How bad do you think this is?

[Pigeon]

I think the teacher could have used a different phrase, but it wouldn't bother me all that much.

 

[Surfindude]

Maybe it's my Catholic school upbringing, but I don't think it's okay for a teacher to EVER call a kid a smartass, no matter what the situation. I would be one unhappy mama! There are better ways the teacher could have handled the situation.

Oh my. What would have been a better response? I can only imagine the frustration that the teacher felt, and clearly this child was not helping things by this remark. I do suppose that the teacher could have laughed it off, but at that point I can only guess that it would have made the situation worse.

 

[GoodFairies]

I'd actually try to 'forbid' him from going to the principal - or really talk him out of it. If his feelings are hurt now imagine what his classmates will say to him when they find out he went to the principal over something like this.

 

[Alex&Evan'sMom]

I had a teacher that hated my guts for no reason whatsoever. She was always rude and hateful towards me and I was very quiet and obedient. The final straw was when I was late to her class and had an excused tardy slip. She refused to let me enter the class. I was so confused about what to do I just sat in the bathroom all period and cried. Then she tried to have me suspended. After I spoke to my guidance counselor and explained what had happened she told me I needed to go speak with the teacher. It took every ounce of courage I had to go in there and she very coldly said she had nothing to say to me ever again. I walked out of her classroom in shock and started sobbing once I got down the hall. When I got home from school that day and talked to my mom she went bananas. The next morning she had a meeting with the teacher, principal and superintendent. I then had to go talk to the teacher again(you've got to be kidding me) but was assured everything was o.k. I walk into her room and she has 2 desks side by side with a bowl of hershey kisses and a box of tissues just in case we both get emotional when we're having our heart-to-heart. Needless to say she didn't give me any more trouble the rest of the year and I avoided her like the plague. I would've liked to be a fly on the wall during that meeting. My mom has quite the temper(irish redhead) and I'm pretty sure she laid down the law. My point(I promise I have one after all this rambling) is everyone's situation is different but there may be extra stuff this teacher has done that your son hasn't told you that makes him want to talk to his principal. My mom was in the dark until the final straw. Good luck with whatever he chooses. You're a good mom to be concerned and it's good that he clues you in on his problems. I hope my kids continue to do that as they get older. One final note, that was my mean teacher's last year of teaching. She became a guidance counselor.

 

[mickeyboat]

Tell your son he is lucky he was reprimanded with "smartass" and not another, far worse punishment for his disrespectful behavior. I think he was more embarassed than hurt by what the teacher said. Should she have said it? No. But it's not worth making a federal case about.

Denae

 

[Liberty Belle]

I agree- he would be the one in trouble, I would have no problem with the teacher!



- he tried to show up the teacher and then gets upset when she gives it back to him and hurts his precious little feelings- oh please... ...




I agree- I don't have any issues with the word smartass- its not even filtered out here on the dis and they filter everything LOL. If I was the OP I would have more issues with the son than the teacher and give me a break, going to the principal?? Perhaps the teacher should have sent HIM to the principal for disrupting her class and being a smartass.

Excuse me? I'm biting my tongue right now. My son does not have precious little feelings, for God's sake, he's fifteen and you really do not need to roll your eyes.

I absolutely am certain you've said just as bad and worse at his age and as an adult. My son was not disrupting the class. Though I didn't disclose it, he was sitting quietly working on a paper with his friend. All he did was wave and say hi (which, again, was smart aleky, but nothing to send him to the principal about, or the whole dang school would be in the office.)

 

[Liberty Belle]

Tell your son he is lucky he was reprimanded with "smartass" and not another, far worse punishment for his disrespectful behavior. I think he was more embarassed than hurt by what the teacher said. Should she have said it? No. But it's not worth making a federal case about.

Denae

Ok, I'm getting defensive here. I did not make a federal case of it. If you recall, I told him he probably deserved it. No, he was not embarassed, he was hurt. Mostly by the look on her face, I think, because he liked the teacher. And as I said, this type of banter goes on often at his school. He goes to a good school, but there are children there who physically fight in class, call teachers *****es, and throw chairs. I doubt my son would get a "far worse punishment" for waving and saying "hi", as smart aleky as it was.

 

[Liberty Belle]

Well, being the co-founder and chapter president of the local Smartass club, I know where he is coming from. More than once I have been smacked down, when I have broken off a real stinker. Yes, your feelings do get hurt, because you are trying to funny, and regardless of how “equal” the rebuke, we always feel like it’s coming from meaner place than our original attempt. I’m currently working on a retaliation endurance seminar titled “Yeah, I deserved that”, to help out newbies to the craft. It’s a follow-up to last years keynote “ ‘I know you are but what am I’ and other pitfalls to heckle a heckler”

Over time, he will learn to channel those hurt feelings into motivation to improve timing, inflection and tone, and soon he will be sassing with the best of us.


In all seriousness, I hope you ignore the fringe element that says, “discipline the teacher” as well as the ones that ridicule your son for having hurt feelings. Thats not helpful. I think your leaning towards the middle of the road of letting your son deal with this, which is the right track in my opinion.

Good luck.

Thank you for the chuckle. I really needed that.

My son is not a "sissy," he is not overly sensitive, reacts very typically in social situations, and is not a bad kid or a bad student. He was being a smartass fifteen year old kid.

The reason I asked on here is when I told some people about it, they gave me such differing opinions and some were pretty outraged that a teacher would say this. I thought maybe I wasn't as upset as maybe I should have been. It really was no big deal to me, but I do feel sorry for my children when they're hurting, whether they deserved the pain or not.

He's already forgotten about it, by the way.

 

[Liberty Belle]

Maybe harsh, but I totally agree. Thats the problem nowadays everyone is so worried about their poor little babies feelings. How about if he wasn't disrespectful in the first place the incident would have never happened.

Instead of thinking of talking to my sons teacher , I'd be telling him to apologize for being disrespectful.

For the record, I was not thinking of talking to my son's teacher. Thought I mentioned that. And, yes, I did suggest he talk to her, apologize and explain how it made him feel.

 

[MushyMushy]

Eh, he's 15 -- what he did isn't the end of the world and it sure doesn't make him a delinquent. He probably thought he was lightening the tension or being funny and it backfired a bit. I, personally, would never call a student a smartass, but unless you've been in a classroom of unruly teenagers, you really don't know how they can be.

Oh my. What would have been a better response? I can only imagine the frustration that the teacher felt, and clearly this child was not helping things by this remark. I do suppose that the teacher could have laughed it off, but at that point I can only guess that it would have made the situation worse.

Um, I can think of a few other responses. Completely ignoring him would have been the absolute best response. His "joke" would have fallen flat and that would have been it. She could have given him a stone cold stare. The kind of stare that makes kids shiver in their boots. She could have pulled him aside after class and told him his behavior was inappropriate. She could have said, "Enough!"

I'm not saying what she did was horrible, but I do feel it's slightly unprofessional to call students names. She should by no means be rebuked or tattled on, but I'd hope that kind of thing didn't become a habit.

 

[Lanshark]

I think you handled it correctly by talking to him about his behavior and by telling him to drop it. You sound like a reasonable parent.

 

[Anewman]

15 year old is called a smarta$$, and he gets his feelings hurt????

Am I missing something?


My take...
He got beat at his own game(being a smart ***), and now wants mommy to get the teacher in trouble(revenge). OR he is prepping his mommy for that report card, get ready for the "TEACHER HATES ME" excuse.

BOTTOMLINE, I have never met a 15 year old smartass to actually get his feelings hurt with something as tame. I am sure he and his friends diss each other much more harshly about 20 times a day, at least.

 

[Liberty Belle]

15 year old is called a smarta$$, and he gets his feelings hurt????

Am I missing something?


My take...
He got beat at his own game(being a smart ***), and now wants mommy to get the teacher in trouble(revenge). OR he is prepping his mommy for that report card, get ready for the "TEACHER HATES ME" excuse.

BOTTOMLINE, I have never met a 15 year old smartass to actually get his feelings hurt with something as tame. I am sure he and his friends diss each other much more harshly about 20 times a day, at least.

Yeah, your take is definitely wrong. The last thing my son would want is for me to talk to the teacher or get her in trouble. He didn't come crying to me. He told me in kind of a laughing, but surprised way and then later (after I jokingly called him a smartass) told me it hurt his feelings. I think he and the teacher joked around together before and when this time she got angry and snapped at him, it made him feel bad. And we just got the report card. It was fine.

Oh, and the last time he called me Mommy was about age 6.

 

[xoprincessmomxo]

You handled it well. Is this his first year of high school? Teachers are much different in HS than JrHS...And if he thinks this is bad, just wait for the college professors!

 

[MELSMICE]

I guess if it were my kid I would have told him that had he not been goofing off the comment wouldn't have been made. No, it probably isn't the most appropriate comment but teachers are human as well. I would have been more upset that my son was disrespectful to the teacher then the comment from the teacher.

I agree & I think what you told him was appropriate - that he could go to the principal if he wanted, but it might not be the best choice.

 

[LVSWL]

I don't think her son was rude or disrespectful, I do think he chose the wrong time to try to be cute. He's 15!

As a teacher, I would never say what that teacher said. I would never even say shutup, but that's just me. My kids have had teachers in elementary school who have told the class to shutup-totally crass and white trash IMO.

I realize OP's son is in high school and it is a different dynamic than elementary school, but there should never be a time a teacher swears at a student-it's a line that shouldn't be crossed.

I completely agree with this post. I think that we as parents are dropping the ball when we say that it is ok for our children to be treated disrespectfully by their teachers or to treat their teacher that way. To just say, well, you acted like a smart *** so that is why she called you one is lame to me. The teacher is the adult and the professional, and should be held to a higher standard and should set an example, but the parent should be pointing out to the child what was possibly wrong with their behavior, and explaining that they should treat their teachers with respect and expect it in return.

 

[dismom2]

I agree- he would be the one in trouble, I would have no problem with the teacher!



- he tried to show up the teacher and then gets upset when she gives it back to him and hurts his precious little feelings- oh please... ...




I agree- I don't have any issues with the word smartass- its not even filtered out here on the dis and they filter everything LOL. If I was the OP I would have more issues with the son than the teacher and give me a break, going to the principal?? Perhaps the teacher should have sent HIM to the
principal for disrupting her class and being a smartass.

This is exactly what I would have said. I would be upset at my child for upsetting the teacher. She was trying to calm the class down--she doesn't need sarcasm from one of the kids. Why would anyone feel sorry for the kid?
And to make an issue out of it? Crazy---I guess I am old school, too. Kids should show their teachers respect.

 

[LisaNJ25]

At 15 I would let it go. I would think my kid was being smartass also if he did that. Not the best choice of words.. but not something I would go to the school about. I had to laugh when I read that because I have Will also and could picture him doing that.

 

[MM27]

He was being a smartass and got called one...tough luck kid maybe you'll keep your trap shut next time and stop showing off for your mates!

 

[loco4dis]

A high school teacher here weighing in. OP, your advice to your son to go and talk to his teacher is absolutely the best advice. I can speak from experience that sometimes we teachers can say something in the heat of the moment that hurts a student's feelings, and we are completely unaware of it. A typical class has 35 or so kids, multiplied by 5 periods. With those kinds of numbers, things can be said in the hustle and bustle and reactions not noticed. I have had students (not many, but a couple in 10 years) tell me they didn't think I liked them and I was just shocked! Honestly, I have never disliked a kid, nor have I heard colleagues talk about not liking a certain kid. Really. We'll get frustrated sometimes, just like parents do, but it is really rare for it to become an active disliking of a teenage kid.

The teacher was frustrated and said something inappropriate in the heat of the moment. If it's not a pattern, cut her some slack, and explain to your son that someday he'll need someone to cut him some slack, too. We all do at one time or another.