have saved the 10 years of child support money for DD's college. Once his DD turned 18 he no longer had to pay anything. He said the rich 2nd husband can pay for her college or she can get loans. It's not that M can't pay for any of the college expenses, it's that he won't because he feels he's already paid enough. He and his new wife felt that the $390 per month per child he'd been paying for years was highway robbery.

I have no experience with divorce, so I don't know how it all works. I get that every family deals with college in their own way. How do most divorced parents split up college costs?

Well let's start with the fact that there is no no requirement that any parent pay for college. Obviously most parents are going to be willing to help in whatever way they can, but not all happily married parents, even those with adequate $$ are willing to pay for college. I have a friend who told her kids 'you figure out how to pay for it, get a loan'. So maybe M would have gone this route even if he had stayed happily married to the DD's mother. And that's their choice (not that I agree with it).

Now, if the divorce/child support agreement says that he has to contribute XYZ to the DDs college expenses, then that's a legal agreement to do so, and he IS obligated to pay whatever was agreed upon at the time of the divorce. If the divorce/child support agreement says that his obligation is done when the child turns 18, 19, graduates from high school or whatever, then he's legally right that he doesn't have to pay. Again, morallly? I would disagree, but not everyone holds the same value on a college education that I do.

Several of my divorced Mom friends aren't so worried about paying for college, they are more concerned with paying this month's rent, and figuring out how to get the child support payments from a dad who works an under the table job to avoid paying what was mandated in their divorce agreement.

 

[sdjen]

When applying for financial aid does anyone know if step parents income is considered? Or, is it just the bio parents income? Just wondering.

 

[Pea-n-Me]

Talking that way, he sounds like a jerk. No doubt, there's animosity there.

But even in non-divorce situations, sometimes what kids have planned for college is unrealistic.

I'm in the camp of minimizing college costs whenever possible, anyway. It's too bad this family can't look at ways of finding a reasonably (ie low) cost school and coming up together with ways to pay for it. If both parents contribute, and the student works to help pay also, along with loans if necessary, it shouldn't be as big a deal as it would be if the school was astronomical and only dad was expected to pay, for instance. I think its reasonable to share the costs, as he's been asked to do. The only things we don't know is how much the requested college costs are, and if there are less expensive alternatives. If the school is low cost and he still won't help pay, then you know he's just being a jerk. What's going to happen when his two younger children hit college age? Kids are expensive! If you don't want to pay for them, maybe you shouldn't have them! (And college costs, IMO, are part of the package! ymmv)

 

[lynxstch]

Where do they live that they think $390 a month for two kids is "highway robbery"?! I know people that get 2-3x that for one kid! He's certainly getting it easy compared to numbers I've heard in my area.

OP said $390 per month per child, THAT sounds like highway robbery to me!

 

[NewRVLady]

A loving father would pay, though. Sucks to have a jerk for a parent. Also, in order to get loans, the FAFSA has to be filed, and both parents' income should be entered.

Honestly don't think it is parents OBLIGATION
some can afford and help....but it can be a loan Kid gets with scholarship etc....what if kid chooses VERY expensive college because they know dad HAS to pay because of Divorce decree???

 

[aprilgail]

it all depends on the divorce agreement- I have a few friends who have to pay 60% of kids college and the wife ordered to pay the remaining 40%- others have to pay 50/50- some don't have to pay anything if they didn't negotiate that in there! One of my friends who made a lot more than the ex-wife was ordered to pay 90% and she only had to pay 10%

 

[quandrea]

I am not divorced nor have I been divorced, so I don't have first hand experience with this. But M is a selfish jerk and i totally agree with that jrmasm said....hope he doesn't want a relationship with his daughter!

The parents of a friend of mine divorced just after he (the friend) graduated from high school. And when the divorce was finalized, my friend's dad did the same thing - told his son that since he is now 18, his obligations are now done and over with, so all of the money that my friend was counting on from his parents to pay for college tuition suddenly went out the window. His dad was a very well off veterinarian and could have afforded to pay for the tuition easily. My friend really struggled as a result. And it permanently scarred his relationship with his dad. Within 3 months of the divorce, his dad had remarried and when he died years later, he left all of his estate to wife #2 and her children. My friend got nothing...not even a memento.

I would have sued. I expect that I've been cut out of my parents' wills. If I assume correctly we will be contesting the will. Breaking contact was not my choice and there are certain laws of inheritance Your friend was legally entitled to that inheritance. Just out of principle I would have pursued it. Not right. What a terrible father.

 

[tvguy]

Since the father paid child support, he fulfilled his duties. If he doesn't want to pay for his daughter's college education, he doesn't have to. He shouldn't expect some other guy (who isn't even her father) to want to pay for it, either.

There have been many discussions here about what, if ANY obligation, a parent has to pay for college. I was shocked that there are people that feel they have zero obligation to pay for their kids college. I would hope it was in the divorce decree. But just like parents who are still married, there is no legal obligation after age 18 unless it is in the divorce degree.