help too many kids not enough bedrooms!!

[SaraJayne]

Time to look for a bigger place.

They both should have their own rooms. And your boyfriend's custody agreement may specify they both need their own rooms when with him.

 

[NVDisMom]

I have a fourteen year old girl. No way would I make her share a room with her brother, if she had one. She needs her privacy and he needs his, even two days a week. My brother is two years younger than me. I can't imagine being put in that position.

It is definitely time for some creative remodeling or a move! Good luck.

I wanted to add that your own sanity and that of their father may also suffer if you do not give them their own spaces. The bickering that is likely to ensue in a shared space...

 

[disneyofcourse]

If moving wasn't an option due to cost, I would say the next best thing is to turn the dining room area into a bedroom with curtains as doorways. If done well it can turn out really nice. I'd head straight to Ikea and get a wardrobe and some curtain wire along with curtains. If the door way is large enough just use the wardrobe as a wall and then curtain off the back side and leave an opening to use as a door. So inside you have a closet and looking towards the room you just see curtains. (From your main living area)

 

[Aliceacc]

Could you finish off a section of a basement

Unless there's a separate exit from the basement, that won't be legal. In the event of a fire, you have to be able to exit from each bedroom.

 

[My5Mouseketeers]

When I was pregnant with our 5th child, we were trying to figure out how we were going to fit everyone into our 3 bedroom house. We talked about moving, putting on an addition and giving up our bedroom and us moving to the living room. I really think kids need there own space. Since you will only have the kids 2 nights a week,privacy wouldn't be that big of an issue for you. Could you give up your room for them? I know it's not a wonderful solution, but it's a solution

We ended up putting on 2 bedrooms and now we fit nicely. Good luck.

p.s. I would be afraid that the 16 year old would never want to come visit (unless forced) if she didn't have a place to hide.

 

[englishteacha]

OP, I think we need more information. You said you have one "Spare" bedroom. Do you have another room that can be converted? Can you make one of the bedrooms you have in your home into 2? Even if one of the kids has to share bedroom space with an office, it might be preferable to putting them together.

I have a friend with a 2 bedroom townhome and her kids are little (boy and girl). Her plan this summer, now they're a bit older (5 and 3), was to swap bedrooms with the kids. The master is much bigger and will give them more space, and she and her hubby don't need as much room. As it is, the kids' bureaus are in the master bedroom because they just don't fit in the kids' room. It's not an ideal situation, but it's what they can afford right now. They can't afford to move to a new place at the moment, and the living areas are plenty spacious for their family. In a couple years they'll have to move but for now it works. If your master is spacious, perhaps you can make that into a room for the kids and make a "Wall" with bookshelves or curtains to divide it into 2 spaces for them.

 

[aprilgail2]

Bunk beds or loft beds? 2 loft beds would give each their own sleeping area plus space underneath for a desk or small chest of drawers maybe.

Bunk beds for a 14 year old girl and brother????

I know when my sister was newly divorced and going to school she was getting some help (Section 8 housing assistance). Her kids were like 7 & 2 - boy & girl repectively. By law she had to get a place that had a seprate bedroom for the boy & girl - even at those ages. I wouldn't put your DBF's kids in the same room - too many issues with girls of that age and privacy.

I agree--I don't care if they are blood related or not siblings of opposite sexes should NOT be sharing a bedroom!

 

[LisaNJ25]

If moving to a big place right now is not in the cards I would go with bunk beds.

I have 3 kids in 1 bedroom... 2 girls and a boy. You do what you have to do.

 

[LisaNJ25]

OP, I think we need more information. You said you have one "Spare" bedroom. Do you have another room that can be converted? Can you make one of the bedrooms you have in your home into 2? Even if one of the kids has to share bedroom space with an office, it might be preferable to putting them together.

I have a friend with a 2 bedroom townhome and her kids are little (boy and girl). Her plan this summer, now they're a bit older (5 and 3), was to swap bedrooms with the kids. The master is much bigger and will give them more space, and she and her hubby don't need as much room. As it is, the kids' bureaus are in the master bedroom because they just don't fit in the kids' room. It's not an ideal situation, but it's what they can afford right now. They can't afford to move to a new place at the moment, and the living areas are plenty spacious for their family. In a couple years they'll have to move but for now it works. If your master is spacious, perhaps you can make that into a room for the kids and make a "Wall" with bookshelves or curtains to divide it into 2 spaces for them.

Dh and I were just talking about switching rooms with ours also. I also have one of their dressers in my room.

 

[luvmy3]

Bunk beds for a 14 year old girl and brother????



I agree--I don't care if they are blood related or not siblings of opposite sexes should NOT be sharing a bedroom!

So when you go away, do you get seperate hotels rooms for boys and girls? While I think its hard for a 14 year old girl to share a room with a younger brother, in general there is absolutely nothing wrong with siblibgs of the opposite sex sharing a room. If you think that is wrong, its because of whatever hang-ups you have.

 

[Zoemakes5]

I think the biggest question I have is what is their situation at Dad's currently? Do they share a room at Dad's? Do they have their own room?
If they have their own rooms, then I think it might be a better idea for you to move in with bf until you're both able to look for a new place to move into. If they're used to having to share a room at Dad's, then for the short term, it shouldn't be a big deal. Do what you can to create separate "space" for them. Having grown up with divorced parents I HATED not having a place that was "mine" at my dad's house, it was just the "extra room", even when I was there.
Either way, I'd put on either building on or moving high up on the "to do" list.
Best of luck!

 

[java]

Can you share a few more details about the apartment? Like how many rooms is it in total. Is there some other space that could work with a futon as a bedroom for the boy? As the mom of a 14 year old girl- they need their space and privacy. Are there other areas that could be used? Den Office? what's the layout?

 

[si-am]

I think this would be an issue with most custody arrangements. It doesn't seem especially fair to the kids, either, and they might even refuse to come over.

Time for a bigger place.

 

[NotUrsula]

I can't speak from experience with divorce situations, but kids this age tend to take things very personally and hold grudges very easily. Even if they like you now, would they still really like you if their Dad's moving in with you meant that they suddenly had to share a room?

I think that it makes sense to hold off moving in together until you can afford not to have to reduce the kids' standard of living to do so. You don't want to get off on the wrong foot on this one.

 

[disykat]

I agree with those that say there is nothing "wrong" with opposite sex sharing a room - if it is by necessity. I think, however, making kids share a room so that adults can have what they want is not a way to keep a good relationship.

My niece and nephew actually shared a room for about a year by choice when then were young teens. The house had a huge master bedroom and two very small bedrooms. The teens were both sharing rooms with a toddler and were both having issues with it. The parents offered to move into one of the smaller rooms, put the toddlers together in the other small room and give the teens the master. They chose that option, put up a huge divider, used the master bathroom and closet for dressing, and everyone was happy. The agreement was that it was temporary until the little ones were a little older.

IMO, while you're still the parental authority, having teens is all about letting them in on the decision making, giving them choices, and letting them know you respect and value their opinions.

 

[bellebud]

IMO, while you're still the parental authority, having teens is all about letting them in on the decision making, giving them choices, and letting them know you respect and value their opinions.

this... and ESPECIALLY in blended families. You want the kids to feel at home w/ you. And as others have asked, give us more info on the layout of your apt so we can be more helpful.

 

[Mkebound]

When I was in high school, I dated a girl who was the oldest. She had a younger brother and 2 younger sisters. All four kids shared the master bed room and the parents slept in the smaller room of a two bedroom house.

I shared a bed room with my sister UNTIL she was 13 and I was 10

My son-5 & daughter-7 now shares a room with each other.

So, to all the poster who think this is so odd, let me assure you it's quite normal. Siblings, even those of the opposite sex, sharing rooms was the norm until just a short time ago when the trend towards monster houses started.


Now, there has been some great advice, but let me add mine. At 10 & 14, I think you should ASK them what THEY think you should do. Lay out all the options on the table, let them know if it's realistic that you will be getting a bigger place. Let them know you are excited to have them and want them to feel welcome in THEIR house. Then see what they say. You might be surprised. They might offer to share the room, the boy might be happy to crash on the couch. Who knows, but at 14 & 10 you need to get their input.

 

[dfchelbay]

Sorry to throw this into the mix, and I know this wasn't the question you asked, but the Court is not going to look kindly on your boyfriend moving in with you. Courts frown on any parent co-habitating with the opposite sex without being married. It is grounds for losing custody of your children.

Make sure you (and your boyfriend especially) know this and have considered this consequence should you two move in together. If their mother wants to make a stink about it, she can and and probably will have the children taken from their father.

 

[JamesMom]

Sorry to throw this into the mix, and I know this wasn't the question you asked, but the Court is not going to look kindly on your boyfriend moving in with you. Courts frown on any parent co-habitating with the opposite sex without being married. It is grounds for losing custody of your children.

Make sure you (and your boyfriend especially) know this and have considered this consequence should you two move in together. If their mother wants to make a stink about it, she can and and probably will have the children taken from their father.

Might not be PC of me, but I for one agree with the courts. These kids have already had one family messed up by divorce and now they are 'playing' at being a family again? I wouldn't concieve of 'moving in together' if there were teenagers involved - what message is that sending - until we were married, not just engaged or in a 'committed relationship'. These kids need the permanence that marriage can offer before you uproot their home - again.
*Off soapbox*

 

[MSSANDRA]

Off the record, I agree with JamesMom but my thoughts do not count but the courts do.

I would be VERY sure the mom is ok with this and then still only consider it if you choose a plan where they each have their own bedrooms.

The courts will likely back her up if she stipulates that the children can not be in a home setting where there is a live in girlfriend.

I also would very much expect at least the DD to decide to no longer do sleep overs if she has to share a room with her 10 year old brother.


Off the record again. I also see no reason, young boy-girl siblings could not share a room and reality is many people do not live like most people on theses boards and there are families that live in places smaller than many of our master bedrooms