Hijacked 1st Trip

jljohnston89

Earning My Ears
Joined
Oct 4, 2019
Hello,
So how would you all handle your childs first Disney trip being hijacked? My son is 6 months old (I know he won't remember but we are huge Disney lovers and have been planning this since we first found out) and my bf's family haven't been to visit yet (7 hour drive away). Now at 1 month before our trip they've announced that they booked to come along as well. No one asked either of us and I'm upset. Boyfriend is caught in the middle between wanting it to just be us and wanting his family to meet our son. Their remark is that we visit Disney frequently. They're not wrong, but you only get 1 first trip and 1 first vacation as a family. I tried to be nice and was told to get over myself they're coming. We have a ton of reservations and fast passes planned out and they've not been in many years so they dont grasp that in our 4 day trip we really dont have time to entertain and certainly not for them to actually visit with ourson. oAny advice before i lose my mind??
 

amandaleigh2

Mouseketeer
Joined
Feb 17, 2014
Yikes! This one is a toughy. Very pushy and presumptuous of them. I would be up front and explain that you have all of your time planned out and that you will not alter your long-made plans for them at such late notice. I know it's disappointing and inconvenient having them there, but I would just go ahead with your plans as if they aren't there. Of course you can't really prevent them from tagging along, but at this late time, it will be hard for them to procure similar fastpasses or dining reservations. In the future, I would keep all travel plans to yourself. Good luck!
 
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RogueX

Earning My Ears
Joined
Aug 21, 2019
I've often taken a hard line stance on vacations when many of my family members joke about tagging along with us, if they do, we'll wave but our plans are our plans and will not be changed.

I realize that extended family members may want to be involved in the experience, but that is not their decision to make, ultimately it's up to you and your boyfriend. I personally would not change my reservations and fastpasses, but that's how I would handle it if I were faced with this situation.
 
  • sponica

    DIS Veteran
    Joined
    Oct 16, 2017
    Well I invited the hijackers for our first trip... But seriously, don't change your plans to accommodate them or plan around them or anything like that....if you're feeling generous tell them a time you ARE available.

    You can't control what other people do only your reactions to their actions.
     

    siren0119

    DIS Veteran
    Joined
    Sep 26, 2018
    This is a great opportunity for you to decide how you are going to handle family interactions in the future. I had a similar situation when my son was little.

    My hubby's grandmother and aunts had a longstanding expectation that when they made plans, everyone bent to conform to them. This was usually centered on big family dinners at a restaurant that was conveniently located for them, but far for everyone else in the family to drive. The events had been going on since my husband was a teen, and my MIL always bent to her MIL's desires so that was the expectation once the kids started having kids of their own.

    The first Easter dinner we had with our first child was a disaster. The restaurant was overbooked, we didn't even get a server asking about drinks until an hour after being seated and it didn't look good for us being able to order food in the near future. I had a cranky 12 month old on my hands who was hungry and needed a nap, i had worked a night shift and reached my limit. I stood up, thanked the aunts and grandmother for the invitation, but I needed to get my family home for some food and much needed rest. There was protesting, and I simply told them that while I get the desire to have a big meal together for the holiday, our family's needs had to come first. Period. And we left.

    My husband's aunts didn't speak to me for several months after that....but eventually they got over it. My mother in law called me the next day to say how proud she was of me for doing what she never could in standing up for my family's needs. It all turned out fine and we have had a wonderful relationship with my inlaws and their extended family since. But the family also knows that under no uncertain terms, I will do what I feel is best for my family regardless of pressure from anyone to do things differently. So they learned not to steamroll me early on.

    That is all to say that you have been given good advice - tell your BF's parents that you have already made very firm plans for this trip, they are welcome to make similar reservations/plans if they want to but your trip is already fully scheduled. Share your dining reservations with them and let them decide what they want to join you for and what they don't. But ultimately know that how much you give in to them now is going to define what they try and do going forward in other circumstances. There is nothing wrong with taking a gentle, but firm stand, and it may put the kibosh on future hijacking if you stick to your guns.
     

    BrianL

    Doom Buggy Driver
    Joined
    Jul 24, 2013
    I agree that you have your plans set and I wouldn't alter them in general. Perhaps you can make sure that you get to take your son to his first park without them and enjoy that time, then meet up with them for things later in the trip. Perhaps a meal you have planned could accommodate the additional people? Again, I wouldn't alter my plans too much, but maybe splitting the difference could work out for everyone. Good luck.
     

    firegurl

    Mouseketeer
    Joined
    Jul 1, 2011
    I think you have to take a hard line and tell them, This is our trip that we planned this way. We are happy that you are going, we will be happy to see you there if possible but we have planned it as family time and the needs of our family come first.

    DH and I plan a trip every 3 years with our boys. That is just how it is. On our next trip we have several close friends (and their families) who are also going. When we had our first planning meeting I said the same thing to them, While we would love to go with you and see you guys there, X week is when we plan to go and Y is what we have planned for ourselves this time. If you want to coordinate with that, great, if not MY family will still be going.
    In my own situation, one of those friends happens to be married to my cousin. My cousin has invited her mom, who then invited my mom (they are sisters). My mom started planning because she decided that it would be better the way she planned it. I am not going to lie, it was a little tense but I had to tell her that she was more than welcome to go on the trip that she planned but my DH, my boys and I would be going on the trip I planned, the way I planned, Eventually even my Dad stepped in and reminded her that I have been saying that all along and my trip wasn't changing because of the additional travelers.
     
  • Neverbeast

    Mouseketeer
    Joined
    Jul 23, 2017
    We did have our first trip hijacked (not by in-laws but still) and found a way to make our peace with it by sticking to our plans for the things that were important to us. Somethings ended up being nice about it.

    as others have said, setting the expectations that you and bf make the choices as a team and put your family into needs first now is going to be helpful for the rest of your lives together. “Get over it” never made anyone get over anything.

    I would suggest looking at your schedule for those hours of rest by the pool or wandering in a land or a meal you wouldn’t mind them joining you for, offer those times to meet up, and enjoy the addition of people who are going to absolutely adore your son as you would any unexpected extra Disney Magic.
     

    CapeCodTenor

    Dis Veteran
    Joined
    Oct 18, 2005
    Like others have stated, you're going to have to let them know that they ware welcome to come along, but your plans are your plans and you won't change. When planning my first trip to the World (that got cancelled), I had approached a friend who's just as big a Disney fan as I am about heading down with his wife at the same time. I said, "How cool would it be if we could do a meet up and do some rides that my wife and daughter won't go on? The girls can get together and do something while we head off for a guys afternoon." However, I mention that this trip would my families first trip down and it would primarily be that, but an afternoon to hang out would be cool. Just let them know that if they come along, you're not changing your plans.
     

    Hikergirl

    DIS Veteran
    Joined
    Feb 28, 2016
    You can't control them and what they do but you can tell them that you have your trip itinerary planned so you don't know how much time you will be able to spend with them.
    Maybe suggest that if the goal is to meet your son that they do it in another way instead of doing it in your already booked up trip.
    Is this family your bf's parents or other members? If they can plan 4 days at WDW, why couldn't they instead plan 4 days to visit you and meet the baby at your home? Or another planned together getaway?
     

    mjkacmom

    DIS Veteran
    Joined
    Feb 20, 2006
    Well, I think you have to let the child’s father have a say. Has any of his fami,y met your child yet? Seven months is a long time. Do you have any plans to visit them in the future? It sounds like they really want to meet the baby if they are willing and wanting to drive seven hours.
     
  • jljohnston89

    Earning My Ears
    Joined
    Oct 4, 2019
    You can't control them and what they do but you can tell them that you have your trip itinerary planned so you don't know how much time you will be able to spend with them.
    Maybe suggest that if the goal is to meet your son that they do it in another way instead of doing it in your already booked up trip.
    Is this family your bf's parents or other members? If they can plan 4 days at WDW, why couldn't they instead plan 4 days to visit you and meet the baby at your home? Or another planned together getaway?
    It's his mom, sister and godmother. We've offered to meet halfway between our homes, etc but every suggestion or plan has been knocked down for one reason or another. I explained to them that a weekend trip to disney where we have plans from start to finish isn't conducive to actually getting to spend time with him. And I'm mad because instead of asking our opinions they just decided it was ok and booked it. It's a much shorter trip than we usually do so we really dont have the off days we usually take and all of our dining reservations are ones that book up at the 180 day mark so there is no joining us forthem
     

    jljohnston89

    Earning My Ears
    Joined
    Oct 4, 2019
    Well, I think you have to let the child’s father have a say. Has any of his fami,y met your child yet? Seven months is a long time. Do you have any plans to visit them in the future? It sounds like they really want to meet the baby if they are willing and wanting to drive seven hours.
    No they have made no effort to come to our house which is 7 hours away from them. They live in Pennsylvania, we livein WV and they think it's cheaper and more convenient to fly 4 adults to Florida than to come to our house. We plan to go up around Christmas for a week. Our son had colic and reflux so we didn't travel very far when he was itty bitty plus we both work full time and I'm in school so we have to plan around alot just to make this trip work.
     

    siren0119

    DIS Veteran
    Joined
    Sep 26, 2018
    It's his mom, sister and godmother. We've offered to meet halfway between our homes, etc but every suggestion or plan has been knocked down for one reason or another. I explained to them that a weekend trip to disney where we have plans from start to finish isn't conducive to actually getting to spend time with him. And I'm mad because instead of asking our opinions they just decided it was ok and booked it. It's a much shorter trip than we usually do so we really dont have the off days we usually take and all of our dining reservations are ones that book up at the 180 day mark so there is no joining us forthem
    No they have made no effort to come to our house which is 7 hours away from them. They live in Pennsylvania, we livein WV and they think it's cheaper and more convenient to fly 4 adults to Florida than to come to our house. We plan to go up around Christmas for a week. Our son had colic and reflux so we didn't travel very far when he was itty bitty plus we both work full time and I'm in school so we have to plan around alot just to make this trip work.
    So think of it this way. You have a trip booked, they decided to book their own trip. You can give them a list of the dates and times you have dining plans, and the parks you plan to visit. They can, on their own, try to get reservations for the same places/times as you, and if they know which parks you plan to be in at which times, can try and meet up with you and be present at the same time as YOUR plans. But the ball is in their court, and it is not up to you to bend your plans for their sake.

    If they have made no efforts to see you prior to this, and you already have plans to spend time with them in the near future, there is ZERO reason to budge. Be gentle, but firm.

    You are allowed to set and maintain boundaries for your new family.

    I can't remember if you mentioned it, but where does your BF stand on this whole thing? Especially given the impact it could have on his family's willingness to dictate plans to you in the future, you both need to be a united front and support the decision you make as a team. If he's likely to bend to their will or try and appease them, it's only going to make you look like you're being stubborn. You don't need that kind of division in your family when you're still building it.
     

    jljohnston89

    Earning My Ears
    Joined
    Oct 4, 2019
    So think of it this way. You have a trip booked, they decided to book their own trip. You can give them a list of the dates and times you have dining plans, and the parks you plan to visit. They can, on their own, try to get reservations for the same places/times as you, and if they know which parks you plan to be in at which times, can try and meet up with you and be present at the same time as YOUR plans. But the ball is in their court, and it is not up to you to bend your plans for their sake.

    If they have made no efforts to see you prior to this, and you already have plans to spend time with them in the near future, there is ZERO reason to budge. Be gentle, but firm.

    You are allowed to set and maintain boundaries for your new family.

    I can't remember if you mentioned it, but where does your BF stand on this whole thing? Especially given the impact it could have on his family's willingness to dictate plans to you in the future, you both need to be a united front and support the decision you make as a team. If he's likely to bend to their will or try and appease them, it's only going to make you look like you're being stubborn. You don't need that kind of division in your family when you're still building it.
    He is torn. He is mad that plans were made without asking and that they only actually bothered to make plans when we were going somewhere fun. But he also wants his family to meet our son. It's a hard place to be. Isaid if it was any other trip besides our first vacation as a new family I wouldn't care. But i would still expect they ask before booking a nonrefundable trip. We discussed with both sides to do a big family trip for his 1st birthday in April but that this was to just be us.
     

    siren0119

    DIS Veteran
    Joined
    Sep 26, 2018
    He is torn. He is mad that plans were made without asking and that they only actually bothered to make plans when we were going somewhere fun. But he also wants his family to meet our son. It's a hard place to be. Isaid if it was any other trip besides our first vacation as a new family I wouldn't care. But i would still expect they ask before booking a nonrefundable trip. We discussed with both sides to do a big family trip for his 1st birthday in April but that this was to just be us.
    But you also said that you have plans to visit them at Christmas - so they ARE going to meet your son. You are going to Disney in November, and visiting them in December. The 1 month difference isn't going to kill them if they've been willing to wait this long. If you weren't visiting them for a year or more, I'd probably view it a little differently....but we're talking a difference of weeks, not months. Maybe put it into perspective for him that way.
     

    Gingerfun1

    Earning My Ears
    Joined
    Jun 29, 2018
    This might sound a bit rude but the spirit of my comment is to help you and your bf.

    You BF is not in the middle. He should be on your side and you make decisions together, as a family. Extended family do not get a vote. Your family - the three of you - are allowed to take trips without the extended family suddenly tagging along. He needs to be the one talking to his extended family and explaining your trip is planned and will not be altered to suit them. You can't control if they come but you should not be the meat shield (aka, the one taking the blame) for not rearranging your schedule for them.

    Disney is wonderful but not the best place to first meet a new little family member. If they want to meet your little guy so badly, they should get their butts in the car and drive on down, on a date/time that works for you.
     

    lanejudy

    Moderator
    Moderator
    Joined
    Oct 27, 2011
    So, I'm probably going to be the unpopular voice of dissent. I think you need to find a way to make this work - some time for you/BF/son and some time with the family. This is his family and your son's grandmother and aunt. I realize you've offered to meet them halfway somewhere, but while you have your litany of reasons why a full trip to them hasn't been possible, they may also have an equally full list of why they haven't been able to come to you. Sure, it would have been wonderful if they could have made a trip to visit you, and it would have been nice if you could have managed to get to them before your son is 7 months old, but it didn't happen. They may be feeling a little put out that you would consider a big expensive family vacation before a long weekend trip to introduce your son. Let them meet the child. It will go a long way towards building good family relationships. I've lived that 8-hour-drive distance away from family; it involves give-and-take on both sides to maintain a close relationship with the children.

    And...somehow they found out the dates of the trip. BF may have overshared, not realizing this could happen. This is your warning for future plans - keep future vacation plans to yourselves until the last minute.

    You are familiar with WDW. Pick you most important "family" moments (ADRs, rides, character greets) that you want just as your 3-some. Maybe that's one full day, or a few hours each day. Then share the rest of the plans with BF's family so they can try to join some of the same activities. You have a lifetime of your baby's firsts still to come, let them share a couple moments as well.

    Enjoy your vacation!
     

    jljohnston89

    Earning My Ears
    Joined
    Oct 4, 2019
    So, I'm probably going to be the unpopular voice of dissent. I think you need to find a way to make this work - some time for you/BF/son and some time with the family. This is his family and your son's grandmother and aunt. I realize you've offered to meet them halfway somewhere, but while you have your litany of reasons why a full trip to them hasn't been possible, they may also have an equally full list of why they haven't been able to come to you. Sure, it would have been wonderful if they could have made a trip to visit you, and it would have been nice if you could have managed to get to them before your son is 7 months old, but it didn't happen. They may be feeling a little put out that you would consider a big expensive family vacation before a long weekend trip to introduce your son. Let them meet the child. It will go a long way towards building good family relationships. I've lived that 8-hour-drive distance away from family; it involves give-and-take on both sides to maintain a close relationship with the children.

    And...somehow they found out the dates of the trip. BF may have overshared, not realizing this could happen. This is your warning for future plans - keep future vacation plans to yourselves until the last minute.

    You are familiar with WDW. Pick you most important "family" moments (ADRs, rides, character greets) that you want just as your 3-some. Maybe that's one full day, or a few hours each day. Then share the rest of the plans with BF's family so they can try to join some of the same activities. You have a lifetime of your baby's firsts still to come, let them share a couple moments as well.

    Enjoy your vacation!
    It's not that we've chosen to do disney over them. This trip has been being planned for 13 months, booked for 6. They skipped baby shower because they wanted to wait and come for his birth then he came and excuse after excuse. So my problem is that after literally a year of playing they decide a month before that they want to come too and dropping 4000+ is better than coming to our home. I dont want a fight with them but I also dont think i should have our trip overtaken without somuch as a question.
     

    Hikergirl

    DIS Veteran
    Joined
    Feb 28, 2016
    It's his mom, sister and godmother. We've offered to meet halfway between our homes, etc but every suggestion or plan has been knocked down for one reason or another. I explained to them that a weekend trip to disney where we have plans from start to finish isn't conducive to actually getting to spend time with him. And I'm mad because instead of asking our opinions they just decided it was ok and booked it. It's a much shorter trip than we usually do so we really dont have the off days we usually take and all of our dining reservations are ones that book up at the 180 day mark so there is no joining us forthem
    I'm really sorry that they are intruding on your trip. I would stand your ground here, you planned this as a special trip. It doesn't matter what they think about how frequently you go, they were out of line inviting themselves without asking.
    I would just explain to them that you have had this trip planned for a very long time, that you have reservations and I assume FPs and that you guys will try to get together with them when you have some free time.
    Or just make plans for a couple hours with them and explain that the rest of your time there has already been planned and that you will see them at Christmas.
    Good luck.
     



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