Here's a doozy!!!!!

[toodycat]

Wow! Doesn't she realize that GACs are for kids who actually need them? My Jake definitely has PDD, but he doesn't have meltdowns so I've never asked for a GAC. If a kid doesn't need it, disabled or not, it's just wrong.

 

[mechurchlady]

She is wrong to get a GAC except for her disabled child. A true friend would have said that to her and then explained the true meaning of a GAC and how to compensate for not having the GAC and the freedom she will have to run to Fastpass machines. A true friend would not have aired dirty laundry in public. A true friend teaches their friends by words and deeds.

Did your words and deeds teach her how to have a "normal" vacation like using tour books and guides, online research, reservations, planning, single rider lines, EMH, and FastPasses? If so then you are a true friend.

 

[Andyjo0930]

I have used the GAC for my autistic son on our last trip. It was my first time asking for I and I dreaded going to guest relations to explain to them that I needed this because my son is autistic. I then had to get the looks from other parents as we got in the disability line with my son who looks "normal". We only used it was absolutely necessary and most of the time stood in the stand-by line. I would never want another parent to have to go through what a parent of an autistic child goes through with the constant meltdowns, obsessing over and over about certain things, afraid of simple things like a fish, the noises, the not sleeping, the IEP's, the meetings, the behavior plans, etc. She should thank God that she has two healthy children and let him stand in line and thank God that he can!

 

[3DisneyNUTS]

*Chuckle* But then you'd still need a GAC, just for you instead of him!

It is shocking that your friend would even think about getting a GAC for her normie kid. Hopefully she will take your reaction into account and not try to pull that stunt! Also, you could bring it up again just to remind her that, like others on here said, a GAC isn't special privileges - it is to make things accessible to all.

I wonder how she has been using the GAC on her previous trips?


I agree that separate vacations/trips are fine, but I'd be soooo ticked if my family went to Disney without me!! Other places, sure, but not Disney!!!!!

I know chop off my feet LMAO I get dramatic sometimesalthough seriously i would so it to take it away from him but I would still need a GAC.

I would be FUMING if my fam left me home from a Disney trip too!!!!

 

[3DisneyNUTS]

IMHO, I am not you so I would not expect you to handle it the same way I would so please don't be offended. My initial thoughts would be shock but I would not get upset with my friend. I am picturing one of my friends who would have bit my head off had I got upset and called her a filthy animal though and I guarantee she would not talk to me for a while. I think your friend is overwhelmed with dealing with her children and is looking at this whole thing from a totally different perspective no matter how wrong that perspective might be. I feel most people think wacked out things once in a while but they don't become bad things unless we actually act on them. How many times have you wanted to choke a loved one and told a friend about it but don't actually do it.

I would also suggest that she get up early and get to the park first thing in the morning and do all the rides then this way she can sit on a shady bench and people watch to relax. If she does it that way she won't need a GAC anyway. This is the way I do it with my son and I have never had a need for a GAC for him and I am not a morning person except when at Disney. I would suggest to her that if she needs this time to relax and get away from stress instead of using the GAC to spend more time around the pool or in the pool with her son at the resort. I would then simply state my opinion and then tell her if she really thinks she can live with herself doing something that is against the rules and adding extra time to someone who really needs the GAC's wait time then that's her choice but I wouldn't do that to someone.

Ok the filthy animal part was after 3 or four escalating converstation with her saying she deserves it after her hellish life she has everyday. But I agree I went off the handle. We spoke today and she still polled all the people she told about it and according to her most feel that it is ok since she already has a disabled child so she technically deserves it. I just told her today that I can't talk to her about it anymore, she knows my opinion and how it upsets me. Plus I am super pregnant and super high risk right now and cannot get this worked up. IMO she would not be fishing for opinions if she felt that hat she is doing is ok. Her start of the conversation was "Is it horrible if......?" well she knows the answer she is just trying to justify it. She did ask her son about hpow he feels and he flipped saying they don't need it if brother is not there and he doesn;t want it and got uset that she would even ask him to do that. Thankfully the 7 year old and the dad have some sense. And the other people?? She could care less. She is the type of person that compares her life to everyuone else and she has it the worst.

As sick as this sounds she is an amazing friend and will do anything for you. I think this is why I got so upset. She literally shocked me plus I am trying my hardest to cook a helathy baby right now going through a lot of treatments t make sure he is ok. I could never lie and say he is disabled when he isn't. I also may be hormonal, mood swinging from all my meds etc so I needed to bunce it off others in our situation. Ironically she has people that agree with her and I have those that agree with me. She is very opinionated like I am so I don't kno if they are afraid to say stuff to her or if my friends are afraid to disagree with me. But i want a true friend to tell me when I am being a you know what LOL.

So thanks I did go overboard by calling her a filthy animal. It just got me so upset.

 

[3DisneyNUTS]

If she doesn't want to the disbled child because of his disability, I can understand and it, but when she wants to use his disability for HER convience, it is appalling to me.

Exactly how I felt.

 

[3DisneyNUTS]

IMHO, your "friends" attitude is just sick. I had to read the post twice b/c I was totally blown away by it. We spend an entire year planning every aspect of our trip, use TGM and only utilize the GAC (usually the stroller as w/c primarily) as an unfortunately necessary adjunct. Like the pp, we dread that long walk to guest relations, and I can't begin to imagine someone who should certainly know better trying to do something so twisted. It sounds like the biggest disability in her family is not her son's, but hers.

Nicole I completely agree. I was actually crying over it yesterday. I just keep thinking about how we would all take away the struggles the kids have and to pretend that one has it and doesn't is mind blowing. I just remember the bargaining I did with God my son's first year of life and just praying that he could enjoy his life etc and to hear a mother MY FRIEND say she is going to lie like this is sick!

But I hope she doesn;t do it and takes her hubby's opinion and most importantly her son's into consideration and just enjoy their family time together without the disability stress KWIM?

 

[3DisneyNUTS]

I'm sure you felt as angry as I did when someone (on another board) asked for Disney trip advice. Another poster suggested renting a wheelchair and having a member of their party pretend to be physically disabled so they wouldn't have to wait in line so long. I would wait in line all day...all year (!) if it meant that my son could STAND there with me.

I don't understand her attitude...I guess because have never felt that my special needs son has made my life too hard for ME. I know we are blessed that Dathan's quality of life is great and that he is healthy despite the CP. Of course, there are things we can't do easily. The beach, for instance, is something my youngest son loves, but it's hard for Dathan to get around in the sand and he just doesn't enjoy it...so it's not something we will do often.

I have never experienced life with an autistic child but I'm sure it comes with a different set of challenges. Perhaps your friend is feeling overwhelmed and a bit guilty for focusing so much attention on her special needs child? In any case, I am a firm believer that "speaking the truth in love" can have a greater impact. I would calm myself down and call her back. Maybe apologize for the name-calling and explain your feelings? Don't get me wrong...I think she is *totally* wrong, but everyone has selfish feelings once in a while.

Amy

Yeah I did today. But this is something we say all the time about others that get us PO'd. In our circle it is actually better than the actual names we want to use LOL. But I did tell her that she really upset me and I was sorry for going off. But if she does do it ,she is still a filthy animal and she laughed. I did tell her we cant talk about it anymore since I will never agree with it and why get into another fight.

 

[3DisneyNUTS]

I don't think you over reacted.

That really sadens me that a mother of a special needs child would think it's OK to abuse a system for special needs.

We've never even asked for the GAC because my son ASD can tolerate waiting in line so I try to make his life as normal as possible and teach him patience when possible.

Yeah we do this too. Although Chris gets handsy sometimes we apologize profusely I only use the GAC when his seizures are out of control. The actual waiting in line is a good life skill to have. It teaches patience and rewards for it. But there are times he simply cannot stand and we have to wait somewhere else.

 

[3DisneyNUTS]

She is wrong to get a GAC except for her disabled child. A true friend would have said that to her and then explained the true meaning of a GAC and how to compensate for not having the GAC and the freedom she will have to run to Fastpass machines. A true friend would not have aired dirty laundry in public. A true friend teaches their friends by words and deeds.

Did your words and deeds teach her how to have a "normal" vacation like using tour books and guides, online research, reservations, planning, single rider lines, EMH, and FastPasses? If so then you are a true friend.

Yeah I did explain it all. I also have begged her to go on vacation with us so I could help her through the meltdowns her son has. We worked hard to get Chris to handle everything Disney does to the sensory system. We were also lucky to have known since birth that Chris has a disability where her son was diagnosed later in life. So i have more 'time in' than she does since the kids are the same age.

I don't know if you are implying a true friend thing about me posting here but I am looking for advice and is why I would not use her name or her children's names.

Also she is computer illiterate so anything she learns has to be told to her. She cannot figure out how to BCC in email. So I do the best I can with trying to help her.

Trust me I did over react part of it was the pure shock since I never expected that from her and when she defended it after we discussed it. We have also spoke of this exact thing when people who dont have disabled kids try to pull this. She understands the GAC and has brought her family to Disney before so that is also why I was shocked.

But either way if speaking my opinion to her when asked when it clearly upset me to the core makes me less of a friend to her I cannot change that. i would hope my friends would tell me when they think I would do something heinous.

I also appreciate those who said I over reacted. I have had a day to cool off and I have spoken with her. We have agreed to drop it. I just pray she doesn't make her son do this.

 

[mechurchlady]

There is not much you can do when you offer help and a person does not want the help. Even when you know of an easier way you sometimes have to let the person do it their way and suffer the consequences. It is like selling a car in that you can show all the benefits and assets but if that person refuses to buy then tough all you can so is watch them drive off in an unsafe clunker.

I write weird sorry about that but the is how i felt. Sounds like you are a true friend who got upset over something that to you is an abomination. Dont worry, be happy. You gave her information, offered to help her with her kids in the park and tried to make her life better. If someone offered to help me with mom I would sign up in seconds. If I had kids I would appreciate having a nanny/babysitter with me.

 

[dclfun]

Ugh. I have become increasingly tired and angry about the entitlement society in which we live. It's "me first", "I deserve", etc. all the time with everyone feeling like they're entitled to every little thing another person got whether they need it or not. Our TV media fosters it ( can you say...Extreme Home Makeover where a "deserving" family gets an obscene home when people all around are losing theirs, often through no fault of their own). People love this show ( I have always detested it...but what is it teaching our kids and society? After Hurricane Katrina my relatives who had already rebuilt their homes with insurance money and recovered their lives with huge profits made, thought they deserved the Road Home program money too which was meant for those who had no other means to rebuild- just because they could apply...why not?. I digress....I find it appalling that anyone would think they "deserve" accommodations meant to equalize an experience for someone who cannot otherwise enjoy the attractions. Lots of people struggle daily including many others with autistic children who wouldn't think of allowing abuse of a GAC by a child in their family who has no need. Since they've made the decision to take one child by themselves to Disney for a special visit ( and this is the way I would put it..."your special time with Mom/Dad"...not "getting away from your autistic brother" since this is done by many families with siblings) then focus on that child's abilities and strengths, enjoy the time together to get to know that child better since perhaps he takes a back seat to his brother at home. Just have a vacation like people have who don't have a disabled family member. Wasn't this what it was all about? Good luck with your friend!---Kathy

 

[3DisneyNUTS]

There is not much you can do when you offer help and a person does not want the help. Even when you know of an easier way you sometimes have to let the person do it their way and suffer the consequences. It is like selling a car in that you can show all the benefits and assets but if that person refuses to buy then tough all you can so is watch them drive off in an unsafe clunker.

I write weird sorry about that but the is how i felt. Sounds like you are a true friend who got upset over something that to you is an abomination. Dont worry, be happy. You gave her information, offered to help her with her kids in the park and tried to make her life better. If someone offered to help me with mom I would sign up in seconds. If I had kids I would appreciate having a nanny/babysitter with me.

no no don't apologize I want to hear everyone's opinions it helps me refocus. She is the type that is a victim of her life instead of trying to make it better. Her life is over because of his autism. My son ho has severe brain damage made my life better despite the challenges and I think how you view things changes how they are experienced. Have I complained when it gets hard...Yeah. But I try to see the positives in things too. But trust me I have had 'Life sucks days'. But I also get overly emotional with stuff and I was worried I did here. Which I did a little lol.

 

[mgilmer]

Ugh. I have become increasingly tired and angry about the entitlement society in which we live. It's "me first", "I deserve", etc. all the time with everyone feeling like they're entitled to every little thing another person got whether they need it or not. Our TV media fosters it ( can you say...Extreme Home Makeover where a "deserving" family gets an obscene home when people all around are losing theirs, often through no fault of their own). People love this show ( I have always detested it...but what is it teaching our kids and society? After Hurricane Katrina my relatives who had already rebuilt their homes with insurance money and recovered their lives with huge profits made, thought they deserved the Road Home program money too which was meant for those who had no other means to rebuild- just because they could apply...why not?. I digress....I find it appalling that anyone would think they "deserve" accommodations meant to equalize an experience for someone who cannot otherwise enjoy the attractions. Lots of people struggle daily including many others with autistic children who wouldn't think of allowing abuse of a GAC by a child in their family who has no need. Since they've made the decision to take one child by themselves to Disney for a special visit ( and this is the way I would put it..."your special time with Mom/Dad"...not "getting away from your autistic brother" since this is done by many families with siblings) then focus on that child's abilities and strengths, enjoy the time together to get to know that child better since perhaps he takes a back seat to his brother at home. Just have a vacation like people have who don't have a disabled family member. Wasn't this what it was all about? Good luck with your friend!---Kathy

Very well said.

 

[dzorn]

It sound like you friend needs to see a therapist. You over reacted but for a very good reason. I would be fuming also. I would never have youngest DD try to act disabled to get a GAC. It's hard enough trying to explain my need for DD who is autistic. Unless she is in process of a meltdown or something spooks her you would probably never guess she is autistic in the little time we are at guest services. When people fake it it makes it that much harder for the rest.

Denise in MI

 

[SueM in MN]

Very well said.

 

[I Love Pluto]

If she doesn't want to the disbled child because of his disability, I can understand and it, but when she wants to use his disability for HER convience, it is appalling to me.

I agree!

 

[Ms_Butterfly]

Nobody deserves a GAC. It isn't a privilege. However, some disabled people need a GAC because it allows them to go to Disney World and go on the rides, which they would not be able to do without the GAC.

 

[Ms_Butterfly]

all the time with everyone feeling like they're entitled to every little thing another person got whether they need it or not. Our TV media fosters it ( can you say...Extreme Home Makeover where a "deserving" family gets an obscene home when people all around are losing theirs, often through no fault of their own).

I entirely disagree; "Extreme Makeover: Home Edition" has nothing to do with entitlement. Quite the opposite, in fact. It is about a bunch of people giving back to their communities. The families who get the homes are most certainly NOT entitled nor do they ever feel that way - most are givers and never take anything for themselves. They many times have a hard time accepting such a gift. Their homes are in poor shape - leaking roofs, deadly mold, toilets that don't work, showers that have to be turned on using a wrench, walls falling apart, burned-down homes, flooded homes, Hurricane Katrina homes, etc. Through no fault of their own.

Many times somebody in the family has a medical condition - sometimes, like this coming Sunday's episode, that family member can't even live at home because their home is not accessible or healthy for them. One family's home even killed the husband/father because of the mold in the house - he died on Christmas or something like that, leaving his wife and young children behind.

These people usually are amazing volunteers in their communities, like the family from the other week who purposely moved into the most dangerous city in their state so they could change the lives of the people who lived there (and their work is working - crime rates decreased a huge percentage!).

The families are picked very carefully and have very inspiring stories of coming back from injuries or health problems, dealing with disabilities or deaths, helping others while they have nothing themselves, etc.

The show does a world of good for people who do need and deserve it.

It isn't something you can compare with ppl losing their houses due to their inability to pay, whether it is their fault or not.

 

[3DisneyNUTS]

I agree Ms Butterfly. I actually love Extreme Makeover. I think it is definitely inspiring to see people helping people. The people they usually pick are in really dire situations, getting help when they have such horrible things that have happened to them. I think a little more reaching out to those that need help in real life is a lesson that can be learned from the show.