How about a JOKE thread? Everyone loves Jokes :)

[DisneyAddict_M]

I don't think I personally know any G or PG rated jokes, but here's a joke from my 5 year old dd. In fact, it's the only joke she knows and I hear it incessantly.

Q. Where is a cow's favorite place to go?





















A. To the moooooovies. Haha. It never gets old.

 

[brerrabbit]

Little Johnnie's teacher gives the class an assignment, talk to your family and find a story that has a moral. Then tomorrow they will all come to class, tell the story and give the moral of the story.

The next day the teacher asks Susie to tell her story, she says " well my Aunt raises chickens and sells their eggs, one day she was in a hurry and had collected all the eggs and was running to the house, when she fell and dropped the basket. All the eggs broke and she didn't have any to sell that day. So the moral of my story is don't put all your eggs in one basket" Very good Susie the teacher says.

Next she asks little Johnnie for his story so Johnnie begins, " my Uncle was a fighter pilot in Vietnam. One day he was on a mission and he got shot down. Before he jumped out of his plane he looked around and found a gun with 100 bullets, a big knife, and a bottle of whiskey. He grabbed the stuff and jumped from the plane. As he was floating down he took the bottle of whiskey and drank the whole thing. When he landed he was surrounded by 200 Viet Cong soilders, he shot and shot till he ran out of bullets killing 100 of them, then he starting attacking them with his knife and killed 80 more. Then he took his bare hands and killed the rest." Johnnie's teacher said "well thats and interesting, if not gory story Johnnie, but whats the moral of the story?"



Johnnie smiled and said "the moral of the story is don't mess with my Uncle when he's drunk!"

 

[Bob Slydell]

A plane is on its way to Detroit when a blonde woman in economy class gets up and moves into an open seat in the first class section.

The flight attendant watches her do this, and politely informs the woman that she must sit in economy class because that's the type of ticket she paid for.

The blonde replies, "I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, I'm going to Detroit and I'm staying right here."

After repeated attempts and no success at convincing the woman to move, the flight attendant goes into the cockpit and informs the pilot and co-piolet that there's a blonde bimbo sitting in first class who refuses to go back to her proper seat. The co-pilot goes back to the woman and explains why she needs to move, but once again the woman replies by saying, "I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, I'm going to Detroit and I'm staying right here."

The co-pilot returns to the cockpit and suggests that perhaps they should have the arrival gate call the police and have the woman arrested when they land. The pilot says, "You say she's blonde? I'll handle this. I'm married to a blonde. I speak blonde." He goes back to the woman and whispers quietly in her ear, and she says, "Oh, I'm sorry," then quickly moves back to her seat in economy class.

The flight attendant and co-pilot are amazed and ask him what he said to get her to move back to economy without causing any fuss.

"I told her first class isn't going to Detroit."

 

[GoofyDad869]

Since this is opening day for PotC#2, here's a good pirate joke...

A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel in the crotch of his pants.

The bartender asks him: "Hey, what's with the steering wheel in your pants?"

The pirate replies...






















Arrrrrrggggghh, It's driving me nuts!!!

(You said PG jokes - and not a single cuss word)

 

[diznygirl]

Why do ducks have webbed feet?


From stomping out fires.


Why do elephants have flat feet?


From stomping out burning ducks!!!

 

[RUDisney]

What do a tornado and a divorce in Arkansas have in common?



























Someones gonna lose a trailer!

 

[Mr. Silly]

How do you kill a circus?


























Go straight for the juggler.

 

[Mr. Silly]

What did the snail say on the turtle's back?



























Wheeee!

 

[Mr. Silly]

What has 2 eyes, 2 belly buttons and 2 legs?




































2 pirates

 

[DisneyTarheel]

What do you get when you cross an insomniac, an agnostic and a dyslexic?















Someone who stays up all night pondering the existence of Dog.

 

[HaleyB]

What do you get when you cross a parrot with a shark?














An animal that talks your head off!

 

[horsegirl]

Ladies Bumper Stickers

1. SO MANY MEN, SO FEW WHO CAN AFFORD ME.

2. GOD MADE US SISTERS, PROZAC MADE US FRIENDS.

3. IF THEY DON'T HAVE CHOCOLATE IN HEAVEN, I AIN'T GOING.

4. MY MOTHER IS A TRAVEL AGENT FOR GUILT TRIPS.

5. PRINCESS, HAVING HAD SUFFICIENT EXPERIENCE WITH PRINCES, SEEKS FROG.

6. COFFEE, CHOCOLATE, MEN ... SOME THINGS ARE JUST BETTER RICH.

7. DON'T TREAT ME ANY DIFFERENTLY THAN YOU WOULD THE QUEEN.

8. IF YOU WANT BREAKFAST IN BED, SLEEP IN THE KITCHEN.

9. DINNER IS READY WHEN THE SMOKE ALARM GOES OFF.

10. I'M OUT OF ESTROGEN - AND I HAVE A GUN.

11. GUYS HAVE FEELINGS TOO. BUT LIKE...WHO CARES?

12. NEXT MOOD SWING: 6 MINUTES.

13. AND YOUR POINT IS?

14. WARNING: I HAVE AN ATTITUDE AND I KNOW HOW TO USE IT.

15. OF COURSE I DON'T LOOK BUSY...I DID IT RIGHT THE FIRST TIME.

16. DO NOT START WITH ME. YOU WILL NOT WIN.

17. YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO REMAIN SILENT, SO PLEASE SHUT UP.

18. ALL STRESSED OUT AND NO ONE TO CHOKE.

19. I'M ONE OF THOSE BAD THINGS THAT HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE.

20. HOW CAN I MISS YOU IF YOU WON'T GO AWAY?

21. SORRY IF I LOOKED INTERESTED. I'M NOT.

22. IF WE ARE WHAT WE EAT, I'M FAST, CHEAP AND EASY.

23. DON'T UPSET ME! I'M RUNNING OUT OF PLACES TO HIDE THE BODIES.

 

[snowwite]

Why can't Pinnochio's nose be 12 inches long?













Because then it would be a foot!

 

[snowwite]

What did Snow white say to the camera shop attendant?









Some day my prints will come Fell freee to groan...it was baaaad

 

[Florida_Mom]

Why did the pirate go on vacation?




















Because he needed a little arrrrrgh and arrrrrrrgh.

 

[Mr. Silly]

What is a cannibal Pirate's favorite lunch?




























A Bacon Lettuce and Two-Matey Sandwich.

 

[Mr. Silly]

What is E.T. short for?





















Because he's got little legs

 

[Mr. Silly]

Where did George Washington keep his armies?




















In his sleevies.

 

[RUDisney]

Where did George Washington keep his armies?

In his sleevies.

OMG! My 11 yo DS will LOVE this one!

 

[Mr. Silly]

Why do chicken coops have two doors?





















Because if they had four doors, they'd be chicken sedans.