How could my own MIL do this to me!!!

[SamIAm21]

This is sort of scary in a weird way, but it's pretty obvious your DF knows what she's capable of, otherwise, how would he have known to go look in his mother's dresser drawers.

You would be best to keep her at arm's length at all times. I would put away my nicer things whenever she was in the house. I have a nephew that can't be trusted and I hide everything before I know he'll be around. Jewelry in the closet behind a stack of sweaters, money, etc. all needs to be out of sight.

We practically need to frisk him before he leaves!

 

[luvdzne]

Actually that's not crazy at all, it sounds just like her! He is her baby, the one that turned out right (I won't even go into her other son) and she has NEVER liked a single gf he had through high school or college.

Wow she is crazy! Maybe you should call Dr. Phil JK

It sounds like you are in for a heck of a future with her. I definatly would move to the other side of the earth. Keep your stuff and any future kids far away from her as she obviously cannot be trusted. What a shame You and you FDH should sit down with her and lay down the law.

Heck here is a and some sounds like your going to need it. Good luck!

 

[sajetto]

I agree with this. Time to have a BIG talk. The fact that he just wants to "leave things alone" now makes me think he's scared to confront her. But it has to be done NOW or she will continue to take advantage. He needs to let her know in no uncertain terms that she has broken his confidence and trust and will have to earn it back.

We had a talk about this, but it probably wasn't the right time to do it because I was upset and hated her at the moment. I told him that any children are to be far far away from her! However, I've cooled off and we've come to the agreement that if we are lucky enough to have children that any visiting will be supervised and under no circumstances is his mother to be left alone with a child in our home.

He has told his mother that he was very angry that she lied and that she had embarassed him to no end. She was screaming at him so much though that he just walked away. She knows that she has screwed up because we were the only people that she ever hung out with. We would go visit her at her home pretty often because she was lonely. She's going through her 3rd divorce and the ex-husband has already moved his fling into what was their 6,000 square foot mansion in Texas. She's been living here in NC for the past year (Michael had not seen her in 6 years until this divorce started) and they still have not reached a settlement. While she has been so upset we have taken her food, checked on her and her dog, mowed her lawn, and gone out to the grocery store for her. Well, no more of that! We've decided she's on her own now and good luck to her.

That's another thing that bugs me. I know she has enough money from the last marriage to go and buy her own stuff so why did she take mine?!

 

[cheerful chickadee]

I'm so sorry your FMIL put you in this situation. I've never heard of anyone doing this before, it's so weird! Honestly it skeeves me out too, thinking of MIL wearing my clothes, my jewelry, my shoes, my bras! It's kind of creepy like she is trying to be you in some way. When you think about from all perspectives it's a tad weird, okay more than a tad *shudders* Your DF being her "baby" kind of supports that thinking it but it's still freakin weird! lol

I'm sure DF is embarassed for her and feels the need to explain her actions. When I was younger my friends would come over and my mom and dad would almost always do something that would make my friends look at me like "***?" and I'd feel the need to explain my parents and their weird behavior. Then I'd try to change the subject to get the akwardness over with and say "anyways..."

 

[MsLeFever]

That's another thing that bugs me. I know she has enough money from the last marriage to go and buy her own stuff so why did she take mine?!

I wonder what the reaction would be to a bill for the "used" bras. She could keep the ones she wore and buy you new ones.

OK - clearly that wouldn't work since she isn't admitting any responsibility.

Good luck.

 

[momrek06]

OP: Does your (DF/DH) have other brothers and sisters? I was wondering if you spoke to them about this ODD behavior, I wonder what they would say?

Her making excuses as vs just being honest about the whole situation is what is really sad!

As OP responded to my Post as FMIL has NO remorse about all this, is what is so darn sad.

She probably feels like the TWO against ONE scenario right now with OP and her DF up against MIL....

OP. Hang in there! This is probably just the beginning of some strange behavior.

 

[bumcat]

Move far far away from this woman!!! I know you said your DF told you she has never stolen anything before but I seriously doubt that is true. I think he is just so embarrassed to even talk about it, God I would be. Just make sure before you marry him that she can not manipulate him. Watch their relationship from this day forward. If he runs to mama and caters to her everytime she makes a stink.....RUN FAST........
And do a criminal background check on her ASAP!!
You both need to do a credit check every 6 months!!!
Relationships are hard enough without this added pressure.
That woman wouldn't even be welcome in my house ever! We don't let strangers walk in our house and attempt to steal but yet we think nothing of letting a relative in our house that steals, I don't care if they are relatives if they steal they aren't welcomed in my house ever!

 

[mytwotinks]

It is weird that she is so upset that you went into her dresser, but she has no remorse for digging through your boxes. I assume that when you put them in her garage you had no idea that she would look in them.

As far as the stuff about your fiance being afraid to confront his mother. I would call that typical male behavior. I don't think that is anything to get worked up about. Most men that I know would do just about anything to avoid conflict with the women in their lives. I think that the only thing you can do is just recognize who this woman is and adjust your relationship with her to whatever works out around her weirdness!

I have some weirdos in my family too! I really feel sorry for your df. Everyone deserves to have normal parents and that is an empty hole in his life that can never be filled with anything else. The only thing he can do is be a normal parent to any kids you may have together. Sounds like a good guy. I wouldn't push him too much about confronting her.

 

[2sweetangels]

what is it with MIL's thinking they can do whatever they please? My MIL thinks she can control my children.

 

[alliecats]

OMG, I am so sorry. You have the worst mother-in-law I've ever heard of. I feel so sorry for your DF. How humiliating. He apparently got all the integrity in this family.

Good luck to you both!

 

[barkley]

Wow, that's unbelieveable. It just goes to show you can't pick your family. Whatever you do make sure someone is guarding your wedding presents while you're on your honeymoon.

not just while you're on the honeymoon-a former neighbor when she and her dh were married were planning on buying their first home a year or 2 post wedding, so she decided to pack up all the open wedding gifts and store them in her garage until they moved into their new home (she got a lot of realy nice appliances, serving sets and the like-figured when she moved she would ditch all the older duplicates and start out new at the new house). her mil (who lived out of state) came for an extended visit (a few months) and they thought nothing of it when she would go shopping on her own and then make regular trips to mail packages to the post office (said she was sending souvineers to the grandkids back home, had found some great deals on items she wanted but did'nt want to have to schlep extra suitcases home...). flash forward to when they go to pack and move-ALL THE WEDDING GIFTS WERE GONE. yup, through a little investigative work they found out those trips to the post office was when mil was mailing off the items to herself, friends and relatives she felt were more "deserving" of the items.

long story short-that mil was never permitted in their home again. any visits (and they were few and far between) were at a public venue.

 

[DizBelle]

Out of curiosity, how many items are we talking about here? How may bras? How many pairs of shoes? How many items of jewelry? How many other items?

 

[bumcat]

Ifontaine - She said the items were around $1000.00 more than enough to write this MIL off forever!

 

[clutter]

The bras on the other hand, are another story. Half have the tags still on, the other half do not. That really burns my muffins!

Stick them in a box, wrap them up and VOILA! Christmas is done!

 

[arminnie]

OMG, I am so sorry. You have the worst mother-in-law I've ever heard of. I feel so sorry for your DF. How humiliating. He apparently got all the integrity in this family.

Good luck to you both!

I was watching a rerun of Malcolm in the Middle last night. The older son and his girlfriend kept arguing over who had the worst family. Malcolm's family would do something awful and the girlfriend would give an example of how hers was worse. Can't remember what the final straw was but she finally says "Okay you win your family is the worst." It was funny on TV but not in real life.

I see from your sig that you are having a WDW wedding. At least there will be lots of security available if you have to call for backup.

As far as your fiance confronting his mother - it sounds to me like he has big time. He can't make her be a decent person. Just write her off. Her loss.

Your MIL to be is probably in my generation. Believe me I've known plenty of worthless human beings who have given birth to children. Sometimes toxic, amoral, disgusting excuses for human beings just have to be eliminated from your life.

 

[FergieTCat]

My friend's mother is so over-the-top that my friend's sister-in-law refuses to deal with her. Won't talk to her; leaves the house when she's invited over. I can only imagine what happened -- I can't stand the woman and thank my lucky stars I am not related to her.

As for me, this woman outright lied to me to manipulate me into letting her get her way. After I found out she lied, I told my friend I would never deal with her mother again. Haven't seen much of the mother in the past 5 years (knock wood).

No, I don't know what's wrong with these women.

 

[lbgraves]

Actually that's not crazy at all, it sounds just like her! He is her baby, the one that turned out right (I won't even go into her other son) and she has NEVER liked a single gf he had through high school or college.

I can't help but wonder if she didn't like them because they didn't like her. This is creepy & who knows what creepy things she has said or done in the past.

 

[barkley]

i think i would be telling the wedding planner to advise everyone involved in the ceremony that only specific named persons were to have unsupervised access to any areas where valuables were to be stored (be it wedding gifts, purses/personal belongings that the bridal party may need to store during the ceremony)-and not to be swayed by any "it's o.k. i'm the mother of the groom and i just need to get something for..." comments. same with access to any of the guest rooms (a smooth talker can convince a hotel maid to let them into a room esp. if the rooms are booked under a group name).

it's hard to do in these and similar situations, but i have taken the habit of using a managment technique i was taught many years ago-"focus on the behaviour and not the individual". if a behaviour is negative or inappropriate, you have to ask yourself if you would accept it across the board from any person (stranger, friend, family, co-worker, neighbor...)-if you would not you disservice yourself and ultimatly your children by excusing/ignoring/repeatedly "forgiving/forgetting" and allowing the behaviour to continue in your presence. i believe it teaches children that some people by virtue of their relatedness are above the law or decent standards of behaviour. i have one family member with questionable habits, and while he's pulled stuff on everyone else he has never on me. i think that is directly related to the fact that he knows i (unlike others in my family) would not hesitate in the least to press charges.

 

[Maleficent13]

Okay, I'm sorry, but I've been thinking about this...these are your NIGHTGOWNS!!! I mean, there's a chance that you may have had one on while...ahem......and she WORE them...

My ICK ICK ICK factor is going NUTS right now...

 

[NAB]

That's just plain wrong. But like everyone said you can now
keep your eyes open when she is around. It is to bad you
have to do that. I am glad you are not taking it out on DF
because that will always be his mother.