Hotel Prom Death

[EMode]

My problem with the mother getting the hotel room is that it was against the other mother's wishes. She should not have gotten the room for them, period. The girl's mother said for her to come home and that is what should have happened. If the boy's mom wanted to get them a room, she should have cleared it with the girl's mom first.

I disagree about the hotel room, the mom of the boy had every right to book a room for her ds to use. She didn't need to clear that with anyone else, if the girl chose to stay knowing her mother wanted her home, that is on the girl not the boy's mother.

 

[mom2AidanAndEli]

Of course, everything here is speculation. But it's funny how every single person has assumed it's the boy and his mother who provided the drugs and alcohol. Yes, the mother arranged the hotel room. But for all we know, it was the girl herself who brought the party supplies! Not saying it was, but we don't know. Any high school kid knows of ways to get those things. They don't have to rely on a boyfriend's mother.

Horribly sad situation all the way around, but it comes down to personal responsibility. The girl knew she wasn't supposed to be there, but went anyway. I'm going to assume she wasn't forced to drink and take drugs, that she did it willingly. If the boyfriend's mother hadn't supplied a hotel room, it could have happened anywhere. The drugs and alcohol could have come from anyone.

Feel terrible for everyone involved.

 

[mom2rtk]

A terrible tragedy to be sure, but the mother comes off as terribly naive. Teens can very easily get their hands on alcohol and prescription pills, even though they're underage. Parents or other adults have the pills around the house, often extras that were prescribed for "as needed" use and not needed, and teens steal them to use recreationally or to sell to their peers. And by senior year of high school just about everyone who is inclined to drink has that one older friend-of-a-friend or friend's sibling that is willing to buy the booze.

The attitudes I see in many teens I know towards prescription pills is frightening - since it comes from a doctor rather than a dealer, they think it is safe even though it wasn't prescribed for them. For some, that attitude could be deadly. For others, it could be the gateway to opiate addiction. But there is little in the way of law enforcement or educational resources addressing this specific issue.

I agree that many underage kids know someone who can get those things for them. But if it turns out the boy's mom did, then she needs to rot in jail. Adults are supposed to know better.

Has it been proven that she provided the alcohol and drugs? I don't have an issue with a parent providing a hotel room as long as the hotel staff was aware and it wasn't againts their policy.

I partied alot as a teen and I never got my stuff from anyone's parents, it was pretty easy to find someone to buy beer and we had no problem getting our own other substances on our own. I think that people (in general) are naive to think that there aren't easy ways for kids to get access to this stuff that doesn't include parents. I'm not saying there aren't parents who are more than willing to provide alcohol to their underage kids, just saying there are plenty of other ways to get it too.

Its very sad but I'm in the camp of holding the girl responsible for her death. She chose to a take drugs and drink. The person who provided them with the stuff should be held accountable for doing that, but not for the girl's death IMO. I'm sure the courts feel differently but I'm of the opinion that when you choose to do things to yourself, you are the one taking responsibility for the outcome.

You'll notice I said "if" the girl's mom provided the alcohol and/or pills.

And we'll have to see how the story unfolds on the hotel room, what the timeline was. If she called the girl's mom to see if they could "stay at her house", was told no, then got a room for them, then she deserves a huge piece of the blame, especially since she's the "adult" in this story.

If she got the room after the other mom said no, then I hope there are charges they can bring against her.

I'd say it's likely that the boy's mom NEVER intended for them to stay at her house, but intended to mislead the other mother into letting the girl go for the night so she could get them the room.

 

[JennaDeeDooDah]

I disagree about the hotel room, the mom of the boy had every right to book a room for her ds to use. She didn't need to clear that with anyone else, if the girl chose to stay knowing her mother wanted her home, that is on the girl not the boy's mother.

Forgive me if I'm misreading, but I thought it said that the boy's mother was driving, the boy's mother asked the girl's mother if the girl could sleep over (at their house, not even the hotel), the girl's mother said no, and the girl was taken to the hotel anyway. If I'm misreading something, okay. Otherwise, the boy'd mother was definitely in the wrong here. Even if the girl said she wanted to go to the hotel, she is the minor. The adult here should have followed the directions of the girl's mother.

 

[Hannathy]

I disagree about the hotel room, the mom of the boy had every right to book a room for her ds to use. She didn't need to clear that with anyone else, if the girl chose to stay knowing her mother wanted her home, that is on the girl not the boy's mother.

I agree. Like I said in my first post the girl chose to make all these decisions.Unless she was being held hostage she could have called someone or left at any point of the night. Personal responsibility.

 

[EMode]

I agree that many underage kids know someone who can get those things for them. But if it turns out the boy's mom did, then she needs to rot in jail. Adults are supposed to know better.




You'll notice I said "if" the girl's mom provided the alcohol and/or pills.

And we'll have to see how the story unfolds on the hotel room, what the timeline was. If she called the girl's mom to see if they could "stay at her house", was told no, then got a room for them, then she deserves a huge piece of the blame, especially since she's the "adult" in this story.

If she got the room after the other mom said no, then I hope there are charges they can bring against her.

I'd say it's likely that the boy's mom NEVER intended for them to stay at her house, but intended to mislead the other mother into letting the girl go for the night so she could get them the room.

I know you said if, I wasn't sure if I missed something in the story. I agree that if she was found to have provided teh alcohol and/or drugs she should be prosecuted for that.

Forgive me if I'm misreading, but I thought it said that the boy's mother was driving, the boy's mother asked the girl's mother if the girl could sleep over (at their house, not even the hotel), the girl's mother said no, and the girl was taken to the hotel anyway. If I'm misreading something, okay. Otherwise, the boy'd mother was definitely in the wrong here. Even if the girl said she wanted to go to the hotel, she is the minor. The adult here should have followed the directions of the girl's mother.

No you read it right but that doesn't change anything, the mom still didn't have to clear anything with the girl's mom to get the hotel room. Her ds could have planned to not come home that night and that is between him and his mother, nobody else.
As far as her bringing the girl to the hotel, that still doesn't mean anything, do we know what her curfew was? If she was still "out" then where the mom took her makes no difference. Maybe the plan was to bring her and the ds there and pick her up to bring her home later when she had to be home. Maybe they got partying and they passed out, and that is when the girl died.
ETA just re-read the article and it said the girl's mom said "give them a couple hours". So she wasn't told to bring her immediately home and for all the boy's mom knew they were going to call her to come pick her up
There are many unknowns so I'll reserve my judgment until the facts come out. That still won't change my opinion that the mom had every right to get a room for her ds without having to make sure that was okay with the other mom. She can't control what other kids are going to choose.

 

[dennis99ss]

earlier reports indicated:
1. Girl worked at Kroger Pharmacy
2. Girl told friends she was spending the weekend at the hotel
3. Boy is older than her
4. Boy called 911 at 11am
5. Guests heard hard partying during the night

Playing devils advocate, if what mom said is true, that she told boy and boy's mom to bring her home,--what senior in high school does not have a cell phone? and why didn't mom call the cell phone when she didn't come home, why didn't she check the cell phone's location, why didn't she call police in the 12 hours she waited for girl to come home, why didn't she call boys home to look for her, How had girl explained to mom that she was going to be gone for the weekend, and a host of other questions need answers to validate mom's comments

 

[JennaDeeDooDah]

I agree. Like I said in my first post the girl chose to make all these decisions.Unless she was being held hostage she could have called someone or left at any point of the night. Personal responsibility.

I do agree with personal responsibility. That said, the boy's mother has to share in some of that responsibility. From the op:

Barron said Gomez's date's mother picked the couple up from her home. She also picked them up from the hotel later that night. That's when she last spoke to her daughter on the phone.
[snip]
That's when the boy's mother got on the phone and asked whether Gomez could spend the night at their house.

"I said no bring her back home," Barron said. "I gave them a couple hours, and I never heard back."

The boy's mother drove. She asked if the girl could spend the night at their house (I'm going to go out on a limb here and assume she had no intention of the kids staying at her house if she was renting a hotel room) and when she was told no and to bring the daughter home, she didn't. I don't care if she told the daughter what her mother had said and then asked the daughter what she wanted to do and the daughter responded that she wanted to go to the hotel. She is the mother and the adult. She needed to do what the girl's mother said. It wasn't her call to make as it wasn't her daughter.

 

[AnAmericanInDisney]

My son said there were kids selling pills at his prom. He also asked if he could stay at a hotel the night after the prom. That was not going to happen. I think if the girl brought either the pills or booze, the blame is equal. If the boy's mom dropped the girl off at a hotel and rented a room, she should face some contributing to the delinquency of a minor charge.

 

[luvsJack]

I disagree about the hotel room, the mom of the boy had every right to book a room for her ds to use. She didn't need to clear that with anyone else, if the girl chose to stay knowing her mother wanted her home, that is on the girl not the boy's mother.

Well sure she did. But she knew it wasn't just for her son. The girl was in her vehicle and the girl's mom told the girl to come home.

As the adult in the situation, she knew they were asking for something out of the norm--the two kids staying either overnight at the boy's house or at the hotel and she should have made sure they had the all clear from the girl's mom before proceeding.

DD will go to prom next year and unless something drastic happens, it will be her and her bf, her bff and the bff's bf. If I decided that it would be nice for the 4 of them to go the beach after prom, I wouldn't just rent a room or two and say "head on down after prom", I would actually talk to the other 3 parents involved. Not have the kids do it, ME actually talk to them. No way would I risk having my name as the one renting a room that someone else's kid would be staying in when the parent did not give the ok.


Since this wasn't something they discussed before prom, I wonder if the girl wasn't already drinking and the hotel room was the way for her mom not to find out.


ETA: Just went back and re-read to realize that it was the boy's mother who asked and the girl's mom said no. That makes it even worse, imo, the boy's mother knew without a doubt that the girl's mother said no. (I was thinking maybe the girl asked and just told the other mother that her mom said ok)

 

[EMode]

I do agree with personal responsibility. That said, the boy's mother has to share in some of that responsibility. From the op:


The boy's mother drove. She asked if the girl could spend the night at their house (I'm going to go out on a limb here and assume she had no intention of the kids staying at her house if she was renting a hotel room) and when she was told no and to bring the daughter home, she didn't. I don't care if she told the daughter what her mother had said and then asked the daughter what she wanted to do and the daughter responded that she wanted to go to the hotel. She is the mother and the adult. She needed to do what the girl's mother said. It wasn't her call to make as it wasn't her daughter.

The mother said give them a couple of hours, she didn't have to bring the girl home right away. Did ou expect her to chaperone those kids on prom night. She dropped them off and what they choose to do after that was their decision.
Where does the girl's mother's responsibilty fall in this? When those couple of hours passed did she try to find out where her daughter was? If we are going to hold the boy's mom responsible for making sure the girl got home then we need to make the girl's mom responsible for making she her dd did get home.
If that was my dd and I expected her home in a few hours and she wasnt. you bet your behind I'd be calling everyone I could to find her.

 

[okeydokey]

I can't imagine waiting up all night for my daughter, who I was told by another parent was on her way home, and then she never shows. I would be frantic. I can see me driving to the boyfriend's house and banging on the door.

The boyfriends mom will certainly pay a high price for providing her son with a "fun night". Of course, nothing compared to the girl and her mother.

What kind of person would be told to bring the girl home and then just not do it. Really?

 

[EMAW_KSU]

earlier reports indicated:
1. Girl worked at Kroger Pharmacy
2. Girl told friends she was spending the weekend at the hotel
3. Boy is older than her
4. Boy called 911 at 11am
5. Guests heard hard partying during the night

Playing devils advocate, if what mom said is true, that she told boy and boy's mom to bring her home,--what senior in high school does not have a cell phone? and why didn't mom call the cell phone when she didn't come home, why didn't she check the cell phone's location, why didn't she call police in the 12 hours she waited for girl to come home, why didn't she call boys home to look for her, How had girl explained to mom that she was going to be gone for the weekend, and a host of other questions need answers to validate mom's comments

How is working at Kroger Pharmacy important?

 

[mom2rtk]

What kind of person would be told to bring the girl home and then just not do it. Really?

That's a line I have a hard time imagining someone crossing. It's pretty hostile to be told to bring someone's child home then just not do it.

The girls' mom should have called the police. It's entirely possible her daughter might have been found in time to save her.

As I said earlier, lots of blame to go around here.

 

[Hannathy]

Forgive me if I'm misreading, but I thought it said that the boy's mother was driving, the boy's mother asked the girl's mother if the girl could sleep over (at their house, not even the hotel), the girl's mother said no, and the girl was taken to the hotel anyway. If I'm misreading something, okay. Otherwise, the boy'd mother was definitely in the wrong here. Even if the girl said she wanted to go to the hotel, she is the minor. The adult here should have followed the directions of the girl's mother.

IMO it comes down to the "if everyone was jumping off the bridge would you?" scenario a parent drums into their child from the time they are 2 until we leave this world.

As parents the only person we can influence is our own child. Doesn't matter what the rest of the group was doing the girl is the only one responsible for doing what HER Mother wanted her to do. If she was dropped off where she didn't want to be she should have called her mother or left, it isn't anyone else's problem to deal with. As I've always told my kids if who you went to a party with someone and they drink don't get in the car on the way home, call, walk or take a taxi. But if they don't follow those rules and get in and an accident happens then they chose to ride with that person. (and 17 is old enough that you usually aren't making the plans with the parents, the kids do their own planning, I"m not clearing things with parents with teens this old)

 

[EMode]

Well sure she did. But she knew it wasn't just for her son. The girl was in her vehicle and the girl's mom told the girl to come home.

As the adult in the situation, she knew they were asking for something out of the norm--the two kids staying either overnight at the boy's house or at the hotel and she should have made sure they had the all clear from the girl's mom before proceeding.

DD will go to prom next year and unless something drastic happens, it will be her and her bf, her bff and the bff's bf. If I decided that it would be nice for the 4 of them to go the beach after prom, I wouldn't just rent a room or two and say "head on down after prom", I would actually talk to the other 3 parents involved. Not have the kids do it, ME actually talk to them. No way would I risk having my name as the one renting a room that someone else's kid would be staying in when the parent did not give the ok.


Since this wasn't something they discussed before prom, I wonder if the girl wasn't already drinking and the hotel room was the way for her mom not to find out.


ETA: Just went back and re-read to realize that it was the boy's mother who asked and the girl's mom said no. That makes it even worse, imo, the boy's mother knew without a doubt that the girl's mother said no. (I was thinking maybe the girl asked and just told the other mother that her mom said ok)

You do realize that getting a hotel on prom night is pretty common so that the couple can have sex. I have no problem with the boys mother bringing them back there. The girl's mother told the boy's mother to give them a couple of hours, she did not tell the boy's mother to bring her home immediately.
What the girl choose to do in those couple of hours was her own decision.

 

[Disneychick75]

What if the girl was slipped pills? Guess I'm showing my age but this was something we watched for when I was younger. More recently a girl the age my son was slipped a roofie.
Just because the girl had decided to spend the weekend with her boyfriend doesn't mean she took the drugs. I'm sure her date will be tested. The boy's mother is a mess. She will be investigated and had better hope there is no fire where there is smoke. At the very least, she can expect a lawsuit from the girl's mother.

 

[JennaDeeDooDah]

The mother said give them a couple of hours, she didn't have to bring the girl home right away. Did ou expect her to chaperone those kids on prom night. She dropped them off and what they choose to do after that was their decision.
Where does the girl's mother's responsibilty fall in this? When those couple of hours passed did she try to find out where her daughter was? If we are going to hold the boy's mom responsible for making sure the girl got home then we need to make the girl's mom responsible for making she her dd did get home.
If that was my dd and I expected her home in a few hours and she wasnt. you bet your behind I'd be calling everyone I could to find her.

Not exactly. She never said "give them a couple of hours." She said:

"I gave them a couple hours, and I never heard back."

I took that to mean that she got off the phone assuming they were on their way to her house. When a few hours passed, she realized that they weren't.

 

[EMode]

IMO it comes down to the "if everyone was jumping off the bridge would you?" scenario a parent drums into their child from the time they are 2 until we leave this world.

As parents the only person we can influence is our own child. Doesn't matter what the rest of the group was doing the girl is the only one responsible for doing what HER Mother wanted her to do. If she was dropped off where she didn't want to be she should have called her mother or left, it isn't anyone else's problem to deal with. As I've always told my kids if who you went to a party with someone and they drink don't get in the car on the way home, call, walk or take a taxi. But if they don't follow those rules and get in and an accident happens then they chose to ride with that person. (and 17 is old enough that you usually aren't making the plans with the parents, the kids do their own planning, I"m not clearing things with parents with teens this old)

 

[luvsJack]

The mother said give them a couple of hours, she didn't have to bring the girl home right away. Did ou expect her to chaperone those kids on prom night. She dropped them off and what they choose to do after that was their decision.
Where does the girl's mother's responsibilty fall in this? When those couple of hours passed did she try to find out where her daughter was? If we are going to hold the boy's mom responsible for making sure the girl got home then we need to make the girl's mom responsible for making she her dd did get home.
If that was my dd and I expected her home in a few hours and she wasnt. you bet your behind I'd be calling everyone I could to find her.

She didn't tell the other mom to give them a couple of hours, she said that she gave them a couple of hours. That could mean different things. She could have simply extended the curfew a couple of hours meaning "have her home at midnight instead of right now"

Since the boy's mom asked if the girl could stay at their house, it would stand to reason that the girl's mom assumed when adding the extra time they would be AT HIS HOUSE.