Help, what do you do when you're friends kids...

[dipastor]

message

 

[sam_gordon]

Hi there. Number one... We LOVE Disney and anything having to do with Disney.

Okay, got that out of the way. I'm posting here because everyone on these boards has been so helpful with Disney stuff. Now, need advice on Friends.

I've known my close friends (not Disney people) for #1 for 46 years, #2 for 30 years. I had children later than them. I have dd6, ds8, ds10. They have 13 yo's (one has twins, the other has 13 yo, 9yo).

We are on different schedules. My kids wake up between 5:30 and 6 everyday. Their kids sleep past 11. Today we were supposed to get together. My family had already been up for hours. We didn't want to wake the other two families so we waited for their calls.. and waited and waited. friend #2 finally called at 11:00. She said her kids were still sleeping. She is always asking me to push my kids schedule but doesn't reciprocate. So at this point my family is going stir crazy...I'm having adult ADHD and want to get moving and friend #1 hasn't even called yet. I told my friend we were on different schedules and I would meet her for lunch some time. I had messaged both moms the night before on some fun outdoor places we could go.

My family then went on a 2 hour nature hike (wonderful time) and spent some time in a quaint town for late lunch/early dinner. They (friend #1 and #2) were probably going to eventually get to an indoor trampoline place (which was an hour away from us).

What would you do? Suck it up, push your kids and get out of the house on a beautiful Monday Memorial Day to go 1 hour to an inside trampoline place or choose the great outdoors?? Would you try to save the day with your family by getting out or wait and wait and wait until the other families get their acts together?

I'm at wits end because these two friends have kids the same age(13 yo's) and never want to try anything new. We have some wonderful outdoor places near our home town including Longwood Gardens, Tyler Arboretum, Grounds for Sculpture, etc.. My one friend said... My kids don't hike. Really? Even my 6yo does it. They climb rock hills at Hawk Mountain in PA. They love it.

Okay, advice, feedback?
Thanks.
d.

Every family is different. I don't understand what you're confused about. Maybe their kids don't like being outdoors?

Now, I would not keep my kids cooped up while waiting for the friends to wake up. This is where you make a schedule ahead of time. If they don't want to participate, fine.

 

[worm761]

Hi there. Number one... We LOVE Disney and anything having to do with Disney.

Okay, got that out of the way. I'm posting here because everyone on these boards has been so helpful with Disney stuff. Now, need advice on Friends.

I've known my close friends (not Disney people) for #1 for 46 years, #2 for 30 years. I had children later than them. I have dd6, ds8, ds10. They have 13 yo's (one has twins, the other has 13 yo, 9yo).

We are on different schedules. My kids wake up between 5:30 and 6 everyday. Their kids sleep past 11. Today we were supposed to get together. My family had already been up for hours. We didn't want to wake the other two families so we waited for their calls.. and waited and waited. friend #2 finally called at 11:00. She said her kids were still sleeping. She is always asking me to push my kids schedule but doesn't reciprocate. So at this point my family is going stir crazy...I'm having adult ADHD and want to get moving and friend #1 hasn't even called yet. I told my friend we were on different schedules and I would meet her for lunch some time. I had messaged both moms the night before on some fun outdoor places we could go.

My family then went on a 2 hour nature hike (wonderful time) and spent some time in a quaint town for late lunch/early dinner. They (friend #1 and #2) were probably going to eventually get to an indoor trampoline place (which was an hour away from us).

What would you do? Suck it up, push your kids and get out of the house on a beautiful Monday Memorial Day to go 1 hour to an inside trampoline place or choose the great outdoors?? Would you try to save the day with your family by getting out or wait and wait and wait until the other families get their acts together?

I'm at wits end because these two friends have kids the same age(13 yo's) and never want to try anything new. We have some wonderful outdoor places near our home town including Longwood Gardens, Tyler Arboretum, Grounds for Sculpture, etc.. My one friend said... My kids don't hike. Really? Even my 6yo does it. They climb rock hills at Hawk Mountain in PA. They love it.

Okay, advice, feedback?
Thanks.
d.

I think you need to understand that their families are not like yours. There is nothing wrong with either way. You just choose your way. It doesn't make it better. If you want to do things with these two families then you will need to do things that they also want/like to do. Not everyone hikes. Not everyone enjoys nature.

 

[Bob NC]

If I were you, me and my kids would do what we want to do and if the other folks can join us, fine.

If they want to do something and you are available, do it, if you are not available, don't do it.

 

[ohiomom28]

We had a similar issue when we went on vacation with friends this year. While we were all awake around the same time, they don't get ready for the day and lounge around. By the time we are ready to go somewhere after breakfast, it's time for their child's morning nap. We started going to do our own things during the day and we did dinner at night. We spent a lot of time out doing things and the majority of their time was in the house.

Sent from my Galaxy S3 using DISBoards

 

[dipastor]

I forgot to add, I have gone out of my way to do what they want to do.... I only posted because they judge and lecture. I absolutely know every family is different.. no doubt about it. I guess I was asking... did I do anything unreasonable by going out on my own today?

I'm absolutely not mad that they wanted to do something different.. but they get mad at me for not pushing my kids
(have you ever seen a tired 6yo who's been up since 5 am having dinner at 8 at night? My girl is cranky)

 

[worm761]

I forgot to add, I have gone out of my way to do what they want to do.... I only posted because they judge and lecture. I absolutely know every family is different.. no doubt about it. I guess I was asking... did I do anything unreasonable by going out on my own today?

I'm absolutely not mad that they wanted to do something different.. but they get mad at me for not pushing my kids
(have you ever seen a tired 6yo who's been up since 5 am having dinner at 8 at night? My girl is cranky)

You did nothing wrong. If I were in your shoes, I would let nature take its course and back off from the friendships. While you have known them for a long time, it doesn't sound like you have too much in common anymore. I would not tolerate being lectured about the way I choose to live my life by "friends" who choose to live theirs differently. If this were a vacation for a week then I might feel differently but it seems like this is more of an every day life sort of situation.

And I do know how you feel. We take my 3 year old hiking and have since she could walk. I am not a sit at the house kind of person. I like to be out and doing. No relaxing at the beach for me!

 

[Poohforyou]

Op, I have a 13 yo. When she was the age of your kids she would have been up early and all for a hike. The muckier the better. Now at 13 her priority on a day off from school with no homework is to sleep and then lay around the house. She might be up for a trip to the mall or to hang out with friends but that's about it.

Honestly I think it would be very difficult to do a family activity given the range of ages you're dealing with. I'd find time to spend just with my friends and not try to force a family outing.

 

[MrsDuck]

Plain and simple: I'd do what I, my husband, and my kids wanted to do.

 

[dipastor]

You did nothing wrong. If I were in your shoes, I would let nature take its course and back off from the friendships. While you have known them for a long time, it doesn't sound like you have too much in common anymore. I would not tolerate being lectured about the way I choose to live my life by "friends" who choose to live theirs differently. If this were a vacation for a week then I might feel differently but it seems like this is more of an every day life sort of situation.

And I do know how you feel. We take my 3 year old hiking and have since she could walk. I am not a sit at the house kind of person. I like to be out and doing. No relaxing at the beach for me!

Thanks, I just needed some clarity.
Pooh, you're right too. If it wasn't for my friends lecturing me that we haven't seen each other's families in a while, I could just meet the girls for a dinner out or drive up to where they are for lunch. I am always going up their way even for mom's night out. I live in the city, they live in the suburbs.
thanks for your responses. I feel a little better (at least until the phone calls on Tuesday come in with angry friends).

 

[worm761]

I feel a little better (at least until the phone calls on Tuesday come in with angry friends).

Repeat after me: Thank you for your opinion but my family is happier this way. And why should you have to force your kids when they refuse to force theirs? Now I am all irritated on your behalf! LOL

There is no reason why you should be taking abuse from these people. If they want to do a family outing then maybe a backyard BBQ at your house would be the thing to plan. But you should not take flack for your family wanting to be active and theirs not.

I personally live in both worlds. DH and I are more on the go people. We have a 3 year old and a 17 year old. The 17 year old chooses to stay home most of the time. It is pretty normal for the age so we just go do what we want while occasionally forcing the 17 year old to come along.

 

[sam_gordon]

Repeat after me: Thank you for your opinion but my family is happier this way. And why should you have to force your kids when they refuse to force theirs? Now I am all irritated on your behalf! LOL

There is no reason why you should be taking abuse from these people. If they want to do a family outing then maybe a backyard BBQ at your house would be the thing to plan. But you should not take flack for your family wanting to be active and theirs not.

I personally live in both worlds. DH and I are more on the go people. We have a 3 year old and a 17 year old. The 17 year old chooses to stay home most of the time. It is pretty normal for the age so we just go do what we want while occasionally forcing the 17 year old to come along.

I don't think the bolded is a good idea. I'm ASSUMING the other families are "night" people and will stay up late. That's why they sleep in. It sounds like the OP's family is "morning" people and go to bed early. If a BBQ is at the OPs, the OP's family will be ready to clean up and go to bed when the other families are content to sit and talk.

 

[dakcp2001]

Both parties are at fault here. You need to ave a solid plan. We will be going to xyz at this specific time. If everyone isn't there we move on without you. One family can't be expected to make all the sacrifice. It is a 2 way street. Both parties need to compromise. Just go on without them. In the future have a solid plan of what time you will get get her and if they don't stick to it move on. Sounds like you are better off on your own.

 

[Aliceacc]

The kids aren't friends, it's the adults who are.

I would suggest that everyone get sitters, and the adults get together for a nice dinner out.

 

[SLP958]

Maybe you should just accept that your families are at different stages and may not enjoy the same things.

That being said, you could plan some adult only outings if you still want to get together with these friends.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Let it go one ear and out the other.

In the future don't plan things in the morning with them unless it is a movie, event, etc. that has a specific start time.

I would tell you to plan things for later in the day if you want to "get together" with the afternoon-evening gang.

 

[Wishing on a star]

OP, it is not about either family having to change ( or 'push' as you called it ) schedules.

Simply understand that families are different (although I am just iike you, and can not even imagine wasting away the day, sleeping until noon, and not even being able to make any halfway firm commitment..... BTDT with one family)

What you will really have to do is insist on a plan.
But, it has to be one that meets THEIR schedule, as well as yours.
It will just have to be afternoon or evening plans.
Since you often head out for the day well before they are even out of bed.. just remind them that it would be a good idea of you could make plans the day before. Winging it just might not work. Those "maybe we can get together.... maybe I'll call..." types of situations will need to be avoided.

Just let her know, "Let's make a plan now, because by the time you call tomorrow, we may be miles from home...."
Lather, Rinse, Repeat.

If she truly is expecting you to be sitting there, literally, at her beck and call..
That is RUDE.
Not sure that is a friendship that I would work very hard to maintain.

While you may not like, or understand, their life-style.
You simply can not expect them to even try to be up early because that is what works for you, and meets your preferences.

There has to be a middle ground.

 

[Hrhpd]

Hi there. Number one... We LOVE Disney and anything having to do with Disney.

Okay, got that out of the way. I'm posting here because everyone on these boards has been so helpful with Disney stuff. Now, need advice on Friends.

I've known my close friends (not Disney people) for #1 for 46 years, #2 for 30 years. I had children later than them. I have dd6, ds8, ds10. They have 13 yo's (one has twins, the other has 13 yo, 9yo).

We are on different schedules. My kids wake up between 5:30 and 6 everyday. Their kids sleep past 11. Today we were supposed to get together. My family had already been up for hours. We didn't want to wake the other two families so we waited for their calls.. and waited and waited. friend #2 finally called at 11:00. She said her kids were still sleeping. She is always asking me to push my kids schedule but doesn't reciprocate. So at this point my family is going stir crazy...I'm having adult ADHD and want to get moving and friend #1 hasn't even called yet. I told my friend we were on different schedules and I would meet her for lunch some time. I had messaged both moms the night before on some fun outdoor places we could go.

My family then went on a 2 hour nature hike (wonderful time) and spent some time in a quaint town for late lunch/early dinner. They (friend #1 and #2) were probably going to eventually get to an indoor trampoline place (which was an hour away from us).

What would you do? Suck it up, push your kids and get out of the house on a beautiful Monday Memorial Day to go 1 hour to an inside trampoline place or choose the great outdoors?? Would you try to save the day with your family by getting out or wait and wait and wait until the other families get their acts together?

I'm at wits end because these two friends have kids the same age(13 yo's) and never want to try anything new. We have some wonderful outdoor places near our home town including Longwood Gardens, Tyler Arboretum, Grounds for Sculpture, etc.. My one friend said... My kids don't hike. Really? Even my 6yo does it. They climb rock hills at Hawk Mountain in PA. They love it.

Okay, advice, feedback?
Thanks.

Everybody has different likes and dislikes. Just because your family loves hiking, does not make it wrong that the other families do not. Just like you do not care for indoor activities, it doesn't make you wrong, just that your families have different priorities.

You have done what you can by inviting them. I would just keep doing what is right for your family without judging the other families.

Perhaps once of twice during the summer, do something on their schedule if you want to see them. You cannot control what they do, so don't expect reciprocation, you will only get frustrated and annoyed. You can only control your schedule.

I would just keep inviting them: ie, we are going hiking at 7am if you want to join us. If they say no, we are sleeping in, you can always do your hike in the morning and them meet up with them later in the afternoon. Or just do what is right for your family.

 

[minkydog]

Sounds like you need to make some friends who like the things you like and don't object to an early start. And no way would I be waiting around on them for hours! I'm sure they are nice people but you have to honor your family's needs.

 

[cari12]

Seeing that you know you are on a different schedule than them, I would only make plans with them in the afternoons as then you know they will be up, then if you choose you can do something fun in the morning with your family of early risers.
We went to Disneyland with a family of late sleepers (and we are not) and we still got to the park at opening and did a bunch of stuff and them met them at 11:30am for lunch at Ariel's Grotto. Then spent the afternoon together. It was a very fun day for all.