Home schooling question

[badblackpug]

OP don't feel beat down. I agree the testing can't hurt, but my advice is always have it done privately, then you can decide whether or not to give the results to the school. I think you said in a previous post that preschool said that your son was talkative there, too, but not disruptive. My ex's daughter had lot's of the same issues. She was always social but at about the 4th grade (a little later than your son) she realized that she got peer approval and attention for being the "class clown." Maybe this is the case. We tried the incentive thing, but that always wore off, too. We actually had better results with punishment. We would take away things and that seemed to have more impact on her behavior. In addition the school would take away recess or make her finish her incomplete work during lunch. It also helped when the teacher moved her seat away from the other girls and made her sit surrounded by boys!

There were 2 other things we did. We called them the "pop in". We would arrange times with the teacher when her dad would just "Pop in" to the classroom to observe. SD was never informed ahead of time when these "pop ins" would occur, and we told her they may occur at any time, so it kept her on her toes, behaviorally. Make sure the 1st "pop in" is a complete surprise.

The other thing was the "daily report card." Our daily report card looked something like this.

Date:

Dear {teachers' name}

This is {childs' name} 's daily report card. Please sign or intitial on the line below only if all the following goals were met.

1) {child} was not disruptive today. She did not talk to neighbors or out of turn.
2) All {child}'s work was neat, complete, and handed in on time.
3) {Child} paid attention and participated appropriately in classroom activities.

Thank you,

Parents Signature

PS: Notes and comments are appreciated but not necessary.


____________________________
please sign/initial here)

Of course you customize the goals to your particular child's needs. The child is required to bring home a daily report each day. No excuses are accepted for unsigned reports. The punishment for unsigned reports is that the child goes immediately to his/her room after school and stays there until bed. Except for meals and bathroom and homework checks. 3 or more unsigned reports resulted in the same punishment for the entire weekend. (of course, you have to remove all the "fun" things from the room. We left only books)

This was recommended to us by a school counselor. It was successful for us and we have had friends who used it successfully, too.

 

[douglisa]

Dear Badblackpug,
Thank you so much. Sounds very familiar. LOL We have been doing the communication thing for a while. I am afraid the pop ins would distract him and the class. How does your child react? I am also afraid he may think that if he continues to be disruptive that will get us to come visit some more. It sounds like something we could try though. I am willing to do anything at this point. I am so worried for him. The teacher has taken away recess and it seems to make no difference. One day he was told that he could not eat lunch untill he finished his math paper.. That irritated me because he ran out of time and was not allowed to have lunch that day plus they kept him from recess that followed after. I thought that was a bit much. Punishment and witholding things do not affect him much if it is school related. At home it works wonders though. I could try witholding something from home till the weekend but I and DH work different shifts and that could be difficult for DH as he likes peace and quiet after a 13 hr shift.

 

[Mouse House Mama]

Dear Badblackpug,
Thank you so much. Sounds very familiar. LOL We have been doing the communication thing for a while. I am afraid the pop ins would distract him and the class. How does your child react? I am also afraid he may think that if he continues to be disruptive that will get us to come visit some more. It sounds like something we could try though. I am willing to do anything at this point. I am so worried for him. The teacher has taken away recess and it seems to make no difference. One day he was told that he could not eat lunch untill he finished his math paper.. That irritated me because he ran out of time and was not allowed to have lunch that day plus they kept him from recess that followed after. I thought that was a bit much. Punishment and witholding things do not affect him much if it is school related. At home it works wonders though. I could try witholding something from home till the weekend but I and DH work different shifts and that could be difficult for DH as he likes peace and quiet after a 13 hr shift.

I would be mad as well if they did not let my child eat. That would not fly with me. Is it possible that your son and his teacher just don't click well? Kids are just like adults and don't always like each other. I am not trying to be rude so please don't take it as that but there is obviously something amiss here. Not saying your child has ADD or not but you said that even in Scouts he is disruptive to the point that your DH was going to take him out. You mention a family history of ADHD. Why not have your son tested to rule that out? If he cannot help himself then how can anyone punish him? I know it stinks to work 13 hours and come home to a child who is annoyed because hs is punished but from your post it seems like your DH just wants quiet so your DS knows he is not going to get in trouble no matter how he behaves outside your home. Perhaps that is the issue? I am in no way flaming so please keep an open mind. I just don't think that homeschooling is the answer when you haven't addressed the problem. Homeschooling can be great. I truly believe that but homeschooling because your son is having a behavioral problem and you don't want to find out why doesn't seem like the best answer IMHO.

 

[npmommie]

hmmm, what more of a red flag do you need?? they withheld his lunch for this as punishment. no he won't starve, but come on. withholding lunch from a child because they talk too much is beyond over the top. i am sorry but i would have no problem pulling him out to hs, seek private testing just to be sure.........and go from there.

 

[douglisa]

I would be mad as well if they did not let my child eat. That would not fly with me. Is it possible that your son and his teacher just don't click well? Kids are just like adults and don't always like each other. I am not trying to be rude so please don't take it as that but there is obviously something amiss here. Not saying your child has ADD or not but you said that even in Scouts he is disruptive to the point that your DH was going to take him out. You mention a family history of ADHD. Why not have your son tested to rule that out? If he cannot help himself then how can anyone punish him? I know it stinks to work 13 hours and come home to a child who is annoyed because hs is punished but from your post it seems like your DH just wants quiet so your DS knows he is not going to get in trouble no matter how he behaves outside your home. Perhaps that is the issue? I am in no way flaming so please keep an open mind. I just don't think that homeschooling is the answer when you haven't addressed the problem. Homeschooling can be great. I truly believe that but homeschooling because your son is having a behavioral problem and you don't want to find out why doesn't seem like the best answer IMHO.

Please understand that I am not against them testing him. I have said it several times in this thread.

 

[december]

I've never been in a school system that allowed a teacher to take lunch from a child. That would be unacceptable to me at any age, but even more so for a 7 yr old.

OP, I wish I could homeschool mine. I teach, and I see so many problems in our system. School has become too much about test scores and not enough about kids. But I can't afford it. And dh is very much opposed to it as well.

Good luck in whatever you decide.

 

[badblackpug]

The pop in worked great because she did not see them as a "visit" from her dad. She knew that he was there to monitor her behavior and that if she misbehaved there would be trouble at home. She was always better behaved at home. At her school "lunch detention" DID NOT mean that she did not eat, it meant she ate her lunch in the classroom with the teacher while she finished work she didn't do while she was fooling around. It meant that she could not go to the cafeteria with her friends, thus taking away an opportunity for peer attention.

As another poster said consistency is the answer. All consequences must be consistant between your husband and yourself. Meaning if there is a punishment, you husband must see it through even when you are not there. Even if it means dealing with tantrums and behavior. The nice thing about the behavior contract is that the consequences are immediate. You can choose whatever consequences work for you. The best thing to do is to take away something VERY important.

We also made SD write an apology to her teacher for being rude and disruptive and read it in front of the class. Telling her "You wanted attention, here it is."

Maybe it would help to get him involved in something where he can express his need to "perform" appropriately, like theater or dance.

 

[disneymom3]

Yes, but the OP states that the child does not have this problem at home. Of course he doesn't because he does not have to wait his turn or listen to directions or sit quietly until called on etc. I am not saying the OP's kid is a bad kid but all of those things need to be learned and taking a child out of school just because they can't follow rules is not going to help that child in the long run. Like I said- I think Homeschooling can be great for some kids, but in the situation that the OP described I think (based on what was posted) that the child in question needs to learn some social skills which he is not going to learn if the parents isolate him. A better solution is to rule out any problems (ADD etc.) and then figure out a way for him to have better impulse control. Pulling the kid because the school suggests testing is a knee jerk reaction and I understand that because hey, that's her baby- but not acknowledging that there might actually be a problem is not helping the child. The OP admitted that the child acts like this in any social situation with other kids. That will not change if she homeschools. They need to figure out how to change that behavior be it with a reward chart etc.

Well, the OP has said that she is going to go through the testing regardless of what she decides. I may have misunderstood, but I thought she was concenred about medications being pushed not the testing itself. Lableling can be a real concern too. As for the social skills, it may be that he simply needs more time. Sadly, not all kids develop the same way at the same time and the way our schools are run right now, is not very conducive to that. It's hard to be the kid who doesn't fit in.

My middle guy is currently being tested by the school district even though we actually do homeschool. We think he has Sensory Integration Disorder. He cannot handle lots of stuff that would be typical in a regular classroom. (Lots of noise, people moving around, hard chairs(seriously ) mixed smells...the list really goes on quite awhile.) It would not have been conducive for him to just throw him into a regular classroom and say "Deal with it." He CAN'T deal with it.

Some kids just need different stuff and we are all lucky that we have the chance to do for our kids what works. Just like homeschooling isn't right for everyone, neither is traditional school.


What can change with this child is that if he is at home mom has the chance to work directly with him to learn how to sit quietly, how to wait, how to raise his hand etc. There are also plenty of opportunities for hsers to do group things so that they can learn from other teaching styles as well as know that there are other's expectations.