HelpDealing with Schizophrenic

[connorlevismom]

Long story kind of short, I have a neighbor who is accusing the people in our neighborhood of doing all sorts of crazy things, that are not happening. She has told me that she has been diagnosed with schizophrenia, but wont take her medication because they don't help, these things are actually happening to her.

A few things she has accused people of are sitting at their tables watching her for 9 hours a day, projecting lights into her home with pictures of pigs and dogs, having pictures of pigs and dogs in their windows, wearing pig and dog masks on their heads, following her around, running at her in parking lots.....that kind of stuff.

This week I have received 6 emails or texts from her accusing me of having pig and dog lights on my car lights and on my house lights. She told me her investigators have told her I am tormenting her and I have no idea if she really has investigators following us around or if they are made up. She has cameras all over her house and will put up signs in her windows that say, I know what your doing.

She has threatened to go to Dr. Phil and wouldn't you know it, about a month or so ago some of us got a call from the Dr. Phil show asking us to come on. It really was the show too, I goggled the phone number of the person I talked to and it was the shows. Apparently the show was postponed because this neighbor said she has so much evidence to go through that she needs more time.

On one hand, I really feel bad for her and her kids. On the other hand, I worry about what she might do and worry about my kids and the other families in the neighborhood.

I know statistically they are not violent people, but it does scare me a little. The cops have been called several times and they just tell us there is nothing they can do because she really has not done anything. I feel she is harassing us and would just block her, but I kind of feel like it is good to know when she is going through a phase so I can be more vigilant about watching what is going on around me.

Does anyone have any experience with this kind of thing? So far I have just ignored her and not responded. But this have been going on for almost 2 years now. Her husband is not much help because I don't think he knows what to do either.

 

[mamacatnv]

My mother was schizophrenic and went undiagnosed until she was in her mid 60's. Like most, she refused all meds. One of the very difficult hurdles of mental illness is the person afflicted does not see anything wrong with themselves or their behavior, everyone else is the problem. There is no reasoning, none. Frustrating does not even begin to describe what it is like to deal with an unmedicated schizophrenic.
I feel so bad for her husband and kids. I grew up in that kind of environment, my father eventually divorced her when I was in my teens and she was becoming violent. The emotional/physical damage she inflicted on all of us has taken years of therapy to sort out. Her hubby needs to plug himself and the kids into some help, sooner rather than later. NAMI, the National Assoc. for the Mentally Ill was a great resource for me.

The paranoia is typical of the disease. If I were you, I would just block her from your phone/email and not give any credence to her threats but as a concerned neighbor I would keep my eyes open and my radar going because her kids are the ones who will suffer the most and need someone who is paying a bit of attention should Mom go completely off the deep end.

 

[connorlevismom]

My mother was schizophrenic and went undiagnosed until she was in her mid 60's. Like most, she refused all meds. One of the very difficult hurdles of mental illness is the person afflicted does not see anything wrong with themselves or their behavior, everyone else is the problem. There is no reasoning, none. Frustrating does not even begin to describe what it is like to deal with an unmedicated schizophrenic.
I feel so bad for her husband and kids. I grew up in that kind of environment, my father eventually divorced her when I was in my teens and she was becoming violent. The emotional/physical damage she inflicted on all of us has taken years of therapy to sort out. Her hubby needs to plug himself and the kids into some help, sooner rather than later. NAMI, the National Assoc. for the Mentally Ill was a great resource for me.

The paranoia is typical of the disease. If I were you, I would just block her from your phone/email and not give any credence to her threats but as a concerned neighbor I would keep my eyes open and my radar going because her kids are the ones who will suffer the most and need someone who is paying a bit of attention should Mom go completely off the deep end.

I really do worry about this too. I told my husband that sometimes I feel like she would be that parent who would kill their whole family because they would be better off than having to live with all these horrible neighbors that are tormenting her and her family. That is kind of why I keep her unblocked, so I can keep an extra eye with might be going on over there when I know she is really amped up. We live about 5 houses away so it is hard to be able to really see what is going on over there at all times. So at least when I start getting texts and emails I know to keep a closer eye on things. I don't see her husband ever getting help for him and the kids, he is very hands off about all of it and pretty much threw his hands up and said "there is nothing I can do" when another neighbor tried to talk to him.

 

[mamacatnv]

I really do worry about this too. I told my husband that sometimes I feel like she would be that parent who would kill their whole family because they would be better off than having to live with all these horrible neighbors that are tormenting her and her family. That is kind of why I keep her unblocked, so I can keep an extra eye with might be going on over there when I know she is really amped up. We live about 5 houses away so it is hard to be able to really see what is going on over there at all times. So at least when I start getting texts and emails I know to keep a closer eye on things. I don't see her husband ever getting help for him and the kids, he is very hands off about all of it and pretty much threw his hands up and said "there is nothing I can do" when another neighbor tried to talk to him.

My Dad put his head in the sand as well. The result was he hid and in essence sacrificed the children to Mothers lunacy. How old are your neighbors kids?
I am not a nosey neighbor but this hits a cord with me. I'd contact NAMI in your area and see if there is anyone there who might be willing to intervene with the hubby for the sake of the kids.

 

[connorlevismom]

My Dad put his head in the sand as well. The result was he hid and in essence sacrificed the children to Mothers lunacy. How old are your neighbors kids?
I am not a nosey neighbor but this hits a cord with me. I'd contact NAMI in your area and see if there is anyone there who might be willing to intervene with the hubby for the sake of the kids.

The kids are a senior in high school, a sophomore and a 6th grader. I will definitely look into NAMI - I had no idea there was a place to go for help that might do something regardless if her husband wont. I am so sorry that you had to grow up in this kind of environment. It must have been so hard and as a kid, you really can't escape it.

 

[Liberty Belle]

I hate Schizophrenia. I, fortunately, do not have any friends or family members with it, but I have dealt with people with schizophrenia at work (clients, not coworkers). When dealing with her you should be very calm, but firm ("Mary, remember you told me you were diagnosed with schizophrenia? It must be your illness causing you to see these things and have these thoughts, because I promise you I have not put pigs or dogs on my lights." Repeat or walk away). Try to ignore what you can.

If you truly think she is harming her children (if you witness her acting super irrationally with them or yelling at them or, of course, any kind of other abuse), please call CPS. If they find she is harming them, they could order her to get help.

 

[connorlevismom]

I hate Schizophrenia. I, fortunately, do not have any friends or family members with it, but I have dealt with people with schizophrenia at work (clients, not coworkers). When dealing with her you should be very calm, but firm ("Mary, remember you told me you were diagnosed with schizophrenia? It must be your illness causing you to see these things and have these thoughts, because I promise you I have not put pigs or dogs on my lights." Repeat or walk away). Try to ignore what you can.

If you truly think she is harming her children (if you witness her acting super irrationally with them or yelling at them or, of course, any kind of other abuse), please call CPS. If they find she is harming them, they could order her to get help.

I would definitely call someone if I saw her doing something to her kids. I wonder if I could call and tell them about what is going on. Surely they would see physical harm the same way as mental harm?

 

[Liberty Belle]

I would definitely call someone if I saw her doing something to her kids. I wonder if I could call and tell them about what is going on. Surely they would see physical harm the same way as mental harm?

Yes, absolutely. If you feel it's harming her kids, you should call. It really could be a relief for the dad, as well, in the long run. And often they do not remove the children, just order therapy/parenting, etc.

 

[connorlevismom]

Yes, absolutely. If you feel it's harming her kids, you should call. It really could be a relief for the dad, as well, in the long run. And often they do not remove the children, just order therapy/parenting, etc.

Anything is better than nothing! She does need ordered therapy and needs to take her medication too.

 

[MrsDuck]

The paranoia is typical of the disease. If I were you, I would just block her from your phone/email and not give any credence to her threats but as a concerned neighbor I would keep my eyes open and my radar going because her kids are the ones who will suffer the most and need someone who is paying a bit of attention should Mom go completely off the deep end.

This is great advice.

 

[mamacatnv]

Anything is better than nothing! She does need ordered therapy and needs to take her medication too.

It is almost impossible to mandate that someone take meds and receive treatment. Its the frustrating cycle of mental illness. A person has the "right" to be un-medicated, a person has the right to be "crazy". It is soooooooo frustrating for a family to try and deal with.

 

[NotUrsula]

All you folks who are recommending CPS intervention have your hearts in the right place, but probably don't know a whole lot about paranoid schizophrenia. My mother was a paranoid schizophrenic, and my father was the only one who could keep her on an even keel and on her meds ... he died when I was 12. After that life got very interesting, because she immediately ditched the meds and therapy for good and all.

IME, CPS won't touch a schizophrenic unless they have evidence of physical violence toward the children, but that aside, I guarantee you that if someone from CPS shows up at that woman's house, they will find nothing but normal and rational behavior (and perhaps a bit of aluminum foil on the windows, but there's no law against bad decor.) Schizophrenics have a very fine-tuned sense of when they are being threatened by someone with real power, and they will hide their delusions very well when that social worker shows up. Emails are no evidence of anything but being a nuisance; we've all met trolls who will say anything to get a rise out of people. However regretful we may find it, being mentally ill isn't a crime, and it won't be treated as if it is unless violence against persons is documented. (Violence against THINGS doesn't matter unless it extends to full-on arson. My mother's major delusion was that there were microphones hidden in our home. On a few occasions she took hatchets to walls or furniture in an effort to find them.)

FWIW, my mother would hit on occasion as she got older, but only if she felt physically cornered, and we had learned at very early ages not to get into her space or challenge her illusions directly. The key to coexisting with a schizophrenic when you are a kid is to let them believe what they want to and work around it, while at the same time firmly reminding yourself that none of it is really real except in Mom's mind, where it is totally real. All children of schizophrenics learn how to do this; it's a coping mechanism. Yes, there may be some odd house rules, but lots of families have odd house rules, again, it's not prima facie evidence of abuse. The woman in question has older children who would be very hard to overpower physically, so there is probably very little reason for concern that some kind of murder-suicide scenario is likely.

Be nice to her kids if you know them, and subtly show them that you are concerned for their mother, but don't threaten her in any way -- from a kid's POV, even a bad parent is a parent, and they don't want to lose one.

 

[willowsnn3]

My brother was a paranoid schizophrenic.
We had some scary times for awhile before he began treatment. I literally became scared of him. My parents were having a septic tank put in our backyard and he called the police and told them we were burying people there. That was just before the "voices" told him to stuff newspaper under the sofa and set it on fire. He had a stay in a mental hospital after that and was able to eventually live in a halfway house and hold down a job for short periods of time before the paranoia set back in. Possibly from not taking his meds. He rarely showed any emotions. This was many, many years ago so I'm sure there is a lot better treatment options now.

 

[gwynne]

My brother was a paranoid schizophrenic.
We had some scary times for awhile before he began treatment. I literally became scared of him. My parents were having a septic tank put in our backyard and he called the police and told them we were burying people there. That was just before the "voices" told him to stuff newspaper under the sofa and set it on fire. He had a stay in a mental hospital after that and was able to eventually live in a halfway house and hold down a job for short periods of time before the paranoia set back in. Possibly from not taking his meds. He rarely showed any emotions. This was many, many years ago so I'm sure there is a lot better treatment options now.

Not really. They "don't like" taking medications still. It's sad for them, it's tragic for family members, especially children.

 

[mamacatnv]

All you folks who are recommending CPS intervention have your hearts in the right place, but probably don't know a whole lot about paranoid schizophrenia. My mother was a paranoid schizophrenic, and my father was the only one who could keep her on an even keel and on her meds ... he died when I was 12. After that life got very interesting, because she immediately ditched the meds and therapy for good and all.

IME, CPS won't touch a schizophrenic unless they have evidence of physical violence toward the children, but that aside, I guarantee you that if someone from CPS shows up at that woman's house, they will find nothing but normal and rational behavior (and perhaps a bit of aluminum foil on the windows, but there's no law against bad decor.) Schizophrenics have a very fine-tuned sense of when they are being threatened by someone with real power, and they will hide their delusions very well when that social worker shows up. Emails are no evidence of anything but being a nuisance; we've all met trolls who will say anything to get a rise out of people. However regretful we may find it, being mentally ill isn't a crime, and it won't be treated as if it is unless violence against persons is documented. (Violence against THINGS doesn't matter unless it extends to full-on arson. My mother's major delusion was that there were microphones hidden in our home. On a few occasions she took hatchets to walls or furniture in an effort to find them.)

FWIW, my mother would hit on occasion as she got older, but only if she felt physically cornered, and we had learned at very early ages not to get into her space or challenge her illusions directly. The key to coexisting with a schizophrenic when you are a kid is to let them believe what they want to and work around it, while at the same time firmly reminding yourself that none of it is really real except in Mom's mind, where it is totally real. All children of schizophrenics learn how to do this; it's a coping mechanism. Yes, there may be some odd house rules, but lots of families have odd house rules, again, it's not prima facie evidence of abuse. The woman in question has older children who would be very hard to overpower physically, so there is probably very little reason for concern that some kind of murder-suicide scenario is likely.

Be nice to her kids if you know them, and subtly show them that you are concerned for their mother, but don't threaten her in any way -- from a kid's POV, even a bad parent is a parent, and they don't want to lose one.

My Dad used to say the same thing but I used to hope and pray Mother would cease to exist, seriously. She was on an airplane once, I was about 12 and I remember hoping that her plane would crash, I was not a child who had the "having a parent is better than no parent" mentality.

My Brother and I prayed that my Dad would divorce Mother and get us out of the situation. Mother was completely irrational and learning to work around the lunacy does not always work.
At the age of 16, my mother cornered me in a bathroom, the end result, I ended up with 3 broken ribs, chunks of hair missing and the majority of my clothes ripped off. She was furious over some slight she envisioned that my father had done and took it out on me, the kid left at home by Dad to "take care of your Mother". My Dad was at work and my older brother was not at home, he had moved out and was living with a neighbor. My boyfriend at the time was on his way to my house. Due to Mothers paranoia, our house was like Fort Knox, my boyfriend could hear the ruckus but could not get into the house so he went and got one of our neighbors who had a key to the house and the husband came in and intervened, removing me from the situation. I never went home again. Of course all of this should have gone to CPS but my parents were in the middle of a divorce, Dad was fighting mother for custody and everything was being treated quietly and under all radar (looking back, this was all probably handled completely inappropriately but this was the very early 80's and as cliché as it sounds, things were different)

I agree that CPS is not the way to go and like you mentioned, Mother was very very good at flying under the radar when anyone was looking. People knew she was "odd" but no one really "knew" what she was like to live with. No one saw the episode with the butcher knife where she shredded my Dads side of the bed, or the time she cut ALL my clothes into pieces so I could not leave the house.

However, those kids need someone to keep an eye on them and it appears Dad is not listening. Of course none of us live in their home and have no idea what is really going on but if the police have been involved the husband is aware there are issues and still lives there with their 3 kids.

 

[Jaya]

Not really. They "don't like" taking medications still. It's sad for them, it's tragic for family members, especially children.

Or they DO take their medications for a while. Then, when they start doing better, they figure they don't need the medications any more and the cycle begins again. I've seen that happen.

 

[brockash]

I would definitely call someone if I saw her doing something to her kids. I wonder if I could call and tell them about what is going on. Surely they would see physical harm the same way as mental harm?

No, CPS does not under any circumstance see mental harm anywhere near the same as physical. It's very frustrating, but there's just no easy answer. Having said that, I would still call and at least make the report and start the paper trail.

 

[NotUrsula]

My Dad used to say the same thing but I used to hope and pray Mother would cease to exist, seriously. She was on an airplane once, I was about 12 and I remember hoping that her plane would crash, I was not a child who had the "having a parent is better than no parent" mentality.

My Brother and I prayed that my Dad would divorce Mother and get us out of the situation. Mother was completely irrational and learning to work around the lunacy does not always work.
At the age of 16, my mother cornered me in a bathroom, the end result, I ended up with 3 broken ribs, chunks of hair missing and the majority of my clothes ripped off. She was furious over some slight she envisioned that my father had done and took it out on me, the kid left at home by Dad to "take care of your Mother". My Dad was at work and my older brother was not at home, he had moved out and was living with a neighbor. My boyfriend at the time was on his way to my house. Due to Mothers paranoia, our house was like Fort Knox, my boyfriend could hear the ruckus but could not get into the house so he went and got one of our neighbors who had a key to the house and the husband came in and intervened, removing me from the situation. I never went home again. Of course all of this should have gone to CPS but my parents were in the middle of a divorce, Dad was fighting mother for custody and everything was being treated quietly and under all radar (looking back, this was all probably handled completely inappropriately but this was the very early 80's and as cliché as it sounds, things were different)

I agree that CPS is not the way to go and like you mentioned, Mother was very very good at flying under the radar when anyone was looking. People knew she was "odd" but no one really "knew" what she was like to live with. No one saw the episode with the butcher knife where she shredded my Dads side of the bed, or the time she cut ALL my clothes into pieces so I could not leave the house.

However, those kids need someone to keep an eye on them and it appears Dad is not listening. Of course none of us live in their home and have no idea what is really going on but if the police have been involved the husband is aware there are issues and still lives there with their 3 kids.

Like you, there were many times when I felt my mother would be better off dead (not only for me, but for her; I realized by my teens that it must have been equally terrifying to have to live inside her mind), but I never hoped for divorce; my parents were both devout Catholics, so there was no hoping for that. Mom was in and out of institutions when Dad was alive. My father took his marriage vows very seriously, even it it hadn't been against his religious beliefs, she was sick and he had promised in sickness and in health. He was a great father and knew Mom's limits, and taught we kids how to manage dealing with her. That was my situation, and obviously yours was different. In your case, she did get violent with you, and that is a crime, but the vast majority of these folks don't physically attack family, which I'm sure you know. (The other thing that makes me a tiny bit more sanguine about the situation the OP described is the age of the children; this lady is probably about 40 years old or older. Since schizophrenia has a typical onset in young adulthood, the odds are good that her condition has plateaued, and if she has not yet become violent at this point, she probably will not, at least until old age begins to complicate her condition, or if someone does something drastic that provokes her into survival mode.)

The OP wasn't completely clear, but it sounded to me like the police were called by neighbors who felt that they were being harassed, not because there were noticeable altercations happening in the home. The husband may well know that she has delusions, but if she isn't prone to violence, then he probably feels that he is doing the right thing. The odds are good that he has spoken with her psychiatrist about the situation.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Long story kind of short, I have a neighbor who is accusing the people in our neighborhood of doing all sorts of crazy things, that are not happening. She has told me that she has been diagnosed with schizophrenia, but wont take her medication because they don't help, these things are actually happening to her.

A few things she has accused people of are sitting at their tables watching her for 9 hours a day, projecting lights into her home with pictures of pigs and dogs, having pictures of pigs and dogs in their windows, wearing pig and dog masks on their heads, following her around, running at her in parking lots.....that kind of stuff.

This week I have received 6 emails or texts from her accusing me of having pig and dog lights on my car lights and on my house lights. She told me her investigators have told her I am tormenting her and I have no idea if she really has investigators following us around or if they are made up. She has cameras all over her house and will put up signs in her windows that say, I know what your doing.

She has threatened to go to Dr. Phil and wouldn't you know it, about a month or so ago some of us got a call from the Dr. Phil show asking us to come on. It really was the show too, I goggled the phone number of the person I talked to and it was the shows. Apparently the show was postponed because this neighbor said she has so much evidence to go through that she needs more time.

On one hand, I really feel bad for her and her kids. On the other hand, I worry about what she might do and worry about my kids and the other families in the neighborhood.

I know statistically they are not violent people, but it does scare me a little. The cops have been called several times and they just tell us there is nothing they can do because she really has not done anything. I feel she is harassing us and would just block her, but I kind of feel like it is good to know when she is going through a phase so I can be more vigilant about watching what is going on around me.

Does anyone have any experience with this kind of thing? So far I have just ignored her and not responded. But this have been going on for almost 2 years now. Her husband is not much help because I don't think he knows what to do either.

I will add my 2 cents as my MIL (now deceased) was paranoid schizophrenic as well as a cousin of mine.

Even though we eventually got MIL taking her meds, she was still never "right". Meds are not the be all end all of mental illness. They may help some or they may not.

My cousin who is in his 40's is very severe and he is living in a group home now.

The most interesting thing I can add is that we asked MIL about her psychotic periods in her life and she stated that she had time periods in her life that are "blacked out" and had no memory of those times.

I would go to the police every time, with any info. Keep the paper trail active.

The only way we could get MIL back on meds was when she was arrested for harassment and put in the psyche ward. We were able to get the doc to force her to stay for a month to help her. Then we threatened that she would never see her grandchildren unless she was medicated. A shot in the dark but it worked.

The previous arrests she had she was let out within 24hrs.

 

[connorlevismom]

Like you, there were many times when I felt my mother would be better off dead (not only for me, but for her; I realized by my teens that it must have been equally terrifying to have to live inside her mind), but I never hoped for divorce; my parents were both devout Catholics, so there was no hoping for that. Mom was in and out of institutions when Dad was alive. My father took his marriage vows very seriously, even it it hadn't been against his religious beliefs, she was sick and he had promised in sickness and in health. He was a great father and knew Mom's limits, and taught we kids how to manage dealing with her. That was my situation, and obviously yours was different. In your case, she did get violent with you, and that is a crime, but the vast majority of these folks don't physically attack family, which I'm sure you know. (The other thing that makes me a tiny bit more sanguine about the situation the OP described is the age of the children; this lady is probably about 40 years old or older. Since schizophrenia has a typical onset in young adulthood, the odds are good that her condition has plateaued, and if she has not yet become violent at this point, she probably will not, at least until old age begins to complicate her condition, or if someone does something drastic that provokes her into survival mode.)

The OP wasn't completely clear, but it sounded to me like the police were called by neighbors who felt that they were being harassed, not because there were noticeable altercations happening in the home. The husband may well know that she has delusions, but if she isn't prone to violence, then he probably feels that he is doing the right thing. The odds are good that he has spoken with her psychiatrist about the situation.

Sorry about not being clear about that. The cops have been called by neighbors because of the harassment and also because she threatens to kill herself. One time she threatened to go onto one of the neighbors porch and blow her brains out. Her out of state family has also called because of threatened suicide. There have been calls that came from in the house (according to what my neighbor said) so she is either threatening suicide in there as well or something else is going on.