Hijacked 1st Trip

jljohnston89

Earning My Ears
Joined
Oct 4, 2019
Right
You're right life is too short. My husband and I wished we had set up stricter boundaries with his family long before we did. It would have saved us years of feeling of encroachment and boundary issues ::yes::
Right? To not say a word and just act like this was fine would tell them we don't mind and encourage it again. I love his family and want them to be involved but there has to be boundaries such as asking before deciding to join our vacation.
 
Joined
Oct 23, 2015
I do think there is some truth to how you as a couple work out this situation in terms of compromise and relationship for the future. No reason to be mean to them but no reason either to let them take over the entire trip if this truly upsets you.

For how your bf might feel wanting to spend time with his family it might have made more of a difference if this was discussed 13months ago where you might still feel like they invited themselves but at least planning-wise things would have been different. You could have set it up where you had your time with your family and time with his family all together too. Alas that ship has sailed so I get not wanting to just scrap everything or to try and stress yourself out accommodating them. Regardless of the location and having been there before it is still your vacation.

Are you staying for any nighttime entertainment? Obviously with a baby that may not be feasible. That might be a way to spend time with them (and have an excuse of being tired for the night afterwards lol) without interferring too much with other plans (unless you had dessert parties booked or ADRs booked right around fireworks). Or maybe a parade if you're into that though that impacts more of your plans. {ETA: I missed that the baby's bedtime was before 7:30pm so yeah nighttime entertainment would probably be a no go on that}.

I totally get wanting to just do the trip the way you've got it planned. I wouldn't really change any of the plans at this moment personally but I would at least leave it open to spending some time with them if the plans work out--basically don't try to avoid them entirely if you really can spend time with them lol. That might appease the masses.

Also if you end up finding out they are available for a time period depending on the park and your plans maybe you could arrange for them to go on some rides with you if the wait is short enough (you could discretely look at the MDE app for the wait time listed to at least get an idea before voicing it out loud). Like it's a small world for instance where one of his family members could be sitting up with you (or your bf) with your baby. IDK thinking about having them included in a meaningful way if it worked out.
 
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piccolopat

DIS Veteran
Joined
Apr 25, 2014
Not knowing your plans for each day makes it a bit hard to offer suggestions. We usually book our FP+ for the morning and then just wing it or book additional FP+ as they become available. If that's how you plan, you can suggest getting together in the afternoon. Perhaps consider changing one ADR to something that you can all do together. If you're not staying in the parks late or taking an afternoon break, that might be time to visit with them. Let them know what plans, if any, that you are willing to change. Don't let them bully you into making this trip about them. Your BF may be torn since this is his family, but he needs to let them know that you and your child come first.
 
  • Tallis

    Mouseketeer
    Joined
    Apr 1, 2019
    Oh they're still coming. I think now they simply try to find us so it's on their terms again. Bf accepted their friends and family mde invite so for a brief bit they were able to see all of our reservations. I suspect their new plan will be to ambush us instead.
    Oh no! I hope he didn't give them permission to do planning for you, or you may not have any FP or ressies left. These people sound completely out of hand. Did he unfriend them? Hopefully so.

    Have they ever been to Disney? I feel like anyone who has been there would realize that this isn't going to work out and it's one of the worst possible places to get to know a baby. Not to mention what a huge waste of money this is as they're not going to be able to any of the more popular things on such short notice.

    Even the arrival day dinner is ridiculous. To me, 7:30 seems very, very late to do dinner with a 6 month old. I can't imagine what they were thinking to schedule anything later than that to begin with. And then to not want to make change it for the baby??? It sounds like they are more interested in disrupting your little family than loving on the baby.

    Stand your ground with them. Go about your vacation as if they weren't there. If I could go back in time, I would have stood my ground with my own parents and their relationships with my now-grown children. Now is the time to set the tone and hopefully the baby's father will stand his ground beside you.

    Oh, and turn your phones off at night and tell the front desk to not put anyone through to your room.
     

    Summer2018

    DIS Veteran
    Joined
    Jun 29, 2017
    I really feel bad for you. I would be really angry.

    Are they staying at the same resort? If so, maybe you could hang out with them at the pool. Then again, that might be nap time for your little one.

    I would absolutely not share your itinerary, ADRs, FPs. This way you can still save some of your vacation for yourselves. Enjoy your restaurants and planned rides.

    If you happen to see them in the parks, maybe they can watch the baby while you and his father ride the rides. Maybe you will luck out and have the parks to yourselves.

    I would give them an hour a day, maybe at a quick service meal, and leave it at that.

    This presumptuous behavior is not okay. It’s important to make that known now. Otherwise they will walk all over you for the rest of your lives.
     
    Joined
    Oct 23, 2015
    Have they ever been to Disney? I feel like anyone who has been there would realize that this isn't going to work out and it's one of the worst possible places to get to know a baby. Not to mention what a huge waste of money this is as they're not going to be able to any of the more popular things on such short notice.
    If they've never been to Disney they probably don't know about what rides are more popular or not. They can still ride rides on SB and if they are told how to do FPs then they can do whatever they want with that information. ADRs sorta depends on if they wanted sit down or not. They can always be told on how to look for ADRs and then do whatever they want with that information. Or they can discover it on their own.

    I think people *think* it'll be a magical time being able to see a child's face light up and whatnot (and it can be) but when the plans are already made and you've just added yourself you don't really leave much ability to actually see the child unless you have the original traveling party start all over.

    It's not entirely a bad place to get to know a baby but if your sole purpose is getting to know a new child in the family you can't just invite yourself nor late in the game and actually be able to do that once reservations or FPs are made and people have their intended plans made. At that point it's better off to make a separate 'meet the baby' trip where more one on one guaranteed time can be had. But you can't control other people and what they end up doing.
     

    paisleys

    Mouseketeer
    Joined
    Oct 25, 2013
    UGH, reading this made me feel for you! It took us years to learn this...but never, EVER divulge WDW plans to anyone. Not to family or anyone (like random friends from hs you haven't seen in decades). They will seize your trip and make it their own, causing lots of stress and anxiety. Looks like it's too late for this one so you'll have to make the best of it. BF must be on the same page--that will make things easier. Sit down and carve out what's the most important to you and meet up with them a few times. And have fun! My twins have been going since they were infants (they took their first steps there!) --hijackers/interlopers included, until they were around 5 and we finally got tough. It was really hard at first! My family lives nearby so we were constantly looking over our shoulders the first couple of years but now don't even care. They used to keep us waiting around for them for hours at a time or change times, plus all of the drama. IL's all live far but would point blank ask when we were going so they could book flights. Luckily, my husband felt the same as me and would rather cancel a trip than relive some of the ones we had ruined.
     
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  • jljohnston89

    Earning My Ears
    Joined
    Oct 4, 2019
    I do think there is some truth to how you as a couple work out this situation in terms of compromise and relationship for the future. No reason to be mean to them but no reason either to let them take over the entire trip if this truly upsets you.

    For how your bf might feel wanting to spend time with his family it might have made more of a difference if this was discussed 13months ago where you might still feel like they invited themselves but at least planning-wise things would have been different. You could have set it up where you had your time with your family and time with his family all together too. Alas that ship has sailed so I get not wanting to just scrap everything or to try and stress yourself out accommodating them. Regardless of the location and having been there before it is still your vacation.

    Are you staying for any nighttime entertainment? Obviously with a baby that may not be feasible. That might be a way to spend time with them (and have an excuse of being tired for the night afterwards lol) without interferring too much with other plans (unless you had dessert parties booked or ADRs booked right around fireworks). Or maybe a parade if you're into that though that impacts more of your plans. {ETA: I missed that the baby's bedtime was before 7:30pm so yeah nighttime entertainment would probably be a no go on that}.

    I totally get wanting to just do the trip the way you've got it planned. I wouldn't really change any of the plans at this moment personally but I would at least leave it open to spending some time with them if the plans work out--basically don't try to avoid them entirely if you really can spend time with them lol. That might appease the masses.

    Also if you end up finding out they are available for a time period depending on the park and your plans maybe you could arrange for them to go on some rides with you if the wait is short enough (you could discretely look at the MDE app for the wait time listed to at least get an idea before voicing it out loud). Like it's a small world for instance where one of his family members could be sitting up with you (or your bf) with your baby. IDK thinking about having them included in a meaningful way if it worked out.
    We do plan on night time entertainment, assuming baby mood is ok. His bed time is 10-1030. I asked that dinner be moved because it will already be a long day (fly out at 630 am, etc) and a dinner that didnt start till 730 in disney springs would mean we would be rather late getting in to the hotel and more than likely missing bed time.
     

    MommyinHonduras

    DIS Veteran
    Joined
    Dec 4, 2015
    As this is the first time they are making plans to meet theie Grandbaby, this is not a healthy way to start with boundaries. I would say this vacation is our family vacation. If you would like one, great enjoy it, but if you want to spend time with your grandbaby it will have to be planned separately. They can not chose to make this trip into the meeting of the baby, they don't have that power unless you give it to them. And if you give in, what president are you setting for how you want to be treated and what you will allow. What happens at Christmas? First birthday? There is a very good reason that before the fall of man was God, before babies, before parents were a thing, said of union of a man and woman -- For this reason, man shall leave his father and mother and cleave to his woman. It needed to be stated right from the start it was so necessary. Hahaha.
     
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    Joined
    Oct 23, 2015
    We do plan on night time entertainment, assuming baby mood is ok. His bed time is 10-1030. I asked that dinner be moved because it will already be a long day (fly out at 630 am, etc) and a dinner that didnt start till 730 in disney springs would mean we would be rather late getting in to the hotel and more than likely missing bed time.
    Ohh ok well that makes sense :)
     

    sponica

    DIS Veteran
    Joined
    Oct 16, 2017
    I just checked back into this thread...ugh, the fact that anyone thinks a 730 dinner is a good idea with an infant (even on who goes to bed late) is maddening.

    I also have that t-shirt. Our first christmas eve, my kid SCREAMED through dinner because her bedtime was 6/630 and we weren't home. Let's just say after that experience, my in laws learned real fast that my daughter's bed time was a hard fast rule, we no longer have family things that end after 5ish (she can hang a little later now on Christmas Eve but not much later than 7ish).
    Don't get me wrong, I get along great with my in-laws, but it definitely feels like Marie and Frank Barone sometimes.
     
  • Summer2018

    DIS Veteran
    Joined
    Jun 29, 2017
    I just checked back into this thread...ugh, the fact that anyone thinks a 730 dinner is a good idea with an infant (even on who goes to bed late) is maddening.

    I also have that t-shirt. Our first christmas eve, my kid SCREAMED through dinner because her bedtime was 6/630 and we weren't home. Let's just say after that experience, my in laws learned real fast that my daughter's bed time was a hard fast rule, we no longer have family things that end after 5ish (she can hang a little later now on Christmas Eve but not much later than 7ish).
    Don't get me wrong, I get along great with my in-laws, but it definitely feels like Marie and Frank Barone sometimes.
    Yes!

    I’m going back 22 years, but I remember how crucial it was to stick to my daughter’s schedule and routine as closely as possible no matter what the circumstances were.
    Bedtime, naptime, and meal times had to remain the same whether we were on vacation or it was a holiday. Our families pushed back in the beginning, but I’m a stubborn Mama Bear, and eventually everyone fell in line.

    Stick to your guns and all will be well.
     

    paisleys

    Mouseketeer
    Joined
    Oct 25, 2013
    Reading through these comments...I regret not standing up for myself/my family years before I did. WDW time is precious (and pricey!!!). It's extremely unfair to have people swoop in and take it over. Best of luck to the OP! Get your bf on board with you quickly and be strong, you are setting the tone for the future.
     

    Hikergirl

    DIS Veteran
    Joined
    Feb 28, 2016
    That's what the dont understand. We have reservations for chef Mickey, ohana and fp for sdmt, Peter pan, etc. Things I had to get up early on the 180 and 60day marks for and there is no way to join us for. Unfortunately this is a much shorter trip than we normally take as we didnt want to press our luck with kiddo so we dont have off days. We fly in, 2 back to back park days then fly out so down time outside ofwhatever is necessary for babys needs isnt going to happen. We tried to be accommodating and said we would do dinner on arrival night but asked that it be moved up as the 730 in DS they had booked would keep us out too late for babys bedtime. Instead theycancelled it saying it would be awkward and now refuse to speak to us. So at this point I'm not sure what will happen. We tried to be nice about it and accommodate to an extent but I think they just want a reason to argue.
    This is insane, mature adults do not act this way.
    No way would I be trying to do anything with them on my vacation if this is how they choose to act.
    I feel for you, they sound toxic.
     

    jenmsmith

    Mouseketeer
    Joined
    Apr 29, 2016
    I just checked back into this thread...ugh, the fact that anyone thinks a 730 dinner is a good idea with an infant (even on who goes to bed late) is maddening.

    I also have that t-shirt. Our first christmas eve, my kid SCREAMED through dinner because her bedtime was 6/630 and we weren't home. Let's just say after that experience, my in laws learned real fast that my daughter's bed time was a hard fast rule, we no longer have family things that end after 5ish (she can hang a little later now on Christmas Eve but not much later than 7ish).
    Don't get me wrong, I get along great with my in-laws, but it definitely feels like Marie and Frank Barone sometimes.
    I was like that with my first. Fast-forward almost 18 years, and our 6-month-old baby (our fourth child) went to all of her senior brother’s swim meets, even though they almost all ended late. To me, it’s much easier to be go-with-the-flow with an infant than an older baby/toddler.

    Of course, different kids have different temperaments. Just sharing another side of that coin.

    Good luck, OP, I hope you end up having a great time and your bf’s family respects your boundaries.
     

    epsmith921

    DIS Veteran
    Joined
    Jul 2, 2012
    Just want to chime in to discuss or practice with your BF exactly how you plan to extricate yourselves from situation so that neither of you are stuck feeling resentful and your family’s needs are met. So let’s say you’re in MK with the extended fam and your Ohana reservation is coming up. Plan a time for when you’re leaving and which one of you (preferably him to show a united front) will say “hey it’s been lovely spending time, but we need to be leaving now.” It’s very helpful to have a game plan going in so you’re not miscommunicating with your eyes.
     

    LSUmiss

    DIS Veteran
    Joined
    Sep 8, 2014
    I just checked back into this thread...ugh, the fact that anyone thinks a 730 dinner is a good idea with an infant (even on who goes to bed late) is maddening.

    I also have that t-shirt. Our first christmas eve, my kid SCREAMED through dinner because her bedtime was 6/630 and we weren't home. Let's just say after that experience, my in laws learned real fast that my daughter's bed time was a hard fast rule, we no longer have family things that end after 5ish (she can hang a little later now on Christmas Eve but not much later than 7ish).
    Don't get me wrong, I get along great with my in-laws, but it definitely feels like Marie and Frank Barone sometimes.
    Lol! I’m with you. On thanksgiving I told mil we had to go b/c DS can’t tolerate staying up past bedtime. DH cited a recent example hoping she would understand & her comment was “well you got through it. Didn’t you”. I usually bite my tongue but couldn’t help it. I told her it’s not about us getting through anything. I’m not making him miserable for something silly. She was mad but got over it. She has never challenged us on his schedule again.
     

    LSUmiss

    DIS Veteran
    Joined
    Sep 8, 2014
    I was like that with my first. Fast-forward almost 18 years, and our 6-month-old baby (our fourth child) went to all of her senior brother’s swim meets, even though they almost all ended late. To me, it’s much easier to be go-with-the-flow with an infant than an older baby/toddler.

    Of course, different kids have different temperaments. Just sharing another side of that coin.

    Good luck, OP, I hope you end up having a great time and your bf’s family respects your boundaries.
    Imo it would be different if it were for my other kids but not for other adults who can get over themselves. I only have one kid & will only have one kid so I am able to keep his schedule which keeps him happy.
     

    paisleys

    Mouseketeer
    Joined
    Oct 25, 2013
    Unfortunately I don't either. Everyone is upset for one reason or another and as they refuse to talk to either of us there is little hope of figuring out a plan since we are 2 weeks out now.
    Did they cancel entire trip or just the dinner? (hoping for the entire trip!)
     

    sponica

    DIS Veteran
    Joined
    Oct 16, 2017
    I was like that with my first. Fast-forward almost 18 years, and our 6-month-old baby (our fourth child) went to all of her senior brother’s swim meets, even though they almost all ended late. To me, it’s much easier to be go-with-the-flow with an infant than an older baby/toddler.

    Of course, different kids have different temperaments. Just sharing another side of that coin.

    Good luck, OP, I hope you end up having a great time and your bf’s family respects your boundaries.
    My daughter was pretty neurotic as an infant, she needed to be in her crib at 6/630 or she voiced her displeasure. She's still neurotic in different ways...now she just gets the drunken sailor walk when she's overtired.
     


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