Homeschoolers-tell me if I'm insane

[chager]

We e-school our 6th grader. I work f/t but he goes to my mom's during the day. I know by the time I get home I am exhausted most nights and it is all I can do to help him finish any assignments he needs to finish. That is something I will caution you about. We work 25 hrs a week minimum in order to meet a required 920 hours for the school year. (We do take time out for Holidays, however I have heard that 7th and above actually have assignments due during these times so I don't know how it will go next year.)
My experience with high schoolers left home during the day by themselves for homeschooling has not been a positive one unfortunately. I have known 3 boys from different families over the last few years in this situation. I don't know the outcomes for 2 of them. Only that they were headed in very bad directions. The third ended up serving time for breaking and entering. This was a boy that told me he wished I'd been his mom, only to break in my house later the same day. He was bored and no one was around to make sure he was doing what he should be. He was taken out of school becuase he was having trouble with other students picking on him and with some teachers. He served at least 3 years in Juvenile Dentention which I'm sure hasn't helped. (He was just released at age 21 and is to have no contact with our family)
I am not saying your DS would have any of these issues, just telling what I have been witness to with some high school boys I have known. Only one was from a family that it was known they had issues. He lived with his grandma. (The boy that broke into my house was from a 2parent middle class family)
The only other thing I would caution is that high school subjects can be very hard to teach. This is where locking into a local homeschooling group or using an e-school would be helpful. My cousin is attending the same e-school my son does. Her mom would be lost without the teachers becuase of the higher curiculum she is studying. Even with e-school good study habits are a must!
It is alot to think about. Good luck with whatever you decide.

Oh yeah, socialization has not been an issue with my son or my cousin. DS is in baseball, scouts, and church activities. My cousin does acting and church activities. Neither are lacking in the friends department. Both also have to deal with many different types of people becuase of the different things they are involved in.

 

[Brier Rose]

Our 9th grade goes from 7:34 till 3:10 . So even with an hour off it is still 6- 6 1/2 hrs. My point was I think it would be hard to home school a high school student and work full time. It leaves very few hours to get a lot done and not peak hours for anyone working full time. I also think it would be very isolating for a 14 yr old to be home alone everyday for 8-9 hrs. That would take a strong personality to tolerate that. I think and it is my oppinion that it would be hard to cover a high school day of material in 3-4 hours. some people are able to home school and that is great I know I could never handle the chemistry, trig, or Physics and I feel for her to make an educated decision she should hear all sides.

I totally understand where you're coming from, and I really hope you don't think I was trying to imply anything.

Really it just comes down to the student. A lot of the difference in learning time in a homeschool day comes from moving along according to the pace of one student.

If they get something quickly, they can just move on. No waiting on the rest of the class. Things can be skipped over, or studied longer whatever the case may be.

I also agree that the most important aspect of a successful home study program, is for the home teacher to know her/his limitations.

There are MANY things that I know I cannot competently teach them, and that's why we chose the programs that we did.

We've also had great success in using private tutors, and are looking forward to participating in some homeschool group classes too.

Kids are so different, and while we love homeschooling, and feel it was without a doubt the right choice for us , I would never presume that it's the right choice for everybody.

To the OP..I'm glad to offer any help I can, and hope I didn't come across as pushy.

 

[Puffy2]

I haven't read the other replys, but I'm just going to give you my opinion.

(We home-school and I've known many who have)

The biggest issue is that you are considering leaving a teen unsupervised all day while you work. (forgive me if this is incorrect). I think that is a very bad idea. There is all sorts of trouble that even "good kids" can get into during the day. I wouldn't do this even with the most responsible, "good kid" and I certainly wouldn't do it with one who "couldn't manage to turn in his homework and is flunking because of it" (no offense).

If one parent can quit and stay home, it might be a good option. Or if the child would stay with grandparents, aunt or whomever during the day. Or if your can adjust your schedule.

But even at that, it is not easy . THere are some places that will send you curriculum and you may go in to take tests once a week, or you send them the work weekly for grading. This might help, but keep in mind that "online schools" or places where you work at your own pace require MORE attention to detail and more effort, not less.

Good luck.

 

[Puffy2]

I hate shows like Wifeswap and Trading Spouses because they alwasy show the crazy hoeschoolers.

I know what you mean.... They always make ALL of us out to be some sort of cookie-cutter sterotype. We couldn't be LESS like the majority of home-schoolers in our area.

 

[Puffy2]

I also hope you aren't letting your son "off the hook" - this is HIS PROBLEM. I'd ask him what he plans to do about it. It's only 9th grade, maybe your best option is to have him repeat 9th grade if he has managed to fail all his classes. Perhaps a talk with the school counselor is an option too, but if you go, he should go also and HE should be doing the talking - not you. You may consider a repeat of 9th grade at a different school next year. A clean start.

The idea is that he is getting close to adult hood. His "mommy" won't be there to get him out of jams and messes. Maybe he needs to feel more responsible for himself, and perhaps, if he does, he'll rise to the occasion. If it doesn't work for the next two years, he can drop out and flip burgers for two more years until he's able to take the GED...upon which he'll continue to flip burgers until he decides to educate himself to do something else.

I hope I haven't been too rude (I don't mean to be) - we all love our children and want them to do well and hurt when they don't. I understand that, but this is his problem and will become a bigger one as time goes on unless he decides to do something about it and change it.

 

[LisaR]

I homeschool my kids and I can't say enough good things about it, however, I would have a great deal of concern in your situation.

If your son isn't motivated to do his homework from school why would he be anymore motivated to homeschool himself? I could see if he had been homeschooled for a few years and you were now going to leave him alone to continue along his path. However, pulling him out of school and letting him spend 8 - 9 hours alone all day doesn't sound like a good plan to me.

I do know many parents that work and homeschool but in every situation there is either an adult checking up on the child, the parent is only gone for a few hours or the child has been homeschooled for years and is very motivated.

I think homeschooling your son would be a wonderful choice. I think it is a good opportunity for you to reconnect with him and get him back on track. However, that won't happen if he is spending all day by himself. I think he would hate it more then school. My kids would.

 

[FreshTressa]

It can be done...it is difficult, but if he LIKES it, then he may be more motivated and it may be more effective.

I'm worried about the fact that he is being punished for doing poorly in school. I'm not sure, from what you describe, as if it is a behavior or a defiance problem. If he is otherwise an agreeable child, I would not punish him.

The issue then is not disobedience, but rather a self confidence issue. He sounds like he needs more one-on-one help, and by punishing him, you are just making him hate homework more.

You are his advocate. It is your job to help him do his best and be the best he can be. Try to find out from him what his needs are and what he visualizes his future holding and help him get there.

Also, in addition to the online academy, could you possibly hire someone to come in for an hour or so a day and do some POSITIVE one on one education with him?

It sounds like education has been such a negative experience for him for so long, that beyond academics, you need to figure out a way to make him get more pleasure out of learning.

That is what is nice about homeschooling...you can focus more on areas he enjoys. Like math could be based on hocky scores and reading could be hockey magazines.

Work together with him to find ways that he can learn. And if you do decide to keep him in school, I would take him to see a psychologist to figure out what the problem is.

I would guess, but I'm no expert, that he just hates academics because so far they have just caused him trouble...he has trouble doing it, then gets punished when he does not succeed. That is really hard on the self esteem.

I really hope I did not overstep my bounds here, but these are just my thoughts from what I have read.

Good Luck with whatever you choose to do!

 

[siouxi31]

No bounds have been overstepped here. Really, I do appreciate everyones input. I agree with the concern of him being home alone--he could find something else to do with his time that could get him into trouble. This is something I have to consider very carefully. I want learning to be positive for him to and am having a very hard time figuring out how to do that. What we've done so far hasn't worked. Homeschooling to me was appealing because he could learn at his own pace with me hopefully instilling a positive learning environment instead of him hearing how he's constantly disappointing his teachers and his parents by not turning in his homework. I also thought he could have some real learning experiences like using what he does love, guitar, hockey, snowboarding, music to get some credit and feel like he's doing something worthwhile.
Thank you all again. I'm still not sure what we're going to do but I love reading these responses to give me more food for thought. I'm also trying to find other schools in the area and am still considering a psychologist just so that he can have someone to spill his guts to.

 

[LoraJ]

After reading your other thread, I think before you decide anything, you should get him tested for learning disabilities first plus a few sessions with a counselor.

 

[CEDmom]

Have you completely ruled out a private school? I went to one for the last 2 years of HS after doing very badly in public HS. It completely turned my life around. In the public school system the expectation is that by HS the average student doesn't need hand holding. Unfortunately many run into difficulty because of that, I was one of them. My private school set clear expectations and really rewarded progress. It wasn't a special private school for troubled kids or anything, just your basic private school.

Like other posters I'd be concerned about your DS's motivation with homeschooling. Honestly, I don't think I'd make any major decision before seeking help to find out what his issues are. A good Psychologist should be able to help with that. I'd also look into having him tested.

 

[chris1gill]

I haven't read the other replys, but I'm just going to give you my opinion.

(We home-school and I've known many who have)

The biggest issue is that you are considering leaving a teen unsupervised all day while you work. (forgive me if this is incorrect). I think that is a very bad idea. There is all sorts of trouble that even "good kids" can get into during the day. I wouldn't do this even with the most responsible, "good kid" and I certainly wouldn't do it with one who "couldn't manage to turn in his homework and is flunking because of it" (no offense).

If one parent can quit and stay home, it might be a good option. Or if the child would stay with grandparents, aunt or whomever during the day. Or if your can adjust your schedule.

But even at that, it is not easy . THere are some places that will send you curriculum and you may go in to take tests once a week, or you send them the work weekly for grading. This might help, but keep in mind that "online schools" or places where you work at your own pace require MORE attention to detail and more effort, not less.

Good luck.

I totally agree here... Homeschooling is great, but it requires a lot of energy and time on the part of the parent. Even under the best of circumstances, it's hard... The thought of leaving a teen home all day alone with the expectation he'll A, be good & B. do his work, I don't think it's realistic under this whole scenario..... You could seriously go from bad to worse, but that's just my opinion....

 

[nowellsl]

Have you completely ruled out a private school? I went to one for the last 2 years of HS after doing very badly in public HS. It completely turned my life around. In the public school system the expectation is that by HS the average student doesn't need hand holding. Unfortunately many run into difficulty because of that, I was one of them. My private school set clear expectations and really rewarded progress. It wasn't a special private school for troubled kids or anything, just your basic private school.

Like other posters I'd be concerned about your DS's motivation with homeschooling. Honestly, I don't think I'd make any major decision before seeking help to find out what his issues are. A good Psychologist should be able to help with that. I'd also look into having him tested.

This is exactly what I was thinking!

 

[msklcassidy]

You might want to consider an "outward bound" type of school. My son attends a "thematically integrated, experiential education" elementary school and loves it. In all honesty, it's the type of school I wished I had gone to myself (and I was a A/B student). This type of education generally plays on a child's interests and allows them to move slower/faster than their peers depending on needs. Each child has a specific set of goal and target that must be achieved each year, but the school recognizes that everyone learns differently and at a different pace.


We chose this type of school for our son because it made sense to us. I recently met with some new parents who have just moved their children into the school (in most cases because of concerns about their "other" school). No kidding, in every case, the parents I met with said that their "other" school taught to the middle and pushed kids to pass a test. They came to this school because of the emphasis put on learning to learn and learning to think instead of reciting rote facts.

I know that outward bound has a high school program. Maybe you might want to look into this.

I admire you for thinking of all the alternatives. I have many friends who homeschool, but I agree with other posters here...leaving a kid who is having problems at home by himself all day is a mistake. Homeschooling requires motivation on both the part of the parent and child. Motivation does not seem like your son's strong suit at this point. Also, as far as social isolation, I agree he has other outlets, but, let's face it, if he's at home all day by himself he is isolated. IMHO, I think he would view this more as a punishment than a help. One other thought -- have you considered "military school?"

Last thing -- involve your son in your decisions. Let him know that you are concerned about (and unwilling to tolerate) his failing in school. Ask him why he's failing -- what's the problem? Let him know that you are considering many different options to try to help him become successful and that you value his input. Perhaps family counseling will help this process along.

Good luck and let us know what happens. I think we are all concerned for you and your son.

 

[mickeyfan2]

I think letting your son be home all day with no adult supervision would be asking for trouble.

Second, after working a full day, coming home, cooking dinner and doing any home chores, how would you be at your best to teach him? This is a 20+ hours per week job. I think you would be short changing your son.

Also why would you daughter try in school when her brother is home having fun.

 

[mickeyfan2]

2) my husband. He's going to freak out when I tell him what I'm thinking of.

I think for this plan to work your DH would have to be 100% behind it. This decision will effect his weekends and evenings. He will have much less time to spend with you.

 

[phillybeth]

After reading your other thread, I think before you decide anything, you should get him tested for learning disabilities first plus a few sessions with a counselor.

Definitely. You might not be the best person to teach your son.

 

[ead79]

First off, I am not a parent, and I was never home schooled. I just thought it might help to point out another point of view. As a 26 year old, it wasn’t all that long ago that I was in high school (OK, it wasn’t all that recent either, but still I remember student life very well). LOL

I have a few concerns with the idea. First of all, I think that it is vitally important that students learn that homework is a responsibility. We all have to do things we don’t enjoy every day, and it is critical that your son sees the fact that he can’t just not do things because he doesn’t want to. If he doesn’t learn it now, how will he learn it if he no longer has homework? It almost seems like he would be getting partially off the hook. My concern would be how this might affect his work ethic later in life. I have to do things I don’t enjoy at work, but it’s not optional. It’s important that he grows to understand this clearly. I honestly don’t know whether it would be better to mold the system to fit his needs via home school or focus more on molding him to fit what is expected of him. I can see pros and cons to both sides of that argument.

Second, I agree with the other posters that leaving him alone all day could prove to be too much temptation. It could lead to him getting involved in things you wouldn’t want him to be involved in.

Third, I think self-discipline is important. I worry that if the schedule is too lax, it could be de-motivating. Most people don’t get to sleep until noon every day, and he needs to understand that (I’m not saying he would—just providing an example). I realize he’s only in 9th grade, but I think a good foundation is extremely important later in life.

 

[LisaR]

Homeschooling to me was appealing because he could learn at his own pace with me hopefully instilling a positive learning environment instead of him hearing how he's constantly disappointing his teachers and his parents by not turning in his homework. I also thought he could have some real learning experiences like using what he does love, guitar, hockey, snowboarding, music to get some credit and feel like he's doing something worthwhile.

You hit the nail right on the head. This is EXACTLY what homeschooling is all about. I am willing to bet his attitude would change for the better and his self-esteem would improve.

BUT and this is a big BUT.........he needs YOU to help him get to that place.

He needs you there to guide him. He needs you there to tell him he isn't a disappointment and that he can do this. He needs you to show him how he can incorporate his interests into a learning experience. Without you there, I just don't see how homeschooling will work, given his situation.

Many people will argue that and say that a 9th grader should be capable and doesn't need "mommy there to hold their hand." True enough if that child is self-motivated. It doesn't sound like your son is. It sounds like your son is very down on himself. He won't improve being home alone all day, IMO.

 

[nowellsl]

In my town we have magnet programs at the High schools - they each focus on different areas such as business, entrepenuership (sp?), health related, veterinarian, vocational training, etc. Is anything available like that in your area? The students in these programs get to focus on areas they are interested in and it's great preparation for college or further training in these fields.

 

[siouxi31]

I have a few concerns with the idea. First of all, I think that it is vitally important that students learn that homework is a responsibility. We all have to do things we don’t enjoy every day, and it is critical that your son sees the fact that he can’t just not do things because he doesn’t want to. If he doesn’t learn it now, how will he learn it if he no longer has homework? It almost seems like he would be getting partially off the hook. My concern would be how this might affect his work ethic later in life. I have to do things I don’t enjoy at work, but it’s not optional. It’s important that he grows to understand this clearly. I honestly don’t know whether it would be better to mold the system to fit his needs via home school or focus more on molding him to fit what is expected of him. I can see pros and cons to both sides of that argument.

Third, I think self-discipline is important. I worry that if the schedule is too lax, it could be de-motivating. Most people don’t get to sleep until noon every day, and he needs to understand that (I’m not saying he would—just providing an example). I realize he’s only in 9th grade, but I think a good foundation is extremely important later in life.

Your mentioning of the responsibility is the old argument at my house. It hasn't worked and it's one of the reason's why we're looking into something alternative. Unfortunately when a post like mine is originally typed up, it's so hard to mention everything that has been tried with this kid and said to him. Self discipline is important and my thought was that he would find something he loved to do, get credit for it, and learn self discipline through that step by step. Thank you for your opinions, they all matter.

The problem my husband and I have is at what point do we let him fail? If we have him repeat 9th grade, it's not actually repetition of the grade, he does move onto Soph year and he takes his Soph classes and retakes those Frosh one's that he failed. There will be no electives available for him. Given his feeling about school already, with no electives, and nothing to enjoy, school with become that much more of an obstacle for him..it will be one that he will not think he can overcome and he'll start shutting down. I've seen this in him before.

I'm beginning to agree that homeschooling will not be the option. My husband's schedule is semi flexible, my mother would be able to come over some of the time but I think he would need alot of guidance in the beginning to get his mind into a different type of learning. He wouldn't know where to start on his own.

I'm going to get him to a psychologist and I am going to still look for an alternative type school, although I'm having a hard time finding a different school.

He has been involved in some of the discussions I've been having about him on the dis. His first reaction to homeschooling was that he didn't want to do it. He likes riding the bus to school and he likes the kids he meets at school. I'll continue to work this one out.