How about a JOKE thread? Everyone loves Jokes :)

[ZuZugal]

There are two potatoes standing on a street corner. How can you tell which one is a prostitute?

It the one with the sticker that says Idaho (Get it - I Da Ho)

 

[Mr. Silly]

knock knock.

who's there?

interrupting pig.

interrupting ... Oink Oink Oink!

 

[HaleyB]

knock knock.

who's there?

interrupting pig.

interrupting ... Oink Oink Oink!

That one works better in IM or chat or IRL.

 

[Mishetta]

Why don't they play poker in the jungle?

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Too many cheetahs!

 

[princesslibby]

Where do pirates go for breakfast?









































IHOP

 

[princesslibby]

How did the pirate stop smoking?
































He used the patch.

 

[GoofyDad869]

Why did the Platypus cross the road?


































Because it was in the wrong joke!

 

[Moustermind]

A man awakened eary one morning to see a gorilla in the tree in his front yard. Concerned, he called animal control and was told he would have to call a specialist. Sure enough there was a "Gorilla Removal Specialist" in the yellowpages. He called and the man came right over.

When the specialist arrived he came over to the homeowner carrying a ladder, a shotgun, a baseball bat, a pair of handcuffs, and leading a mean looking pit bull terrier.

The specialist shook hands with the homeowner. "Sir, I can fix your gorilla problem, but my assistant is sick today and I am gonna need your help."

'Um, alright," the homeowner said, "what do you need me to do?"

"I am gonna use this ladder to climb that tree," says the man handing the homeowner the shotgun, "and whack that gorilla in the head with my bat. The gorilla will fall from the tree and my specially trained pit bull here will latch on to the gorilla's..uh..gonadical area, paralyzing the beast in agony. I will then descend from the tree and cuff the gorilla, and lead him away to the zoo."

"Uh, but what do I need to do," asked the homeowner.

"In the unlikely event that the gorilla manages to knock me out of the tree first, sir, I want you to SHOOT THAT DOG!"

 

[HaleyB]

That was a good one

 

[Stinkybell]

A man walks into a pet shop looking for a unique pet. The shopkeeper sells him a centipede. The man takes the centipede home. A little while later, the man says to the centipede "Do you want to go out for a beer?" The centipede doesn't answer. The man repeats, louder "Do you want to go out for a beer?" Still, no answer from the centipede. One more time, the man asks "Well, do you want to go out for a beer?" The centipede replies "Hold on, I'm putting my shoes on!"

 

[Mr. Silly]

Two guys are fishing, at the end of the day they have caught three fish. The one looks at the other and says, "You know if you take in the cost of the boat, and the gas, the fishing licenses, the tackle and everything else, it cost us a good $500 a fish." The other guy says, "boy, it's a good thing we didn't catch more."

 

[Mr. Silly]

A guy walks into a diner in his home town at Christmas-time. He orders eggs benedict and to his astonishment the waitress serves the meal on a hubcap. The man asks about the odd plate and the waitress replies, "Well, there's no plate like chrome for the hollandaise."

 

[UtahMama]

Blonde Jokes:

Q:What do you do if a blonde throws a grenade at you?

A:Take the pin out and throw it back!



Q: What do you do if a blonde throws a PIN at you???

A: RUN the grenade's still in her mouth!



Q: How do you kill a blonde?

A: Put a scratch and sniff sticker in the bottom of a pool!



Q: How does a blonde kill a fish?

A: Tries to drown it!



Q: How does a blonde try to kill a bird?

A: She throws it off a cliff!


Q: How do you confuse a blonde?

A: Put her in a circular room and tell her to sit in a corner!



Q: How does the blonde confuse YOU?

A: She does it!

 

[Moustermind]

The 911 operator received a frantic call. After calming the man down she said,

Operator: 'What is the nature of your emergency?"

Man: "My best friend and I are on a hunting trip 10 miles from civilization in any form, and he just dropped dead! What do I do?!"

Operator: "Calm down, sir. First, we need to make sure that your friend is really dead."

Man: "All...Alright, hand on a second...*Bang! Bang!* Okay, what now?"

 

[HaleyB]

Knock Knock

 

[Moustermind]

The hunter was in a tough spot. He had stalked a record trophy buck year after year until his chance finally came. He shot the massive animal, but much to his chagrin it ran across from public land onto the land of an old farmer notorious for his terrible temper, and his dislike of hunters on his land.

The buck died within sight of public land, but still well onto the farmer's property. The hunter wrestled with his conscience but decided he could not leave this one behind. He looked around carefully and walked over to dress out his kill.

A few minutes later he felt the cold barrels of a shotgun pressed to the back of his neck.

"Ding dang hunter!" the old farmer fumed, "stand up ya varmint. We'se gonna have us a little contest for that there deer. I'm gonna kick you in the nuggets as hard as I can, and then you're gonna do the same to me. Whichever one of us is tougher and don't make no noise is gonna take that deer!"

"Alright," the hunter stammered.

"Ah'll go first!" The hunter steeled himself as the powerful old farmer wound up and delivered his strike. The hunter had never known such excruciating pain, but he managed to blink back the tears without a sound escaping.

"Alright," squeaked the hunter, his voice several octaves higher than normal, "my turn!"

"Nah," said the old farmer with a grin, "you can just keep that old deer."

 

[Moustermind]

Who's there?

 

[HaleyB]

Control Freak...

 

[HaleyB]

Now you say "Control freak who"!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!




maybe that one works better out loud?

 

[Alice28]

Haley- was just going to post the same joke! I about fell off my chair when DH told it the other day...he heard it on NPR...