Here is a what would you do question. FINAL UPDATE page 2

[wenrob]

I've been the parent put into this position. My DD's best friend's family asked to take her to CA with them, just pay for her ticket to Magic Mountain or whatever it was (it's been many years can't remember exactly anymore.) Things were kind of up in the air because they weren't sure exactly when they were going and we had our vacation coming up. They finally made their dates and suddenly DD needed money for everything, food, gas, hotel, souvenirs and an additional ticket for another park. At the time it was a stretch to buy one ticket plus some cash for her to take. Suddenly it was like I had to pay for a second vacation. She ended up not going, I just didn't have it and to be honest I was highly upset that the initial offer was changed just weeks before the trip was supposed to happen. IMO if you make the offer to take a kid with you, you pay. FTR I took that same kid to Disneyland as a gift for my DD's 16th birthday. I paid for everything, just like she was one of my kids, right down to her Ears and T-shirt.

eta: we posted at the same time. Glad you're willing to pay for the plane ticket.

 

[Hikergirl]

Ok just spoke with friend's mom. I offered to pay his airfare BUT she still wants to think about it a bit longer. She said she has to decide on whether she wants him to go with us for his first trip TO DISNEY or them. They have two younger kids in 6th and 3rd and she thinks it might be hard to let their oldest go without the younger two having never been. This was something I had in the back of my mind months ago when she said they needed to talk more about it. She said that's just a BIG vacation. I think she might feel guilty that other two are left out. SOOOOOO....now I wait.

I think offering to pay his airfare was the right thing to do. I would just let her know that you need an answer by a specific date so that you can get tickets before the price starts to go up.
I understand her hesitation but her indecision shouldn't hurt you budget.

 

[mom2rtk]

Ok just spoke with friend's mom. I offered to pay his airfare BUT she still wants to think about it a bit longer. She said she has to decide on whether she wants him to go with us for his first trip TO DISNEY or them. They have two younger kids in 6th and 3rd and she thinks it might be hard to let their oldest go without the younger two having never been. This was something I had in the back of my mind months ago when she said they needed to talk more about it. She said that's just a BIG vacation. I think she might feel guilty that other two are left out. SOOOOOO....now I wait.

That's really unfortunate. I can see that if the kids were younger, but it doesn't seem like she has something planned for the family to go. And at this age, opportunities for a full family trip get harder and harder to find. It would be really rotten of her to deny him this opportunity if she didn't ante up and put something together for their family to go now.

 

[Pink Partridge]

Ok just spoke with friend's mom. I offered to pay his airfare BUT she still wants to think about it a bit longer. She said she has to decide on whether she wants him to go with us for his first trip TO DISNEY or them. They have two younger kids in 6th and 3rd and she thinks it might be hard to let their oldest go without the younger two having never been. This was something I had in the back of my mind months ago when she said they needed to talk more about it. She said that's just a BIG vacation. I think she might feel guilty that other two are left out. SOOOOOO....now I wait.

I wouldn't wait too long. She has had an awful long time to think about this. Yes or no, Lady I mean her son is going to be a Senior in high school when this happens. Tell the younger siblings sometimes you don't always get what your big brother gets.

 

[aprilgail]

I would have never asked the invited guest for any money to begin with- I have always done the "you invite you pay" thing. We have brought plenty of my daughters friends to Florida over the years and have always paid- she has gone on trips with people and though I offer no one ever accepts any money for a trip they invited someone on.
My daughter is also going to Disney for graduation but its just her and 2 friends so they are all paying for themselves- 2 will only be 17 but one will be 18 so she will be able to check them into the hotel.

 

[Julie's Haircut]

Absolutely. I have never understood bringing someone "for my child" and then not paying the freight. If I could not afford it there would be no discussion.

I have never understood bringing someone "for my child" period. Whether or not the someone pays all, some, or none of the expenses. A day trip, sure, possibly a weekend. But a week's vacation? Not a chance.

I DO understand the mother's hesitation and her reasoning.

 

[edk35]

We did these trips with other close fri

I have never understood bringing someone "for my child" period. Whether or not the someone pays all, some, or none of the expenses. A day trip, sure, possibly a weekend. But a week's vacation? Not a chance.

I DO understand the mother's hesitation and her reasoning.

We have done this many times with our older kids. It was when they were srs. Or in college. We have taken friends, girlfriends and boyfriends. We have gotten military discounted park tickets for them. The parents always offered to pay for airfare and park tickets. We have paid for extra rooms or given points for extra studio. We have done it many ways. Those trips were well planned this trip not so much.

 

[Minnesota!]

No question...I would pay for his ticket. When we have brought guests, we pay for everything except their spending and eating. Airfare, hotel, tickets are all on me. Those are the things that are "needed" to be there. The eating and spending, however, is at their discretion.

 

[edk35]

So it sounds to me like the only reasons things were not "firm" were scheduleing issues (more with you than the friend but on both sides), which to me means the offer was "if schedules work then here is what we'll do" and that was the friend'S family paying for his ticket and you getting the rest.
I agree with the many posters who think it is unfair for you to change the terms and want more financial commitment from the other family this close to the date. If it were me, I'd buy the friend's ticket. or ,cancel/reschedule the trip all together since the schedule with your husband being able to go did not work out (but, if it were me, most likely the former for my son'S graduation)

It was both sides as far as scheduling. We needed to wait on some things and them too.

 

[wenrob]

No question...I would pay for his ticket. When we have brought guests, we pay for everything except their spending and eating. Airfare, hotel, tickets are all on me. Those are the things that are "needed" to be there. The eating and spending, however, is at their discretion.

Do you mean other than regular meals? Or like the check comes for dinner and you have them pay for their own? If it's the latter, that just seems an odd thing to have a kid pay for. They need to eat.

 

[edk35]

We pay for all meals whether they dine with us or are their own. We let them charge to the room for meals on their own and snacks/drinks.

 

[ZephyrHawk]

LOL that will never happen. Too far! 900 miles.

Just sayin', they're high school grads. My then boyfriend and his buddy took a road trip to FL after graduation (a much longer drive) and managed to not kill themselves. Lots of other kids that age road trip across country.

 

[sk!mom]

Ok just spoke with friend's mom. I offered to pay his airfare BUT she still wants to think about it a bit longer. She said she has to decide on whether she wants him to go with us for his first trip TO DISNEY or them. They have two younger kids in 6th and 3rd and she thinks it might be hard to let their oldest go without the younger two having never been. This was something I had in the back of my mind months ago when she said they needed to talk more about it. She said that's just a BIG vacation. I think she might feel guilty that other two are left out. SOOOOOO....now I wait.

It's sad to me that his mom might deny him the opportunity to travel some place that they haven't taken him in all the previous years because "it would be his first time." Hey mom, it doesn't appear that you are going to take him! Also sad to me that he might be denied the opportunity because of much younger siblings. Mom realizes that he's off to college in a year, right?

Unless, of course, they have travel plans in the works.

Honestly her excuses are so lame, I now think that she doesn't really want him to go. Did you at least give her a deadline so that you can buy your air fare?

 

[Hikergirl]

Just sayin', they're high school grads. My then boyfriend and his buddy took a road trip to FL after graduation (a much longer drive) and managed to not kill themselves. Lots of other kids that age road trip across country.

Its not always a question of age, its also about driving experience. My dd didn't get her license until 3 months before she graduated HS. No way would I be comfortable with her driving to FL after graduation.

 

[bellebud]

I feel like the mom doesn't want him to go and she's hesitating telling you that.

How important is it to your son that he have a trip with his friend? Ask your son if he'd rather go to Disney without the friend, or somewhere else with the friend? (and would you even consider that?) You could drive to Myrtle Beach (just an idea) for a week.

My daughter has gone both ways. There have been trips where she didn't really care where we went, she just wanted to vacation with her friend. Then there have been times where she was like "I must go to Disney, with or without friend".

And back to the original issue, I'd pay the airfare.

 

[edk35]

I feel like the mom doesn't want him to go and she's hesitating telling you that.

How important is it to your son that he have a trip with his friend? Ask your son if he'd rather go to Disney without the friend, or somewhere else with the friend? (and would you even consider that?) You could drive to Myrtle Beach (just an idea) for a week.

My daughter has gone both ways. There have been trips where she didn't really care where we went, she just wanted to vacation with her friend. Then there have been times where she was like "I must go to Disney, with or without friend".

And back to the original issue, I'd pay the airfare.

He said he wants to go regardless. I offered up something closer too.

 

[edk35]

It's sad to me that his mom might deny him the opportunity to travel some place that they haven't taken him in all the previous years because "it would be his first time." Hey mom, it doesn't appear that you are going to take him! Also sad to me that he might be denied the opportunity because of much younger siblings. Mom realizes that he's off to college in a year, right?

Unless, of course, they have travel plans in the works.

Honestly her excuses are so lame, I now think that she doesn't really want him to go. Did you at least give her a deadline so that you can buy your air fare?

Yes I did.

 

[bellebud]

so now you just have to wait. what's the deadline you gave her?

 

[mi*vida*loca]

I have never understood bringing someone "for my child" period. Whether or not the someone pays all, some, or none of the expenses. A day trip, sure, possibly a weekend. But a week's vacation? Not a chance.

I DO understand the mother's hesitation and her reasoning.

This is how I feel also. You can vacation with your friends when you are older and you all pay your own way. Same thing with boyfriend and girlfriends.

 

[Minnesota!]

Do you mean other than regular meals? Or like the check comes for dinner and you have them pay for their own? If it's the latter, that just seems an odd thing to have a kid pay for. They need to eat.

Sorry, I meant like if they are looking to grab a snack, etc. We do breakfast in the room, usually, then CS lunch, sit down dinner. I paid for the sit downs (where everyone is on one ticket), and then they took care of anything counter service, or snacks. It worked well, especially since we split up a lot, etc. They had their own funds to do what they wanted