Help me!

[coolshannie]

I dont know what to do.. if i wasnt desperate i would not be posting this..
last year my parents were fighting constantly about stuff and it made me really upset like all the time but to the point where i felt i was closed in and i couldn't say or do anything... well things got better everything seemed fine until yesturday my mom was very happy when i had talked to her on her way home from work but then when she got home she got off the phone with my father and was very gloomy persay.. well today i asked her why are you so mad at Dad? she told me nothing but then went on to say that work is his life he chooses to do all of this extra stuff for work when he can just as easily send others out to do it for him because he does not have to do it and he is so eagotistic he is going to wake up some day and realize his kids are grown and he missed them go by.. now yes i admit sometimes he does work alot but not all the time.. But now she is doing the thing she did last time where she will talk all fake to him for a while and then be mad agaain later!!! SOON SHE IS GOING TO START GETTING MAD AT me and my brother just like she did last time because she was upset with my dad.. I CANT GO THROUGH THIS AGAIN I REALLY CANT.. i just dont know what to do i mean my parents are wonderful parents they really are.. we are usually 1 big happy family and i dont know if this is just a fight that will blow over or if it is going to blow out of proportion leaving me fighting to not explode.. please help me i just dont know what to do anymore

 

[Miss Kelly]

No advice, Just a Hug! I hope things get better soon.

 

[coolshannie]

thanks

 

[rhanditresmom]

oh, i am so sorry! i grew up in a similar household. i wish i had some magic words to make it get better. just remember, it has nothing to do with you.

i hope things get better!

 

[luvdzne]

First to you! Can you talk to your mom and let her know how this is upsetting to you and your brother? It sounds like your mom has good intentions, just going about it wrong. She sounds like she would like your dad to have more face time at home with the family than at work. I know I find it hard when my dh has to work late. Is your mom a stay at home mom? I know how you feel, I grew up with parents that fought constantly and often would take it out on me and my siblings. It is very upsetting to hear parents fight, I try very hard now if I have a disagreement with dh to try to not do it around the kids. Here is another

 

[Aidensmom]

Tell this to your Mom. As a mother, I know I would want to know, even if at first it upset me, I would want to know that I was hurting my child and would want to change it. She probably does not realize how much this is affecting you.

 

[laurajetter]

Ugh... that sounds like a tough situation to be in. Are you comfortable enough to talk this over with your mom? At a neutral time when neither you nor her are upset about anything. If so, maybe you can tell her how you were affected the last time this happened... mention that you know it must be tough for her to go through this, but it is also tough for you and you want to try and figure out a way to prevent it from happening again.

I'm sure it's tough for your mom, but from the sound of it, it's putting you in a horrible position and making you miserable to deal with the consequences of the fighting. She may be so consumed in the negativity she is feeling about the situation that she doesn't realize what it is like from your perspective. If you tell her, maybe she can make an effort to minimize the negative effect it's having on you.

If you do this, I again stress that you approach her at a time when you can talk calmly about it, when neither of you are uptight or in the middle of something. Look at it as more of a conversation than an argument. Try not to be accusatory in your tone, just tell her how all of this is making you feel and how you don't want to go through it again.

Good luck... I really hope you can work things out.

Laura

 

[coolshannie]

thanks for all of the hugs my parents never fought much until a year ago and then things got all better again but now it seems like it is starting up again.. well my mom is not a stay at home mom she is a teacher but i just dont know how to talk to her about something like this i dont know why i just feel like i cant i think its because when it happend the first time i sealed myself off from it and pretended nothing was happening and instead of talking to them i just wrote about how i felt and then closed myself off not telling anyone how i felt.. now i know that was really wrong of me to do and im just confused

 

[Hannathy]

Have you talked to your Dad? You don't have to say anything about your Mom but maybe you could say you wished he was home more or did more things with the family and this would help with what is bothering your Mom.

Please let your Mom know you are upset, you must be a great daughter and listener and she probably doesn't realize how much she is leaning on you and probably would be upset with herself if she knew. It isn't your job to fix your parents marriage, your job is to be a great kid so don't try to take on all their problems. If you can't talk to Mom or DAd please talk to someone, friend,friends Mom, Minister, don't keep it in. Hang in there !

 

[luvdzne]

OP, if you feel you can't talk to her face to face, maybe you could put it in a letter to her. Let her know how much you love her, and that this is really bothering you. I would also try to talk to your dad. Sometimes parents don't see past their own pain and get caught up in the everyday stresses of life, and they need a little help seeing how their actions are effecting the children. I always appreciate when my dd lets me know I am taking things out on her (mostly durning that nasty pms time ) It gives me a little kick I need to know that hey I'd better pay more attention to my actions.
Like another poster said, don't do it during a heated time. Maybe ask her to go shopping or out to lunch and have a mother daughter talk.

 

[diznygirl]

I know I wouldn't be able to talk to my mother. Maybe you could talk to your dad about how your mom feels. Just let him know that when she's mad at him, she takes it out on you guys. Maybe he can run interference for you.

Good luck, and lots of hugs!