How about a JOKE thread? Everyone loves Jokes :)
- Thread starter HaleyB
- Start date
HaleyB
I am not a robot
- Joined
- Nov 16, 2003
- Messages
- 6,912
A confused nine-year-old boy goes up to his mother and asks, "Is God male or
female?"
After thinking for a moment, his mother responds, Well God is both male and
female."
This confuses the little boy, so he asks, "Is God black or white?"
"Well, God is both black and white."
This further confuses the boy so he asks, "Is God gay or straight?"
At this the mother is getting concerned, but answers nonetheless,
"Honey, God is both gay and straight."
At this the boy's face lights up with understanding and he triumphantly
asks...
"Is God Michael Jackson?
female?"
After thinking for a moment, his mother responds, Well God is both male and
female."
This confuses the little boy, so he asks, "Is God black or white?"
"Well, God is both black and white."
This further confuses the boy so he asks, "Is God gay or straight?"
At this the mother is getting concerned, but answers nonetheless,
"Honey, God is both gay and straight."
At this the boy's face lights up with understanding and he triumphantly
asks...
"Is God Michael Jackson?
/
lindakmonty
He's like "OH NO YOU DIDN'T"
- Joined
- Jun 24, 2005
- Messages
- 7,472
Your momma's so short
she can sit on the curb and swing her legs!!!!!
horsegirl.... I LOVE your lawyer jokes!!!!
I'm gonna have to borrow some of those!
she can sit on the curb and swing her legs!!!!!
horsegirl.... I LOVE your lawyer jokes!!!!
I'm gonna have to borrow some of those!
TinkInPink
<font color=darkorchid>I once hurt myself eating a
- Joined
- Jan 23, 2006
- Messages
- 1,053
lol mines about horses
Top 10 Spookey Things
A horse's point of view
10. Blowing Paper:
"At any moment it could whip up into our faces, covering our noses. We could suffocate. And don't try to tell us you'd do CPR."
9. Barking Dogs:
"What? You've never read Steven King's CUJO?"
8. Puddles of Water:
"Quicksand."
7. Trash Cans:
"They've been known to swallow horses and transport them into another dimension."
6. Babies and Li'l Kids:
"Long lost tribe of horse-eating pygmies."
5. Plaid Horse Blankets:
"Hey, when was the last time you wore plaid? It adds 100 lbs."
4. Ropes and Hoses on the Ground:
"Dreaded North American Trail Snakes."
3. Ponies:
"Cute, cleaver, hardy. They want to take over the world."
2. Windy Days:
"Two Words: impending tornado."
1. Carts and Wagons:
"Look. You put a human on our backs, we can always buck them off. But hitching a horse to a wheeled object? It's just not right."
Top 10 Spookey Things
A horse's point of view
10. Blowing Paper:
"At any moment it could whip up into our faces, covering our noses. We could suffocate. And don't try to tell us you'd do CPR."
9. Barking Dogs:
"What? You've never read Steven King's CUJO?"
8. Puddles of Water:
"Quicksand."
7. Trash Cans:
"They've been known to swallow horses and transport them into another dimension."
6. Babies and Li'l Kids:
"Long lost tribe of horse-eating pygmies."
5. Plaid Horse Blankets:
"Hey, when was the last time you wore plaid? It adds 100 lbs."
4. Ropes and Hoses on the Ground:
"Dreaded North American Trail Snakes."
3. Ponies:
"Cute, cleaver, hardy. They want to take over the world."
2. Windy Days:
"Two Words: impending tornado."
1. Carts and Wagons:
"Look. You put a human on our backs, we can always buck them off. But hitching a horse to a wheeled object? It's just not right."
lindakmonty
He's like "OH NO YOU DIDN'T"
- Joined
- Jun 24, 2005
- Messages
- 7,472
found some good lawyer jokes 
What's the difference between an attorney and a trampoline? You take your boots off to jump on a trampoline.
A lawyer's job is secure - who would build a robot to do nothing?
It was so cold last winter that I saw a lawyer with his hands in his own pockets.
Santa Claus, the tooth fairy, an honest lawyer and an old drunk are walking down the street together when they simultaneously spot a hundred dollar bill. Who gets it? The old drunk, of course, the other three are mythological creatures.
A lawyer finds out he has a brain tumor, and it's inoperable - in fact, it's so large, they have to do a brain transplant. His doctor gives him a choice of available brains - there's a jar of rocket scientist brains for $10 an ounce, a jar of regular scientist brains for $15 an ounce, and a jar of lawyer brains for the princely sum of $800 an ounce. The outraged lawyer says, "This is a rip-off - how come the lawyer brains are so darn expensive?" The doctor replies, "Do you know how many lawyers it takes to get an ounce of brains?"
What's the difference between an attorney and a trampoline? You take your boots off to jump on a trampoline.
A lawyer's job is secure - who would build a robot to do nothing?
It was so cold last winter that I saw a lawyer with his hands in his own pockets.
Santa Claus, the tooth fairy, an honest lawyer and an old drunk are walking down the street together when they simultaneously spot a hundred dollar bill. Who gets it? The old drunk, of course, the other three are mythological creatures.
A lawyer finds out he has a brain tumor, and it's inoperable - in fact, it's so large, they have to do a brain transplant. His doctor gives him a choice of available brains - there's a jar of rocket scientist brains for $10 an ounce, a jar of regular scientist brains for $15 an ounce, and a jar of lawyer brains for the princely sum of $800 an ounce. The outraged lawyer says, "This is a rip-off - how come the lawyer brains are so darn expensive?" The doctor replies, "Do you know how many lawyers it takes to get an ounce of brains?"
HaleyB
I am not a robot
- Joined
- Nov 16, 2003
- Messages
- 6,912
A guy went to a psychiatrist. "Doc," he said, "I keep having these alternating recurring dreams. First I'm a teepee, then I'm a wigwam, then I'm a teepee, and then I'm a wigwam. It's driving me crazy. What's wrong with me?"
The doctor replied, "It's very simple. You're two tents."
The doctor replied, "It's very simple. You're two tents."
Cool-Beans
<marquee behavior=alternate><font color=deeppink>F
- Joined
- Apr 24, 2006
- Messages
- 16,604
Why did the X jump in the bathtub?
Because it wanted to be a clean X. (Kleenex, get it?) Tee-hee.
Because it wanted to be a clean X. (Kleenex, get it?) Tee-hee.
buckylarue
Can't decide who's Statler and who's Waldorf...
- Joined
- Jul 15, 2000
- Messages
- 2,528
There was once a bus conductor, and he had really bad anger management problems, One day a woman on the bus refused to pay the fare. Well, the bus conductor got so angry he killed her. He was tried and sentenced to death by the electric chair.
The day for his execution came, and they took him out of his cell and brought him to the chair. The guard said, "Have you any last requests?"
The man replied, "Yes, I'd like an unripe green banana, please."
So they got him an unripe green banana, and he peeled it, ate it, and threw the skin away, and they strapped him to the chair.
"Are you ready?" they asked.
"Yes," he said.
And they hit the switch. And nothing happened. So he was taken back to his cell.
The guards rewired the chair and tested it a few times, and it worked perfectly. They brought the man back and said, "Have you any last requests?"
The man replied, "Yes, I'd like an unripe green banana, please."
So they got him an unripe green banana, and he peeled it, ate it, and threw the skin away, and they strapped him to the chair.
"Are you ready?" they asked.
"Yes," he said.
And they hit the switch. And nothing happened. So he was taken back to his cell.
Well, the guards bought a brand new electric chair. This one was amazing: leather seats, gold-plated armrests studded with rubies, the works. It was an incredible sight.
They brought the man back and asked, "Have you any last requests?"
The man replied, "Yes, I'd like an unripe green banana, please."
So they got him an unripe green banana, and he peeled it, ate it, and threw the skin away, and they strapped him to the chair.
"Are you ready?" they asked.
"Yes," he said.
And they hit the switch. And nothing happened.
Now, in this particular state, there was a law that if someone survived the electric chair three times, he must be set free. So the man was released, and as soon as he stepped out of the prison, the press was all over him. He walked through the crowd and the flashing cameras until he saw a small man who asked, "Have you discovered some miraculous phenomenon of unripe green bananas?"
"No," he replied, "I've just always been a bad conductor."
The day for his execution came, and they took him out of his cell and brought him to the chair. The guard said, "Have you any last requests?"
The man replied, "Yes, I'd like an unripe green banana, please."
So they got him an unripe green banana, and he peeled it, ate it, and threw the skin away, and they strapped him to the chair.
"Are you ready?" they asked.
"Yes," he said.
And they hit the switch. And nothing happened. So he was taken back to his cell.
The guards rewired the chair and tested it a few times, and it worked perfectly. They brought the man back and said, "Have you any last requests?"
The man replied, "Yes, I'd like an unripe green banana, please."
So they got him an unripe green banana, and he peeled it, ate it, and threw the skin away, and they strapped him to the chair.
"Are you ready?" they asked.
"Yes," he said.
And they hit the switch. And nothing happened. So he was taken back to his cell.
Well, the guards bought a brand new electric chair. This one was amazing: leather seats, gold-plated armrests studded with rubies, the works. It was an incredible sight.
They brought the man back and asked, "Have you any last requests?"
The man replied, "Yes, I'd like an unripe green banana, please."
So they got him an unripe green banana, and he peeled it, ate it, and threw the skin away, and they strapped him to the chair.
"Are you ready?" they asked.
"Yes," he said.
And they hit the switch. And nothing happened.
Now, in this particular state, there was a law that if someone survived the electric chair three times, he must be set free. So the man was released, and as soon as he stepped out of the prison, the press was all over him. He walked through the crowd and the flashing cameras until he saw a small man who asked, "Have you discovered some miraculous phenomenon of unripe green bananas?"
"No," he replied, "I've just always been a bad conductor."
buckylarue
Can't decide who's Statler and who's Waldorf...
- Joined
- Jul 15, 2000
- Messages
- 2,528
A guy walks into the Doctor's office; he has a carrot in his ear and a piece of celery sticking up his nose. "Doc," he says, "I feel terrible, but I don't know what's wrong!"
The Doc says, "You're not eating right!"
The Doc says, "You're not eating right!"
buckylarue
Can't decide who's Statler and who's Waldorf...
- Joined
- Jul 15, 2000
- Messages
- 2,528
Nobody else knows any more jokes?? 
Well, I refuse to let this die without a fight!
Here's one more (bad) one:
Why are there so many Smiths in the phone book?
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Because so many of them own phones!
Well, I refuse to let this die without a fight!
Here's one more (bad) one:
Why are there so many Smiths in the phone book?
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Because so many of them own phones!
-
Is a Marvel Day at Sea Cruise Worth It If I Don't Like Marvel?
-
How to Find Walt Disney in All Four Parks at Walt Disney World
-
See What's New in Liberty Square and Frontierland at Magic Kingdom
-
New Disney x Fisher Price Retro Toys Now Available
-
Disney Cruise Line 101: Your Disembarkation Day Guide
-
New Disney Starlight Bucket & Popcorn at Magic Kingdom
-
Characters From 'The Fantastic Four' + New Food Heading to Disneyland Park
Receive up to $1,000 in Onboard Credit and a Gift Basket!
That’s right — when you book your Disney Cruise with Dreams Unlimited Travel, you’ll receive incredible shipboard credits to spend during your vacation!
CLICK HERE
That’s right — when you book your Disney Cruise with Dreams Unlimited Travel, you’ll receive incredible shipboard credits to spend during your vacation!
CLICK HERE
