HELP! My child is scared to fly

[emilyd1974]

Well we surprised our almost 9 year old last night with the trip. It was a disaster! He was excited until he learned we are flying then burst into sobs because he's afraid. I'm sooooo disappointed! I've planned for months! I can not get him excited at all. We leave in two weeks! I bought a kids guide book to WDW - he hasn't even looked at it. Any ideas to help with the flying?

 

[momto3gr8boys]

I'm sorry the surprise didn't go as planned. Did he say why he is afraid to fly? Has he ever flown before? I would first try to get to the root of the fear and then go from there.

A quick google search will offer many suggestions on dealing with the fear once you can understand where he is coming from. The one thing I would do though is acknowledge the fear in a matter of fact way and then tell him you will help him through it. He will trust your advice much more that way.

Sent from my iPhone using DISBoards

 

[mbowk99]

So sorry OP. I have a 10 year old and an 8 year old so I get this. Kids at this age are just beginning to understand that death is permanent, and they start to fear a lot of things.

When my daughter is afraid we "practice" doing whatever it is she is afraid of. I would pack a little backpack with toys, set up my kitchen chairs in the living room, and play airplane. Practice boarding and sitting and narrate the while experience.

Good luck!

 

[Pea-n-Me]

I agree with trying to get to the root of the problem, but I also assume the OP has likely already done that.

I would start to learn some relaxation techniques with your son that you can do together to keep his anxiety in check as flight time gets closer. (I apologize for this having a cancer reference, but it was the best illustration I could find for kids.)http://kidshealth.org/parent/_cancer_center/feelings/relaxation.html#

Lastly, I would talk to your pediatrician about a prescription for a light anti-anxiety agent to use if all else fails, or, as an adjunct to your relaxation efforts, so he can make it to your destination and enjoy the trip without worrying much about the flight home. Explain to him it will help him feel relaxed and maybe tired; perhaps he might fall asleep on the plane, etc.

I don't like to fly, myself. What I've taught myself to do is to watch the flight attendants go about their daily activities, and think about how this is what they do every day for WORK - just like I go to my job, this is theirs. I once met a FA at a party and she told me she used to tell nervous flyers that she was there, her husband was flying the plane, and they had two children to get home to that night. That pretty much did it for me to help me understand that the vast majority of flights are very safe. People spend entire careers in the air.

Good luck. I hope it works out!

 

[mbowk99]

So sorry that this happened OP. I have been trying to post a reply, I hope it doesn't post a bunch of times.

I have a 10 year and an 8 year old. At this age kids are just now starting to really understand death. They get that it is permanent and start to have some real fears.

When one of my daughters is irrationally afraid of something we practice it over and over again. I would consider playing airplane. Set up your kitchen chairs in rows in your living room and bring a little carry on bag. Sit on the couch and board when you are called. Practice take-off and snacks and landing, narrating the whole thing.

I would do it every day until you leave. Sounds really silly, but it works for us!

Good luck and keep us posted!

 

[mbowk99]

Oops darn, I knew it would post twice, sorry!!

 

[seashoreCM]

Has he ever flown before without incidents? Did anything happen on that first flight that he did not like?

 

[ADisneyQueen]

When my dd was afraid to fly we did the same as the pp said-"played" airplane and also I drew some pictures of the sequence of events so she would know what was going to happen. She could go back to look at them. I had her in the pictures which for her worked better than the book about flying that we bought. Also maybe shop for some new activities to do on the plane and not let him have them until then.

 

[Surfinpiratee]

Does he have any friends or cousins around his age that like to fly? Maybe they could tell him about it and how cool and fun it is?

 

[ktlm]

Does he like to read? My DD(7) has always been very scared of take off and not crazy about flying. I find that if I get her reading a book when we get on the plane and through take off, that it helps a lot. If she is getting into the book, it takes her mind off the take off. Actually, I'm not crazy about take off myself, so I found that trick worked for myself long before I passed it on to her. I don't know how to ease his fears before the trip though. Do you know what sparked them? Has he flown before? Did you have a bad experience? Did he see something on the news? Somehow, you have to get across to him that flying is generally safe, and it is extremely rare that anything happens. I wonder if you can find any statistics on how many people travel by plane on any given day?

 

[bumbershoot]

OP I'm so sorry. My guy is 9 and it was just last year or so that I had the guts to tell him the basics of what happened in 2001, and that definitely heightened his awareness of stuff happening on an airplane. Not sure if that is a discussion you have had with him or if that's behind it, but it sure doesn't help.

What I've taught myself to do is to watch the flight attendants go about their daily activities, and think about how this is what they do every day for WORK - just like I go to my job, this is theirs.

When I get nervous I watch the FAs. Once on a puddle jumper across West Virginia and it was horrifyingly bumpy (darn mountains) and I was about to pass out when I realized I could see the co-pilot. There wasn't a door, but just a curtain to the cockpit, and the co-pilot was just doing his job, cool as a cucumber. This was normal and OK and not a bad sign or anything. Since then I watch the employees on the plane and try to take my cues from them.

Another thing that has helped tremendously is learning about what turbulence is. What causes it, what it means. I really cannot explain it well, but I bet it can be looked up. The FA likened turbulence in the air to waves on the sea; he knew we were going on a cruise during our trip and I wasn't nervous for that, and it really helped.

Actually, I'm not crazy about take off myself, so I found that trick worked for myself long before I passed it on to her.

I used to have rituals for flights, and one of them was to buy a new magazine and I would start to read it during takeoff and until we reached cruising altitude. Gave me something to do and think about.

 

[motherof2boys]

Awww so sorry to hear that. My Boys LOVE to fly so I'm not sure what to say to help. I do agree with trying to find out what the fear is first. After that I'd say distraction is probably best. If you can't fly Jet Blue with your own tv maybe bring a DVD player or let him watch a movie on your phone. Maybe come up with something new & exciting? A new game for a handheld video system, a new book or magazine. Maybe reading on a Kindle is new & exciting. I hate to say bribery but maybe a reward for concurring the fear of flying would help. Good Luck!!

 

[abinormal]

I worry I'm going to have to deal with this too. My three year old daughter has taken to announcing randomly that she doesn't want to go on an airplane. Having never done it, and with no idea we're planning a trip. I'm hoping it's far enough away that she kind of forgets about it.

 

[emilyd1974]

Thanks everybody for your advice! He has never flown before but he says his fear is of heights. We are going to sit him between us so he's not next to window. He idolizes my dad who flew for years every week so I'm going to have him talk to him.

 

[mm1971]

Thanks everybody for your advice! He has never flown before but he says his fear is of heights. We are going to sit him between us so he's not next to window. He idolizes my dad who flew for years every week so I'm going to have him talk to him.

My mom and DS are afraid of heights, but loves to planes and flying. My DS was 6 the first time we flew to WDW. He was nervous, but I sat with him and by the time we were ready to land, he wanted the window seat to look out and see all of the lakes, houses, roads, etc… Hopefully you will have the same thing happen. We were very positive about it the experience and provided a lot of activities for him to keep his mind off of it.

 

[crisi]

Thanks everybody for your advice! He has never flown before but he says his fear is of heights. We are going to sit him between us so he's not next to window. He idolizes my dad who flew for years every week so I'm going to have him talk to him.

You might want to prep him for some rides - expose him to Soarin' via the internet and let him think about it. My daughter still won't go on Tower of Terror, she is 14, and we don't make her. Heights kept her off of Splash Mountain until she was twelve (now she wonders why it took so long). My sister has one that they needed to schedule two trips so he'd ride things - his first trip he rode very little, had to think about a lot of things. The second trip he rode more stuff. He still won't ride everything (he is eight) Also, you should be thinking about how you want to manage if he doesn't want to ride something - some parents just let it go, others encourage, we went with friends who bribed, some pretty much force; some want to ride and so one parent stays back with the kid - others feel like if everyone won't ride, no one does.

The downside to surprises is that when a wrench gets thrown in like this you have less time to deal with it.

 

[VowRenewal13]

My grandson is 13 and does not like to fly. However, he has flown with us several times. He wants to sit on the aisle or middle seat only. When we take off or land, someone has to hold his hand and talk to him. After we are up in the air he is OK. On flights now you do not have to turn off your electronic devices, so your child could listen to music or play a game during the flight. Hope this helps you.

 

[Theaberdeenkid]

Well we surprised our almost 9 year old last night with the trip. It was a disaster! He was excited until he learned we are flying then burst into sobs because he's afraid. I'm sooooo disappointed! I've planned for months! I can not get him excited at all. We leave in two weeks! I bought a kids guide book to WDW - he hasn't even looked at it. Any ideas to help with the flying?

I can sympathize with him, I will not fly either. If i may, if it truly a fear of flying I doubt anything you will say will help him. Also he probably won't enjoy himself at the parks because he will know he will need to fly back and wont be thinking of anything else.

 

[ktlm]

Thanks everybody for your advice! He has never flown before but he says his fear is of heights. We are going to sit him between us so he's not next to window. He idolizes my dad who flew for years every week so I'm going to have him talk to him.

DD always says her fear of heights is why she is scared of flying too. Definitely sit him in the middle seat. She always wants the shade down too. Like I said before distractions with books or something else he is really interested hopefully will help too. DD is usually fine once the plane is up in the air and levels off, as long as she doesn't look out the window. She is sometimes clutching me so hard at take-off, I feel like she might break me! Just keep reminding him that at the other end of the plane rides he will be going somewhere really really fun! DD tolerates planes because she really wants to go to DL or WDW or the beach! Maybe you can show him you tube videos of things at WDW you know he would like. When DD knows that flying is required to get her to something she loves, she tolerates it. DD has never been scared at all of Soarin, Star Tours, or Mission Space at WDW- she loves them ---- but she doesn't like BTMRR or Splash or EE because she does not like feeling like she is high up and seeing the "real" world from that high. She is fine on Space Mountain where it is dark and she can't see how high she is. (See does seem to have a selective fear of heights though because she likes the non-moving cars on the Giant Ferris Wheel at California Adventure at DL ). Good luck! I hope he does well on the plane and you can calm his fears!

 

[marmalade]

I am not a fan of flying at all and am stressed about our flight in 2 weeks. One thing that I do is "lie" to myself that I am on a bus or a train and all the little bumps I feel are just bumps in the road. I don't know if this would work for a young child, but it works for me.

I also like PP mentioned I try to remember that the pilots and flight attendants all have families at home, and they fly multiple times a day as their job without any issue.