Here's A Question for Everyone

[MissFitt]

I'm fortunate to live in wine country so my kids have grown up being taken to a vineyard for an afternoon out -- yes, there are the tasting rooms but the places we visit have large patios out back where you can enjoy the live music they have, have a picnic and the kids can even get pony rides. They see limos and party vans parked out front and know that responsible people don't drive if they know they will be drinking.

The kids also know that mom & dad have a glass of wine at dinnertime (or maybe another "adult" drink) and when they get to be "of age" they will get to have a drink.

I think it is more irresponsible making rash judgments about a group of people that don't play by your rules...intolerance has ruined more lives than a cooler of alcohol through a neighborhood on Halloween ever did.

 

[jrmasm]

I think it is more irresponsible making rash judgments about a group of people that don't play by your rules...intolerance has ruined more lives than a cooler of alcohol through a neighborhood on Halloween ever did.

I totally agree.

Unless your neighbors are drunk and rolling around in the middle of the street, I don't think you should concern yourself with their activities. It's not hurting you or yours so you should just MYOB.

 

[declansdad]

Another non-drinker here.

JMHO-Why would I want anything to do with something that has caused so much pain to so many?

I know many people drink responsibly,but I go back to the bottom line-has alcohol brought more pain to the World or more happiness?No contest.

Sort of like organized religion.

 

[Aisling]

I grew up in a culture that traditionally has wine on the dinner table every night and my kids grew up that way. No one gets drunk, though. I remember having occasional sips out of my parents/grandparents glasses as a kid and my kids have had the same experience. My kids are older now, one is drinking age and the other is a teenager, and there's no drinking problem issue whatsoever in our family. They've seen responsible drinking all their lives so that's the norm for them.

 

[golfgal]

How often do you drink alcoholic beverages? Is it a daily routine for you? Do you 'kick back' at the end of the day with a glass of wine or a beer?

Here's why I ask...

Many of my neighbors drink openly. In fact, the one thing that really shocked me was when I took my kids trick-or-treating in the neighborhood last fall and the parents carted around a wagon filled with a cooler of beer.

I just don't "get" the whole drinking thing. Occasionally, I'll enjoy a glass of wine or a cocktail, but it's not an every day or even and every week thing. It is very occasional. But my neighbors seem to drink all the time.

And we all have kids in the pre-school to middle/high school age range. What does this say to them? When they see mommy pulling a kids' wagon with a cooler of beer - it makes me really worried for when these kids get to high school. They'll have access to it which will lead to unfortunate events...

I don't know. To each his own, I guess. But I'm trying to be a responsible parent and set a good example. One stupid mistake can ruin someone's entire life...and a kid that drinks too much can lead to a mistake like that.

Thoughts? Flames?

Thanks for reading...

What does it say to the kids? It says that you can have a drink or two and not have to get plastered. It says that there is nothing wrong with having a drink or two if you are of legal age. It shows kids how to drink RESPONSIBLY vs sneaking a drink behind your kids back like there is something wrong with having a glass of wine or a beer at the end of the day. I have to say that YOU are the one setting a bad example for your kids teaching them that they have to be sneaky about having a drink. Since you have made this a big taboo in your house, your kids will most likely be the ones out at parties getting smashed every weekend, sorry.

 

[declansdad]

The only time I have alcohol in the house is when my sister and brother in law are coming over- otherwise we really don't drink. I had a pina colada about 2 or 3 years ago...that was the last drink i have had...maybe next weekend at Great Wolf Lodge I will have another (thats wher eI had the one three years ago too LOL). I prefer not to drink much in front of my daughter, I feel it sets a bad example. My father used to drink a glass or 2 of wine every day and most of my family and our friends consider him to have been an alcoholic.

So having a glass of wine or beer with your evening meal is setting a bad example for your kids. Please! There must be lots of bad parents around the world.

As for the OPs "rolling bar" on Halloween example, that is a bit much. However, unless her neighbours are falling over drunk all the time, I think there may be a bit of exaggeration going on.

 

[paintnolish]

I have a drink, maybe once a week or so. My children know that a drink or two (for adults) is perfectly acceptable. I grew up in an Italian household. There was often wine and nobody was ever drunk and nobody is an alcoholic.

 

[lacrosse_lady72]

I used to drink a lot.

Now, I don't drink at all.

Since I don't particularly love the taste of alcohol, I decided I don't need to drink alcohol. I am perfectly happy with my life without being on something to make life fun.

 

[mkel34]

We have a built in wine fridge in the kitchen and I will have a beer with anyone of my neighbors on a weekend after doing yardwork. Over an average weekly period I won't drink a six pack but the occasionally party/bbq I could have that many in one night.

Also, don't completely shelter your children from alcohol, they need to be taught tolerance and responsibility. The majority of kids in college who I saw dropout were kids who never had a sip of alcohol before they came to college.

 

[Metsfan520]

Around here, they treat-n-drink.

As for drinking..I try not to drink every day so as not to form a "habit" (my personal preference)....

But as long as you aren't drinking to the point of intoxication on purpose on a very frequent basis, what you drink and how often is up to you.

If you like a glass of wine or a beer or scotch on the rocks to wind down from your day--have at it. If once a year is all you prefer, be my guest.

But I don't understand why people look at their own preferences, reflect on others preferences and then draw conclusions that may or may not be accurate.

And while pregnant...welll...I'm counting the days until delivery.

Yes, my kids see me drink otherwise

They also witness me put on makeup...

They see me vote....

They see me drive a car.

They know that certain things in life are restricted privileges until one reaches a minimum age. Whether they will sneak things remains to be seen. But I don't understand the logic of not drinking in front of children if the kids cannot partake when there are many things I do in front of them that they either are not allowed b/c of law, or b/c I don't feel they are old enough (makeup).

excellent points! I agree 100%.

 

[Aisling]

Another non-drinker here.

JMHO-Why would I want anything to do with something that has caused so much pain to so many?

I know many people drink responsibly,but I go back to the bottom line-has alcohol brought more pain to the World or more happiness?No contest.

I understand your point. Alcohol has brought pain to many people. The way I see it, though, is that since a good alcohol beverage can be enjoyed responsibly, I don't let the drinking problems of others stop me from enjoying. I don't fear alcohol. In fact I try to make sure I have a glass of red wine every night before bed. It's tasty, relaxing and has health benefits.

and hid the beer in the crisper in case the minister came over.

This made me laugh! When my priest comes over, I have to have the Scotch on ice ready for him in my hand or he might leave! Thank God I'm Catholic!

 

[Mkrop]

I think this is kind of an odd statement. It reminds me a bit of my grandmother who made my grandfather (who liked a beer or two but was not an alcoholic) pour his beer into a plastic glass so the neighbors wouldn't know he was drinking and hid the beer in the crisper in case the minister came over. Why she thought that nice man would be in the fridge is beyond me.

Yes, I drink openly and in front of my kid. I'm one of those people at the World Showcase at Epcot walking brazenly around with a frozen margarita or a beer from Germany. I don't drink very often nor do I drink to excess but I do have one or two when I'm on vacation or I'll have a beer while sitting on the porch at home on a summer's evening.

I don't get hiding alcohol consumption from one's kids. That's more along the lines of alcoholic behavior than having a beer or a glass of wine with dinner. I've shown my kid how to drink responsibly by example.

OP--you stated that you enjoyed the occasional glass of wine. Why do you think that you're any different from your neighbors?

Funny story:

Before our Dec trip I told the kids after seeing Samantha Brown I wanted to try a Gran Marnier slushie. I said I would love to have it while watching Illuminations. Well the night we were there it was pretty cold, DH asked if I wanted to stop in France and I said no it is too cold. The kids did not hear me say this so while we are walking through France they are yelling "but daddddddd mom WANTS a Gran Marnier slushie, why arent you getting her one, you promised" It was quite comical and we got a few stares but I assured my kids we would go back and mom would indeed get her slushie, just not tonight, it was too darn cold!!!!!!!

 

[NeverlandClub23]

I drink about 2-3 times a year, if that. I was around people who drank when I was growing up. I just don't think most alcohol tastes good (save for a couple really good beers) and don't like to waste the calories. I'd rather have ice cream!

There was always alcohol in our fridge or in our kitchen growing up and my brother and I hardly drink at all. On the other hand my aunt and uncle refused to let anyone drink anywhere near their kids. All three of their kids drink regularly now (but not in an abusive way). I don't think it makes a difference if a kid is around it or not around it (assuming alcoholism doesn't run in the family), a lot depends on the person and their tastes.

 

[jfoofj]

WELLLLLLLLLLL... my neighborhood is probably a bit like the OP's... at Halloween time there are many parents walking around trick or treating with their kids... and a lot of houses give the parents a treat too... one house had Margaritas, one had a big bowl of candy for the kids "treats" and a big bucket of beer on ice for the grown-ups "treats", another house had some other drink... you get the picture. No one is driving (big neighborhood with tons of houses), everyone knows each other and everyone's kids, no one is drunk, it is just a fun, social night.

I drink 2-3 nights a week... that would be 1-2 glasses of wine or beer. VERY rarely do I drink hard alcohol and I can't remember the last time I was drunk.

 

[Sorsha]

I don't drink wine or beer, period. Not because of any moral conviction, but because I can't stand the taste. My wine-snob mother feels she must have failed in some way in my upbringing. DH is a very LIGHT drinker... he will have a Mike's hard on a Friday night, or a beer with the guys on game night, but that's about it. His drink of choice, if we are out, or at a party, is a Jack and Coke. He is a lightweight though, so usually only has one or two even then.

The only alcoholic drinks I enjoy are mixed ones, preferably with lots of coconut rum and fruity things in them. Served in a coconut with a little umbrella is best, thanks. I think that's why I almost never drink at home... its so much work! I have to get out the blender, measure out all the ingredients, etc. All DH has to do is walk to the fridge and grab a Mike's Hard.

As for drinking in front of the kids, sure, we absolutely do. As a PP posted out, we also drive, vote, etc. They understand that they do not get to do certain things till they are an adult. We also model responsible behavior by drinking lightly, never drinking and driving, etc. I would very much prefer that my teen not drink either, and we have had conversations on the subject. However, I didn't fall off the turnip truck yesterday, and I am quite aware that most teens try alcohol before they have reached the legal drinking age. I want to be sure that proper drinking behavior has been modeled to her so she has the strength of conviction to make safe choices.

Wagon of beer wandering around on Halloween... not so much LOL. But then again, my town has some REALLY stiff open container laws, and we get extra patrols on Halloween. You may only drink in your house, on your property, at a sanctioned event (rodeo, concert, etc) or in a bar or restaurant. If you even so much as walk out of the bar and down the street to the next bar carrying an open cup of beer, they can, and will, cite you and fine you.

 

[okeydokey]

Another non-drinker here.

JMHO-Why would I want anything to do with something that has caused so much pain to so many?

I know many people drink responsibly,but I go back to the bottom line-has alcohol brought more pain to the World or more happiness?No contest.

In my world, much more happiness!!

My children see that alcohol can be enjoyed in a responsible way once in a while. I think that's an important lesson to teach.

 

[lillygator]

wow OP.....parents who drink aren't responsible? Geez....


we treat and drink here too, in fact one neighbor who has 2 elementary aged children has a driveway party complete with beer and wine - oh the HORROR!

Dh and I have beer and wine with dinner, we have drinks when we go to restaurants, all in front of the girls......better add me to the list.

 

[design_mom]

I am not a big drinker. I might have something a couple of times per year, but no more than that. It's mainly because I haven't really found anything I like. I don't have a moral/ethical problem with drinking.

As long as people are drinking responsibly, I don't have a huge problem. (I agree that pulling a cooler of beer along with you on trick-or-treat night seems a bit odd -- like they couldn't carry enough to satisfy them, so they had to bring wheels.) Some of our neighbors sit on their porches/driveways with drinks while they pass out candy and, as long as no one is *drunk*, I don't have any problem with that in the least!

On the other hand, I know some people where *all* of their social functions revolve around alcohol for adults -- whether that's barbeques, kids' birthday parties, watching the game, etc. Sometimes I think that gives the impression that if there's not alcohol, adults can't be having fun. That's totally not the case in our family, so I hope the message I'm passing along to my kids is -- if you want a drink and you're old enough, it's fine to do so responsibly, but you don't *need* alcohol to have fun and/or relax.

 

[jsmith]

I have a every extensive collection of unique wines-more than 150 bottles-as wells as several expensive bottles of rare spirits. Its normal for us- (hubby, our 21 year old and myself) to consume a bottle of wine with a meal -thats about one large glass per person. I dont consider that irresponsible or excessive drinking.
and what exactly is drinking "openly"? Does this mean they avoid the unhealthy practice of hiding it-because i am surrounded in my daily life by people who self medicate PTSD with alcohol-and most of them do not drink "openly". They strive to keep it a secret-who has more of a problem do you think?

 

[Quiksilvr]

I don't understand some of the vitriol towards the OP. She seems to be asking an honest question, and doesn't seem to be judging you for what you do. She just wants to get a feel for what other people do and whether her position is draconian or not. No need for hatin'.

Anyway, I preface my own comments by saying I'm a lawyer. Almost all of my friends are lawyers. Lawyers, as a group, tend to drink a lot. Very high incidence of substance abuse in the legal profession (at least, that's what we were told in law school). Every social event (either formal or informal) revolves around drinking...a lot.

I don't drink very much. I will very rarely (i.e., almost never) have wine when my wife and I are out for dinner. I drank a lot when I was younger and consciously cut back drastically so that it wouldn't become a problem. It occasionally makes work social events kind of weird, but no one gives me a hard time over it.

I don't think that the presence of alcohol, even a lot of alcohol, necessarily says anything about the people who are drinking it. There are plenty of good homes that have alcohol, and plenty of bad homes that don't.

That said, while acknowledging all of the previous posters who have alcohol in their homes and who have raised alcohol-responsible children, there are a great number of homes that are just the opposite. Many of my lawyer friends grew up in doctor/lawyer households where their parents drank a lot (when the parents were around at all). Several of these friends now drink a lot. Correlation? Maybe. I don't really know, so I can't say for sure, but it's definitely something I noticed.

I think the point of my lengthy screed is that there's really know way to know for sure what alcohol-related circumstances will affect your kids. Like I said, I've known great families who had alcohol as a regular presence, and I've known teetotalling Mormon families who wouldn't touch alcohol if it was the last thing on earth, but who had mountains of other kinds of problems that ruined their kids.

At the end of the day, you've just got to go with what makes sense for you. I recommend erring on the side of giving people the benefit of the doubt.