How do divorced parents split college costs?

[msjprincess]

This pretty much sums up the opinions of those who opposed paying their kids college tuition in previous thread on this.

It was something DW and I discussed before having kids. We decided it is what parents do for their kids. Just like when our parents became elderly and ill, we helped our parents out. That's just what families do in our opinion.

It's nice that you can do that. But not everyone can, it doesn't mean they shouldn't have kids. And even if people do discuss these things beforehand, circumstances change. We live in a high cost of living area. Unfortunately salaries haven't gone up at the same rate as our bills. I have less saved than I thought I would at this point in my life. I'll be able to help my kids, but there will be limitations. They'll most likely have to go to a state school or take out loans. I'm not going to struggle during retirement so my kids can go to their dream school.

 

[kamik86]

I have heard that idea more times than I can count. (Not just college, but many other issues as well.)
I understand the idea behind it and can see where that would be ideal, but I also think plenty of people are glad that they exist and have perfectly happy, successful lives despite the fact that their parents were not able to afford to pay for everything for them.

I will just put myself out there for flames. I am only 34 and have a DD going off to college (had her when I was a teenager and she also is ahead in school-- only 16). As I mentioned in a previous post, DH and I both went to college without any financial assistance from our families. We got scholarships, paid for most through working, and took out some loans. DD was already almost 5 when we finished school. We didn't make much. Even with a college education I was only making $8/hr and we were paying back our student loans. Let's say I was able to really start saving at 30, that's only 4 years. Completely different situation than someone else who started saving at 30 and then had their child at 35... they will have had 23 years to save by the time their child is 18 and ready for college.

Well those that would say you shouldn't have had kids until you could afford to pay for things like college would say that waiting to have kids until they were older was part of that decision.

Personally I do think people shouldn't have kids they can't afford to feed and clothe (a certain family member that has 2 kids by two different fathers she isn't married to and has mentioned wanting another one even though she can't afford the two she has without gov aid comes to mind) however college costs? So much can happen in 18 years to change if you could/could not afford college to make that one impossible to predict.

 

[kamik86]

For those that have divorce settlements that say X pays 60 %, you pay 40% or whatever... What happens if someone's situation changes and they can't afford to pay.

Ok so my parents were together when I started school I got some help from my parents but my Dad was laid off for 2 years when I was in high school so that cut into what they had saved for me for college substantially. I had scholarships, loans, and grants and made it work.

However lets say my parents were divorced. Dad made more then mom most of the time so it probably would have been 25% to mom, 75% to Dad to pay if this was in the divorce settlement.

Now with everyone together the answer was that I got alot less money. However if they were divorced with this agreement is my Dad just screwed because of financial hardship he can't decrease what he gives the student? Or does this go back to court... however in that case say the student lives with the parent with the financial hardship, could they drastically increase the percentage of the other parent?

I think no matter what someone has a high chance of being screwed.


Here is another one. Married parents if the student decides to start skipping classes, failing classes, can't decide what to major in so keeps changing it and having classes not count to a degree etc they can decide to stop paying. If there is a percentage in the divorce settlement for each parent do you have an 18 year old that can hold their parents hostage no matter what because they have to pay for four years?

 

[gwynne]

It's nice that you can do that. But not everyone can, it doesn't mean they shouldn't have kids. And even if people do discuss these things beforehand, circumstances change. We live in a high cost of living area. Unfortunately salaries haven't gone up at the same rate as our bills. I have less saved than I thought I would at this point in my life. I'll be able to help my kids, but there will be limitations. They'll most likely have to go to a state school or take out loans. I'm not going to struggle during retirement so my kids can go to their dream school.

I've always thought all the dream school stuff was bologna....just ridiculous.
We didn't play that game with our kids. We approached college with the same mindset we had when we purchased a new car or home. We figure out what we could afford and they chose from schools that fit those budget amounts. Our kids knew the total numbers and they had to make it work...or figure it out themselves. It worked out fine.
They both had scholarships that also helped quite a bit. But, in the initial phase we didn't know that for sure, so we (as a family team) were careful.

Their education was important, but so also is our retirement. It doesn't have to be an either/or as long as someone is watching the numbers.


I realize there are folks who will say Kaden and Aiden got full rides to Harvard...and had the parents squashed their hopes it wouldn't have happened. Me? I think those stories are few and far between.

 

[tzolkin]

Well those that would say you shouldn't have had kids until you could afford to pay for things like college would say that waiting to have kids until they were older was part of that decision.

I do understand that (and I agree that would be the ideal), but it's not like I could go back in time and not have DD. At that point in my life I was considering whether I could finish high school, afford to go to college myself, and take care of her-- her future college expenses didn't factor highly into my decision.

I also think the cost of college is simply more than many families can plan for. We are able to provide for our family more than adequately in every other area, but I just really don't know that with our income that we would have been able to save the full cost of college for our children even if we had started before they were born (especially not if we were adequately funding our retirement). The expense is honestly more than I would have anticipated (and DH and I didn't go to school that long ago, but our families were poor so we got significantly more financial aid than our children will receive).

For those that have divorce settlements that say X pays 60 %, you pay 40% or whatever... What happens if someone's situation changes and they can't afford to pay.

I was initially thinking this might be a factor in the situation in the original post (although it does sound like the dad is mainly a jerk).

However, what if he has a modest income and his EFC would be around $5000. But the child lives with the mom and stepdad who are wealthy. Since their household income is what is used for the FAFSA, the EFC is now $25,000+ Even if it was in their divorce agreement that the father pay for college, how could he afford that amount?

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

Well, he may have a point.

It is something the mom and dad should have discussed well before the child was 18.

I don't think he has any legal obligation. His moral obligation is in question given we don't know what was discussed and when--just that he got a letter demanding money. If mom/step-dad have a higher combined income and if mom was custodial parent--I am not sure how Fafsa works, but would dad even be in the picture as far as they are concerned?

 

[gwynne]

Well, he may have a point.

It is something the mom and dad should have discussed well before the child was 18.

I don't think he has any legal obligation. His moral obligation is in question given we don't know what was discussed and when--just that he got a letter demanding money. If mom/step-dad have a higher combined income and if mom was custodial parent--I am not sure how Fafsa works, but would dad even be in the picture as far as they are concerned?

Lots of answers regarding fafsa and divorced parents here: http://www.finaid.org/questions/divorce.phtml


Obligation to Help Pay for College

Is the non-custodial parent required to help pay for college?

The Federal government does not consider the income and assets of the non-custodial parent in determining a student's financial need. However, it does consider child support received by the custodial parent.

Many private colleges do consider the non-custodial parent as a potential source of support, and require a supplemental financial aid form from the non-custodial parent. This affects the awarding of the school's own aid, but not Federal and state aid.

 

[tzolkin]

I realize there are folks who will say Kaden and Aiden got full rides to Harvard...and had the parents squashed their hopes it wouldn't have happened. Me? I think those stories are few and far between.

Most of the top schools (I attended and worked for one) only give out need-based financial aid. So anyone who got a "full ride" to Harvard is because their family was low income, not because they were any smarter/better than anyone else. They assume you have to be smart/successful enough to be admitted, so they don't see any reason to give merit-based scholarships.

Here's the link stating that all their aid is based entirely on need, not on merit: https://college.harvard.edu/financial-aid/how-aid-works

 

[Mickeyluver37]

I have heard that idea more times than I can count. (Not just college, but many other issues as well.)
I understand the idea behind it and can see where that would be ideal, but I also think plenty of people are glad that they exist and have perfectly happy, successful lives despite the fact that their parents were not able to afford to pay for everything for them.

I will just put myself out there for flames. I am only 34 and have a DD going off to college (had her when I was a teenager and she also is ahead in school-- only 16). As I mentioned in a previous post, DH and I both went to college without any financial assistance from our families. We got scholarships, paid for most through working, and took out some loans. DD was already almost 5 when we finished school. We didn't make much. Even with a college education I was only making $8/hr and we were paying back our student loans. Let's say I was able to really start saving at 30, that's only 4 years. Completely different situation than someone else who started saving at 30 and then had their child at 35... they will have had 23 years to save by the time their child is 18 and ready for college.

No flames, but with a child, you had a serious advantage when it comes to grants, that you did not mention. Unless you were making a lot of money, you were not just getting academic scholarships, but having a child allowed you to not have to report your parent's income on the FAFSA and obtain grants. Your child does not have that option unless she also has a child, or can answer "yes" to the few other questions that allow you to leave off parental income. It's not completely accurate to say "I put myself through school" if the government kicked in thousands.

To me, this is the root of this issue. My kids will not get any assistance because of our income, because the government deems it my responsibility to pay for, until they are 24. Refusing to help your kids, or in many cases, refusing to plan, makes you irresponsible at best. Or in the case of the guy in the OP, just a plain jerk.

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

So what? He helped created the child, it should be his responsibility to help support her. Even if his ex wife is the biggest you know what. And it shouldn't be the new husband's responsibility.


I'd say the same about a mother. This is not man bashing, it's parent bashing.

But perhaps it is his philosophical view in her general. Would he have wanted to pay if he remained married? Some parents do not.

I don't think divorce should mean parents automatically pay for the kid's college.

And I say this as a child of divorce, whose dad contributed a Whopping $1200 or so for my 4 year degree (better than nothing, I suppose). The rest was covered by scholarship, employment, loans and grants based on my mother's household income which was much less than his given she has two other children and I am his only. And I also say this as a parent who has opted to cover the tuition of our kids.

What about a divorce turns folks into favoring "the parent must pay college".

Child support ends at 18 or High school graduate depending on the state. My lovely dad ended mine at 18 not even a 1/3 of the way into my senior year. Woo.

College is for adults.

 

[learningtolive]

When I went to college (2003), we didn't put my dad's info on the FAFSA because he basically had no money to get by. Since he wasn't apart of our household he wasn't part of the income info to us.

Now onto what happened.... my mom contributed zero to my tuition because she has an abusive, controlling husband. So I am up to my ears in student loans (both private and federal) because I had to pay it myself. So that's how my life worked out.... and there was a time I defaulted on these loans because mom's husband told me to live with them after college, I paid rent, then he kicked me out because I stood up for my mom so I was essentially left homeless and unable to find a job due to this and other circumstances.

Today, my daughter has a savings account that is a nice nest egg for her college. (She's only 4 but her acct has more money than mine at the moment). My mom is able to contribute to this for every holiday, birthday, whatever. We contribute, other family members do as well if they wish. If my DH and I were to divorce, I honestly wouldn't expect anything of him, but I know I personally would do what I can to be sure she can go to college if she wishes. I know how it feels to struggle with securing loans independently and how when ur not able to pay them how it affects you. I will see to it that she doesn't struggle like I had.

 

[jrmasm]

But perhaps it is his philosophical view in her general. Would he have wanted to pay if he remained married? Some parents do not.

I don't think divorce should mean parents automatically pay for the kid's college.

And I say this as a child of divorce, whose dad contributed a Whopping $1200 or so for my 4 year degree (better than nothing, I suppose). The rest was covered by scholarship, employment, loans and grants based on my mother's household income which was much less than his given she has two other children and I am his only. And I also say this as a parent who has opted to cover the tuition of our kids.

What about a divorce turns folks into favoring "the parent must pay college".

Child support ends at 18 or High school graduate depending on the state. My lovely dad ended mine at 18 not even a 1/3 of the way into my senior year. Woo.

College is for adults.

Well since the government thinks my husband and I should pay (FAFSA) I really don't think any parent should be off the hook.

But regardless of my personal feelings, if you read the OP, M doesn't want to pay because he hates his ex wife. It would seem he made it about being divorced.

 

[NHdisneylover]

Tuition and fees for a public university have, on average gone up 100% (when adjusted for inflation) from the year DD was born to now (she is a Freshman) -- heck, you can have planned to be able to pay for what college would cost and have been unable to simply because of the insane rise (and the cost for room and board in the dorms has gone up even more at least in teh state DH and I went to school and DD is now).

This means two things: it is harder for students to do it all themselves, but also it is harder for parents to support 100% --- a happy medium can be a good thing, and every family has different circumstances and different goals and different reasons for doing things the way they do; there are lots of "right" ways to go about this.

 

[tzolkin]

No flames, but with a child, you had a serious advantage when it comes to grants, that you did not mention. Unless you were making a lot of money, you were not just getting academic scholarships, but having a child allowed you to not have to report your parent's income on the FAFSA and obtain grants. Your child does not have that option unless she also has a child, or can answer "yes" to the few other questions that allow you to leave off parental income. It's not completely accurate to say "I put myself through school" if the government kicked in thousands.

To me, this is the root of this issue My kids will not get any assistance because of our income, because the government deems it my responsibility to pay for, until they are 24. Refusing to help your kids, or in many cases, refusing to plan, makes you irresponsible at best. Or in the case of the guy in the OP, just a plain jerk.

Actually, the FAFSA was filled out with my parent's income and mine all four years. I was not considered independent of them and they claimed both my DD and I on their taxes so they got two extra dependents out of the deal. Maybe things were different at that time? Maybe the schools advised us incorrectly? But I can assure you having a child as a teenager was not a financial advantage for me in any way.

I received a PELL grant (based on parents' income) and the rest was need-based scholarships from the university I attended (based on parents' income). No bonuses for having a child.

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

Well since the government thinks my husband and I should pay (FAFSA) I really don't think any parent should be off the hook.

But regardless of my personal feelings, if you read the OP, M doesn't want to pay because he hates his ex wife. It would seem he made it about being divorced.

The parental contribution is often a little off in that it isn't realistic to the family situation. So just because Fafsa said so, doesn't mean it is a legal obligation. It is just their litmus to limit what they are willing to make available for your student.

As for the OP--we don't know why he hates his ex-wife. We just have one side, failure to plan, and a demand.

 

[kamik86]

Actually, the FAFSA was filled out with my parent's income and mine all four years. I was not considered independent of them and they claimed both my DD and I on their taxes so they got two extra dependents out of the deal. Maybe things were different at that time? Maybe the schools advised us incorrectly? But I can assure you having a child as a teenager was not a financial advantage for me in any way.

I'm not sure if it was different then but now if you have a kid you can be considered independent of your parents. Which can get you greatly different amounts of need based aid. (Although this doesn't work if you are living with your parents with the cost of college someone may actually be better off renting an apartment for the financial aid) However that means the parents can't claim the student on taxes.

for a student without a child claiming the student on taxes is a bit more fuzzy espeically if the parents aren't paying the majority of tuition. My mom claimed me but the way we did it is I figured out my taxes both ways (claiming me or not). Most of the time I made so little in college that it was a matter of getting everything back if I claimed myself or all put $100 if I didn't. Mom saved WAY more then $100 on her taxes if she claimed me. So she would claim me and send me half the extra money I saved.

 

[kamik86]

Well since the government thinks my husband and I should pay (FAFSA) I really don't think any parent should be off the hook.

But regardless of my personal feelings, if you read the OP, M doesn't want to pay because he hates his ex wife. It would seem he made it about being divorced.

Well even if the parents were still together the FAFSA says they should pay in the calculations but not all will. I definitely was far better off financially in college having parents that were relatively low income then some of my friends with higher income parents that either failed to plan or refused to help.

 

[tzolkin]

I'm not sure if it was different then but now if you have a kid you can be considered independent of your parents. Which can get you greatly different amounts of need based aid. (Although this doesn't work if you are living with your parents with the cost of college someone may actually be better off renting an apartment for the financial aid) However that means the parents can't claim the student on taxes.

for a student without a child claiming the student on taxes is a bit more fuzzy espeically if the parents aren't paying the majority of tuition. My mom claimed me but the way we did it is I figured out my taxes both ways (claiming me or not). Most of the time I made so little in college that it was a matter of getting everything back if I claimed myself or all put $100 if I didn't. Mom saved WAY more then $100 on her taxes if she claimed me. So she would claim me and send me half the extra money I saved.

One thing to note though is that many schools will not allow you to switch your status once you have been admitted. (I know this from my work with pregnant women at the university where I worked.)

So, if you had a child while a student (or got married), you could not change your status to independent. Even if your parents disowned you, you were still required to report their income on your FAFSA and financial aid would be determined accordingly. These policies basically make it so that if your parents are unwilling to help, you are forced to drop out.

 

[LinderInWonderland]

Tuition and fees for a public university have, on average gone up 100% (when adjusted for inflation) from the year DD was born to now (she is a Freshman) -- heck, you can have planned to be able to pay for what college would cost and have been unable to simply because of the insane rise (and the cost for room and board in the dorms has gone up even more at least in teh state DH and I went to school and DD is now).

This means two things: it is harder for students to do it all themselves, but also it is harder for parents to support 100% --- a happy medium can be a good thing, and every family has different circumstances and different goals and different reasons for doing things the way they do; there are lots of "right" ways to go about this.

When I was a freshman in high school, it cost $2000/year for in-state resident tuition , room and board. By the time I graduated, it had increased to $8000/year - but was still SO affordable compared to college now.

Fundamentally, I don't think that parents are required to pay for college. It's nice when they can, but if they can't do it, one has to make choices. It floors me that some schools are upwards of $65k annually. Conversely, there are very good non-profit online schools now that are only $3k a semester, which includes all your books.

In OP's story, my issue is with the father saying his ex should have saved all the child support for their college fund. That's insulting to the needs of his kids while they were growing up. Even if she married her rich husband immediately after they divorced, their father should still want to contribute to their well being.

As for the rich step-father, I don't think it is his primary responsibility to contribute to his step-child's college education, but anecdotally I have never seen a step-father who didn't kick in for the step-kids when they could. Most people I know with step-parents are actually as close with their step-dad as their bio-dad. I know there are 'evil' stepdads and stepmoms out there (DH had a doozy of a step-mom), but there are equally as many toxic bio-parents.

 

[jrmasm]

The parental contribution is often a little off in that it isn't realistic to the family situation. So just because Fafsa said so, doesn't mean it is a legal obligation. It is just their litmus to limit what they are willing to make available for your student.

As for the OP--we don't know why he hates his ex-wife. We just have one side, failure to plan, and a demand.

I am fully aware of how fafsa works. My point is that I think both parents' income should be considered regardless of whether they are married or not.

The OP also said he didn't think he should have had to pay child support since his ex remarried a rich guy. As I said in in earlier post, it doesn't matter what kind of shrew his ex is, it's his daughter that he should be focused on, not his hatred for his ex.